Disclaimer - I do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.
Lipamo – thank you! Glad you liked. I thought it was time to let Chris have some time with his dad.
A/N Missing scene - Representative Brody. Claire and Damian own this episode. It emphasised Brody & Carrie's relationship (and I don't even mean the romantic sense).
Brody after having broken Carrie's heart…and mine! Was an excellent scene though!
His arm is raised and poised to chap the door to tell her he is stupid, to forget everything he'd just said, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. She is too close to him and him to her and he could not take that risk. He'd told her it was because of Jess and the kids. Another lie, but an easy one. That is what it should be about, but it isn't. He's made his choice now though and that is that.
He lets his hand fall to his side. He'd have to accept the part of being the bastard in this equation. He is the bastard in this equation. He could see the pain in her face as he severed their ties. If she thinks her heart is broken now, wait until she finds out she was right about him all along. She will hate him and he will deserve it. All the same, he can't quite bring himself to leave just yet. Sitting down outside her door, he knows he's just got one of the hardest parts over with.
He'd known that Jess would probably say no initially and talking to Mike had been a breeze. Just mention Iraq a couple of times and hey presto. No problem. No problem manipulating his wife and best friend. He didn't even feel that bad about it and he supposes that says it all about him these days. So, why? Why was this woman he hadn't known for that long able to have such a hold over him when they hardly knew each other?
Pulling himself to his feet, Brody knew he had to get out of there and away from her before the temptation to knock the door became too much.
But he stops as he notices the plants and struggles to understand why they matter so much. Why they have caught his attention. She takes care of them. That much is clear. She knows what she is doing. She took care of him too. When he had one of his nightmares at the Cabin. She didn't run screaming from him and she wasn't scared. She just knew exactly what to do. There was no flinching from his scars. No need to fear being naked in front of her. This is why she had a hold on him. She knew and understood him, the him that was here, not the him that everyone else wanted here and she knew it better than even she realised.
He lets out a quiet laugh as he realises he just compared himself to a plant for her. That would make her laugh, but whatever she was now doing he was sure laughing was not involved. There could be no more comforting kisses or stupidly dangerous fights with Nazis. He has to push it all away.
Staring at the window willing her to open the curtain, he becomes acutely aware that he cannot stand there all night. He has to go home. Home which felt so far away, when he was standing where he wanted to be. He was exhausting himself with all this emotion. He really needed rest for his meeting with Walden tomorrow and everything else. Being in that man's presence would take every fibre of self-control and patience he possessed. Here it was mercifully, but irritatingly in equal measure, the reason he has to go. Issa and the other children could not speak up for themselves. It is important that someone speaks for them and the only thing that matters now is making Walden pay for the pain he has caused. He has dismissed the misery and grief of those left behind without their children. Told them they don't matter with his lies. Brody could not, would not stand for it. Someone has to make Walden pay and it needed to come before his own comfort.
Perhaps if she knew he was suffering too she might feel better, but he doubted it almost as quickly as it had occurred to him. Soon, very soon she will be wishing pain of death on him. He turns his back on her front door now. He had upset her, but eventually that would give way to anger and when it did she could be a problem. He didn't like to think what he might have to do.
Pushing those horrible thoughts away as he walks to his car, he knew that he'd done it now. He could only hope she'd stay out of his way. Wiping away the traitorous tears, he forces himself in to his car and drives away. The path is set and there could be no going back. He'd said goodbye to Carrie Mathison.