All right, everything's getting a bit better since people are starting to heal. But not completely. Adrianna fans, you may need tissues for this chapter.
Chapter Fifteen: Useless
Perhaps it had been wishful thinking to assume that everyone would immediately be healthy a few minutes after receiving the cure. Those who were recovering seemed to have been cured within minutes while others didn't show any signs of improvement. Within an hour, Taryn, Svala, and a few other younger people were being examined by Mara to see if they could go home. Those related to the people who were recovering seemed to be breathing collective sighs of relief.
Tuffnut remained near Svala's mat. He was supposed to pack up the few things they had brought but his mind was most understandably elsewhere. The disease had taken some of the most beloved elderly people on Berk, including the healer before Mara. Seeing Tasha's body being carried out had brought back childhood memories of broken bones and illnesses for which he and Ruffnut had received treatment. Even the lectures she would deliver as she set their bones and bandaged their cuts still rang in his ears. She had even delivered them years ago. That thought seemed to put a knife through his heart as his eyes focused on the bloodstain still tainting the stone floor. Mara had delivered his and Svala's little son. The silence that followed his birth had been the most agonizing thing Tuffnut had ever heard. He never knew the echoing silence could be so gut-wrenching. Without even realizing he was doing it, he began to trace the outlines of stained stone. They were going to name their baby Devin...
He felt a hand on his shoulder and started. Ruffnut stood above him, a sorrowful expression on her face. Tuffnut knew she had been home with the kids who were still healthy but he supposed, now that the cure was distributed, it was safe for her to come in. He slowly stood up and faced her, his eyes unable to meet hers.
"I'm almost done here." he said in a low voice.
Ruffnut acted like she hadn't heard him. Her arms brought him in for a hug and held him tight. He put his head on her shoulder and sniffled, trying his best to keep it together.
"Next time." Ruffnut whispered. "I promise."
"Yeah." Tuffnut sighed deeply as a tear ran down his face. "Next time."
As Ruffnut and Tuffnut embraced, Snotlout and Heather blankly watched Mara examining those who recovered the fastest. Inga remained unconscious, moving only to shift positions. They kept a close eye on her but, thankfully, she had no other episodes. Heather rested her head on her husband's shoulder and closed her eyes.
"She'll be okay." she breathed. "She's a Jorgenson. She'll pull through."
Snotlout sighed deeply as he allowed his wife to lean on him. They were empty words. They both knew it. Heather coped with difficult situations by talking about how much better things would get. Sometimes she was right, such as when there had been complications with the twins but they had been born healthy anyway. Other times, however, she was wrong. It was what she did when she received word from home that, in the midst of dry season, there had been an enormous raging fire and her parents had perished trying to escape. She said it had to have been a mistake. Her parents couldn't have died so suddenly. And yet Cale still came on the next ship. He still sulked around and lashed out at everyone. Snotlout remembered holding her as the reality of what had happened sank in and she had cried for hours. The words never did any good.
So why would this be any different?
Their daughter was a strong girl, that much was true. But he had seen the wound on her head. The odds of her waking up waned the longer she remained unconscious. Every moment, he tried to emotionally prepare himself for the worst but the idea of his baby girl dying in his arms made him want to cry. And he wasn't going to cry again. The Jorgenson women had made his life so much sweeter by their very presence so it was his job to stay strong for them.
The very familiar step-thunk of Hiccup's walk alerted the Jorgensons to his presence. Snotlout looked up at him and immediately looked back down, his heart constricting uncomfortably. For some reason, though he wasn't entirely certain why, he felt some of the worst guilt he'd ever had in his life. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hiccup lower himself to his knees to get a better look at Inga.
"Astrid told me what happened." he said quietly, as if raising his voice would wake the sleeping girl. "I am so sorry."
The reason for the guilt suddenly hit Snotlout and he felt like someone had run his heart through with a spear. He exhaled in a sudden sigh.
"I know what you're thinking." he mumbled. "I'm sorry. For ever implying that Anna wasn't important enough to save."
"Snotlout-"
"No, you were right. I should have supported you when you needed it. I know it was almost a decade ago but... I'm so sorry." Snotlout brushed a few strands of hair out of his daughter's face. "I understand now. The uncertainty... the fear... gods, I'm so sorry."
"Shh." Hiccup patted Snotlout's hand. "Don't. I didn't come here to rub it in your face. I would never do that."
"I know." Snotlout held his daughter closer, resting his forehead against hers. "But it had to be said."
"Let me know if you need anything." Hiccup rasped, looking sadly at the Jorgenson girl. "Anything at all. Okay?"
"Thanks." Snotlout muttered.
Hiccup stood up and looked around, watching people removing the dead, others taking the cure, and still others gathered around those who had not yet recovered. As his gaze fixed on the Larsons, he saw Gustav's youngest son crying on Mikaela's shoulder. Erick was sitting in the back, staring blankly at the wall. As he watched, Magnus tried to engage the boy in conversation but he didn't respond. His only movements were to wipe tears off of his face with the back of his hand. Hiccup thought about going over and trying to get through to him but decided against it. If Erick wasn't responding to his own family, there wasn't much the chief could do.
In that moment, as he continued to scan the crowd, Hiccup had never felt more useless. It wasn't that he regretted leaving to get the cure, far from it, but he didn't feel like he could provide any words of comfort to those who had suffered a loss. He didn't even know most of the people who had died. Aside from Olaf and Tasha, he'd only known the others who had died by sight. Most had been friends with his grandfather, for Thor's sake. What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say at all of the funerals? Did he even have to say anything? He suddenly had so many families to talk to, arrangements to make, people to comfort... it was overwhelming.
No one approached him as he stood in the center of the Hall so he decided to go back to his family and help Astrid care for Finn. His wife had recovered quite a bit in the hour since she had received the cure. Their son, on the other hand, was still feverish and no amount of cool cloths on his head seemed to be doing any good.
"Hey." Astrid kissed his cheek as he sat down next to her. "How are the Jorgensons?"
"Stressed. Scared." Hiccup sighed deeply. "Not that I blame them. Gods, I hope Inga will be okay."
"She has a good chance." Benen said as he wiped some sweat off of Finn's eyelids. "She's strong and she's held it together so far. I think it's only a matter of time."
Hiccup opened his mouth to reply when a small groan emanated from a nearby mat. Adrianna's eyes fluttered open and stared around the room.
"Dad?"
Hiccup crawled over to her and helped her sit up. "I'm here, Addie. You're in the Great Hall. Mara says you're fine, just had a little spill."
Adrianna shook off his hands and gave him an almost exasperated look. "I remember what happened."
"Good. Listen... I have to tell you something." Hiccup resisted the urge to brush her bangs out of her eyes; she didn't seem to want physical affection right now. "We came back in time to save a lot of people, Addie. I want you to remember that. But..." he audibly swallowed before continuing. "Olaf Larson died before we got back."
His daughter's eyes widened at this news. "Erick's dad?"
Hiccup nodded, his breathing shaky as he tried to hold back the waves of emotion threatening to burst from him. "They did the best they could. But he couldn't hold on any longer."
Adrianna's lip trembled and tears spilled down her face. "Oh... no..." she sniffled loudly. "Erick..."
Hiccup took a breath and was about to reply when he saw movements out of the corner of his eye.
Astrid leaned forward and rested her hand against Finn's forehead. She gasped lightly and a small smile formed on her face. "His fever broke. His fever broke!"
Hiccup quickly joined her and rested a palm on his son's sweaty face. Finn hummed in his sleep, stirring slightly but not waking.
The chief sighed in relief and smiled wide at Benen, who seemed to shine brightly with happiness. "He's going to be okay! He's going to be fine."
It was all the father could do to keep his joy capped. Astrid, however, rested her forehead against her son's, thankful tears rolling down her face.
Adrianna smiled weakly at her brother's apparent healing before searching the crowd with her eyes. She finally spotted Erick across the Hall, staring at nothing. The girl hopped to her feet and raced over, running into several people on the way and barely stopping long enough to mumble apologies. Erick didn't look up to acknowledge that he had heard her. He continued to stare at the wall, tears falling down his face.
The girl suddenly stopped mid run, which nearly caused her to trip. Something about this was... off. Not quite right. This was Erick, her best friend... so what was wrong?
Then it hit her. He was crying.
In the last decade of friendship, Erick had been her rock. When she needed a good cry, he was there with a handkerchief and a hug. But, in all those years, Adrianna couldn't think of a single time in which he was the one crying. She'd seen him excited, anxious, nervous, angry, even sad... but he had never cried. Not in front of her, anyway. How had she never noticed? What kind of a friend was she to let herself cry all over him when she never once returned the favor?
Well, today was as good a day as any to start doing for him what he had always done for her.
"Erick..." she mumbled, inching forward and opening her arms the tiniest bit so she could hug him if he needed it. "I'm so sorry about what happened. Everything will be ok-"
Erick turned his puffy eyes to face her and the oddest expression crossed his face. Almost... scathing. The girl took a step back, suddenly alarmed.
"You." he nearly spat, his voice hoarse from exhaustion and grief.
Adrianna blinked in surprise but still made a poor attempt at smiling. "I'm here now. Everything will be okay."
"OKAY?" Erick shouted very suddenly, jumping to his feet and getting right in Adrianna's face. "Who are you to tell me whether anything will ever be okay again?"
Adrianna stumbled back so quickly she tripped and bumped into a nearby bench. The wood screeched in the sudden silence of the Hall, and she suddenly became aware of dozens of eyes focused on her. But she kept her focus on her hurting friend.
"Wh-what am I supposed to-"
"My father is dead." Adrianna nearly gasped at the frankness in his voice. Erick clenched his jaw and plowed through his thoughts. "He was dying all week. Fevers, wet, heaving coughs, cold sweats, couldn't keep food or water down, and more. Nothing Mara could do could help him. I'd put my faith and trust in you and when it happened I thought maybe you just couldn't get back in time. There was nothing to be done."
"Erick-"
"Is it true then? You sat up there with the last ingredient in your grasp and you couldn't just get a grip for two minutes to bring it?"
"Who told you that?" Adrianna breathed, her face growing hot.
"My father is dead because of you and your weakness! You could've gotten back in time! He died half an hour before you got back!"
Hiccup emerged from the crowd a moment later with his hand already held out in a placating manner. "Erick..." Erick whipped his gaze to the chief and his body seemed to shake with fury. "Hey, you need to calm down-"
"Why didn't you try harder? Force her to do what was needed instead of babying her, like you always do?"
A few women gasped nearby as Hiccup blanched. Never had anyone heard the boy speak out so boldly, let alone against his close friend. "Don't talk to me." He turned back to Adrianna with a scathing look, "As for you? I don't want anything more to do with you. You're a selfish brat that won't stop putting herself before everything in life, even when some things are more important."
"Erick-" Hiccup tensed."
My father's name is on your ledger, Adrianna. As are some others here I'm sure. Nothing you can say or do, no hugs or letting me cry on your shoulder will change the fact that you've taken my father from me!" Erick's lip trembled and he barely managed to keep composure. "Get away from me Adrianna. Don't talk to me. Don't come over. Don't even look at me. We're done."
Before Adrianna had time to react, he grabbed a book off the table before stomping over and shoving it into her arms. He then turned on his heel and walked out of the Hall without another word.
Hiccup stared at the door for several seconds, his mouth slightly agape. Erick's words still echoed in his ears. A part of him was almost convinced he'd imagined this. The Erick Larson he knew never acted this way. Never said such horrible things to his daughter. Then again, under the circumstances he couldn't be expected to act normal. He was grieving; he didn't mean all of those things and of course he would forgive Addie-
Addie.
He looked over at his little girl and his heart sank. Her hands clutched the book, her head had fallen so that her forehead nearly rested on it, and her shoulders were shaking. He hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do. Were his daughter a tiny child, he would have immediately gotten on his knees and scooped her up into his arms, holding her close until she couldn't cry any longer. But his little girl wasn't a little girl anymore. She needed comfort but not in a coddling way. She was a young lady now, so that's how he would treat her. Gently, lovingly. He would be her rock like he should be, even when her best friend failed her. Almost instinctively, his hand reached out and slowly rested on her shoulder. She didn't move. Her breathing came in short gasps just as several of her tears slowly fell down the back of the book.
"Addie. Just give him time. He'll come back around, you'll see." Hiccup relaxed a bit when the crowd began to murmur amongst themselves. Thankfully the attention began to draw away from them. "Everything will be okay."
"No it won't." Adrianna muttered in a hollow voice.
"Yes it will, you'll see. These things happen and gods know I fell apart for a while after my dad died. And he's a lot younger. Losing a parent is a terrible thing..."
Adrianna stared down at his prosthetic and tuned out his words. For some reason, she didn't want to hear it. The more he talked, the more his words seemed to take a skewed, twisted form to mean the opposite of what he meant.
Everything would be okay. Things hadn't been okay in years. Promises to always be there. He was never there when he was needed the most. And these things happen because it's a part of life. These things, these tragedies all seemed to be a part of her life.
And it just kept getting worse by the day.
Adrianna ground her teeth together as she felt her blood boil. She tried to find some other source that fueled her anger, but nothing would suffice. There was only one man responsible for all of her life's struggles: her nightmares, feeling abandoned, never being accepted, the loss of Erick's father, the loss of the one and only friend that she ever had...
It was his fault. And nothing she could think, say, or do would convince her stubborn mind otherwise.
"Your fault." Adrianna mumbled stiffly, the words jerky in her mouth.
Hiccup paused mid sentence, thrown off from his tangent and confused for a moment before recovering. "One more time, Addie? I didn't catch-"
"This is your fault." Something hot and thick rushed through Adrianna's body and she suddenly felt bold, dangerous even. Unstoppable. She snapped her gaze up to him and his green eyes widened in shock.
"Addie... baby-"
"DON'T call me that!" Adrianna roared and Hiccup jerked backwards as if he'd been hit. When had she suddenly gotten such a strong voice?
The Great Hall continued on its course, the people determined to ignore the second round of drama, but no one could ignore what the young Haddock girl shouted next.
"Why would you tell me that everything is going to be okay? Why would you make me promises that you can't keep?" Adrianna shouted at her father, who stared down at her with wide eyes.
Hiccup glanced away for a moment, searching for Astrid for backup. Screaming matches were Finn's area of expertise, not Adrianna's. He honestly didn't know what to do. "Addie, please calm-"
"When have you EVER kept a promise? How many times have I held up on my end of something and you NEVER give back? And now when everything falls apart with the only friend I have ever had, you have the audacity to tell me that everything will be okay? That I need to just give Erick time and he'll come back?"
"Addie, please stop yelling." Hiccup pleaded.
"No! I won't! Because for once in my life I'm accepting what everyone has ever said to be true, and I want every single person to hear it!" Adrianna marched forward and jabbed her finger into Hiccup's chest, making him back up like it was a lethal weapon. "You are a liar and a useless coward-"
"Addie!"
"-can't keep a single promise that you make me-"
"Please stop-" Hiccup's back hit a pillar, trapped between stone and his angry child.
"-I wish I'd never believed in you! Hel, I wish maybe I would've just died in that hut at Trista's hand, it would've saved me a whole lot of pain and struggle wouldn't it?"
People were gasping now as Astrid and Benen emerged from the crowd nearby. Astrid walked forward quickly, still shoving people aside, "Adrianna, stop this-"
"My life is a living Hel because you didn't show up and I've had to pick up my own pieces ever since! And I'm TIRED of waiting for you to act like you care!" Hiccup's throat bobbed as she talked, trying desperately to hold himself together. Adrianna continued angrily, "Everything you have ever said to me is useless and void, and I won't be wasting another second with you! So I hope you're happy, dad, because you won't be fixing this. There's nothing left for you to break and you couldn't fix it if you tried. So just go away."
Adrianna raised her arm and slammed the book down at Hiccup's feet, ripped the flower she had been wearing out of her hair, and turned in time to dodge Astrid's grabbing hand, and stalked out of the Great Hall with a tearless face and her head held high like it never had been before.
Hiccup watched Adrianna walk out until she disappeared from view. His throat hurt no matter how many time she swallowed. His Adam's Apple felt like it had been punched in. His stomach felt like he'd drunk a jug of yaknog. He looked away from the place his daughter last stood, trying to find some place to look to regain composure.
Eyes everywhere. Most people looked away in sadness, resuming their tasks, but he still felt exposed to everyone's stare. Even staring at his one boot and prosthetic was unsettling because there it lay. The book full of stories about the space man and his friends that he shared with his baby girl since she was ten years old and snuggling up next to him by the fire, singing songs, and begging for "just one more chapter" before bedtime. And next to it, one of the hair flowers he'd so carefully made, the little jewels scattered on the ground beneath the book and several detached petals still slowly drifting downward.
The thought threatened to tumble him over the edge and he tensed. Should he chase after her like he always did? Should he walk away? Try to help people around him like a chief should do? Bury himself in his work to hide grief and pain like his father always did? What should he do?
Benen became his hero right then when he bent down and picked up the book with gentle fingers, brushed off the dirt, and steered Hiccup away from unwanted eyes back toward Finn's mat where he still lay asleep.
Every step felt heavy and guilt and sadness washed over his soul. He almost wished he would get sick instead of deal with this stabbing pain in his gut. He glanced at Finn as he walked by, hoping to use his son's progression back to health to ground himself. But another wave of misery washed over him at the realization that if they'd come any later, Finn could be gone too. He allowed Finn to go on the trip to visit the Bogs, he asked Olaf to come even though the risks with his wheelchair were high anyway. The sickness coming to Berk was his fault. Adrianna was right. This entire thing was his fault.
Hiccup stood against the pillar facing he back wall where he wouldn't be seen and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook in silent pain, still trying to hold himself together.
Wordlessly, Benen wrapped his arms around his friend in a comforting hug and sadly listened to Hiccup's choppy breathing. After nearly a minute, Hiccup pulled the elderly man closer. Benen wished he could say something comforting that could ease the man's pain. Everything would be okay, this is just a hard phase, she didn't mean it. But everything wouldn't necessarily just be okay. This was a hard phase, and there was no reason to state the obvious. And worst of all, Benen deeply feared that Adrianna did mean it.
A person can only be pushed so far until they snap. Benen had learned that over the years as a slave, whether he learned from experience or careful observation. But one way or another, he saw it time and time again: every person has his or her limits. Adrianna was clearly at hers-there would be no dumbing down her pains and sorrows anymore. And Hiccup... well, there was only so much he could do for his grieving and recovering village, but his family on top of it? That much stress would drive anyone mad.
But to be publicly hated and criticized and cut so deeply by someone so fiercely important? Benen was a wise man. But every wise man knows that sometimes no wisdom in the world can fix things.
Hiccup lifted his head and wiped his face with the back of his hand. He was muttering unintelligibly but Benen definitely heard the words "can't lose it" in the utterances.
"Hiccup, don't hold it in. It's okay to let it out, no one will judge you after witnessing that." Benen said quietly.
Hiccup gently shook his head. "I c-can't break down. Not now."
"The last thing you need right now is emotional repression. Trust me on this." Benen reached into his pocket and brought out a handkerchief, which he handed to his friend.
Hiccup caught sight of Astrid slowly walking toward them, carefully holding the remnants of the flower in her hands.
"W-what could I have done that day... those days to have come sooner?" Astrid's face fell in empathy and Hiccup continued, "I-I could have done better, tried hard-"
"No." Astrid interrupted, gently pulling him closer to her but still including Benen. "You did everything you could to find her that day. Those days. Don't focus on those what ifs. Trista destroyed her trust in us, and it does make sense. It's no less painful, but we can't blame Adri."
"But neither should you tear yourself down for it." Benen agreed, resting a hand on Hiccup's shoulder when he sniffed and wiped at his face again. "You did everything you could. One day she will see that and she will see how much you do love her."
"And if she doesn't?" Hiccup asked shakily. "What if she decides that she doesn't need me anymore and leaves? Never comes back?"
"You're her father." Benen replied quietly. "You will do whatever is necessary to protect her. Even if it's from herself."
"It's not just her though." Hiccup wiped his eyes again, the handkerchief becoming more damp in his hands. "The whole village... all those people who died because we brought that disease back from the Bogs..."
"Hiccup," Astrid reached out and took his face in her hands, waiting for him to look her in the eye. "We can't prevent what we can't predict. You know that as well as I do."
"And that goes for anything that's happened." Benen added. "You couldn't possibly have known about Trista or this disease."
Hiccup sighed heavily, glancing at the far corner of the Hall. "Where am I supposed to start? I mean... I feel like I need to try to talk to Addie, though my rational side says to give her space." He paused to clear his throat, still raspy from his cold. "But I feel like the village needs me more... Not more, I don't know about more but... more- I don't know, there's... There's just too much to do. I've never felt so... useless."
"You're not." came a quiet voice to the right of the group. Snotlout stood beside them, his eyes still averting Hiccup's. "Useless, I mean. You're a great dad and a great chief."
"Snotlout, this is not the time nor the place for flattery." Astrid said carefully, unsure of her old friend's intentions for barging into their conversation.
"I agree." Snotlout stepped up and finally looked Hiccup in the eye. "Which is why what I'm about to say is completely honest." he paused for a moment before continuing. "You're one of the bravest men I've ever known."
Hiccup stared at Snotlout for several seconds before speaking. "What?"
"Hiccup, you have saved our village on countless occasions and that's why everyone else considers you a hero. But that's not why I do." Snotlout took a deep breath. "You're a hero because you don't let anything take you down. When Trista took Anna, you searched for her tirelessly, relentlessly, and you got her back. When Dagur threatened your family, you went against everything you ever believed in and killed him. That's why I was so angry when you went off the deep end six and a half years ago."
"Snotlout-"
"No, let me finish. You need to hear this." Snotlout's voice became firmer, more confident. "Not long ago, I might have thought that Anna had a point, that you were showing up too late and partially to blame for what happened. But..." he looked over at his unconscious daughter still lying on the mat near the fireplace. "I couldn't protect Inga from what happened. I couldn't have known she was going to get hurt. And that thought haunts me every second. I can't eat, I can't sleep... I know what you went through. And I know for certain that what happened to Anna wasn't your fault. And that you're strong enough to keep on going, even if your daughter never wants to speak to you again. Heck, she's going to forgive you because you're going to be every bit as relentless as you were when she was kidnapped. At least..." Snotlout gave him a weak smile. "That's what the Hiccup I know would do."
There was a long pause. Hiccup, Astrid, and Benen were looking at the burly Viking with equal expressions of surprise. It was rare for Snotlout to be this candid. Even rarer for him to pay Hiccup a compliment. Snotlout, however, seemed to be mulling something over for several seconds. He looked away and furrowed his brow before making eye contact again.
"And I may have blamed you for a few... other things." Snotlout finally averted his gaze. "They weren't your fault either. I'm sorry."
"Thank you." Hiccup sniffled and nodded to his friend. "That helped."
Snotlout patted Hiccup on the shoulder. "Good because if you repeat anything I just said, I'll deny it."
"And he's back." Astrid muttered under her breath.
Their friend narrowed his eyes at Astrid for a second before heading over to get some drinking water for his wife. Hiccup took a deep breath and wiped his eyes again.
"He's right." he mumbled. "I can't give up. Not on her or Finn or the village." he slowly scanned the Hall with his eyes before making a decision. "I can't do everything myself. But I can do my share. Right now, I'm going to help some of these people pack up. It's small but..." he sighed. "It's something."
"That's all you need to do." Astrid kissed his still damp cheek. "Something."
This chapter was cursed from the beginning. Vitally important to the story and yet difficult to write. Especially when your co-author is unable to as much as proofread for over a week. And then when EmmerzK did come back, it was only for maybe an hour at time so the second half of the chapter took 3 days to write. But we got it done and hopefully her schedule will loosen up. And she's seeing Big Hero 6 tomorrow! Hooray!
That all being said, I am so sorry it was over 2 weeks. I never want to do that to you all again but trust me, the time issues weren't the only thing plaguing this series. EmmerzK and I made a creative mistake when we saw each other in person and we finally fixed it. But last week was so bad, we seriously talked about ending the series. The good news is that we figured out our problem and we're NOT going to do that! Nope, you all are getting 3 more stories if it kills us! Which hopefully it won't, though death by fanfic would be a rather interesting way to go.
Don't forget to review! This is a big chapter so I really want to hear from you all!
~KateMarie999