Disclaimer - I do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.
LilMisfit, Lipamo and Terzima - I am glad you all like the previous missing scene. Claire was just superb in that scene. Damian and Mandy were also outstanding in that episode. Also that is totally the Saul we need to see.
A/N Missing scenes from Marine One. Brody as he leaves the house to carry out his mission and Brody in the car park with Carrie after mission failed.
He could not physically or emotionally accept a hug from her, because it would undo everything before he even got in the car. He holds Dana at arm's length and sees the confusion and suspicion on her face. But he cannot comfort her, for he has no right. Emotions cloud the issue and make it difficult to think. There is no room for them here anymore.
He drinks in the sight of his daughter's face for the last time, as the car pulls away. It is etched with fear now.
She has understood him since he has come home and he prays that Allah will provide understanding once he is gone.
Hold it together, he has to hold it together. He hadn't planned for this. The actual explosion might not have happened, but one is going off right now in his head. All the lies to remember and mop up behind him. Everything he needed to hide. All of it is dancing around in his mind, fighting for priority of place. So much to do, so little time to do it. It is time for damage control.
It had been easy to say those things to her because he is angry. So fucking angry at her. For caring and getting to know him so much that she knew his one weakness. Live for his own children or die for someone else's. But now he's watching her fall apart in front of him so visibly the way he is falling apart on the inside and he can't allow himself to care.
She had known exactly how to stop him, but she hadn't thought about the aftermath. She hadn't thought about if she really did stop him. He isn't supposed to be alive. He is supposed to be dead. He'd prepared himself for being dead and now he's alive. What the fuck is he supposed to do with that? Self-preservation is what they beat into you. Like when they told him it was him or Tom and he chose him. She knew that, because he'd told her that himself. He'd confessed to Tom's murder. It didn't matter that he hadn't actually murdered him at that point. He thought he had…he would have. Now, even though he feels like someone is ripping him apart from the inside out, still he chooses himself. So he's going on instinct and now Carrie is a victim of the non-explosion because he can't let his daughter know of his shame. He can't let her know that he really was choosing to leave them all. H's vicious as he lands hard verbal blows on Carrie. It's therapy for everything he should be saying to himself. Everything he says is true except that it is him who would have done these things to his daughter. He needs Carrie Mathison out of the way. A reminder of his failure and shame he does not want and which of those he needs rid of most, he's not sure.
She crawls slowly into the back of her sister's car. He doesn't want to feel for her, can't allow himself to feel for her. It's a weakness that will be his undoing if he entertains it. His fists are clenched because if he unclenches them he's sure his hands will be shaking. The anger will dissipate and turn back on himself where he knows it belongs, but he can never allow it admittance.
She wanted him alive. His eyes harden as the car pulls away. Well, he's alive and she's paying a heavy price for it. So, now, he has a life to live.