Happy New Year! Thanks to major technical differences, I actually had to salvage the first half of this chapter from emails I'd sent so thank goodness for the internet! My computer is in the shop being fixed so you're getting this chapter from a clunky old laptop I've had since 2009.

And on top of all that, I'm sick too! I got to experience calling in sick (which I'd never done before) and being carded at CVS buying NyQuil (it's a sign of how different I am from most others my age that last night is the first time I've ever been carded and I'm already 24 years old).

I'm saying all this at the beginning of the chapter because you'll probably be a bit busy reacting to it at the end. Trigger warning! I will explain what the trigger is at the bottom of the page so you can make sure you'll be okay but I don't want to spoil it up here.

Chapter Eighteen: Vita Pro Vita

Hiccup felt like he had been let off the hook as the days progressed. The families and friends of those who had died had respectfully declined his offer to perform the funeral and had, instead, made other arrangements. He was proud of his people for doing what they needed to do and for freeing up his time to do some damage control.

But Berk's chief had intentionally put off one sad duty that had fallen to him as chief- Olaf's funeral. Because Olaf's sister lived on Brawn, it took a few days to contact her and even longer for her to come pay her respects. Arnora Larson-Solmund was younger than Olaf by several years and, like her brother, had the gift of putting those around her at ease. Even Erick was acting somewhat normal a few hours after she had arrived.

The funeral itself had been difficult to sit through. Olaf's ship burned so brightly in the moonlight that it resembled the setting sun. No one noticed Adrianna standing in the back, leaning against the side of a house and silently wiping tears from her eyes every few seconds. No one, that is, except Erick. Rather than give her the usual glare, he simply started at her for a few seconds and turned to Magnus again. Adrianna knew it was wishful thinking to assume that she and Erick would be friends again anytime soon but she was at least glad he didn't hate her for being there.

In the wake of a tragedy, sometimes it can be a little bit unnerving how fast life goes back to normal. Within a week since Hiccup and Adrianna had returned, those who had been sick had almost completely recovered. The blizzard had damaged a lot of buildings and it took a few days for the temperature to rise enough that the snow softened, allowing the Berkians to begin repairs. Soon, that became the most important task and all able bodied Hooligans were working on the reconstructions required.

A full week after Hiccup and Adrianna's return, Benen woke up feeling rather odd. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation, or even a physical one at all, but it was sort of a feeling that today was significant. He blinked a few times, staring up at the ceiling of his small house, and found himself deep in thought. It certainly wasn't his birthday or a holiday that he could recall. But today seemed vitally important for some reason and the elderly man wasn't at all sure why. He supposed he would know soon enough.

He rose from his bed a lot earlier than usual and ate breakfast at a leisurely pace, knowing that he wouldn't be needed until much later that morning. His dragon was out hunting and wouldn't be back until that evening so, after getting dressed, he decided to take a walk around and enjoy the crisp morning air. The midwinter chill on Berk was colder than anyplace he'd ever been and he had come to love it because it always reminded him to be thankful for his freedom. This morning was no exception.

Benen's house was close to the leather shop and he was surprised to see someone working in the window. It was certainly too early for the nonessential sort of jobs like healing or standing guard over a public place. Surely the owners of the saddles or outfits that needed repair weren't that impatient.

Benen strolled over and rapped lightly on the window. He could make out Erick so hard at work, one might have thought he was making up for a lot of lost time. The boy lifted his head and furrowed his brow at the sight of Benen in the window. Nonetheless, he walked over and opened it.

"Need something?" he asked dismissively.

Benen took in the Larson boy's haggard appearance. His eyes had dark circles under them, in fact his whole face seemed to droop completely. He was hardly recognizable as the wide eyed teenager who greeted customers with a friendly smile. And he was far from the boy who pretended he wasn't staring at a certain blonde girl every time she passed by.

"Not particularly. But I think you do." Benen said with a small smile. "When is the last time you had some company other than Horst?"

"Why does that matter?" Erick shook his head when his eyelids began to droop.

"It doesn't if you're all right." Benen leaned in and rested his elbows on the windowsill. "But I can tell you're not."

"I just want to be alone." Erick said in a rather dead voice, turning back to his work.

"Ironic that oftentimes we want to be alone when we most need other people." Benen watched Erick work for a few seconds, admiring the boy's precision. "How you're feeling is completely normal, Erick. And I wouldn't dream of trying to change that. But you can't begin to recover if you don't share that burden with others. I know from experience that keeping emotions that powerful to yourself can cause you to make some very bad decisions."

"I knew this was going to come back to Adrianna." Erick growled in a low voice that Benen almost didn't hear. "That's all anyone ever talks to me about. Go apologize to her, tell her how you feel, salvage your friendship... gods, it's relentless!"

"I wasn't going to say anything of the sort." Benen smiled softly. "Although I do agree with their points, I suspect that that's not what you need to hear right now."

"So what do I need to hear?" Erick asked, cursing his curiosity since he really just wanted to be alone.

"That it's not always going to hurt this much." Benen leaned in a bit more so that Erick could see him in his peripheral vision. "Sure, you'll have moments when you feel like you are never going to feel happy again but they will pass. Every day is a little bit easier if you allow yourself to grieve and to heal."

Erick opened his mouth to ask how Benen knew this but immediately shut it. He knew enough about Benen to know that the elderly man had suffered the kinds of losses no one, least of all him, could possibly begin to understand. And yet there were days when it seemed like Benen had always been upbeat and happy.

"Maybe." Erick said, feeling like he needed to respond.

"Please don't allow this pain to consume you." Benen's voice was more tender, more grandfatherly as he said this. It wasn't a word of advice, it was a caring plea. Erick wasn't at all prepared for this so he remained silent. Benen waited a few seconds before continuing, a look of deep sadness etched on his features. "You will only make it worse. The longer you stay angry and depressed, the more it will eat you up inside. The consequences of letting that happen are always, always devastating. It may be easier to isolate yourself from others but you're only hurting yourself in the end."

"Why do you care?" Erick asked in a slightly shaky voice. "You don't even know me that well."

"Because I believe you're stronger than this." Benen leaned in even more. "And I don't want you to push away people who love you enough to go through this with you."

"You're talking about Adrianna again." Erick gritted his teeth and turned back to his work.

"Yes, I am." Benen admitted unabashedly. "And I'll keep what I have to say brief. She's a special girl, Erick. One of the most brave, most resilient people I have ever known. If anyone can help you bounce back, it's her."

"Sure." Erick said dismissively, trying to ignore the burning anger he was beginning to feel.

"Take your time. Sort through what you feel." Benen sighed. "I just pray that when you do see what kind of a profound impact on her life you've made, it won't be too late. She's resilient, Erick, just like I said. She will bounce back."

"I really don't want to talk about this." Erick began to try to make himself look busier.

"I'll leave you be. But just remember what I said." Benen stood up straight but didn't close the window. "I've been watching you these last few years from afar. You have the potential to be a great man and I know you will be one day. I have complete faith in you, Erick."

With this, Benen strolled away. Erick looked up and watched his retreating back for a full minute before standing up and closing the window. As he recalled what the elderly man had said, he let out a derisive laugh. Great man, huh? Benen was clearly a crazy old man who had convinced himself that he could read people like a book. But he couldn't. Because Erick knew very well that he would never amount to anything. And no encouraging words would ever change that fact.

Adrianna's flower had been a particularly difficult object to fix. It had taken every ounce of precision Hiccup had, not to mention a few nearly sleepless nights. But fix it he had and it looked good now, almost like nothing had happened to destroy it. He was timid about approaching his daughter, who had been rather cold to him since losing Erick as a friend, but he was so pleased with his work that he had to take the chance and hope that Adrianna would forgive him.

It was just before noon when he tapped on the girl's door. "Addie?"

"Mm." Adrianna hummed in response.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Fine."

Hiccup walked in and nearly smiled at the sight of his daughter propped up on a few pillows and reading a book. The amount of times he'd seen her doing that were too numerous to count. She didn't look up as he slowly sauntered forward, keeping an eye on a resting Lily at the foot of the bed.

"I thought about what you said." Hiccup began, his fingers fiddling with the flower. "You're right about the promises I've broken. And I'm not going to pretend like I haven't messed up with you. I have. A lot. Some of it was my fault and some of it wasn't anyone's." Adrianna hummed again in response. "I know this doesn't even begin to make up for letting you down but, well," he held up the flower, "maybe it's a start?"

Adrianna eyed the flower in his hand for a few seconds before turning back to her book. "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to."

"I wish you hadn't."

"What else do you want me to do?" Hiccup asked, exasperation beginning to take over. "Are you always going to keep punishing me for mistakes I made raising you? I've told you that I'm sorry a hundred times."

"Sorry isn't enough." Adrianna lifted her book so her face was partially obscured.

Hiccup sighed deeply. "You know..." he paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "People can only be pushed so far. You know that as well as anyone. But if you keep this up, if you keep hanging onto this, you're going to end up alone and unloved. That's what happens when you let things like this consume you." his voice was firm, which surprised the girl a bit. "Every minute you hang onto this, you push away people who love you. One day, there won't be anyone left. Don't let that happen."

Hiccup left the flower on the top of her dresser before walking out, confident that he had made his point. Adrianna, however, read the same line several times before she realized that she wasn't paying attention to her book anymore.

Alone and unloved? Was that really what her father had said? The same man who told her that he loved her unconditionally had just made it abundantly clear that his, and everyone else's, love hinged on this one condition she couldn't meet. How could she turn off her brain to nightmares and flashbacks? Was she really going to lose everyone because of one horrible thing that had happened to her?

The answer hit her so hard, she gasped in surprise. She already had. Erick's rejection, her father's broken promises had been her fault for letting this take over her mind. For being an unlovable burden on them as she tried to move forward. Gone were the days when she could be openly candid with her father in the early hours of the morning. He was clearly close to the breaking point. She had already pushed Erick too far. As angry as she was at her father, she couldn't bear the thought of pushing him away too.

The Haddock girl made a silent resolve to fix this. If it meant sleepless nights to stop the nightmares, she would do it. If she had to go out of her way to take risks and build up her endurance, she would do it. She was never going to mention this again or let it control her. She could beat this. She had to beat this. Otherwise she would lose everything.

She thought about going to her father to apologize. But no, she thought it would be better if she simply became the daughter he wanted her to be. Then he wouldn't constantly associate her with her past. Perhaps then she could develop an identity beyond her struggles, beyond her pain. If she wanted to be loved again, she had no other choice.

Finn trudged down the stairs with heavy steps, fingers massaging his temple. The throbs of his pounding headache matched the thud of his footfalls. Despite the fact that Mara had cleared him four days ago, the effects of the sickness were still wearing off. Headaches, congestion and coughing lingered, but at least his body didn't feel like it was being torn to shreds anymore.

Astrid eyed him from the kitchen as he came in, scooping up a bowl of porridge and sprinkling some nuts and berries on top.

Finn shoveled the first few bites in his mouth before he noticed her stare. His eyebrows furrowed in surprise, "What?"

Astrid smirked. "Don't talk with your mouth full. Have you learned anything?"

Finn rolled his eyes and swallowed. "I've learned to stop streaking through the village at some point, so you can't say that like your parenting skills are completely moot."

Adrianna's voice wafted from the upstairs urgently: "Streaking through the village?"

"When you were little," Hiccup replied from the master bedroom.

"Oh. Thank gods…" Adrianna sighed heavily.

Finn snickered into his empty bowl, then frowned at the large bowl his mother was mixing in front of him. Astrid rolled her eyes and dropped another huge helping into his bowl. Finn grinned and began to shovel it in, before her stern voice stopped him. "Slow down. I may give you more food than Mara suggested, but I won't have you choking."

Hiccup tromped down the stairs with a grin on his face. "Wouldn't want anyone to have to revive you-"

"Keep your filthy lips away from me." Finn muttered.

"Trust me, Finn, the only person I plan on kissing anytime soon is your mother."

"Odin, spare me."

Hiccup gave him a devilish grin before grabbing Astrid by the waist. But she had other plans. "Get away from me, freak."

Hiccup gasped and even Adrianna's laughter could be heard from her bedroom. "You are a horrible person!" His grin quickly returned. "You know, the payment for mistreatment of your husband, and chief, I might add, is a kiss-"

"Take one step closer, chief, and I will slap you."

"Hmm… I'll take it. Come here!"

"AH! Hiccup, get away from me!"

"Stop- why are you running away from me?"

"Because you're a freak of living nature with your poufy hair, now go away!" Astrid laughed.

Adrianna poked her head down the hallway from the upstairs, joining in Finn's laughter at their parents chasing each other around the lower level of the house like teenagers. The door swung open and Benen stepped inside, jumping out of the way of a charging Astrid.

"Whoa now!" Benen gave the two teenagers a confused look. "What's going on?"

Hiccup finally grabbed Astrid around the waist and tackled her onto the couch. "HA! GOTCHA!" A solid slap across the face nearly broke his grin but he couldn't help the cry of pain. Finn crowed with laughter at the resounding sound through the house. "Owwwwwwwww…"

Benen chortled. "Serves you right, Hiccup. Finn, take notes."

Finn snorted. "Done."

"I think it's kind of cute." Adrianna giggled from the bottom of the stairs, book in hand.

Finn rolled his eyes. "You would."

"Just you wait, Fearless Finn. You're going to be the gooiest husband of them all." Adrianna smirked.

"Over my cold, dead body."

Hiccup smirked. "Now we just have to figure out who the special lady is."

A blush began to ride over Finn's face. "Please don't…"

"Finn and Helga kissing in a tree…" Astrid began.

"MOM!" Finn whirled around, horrified.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Hiccup and Astrid chanted together.

Finn groaned loudly, slamming his forehead against the counter top. "Why me?"

"Because there's not much option elsewhere maybe?" Adrianna quietly replied.

The room quickly grew silent but the parents figured she must be somewhat okay if she said it herself, rather than someone else. Before anyone could say a word to break the lingering silence, Benen stepped over to her and pulled her into his arms with a warm smile.

"Patience. The time will come. Don't ever wish for more than you've been blessed with."

Adrianna sighed quietly but still gave him a kiss on the cheek before retreating to her upstairs haven. Hiccup and Astrid watched her go with sad expressions, Hiccup biting his lip pensively.

"I wish there was something I could do for her," he mused.

Benen turned to him with a knowing smile. "Patience is a lesson for us all. She'll be okay. She just needs time. As does Erick. He'll come around."

"Will he?" Finn asked. "He hasn't cracked a smile in a week, Benen."

"He just lost his father." Benen replied. "These things are to be expected in the grieving process. He will be okay, but don't be surprised if it takes longer than you might expect."

Hiccup sighed. "We're a living testament to that one. With my dad and… Lotus." Astrid nodded quietly in agreement.

"I can't imagine going through that," Finn ran a hand through his hair. "I mean… it hurt when Poppy died, but I didn't really understand it."

"You were almost five," Hiccup frowned. "It's hard to explain that to a child."

Benen glanced around the room and surveyed the dull atmosphere in it. He hated seeing the sad faces but he knew there was little he could do to cheer them up. Although he knew of something that would lift one Haddock's spirits considerably

"Finn," Benen broke the silence. "Mulch and Bucket's barn was damaged in the blizzard and someone needs to fix it. Shouldn't take more than a few hours. What do you say?"

"Sure!"

Hiccup straightened up from his seat. "I don't know. That barn didn't look very stable."

"Oh, come on, dad! I've been practically tied to a bed for days. Let me be free!"

"Okay… Just wear a coat." Hiccup relented.

"Your warmer one- yes, that one." Astrid piped up when Finn turned to the coat hanger.

"Mooom…"

"I don't want you to get sick again! You're still coming off of it. It could come back-"

"Astrid, leave him be." Hiccup murmured beside her as Finn and Benen threw their coats on. "He'll be fine." he paused for a moment. "Actually, can I come? You and I haven't spent all that much time together since we got back. I've missed you, buddy."

Finn opened his mouth to respond when Adrianna pounded down the stairs and grabbed a coat off the hanger. "Library." she said breathlessly, turning to the door.

"Addie, wait!" Hiccup stood up and hurried over as his daughter pulled the front door open. "Let me walk you down."

"I know where the library is, dad."

"I just want to make sure you're safe. There's a lot of construction going on and anything could happen." Hiccup took his coat off the hanger and stared at his daughter with wide, puppy-dog eyes. "Just humor me."

"Thought you were coming with us." Finn grumbled impatiently.

"I'll meet up with you." Hiccup waved them away. "It's fine, you can start without me."

"Be careful out there. It's icy." Astrid quickly added, ignoring the raised eyebrow thrown to her by her husband.

"Mom," Finn gave her a deadpan expression through the open doorway. "We'll be back before you can say 'where's he got to now?'."

Benen stood in the doorway, about to follow the Haddock twins outside. But he turned back to the adult Haddocks with a warm smile. "Hey… don't beat yourselves up. You did the best you could."

Hiccup shrugged. "You do what you can, right?"

"Right. Finn and Adrianna… they've gone through a lot, but they're good, strong kids. The best way for them to learn is to experience troubles. At the end of the day, it's good for them. For all of you. And…" Benen paused, trying to put his thoughts to words. "No matter what happens or how rough the road gets, don't ever give up on them. They need you more than they'd lead you to believe."

"Benen…" Hiccup began, pausing when his voice caught in his throat. Astrid looked at him curiously but he quietly continued, "Thank you. For everything."

The cherished family friend opened his mouth to respond but the voice of an impatient teenager interrupted. "Benen, while we're still young!"

Benen and the Haddocks laughed with rolled eyes at the irony. It was as if Finn had forgotten they had an over 50 year age difference. Benen waved and closed the door behind him and Hiccup before trudging after Finn in the snow.

"Come on, Benen, we haven't got all day!" Finn called impatiently as the elderly man made his way over to the boy. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets as he bounced from one foot to the other, causing Benen's mouth to crack into an amused smile.

"Patience, Finn," the man replied. "Life is far too fleeting for it to be rushed along even further."

Finn snorted and began walking towards the village with his friend by his side. "We're just fixing a barn. It's not anything that significant."

"On the contrary, it's the simple, seemingly insignificant things that often matter the most," Benen countered. "Every action is like a pebble dropped into a pond. At first it seems like it won't do much. But the ripples continue to spread far beyond what we can see. Even the smallest acts, good or bad, carry repercussions that more often than not impact things in ways we can't even begin to imagine. I suppose the same could be said for people."

"I guess," Finn answered with a shrug. On any other day he might have pondered his companion's words further, but his mind was still foggy from the lingering effects of his illness.

The two fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of their trek. Any stranger could have easily mistaken the pair for a grandfather and his grandson taking a stroll through the snow. Oddly enough, the assumption wouldn't have been far from the truth.

They reached Mulch and Bucket's barn a few minutes later. Finn gasped as the structure came into view. The weight of the snow had apparently proven too much for the roof and had caused the wood to collapse in on itself, leaving a gaping hole.

"Hello there!" Mulch waved as Finn and Benen approached. "Bucket, we've got some more recruits," he yelled to the pail-wearing man currently descending a ladder from the roof.

"Oy!" Bucket yelled back with a wave of his own. "Thanks for coming out."

"Anything we can do to help," Benen said with a smile. "What would you like us to do?"

"Well, we've got a lot of debris inside that needs to be cleared," Mulch replied. "If it's not too much trouble."

"No trouble at all. Lead the way."

Mulch showed the pair to the entrance of the barn, where two other Berkian men were hauling out an assortment of splintered wood pieces. "Young Finn here can probably help move the larger beams that fell from the roof," Mulch remarked. "You think you can handle the smaller ones, Benen?"

"Of course," the older man answered. He turned to Finn. "Ready to put those muscles to good use?"

"Am I ever," Finn chuckled, and he headed toward the men who were dragging a particularly huge plank out into the snow.

For the next few minutes, Finn and Benen set to work helping the others. Aside from the occasional grunts of effort, things appeared to be going rather smoothly. That is, until a low creaking sound began emanating from the roof overhead.

Finn was gathering a large pile of broken wood into his arms when Benen heard the noise. The young boy appeared to have dismissed it as just another gust of wind blowing through the rafters. But something about the sound caused the older man to glance upward to the space above where his young friend was working. To the right of the boy was the hole where the snow had caused the roof to cave in. But to the left…

Benen dove.

What happened next was a blur. All Finn knew for the following few seconds was that suddenly there was a series of loud crashing noises and the sensation of being roughly shoved into a pile of snow. He could hear several shouts from the men as he struggled to stand. When he finally caught his bearings, his throat plummeted into his stomach.

The entire right side of the roof had collapsed onto the ground.

And Benen was nowhere to be seen.

"BENEN!" Finn screamed, sprinting forward toward the wreckage. Mulch, Bucket, and the three other men who had been helping were running into the barn from outside.

"Benen!" the boy cried, dropping to his knees and scrambling to get through the wreckage. "Benen!"

The cry of distress was met with a faint groan. "Benen!" Finn cried again, thrusting several smaller planks of wood aside. "Help me!" he shrieked desperately to the other men as they approached. "Benen's in there!"

But Mulch, Bucket, and the others didn't need to be told. They were already hauling as much debris aside as they could while Finn frantically dug through the mass of wood, still calling for his friend.

"Benen, Benen, we're going to get you out! Just hang on!"

"F-Fi—"

"BENEN!"

The last few pieces of wood Finn had cleared away revealed Benen's pallid face and torso poking out from beneath the rubble. His skin had turned as white as the snow outside and his eyes were wider than Finn had ever seen them, glassy with the tears of a suppressed cry of immense agony. But those things weren't what caused the boy's breath to freeze in his lungs. No, as horrid as the elderly man's face appeared, nothing compared to the gruesome sight just below his chest.

There, jutting out from just below the man's ribs, was a jagged piece of a broken roof beam. And surrounding it, a rapidly blooming pool of blood.

"Oh gods," Finn whispered, his hands beginning to tremble uncontrollably. "Oh gods, oh gods, Benen—"

"Fi-Finn," Benen croaked, weakly lifting an arm and clasping the boy's wrist with as much strength as he could muster.

"Oh GODS—"

"There's too much debris on his legs. We'll never be able to move this unless we have help."

"We have to go get Hiccup!"

"Where is he?"

"L-lib-bbrary," Benen answered in barely a whisper. Finn heard feet pounding against the earth behind him, but his focus was so intently locked on the scarlet ocean spreading across Benen's abdomen that he barely registered the sound.

"We have to…I have to…Benen…Benen, we're gonna…"

"Finn," the old man wheezed, giving the boy's wrist a squeeze. Finn's gaze met his. The man opened his mouth again to say something more, but he was interrupted by a hacking cough that sent tiny red droplets splattering across Finn's face.

"We're gonna get you out of here," Finn said hoarsely, pushing down the urge to empty the contents of his stomach. He wrapped both hands around Benen's hand and squeezed it back tightly. "My dad's on the way. You're gonna be okay. Just hang in there."

"Finn," the man rasped again. He tried to lift his free hand to the boy's face, but just then a shudder of pain rippled through the old man's body, causing him to arch his back with a sharp gasp of anguish.

"Benen!" the boy shouted in terror, his hands flying to his friend's hopelessly bloodied torso. "Benen—"

"F-Finn—"

"Don't talk. Save your breath. They're coming, okay? Hang on."

"Finn, I c-ca—"

"Don't. You're going to be okay."

To the young Haddock's horror, Benen managed to gather enough strength to just barely shake his head. "F-Finn. I-I'm n-not—"

"NO!" Finn yelled, grabbing his friend's hand again. "You're going to make it!"

The old man blinked and the tears he had been holding in began spilling down his weathered cheeks. His lips moved as if he meant to speak again, but he had hardly any breath left and no sound came out.

"You're going to make it," Finn whispered shakily. He didn't know when they had started falling, but he suddenly became aware of his own hot tears burning trails down his face. "I promise."

But the old man's last ounce of strength seemed to have nearly been spent. He gazed sadly at the trembling boy above him and once again squeezed his wrist. "E-everything" –gasp—"will be"—gasp—"all right—"

"NO! Don't talk like that – you're going to make it!"

"Finn…not…your fault..."

"Yes it is!" Finn wailed.

"Finn…" Benen's eyes began to cloud over.

"STOP!" the boy shrieked, letting go of the man's hand to desperately shake his shoulders. "Stop it! Don't do this, Benen. Stay with me. Stay with me!"

Benen's only response was a sad, wistful smile. He hated to leave Finn like this, but in his heart he knew there was no more time. Still, he sorely wished that he could impart upon the young Haddock just one thing more – one more sign of the care and gratitude he felt for this boy whom he had come to love as his own. And as his breathing began to slow and his vision began to blur into darkness, he suddenly remembered something. Something that he knew for certain would stay with his friend for the rest of his days, even after he himself was long gone.

The old man shakily lifted his free arm and slowly moved it toward Finn's body.

"Benen, please-"

Benen extended a finger and pressed it firmly against the boy's chest. Then, locking eyes with Finn's, he uttered the only word he had enough strength left in him to say.

"Fortis."

And then he was gone.

"Fi—oh gods."

Finn hardly heard the voice of his father coming from the front of the barn, however, for all other sound was suddenly muted; it was like he had gone temporarily deaf. He clutched at Benen's lifeless face, tears dropping onto the man's cold skin.

"Benen!" He cried, his voice eerily echoing in the silence. "BENEN!"

"Finn! Finn, oh gods, Finn, I'm so sorry…" The boy felt hands coming to rest somewhere on his body but he wriggled himself free. He didn't even know who else was there or what was happening – everything except Benen was a blur of undefined shapes and sounds and nothing else mattered because Benen wasn't doing anything, he was just lying there and wouldn't move…

"Benen, please! Please don't do this. You can't leave now! Come back! Wake up!"

"Finn—"

"Benen, I'm sorry! Please don't go. Please don't go!"

He felt hands pulling at him, suddenly trying to drag him away. He screeched and thrashed wildly in protest and practically flung himself forward, grabbing fistfuls of the bloody cloth in an attempt to cling to the body before him.

"NO!" Finn screamed. "No, no, no, no, NO!"

"Finn, baby, you have to let him go."

He didn't know how long it had been or when his mother had shown up, but he didn't care. He wasn't going to leave. He couldn't leave.

"I'm not leaving him!"

"Finn, honey, he's gone."

"NO!"

He clenched his fingers more tightly around the soaked fabric of Benen's shirt, but it was no use. A multitude of arms wrapped around him and finally ripped him free of the body, dragging him away. Finn flailed and kicked, trying desperately to make it back. But within moments the energy drained out of him, and all he could do was slump limply in the arms of his now weeping mother and watch helplessly as Toothless and a few more Viking men finally cleared away the rest of the rubble and carried Benen away.

Benen.

His friend. His best friend.

His best friend was gone.

Forever.

Finn fully succumbed to the tears then, allowing the sobs to wrack his body until everything around him once again blurred into nothingness.

The next few hours seemed to pass by in a whirlwind of activity. Astrid held her son for what felt like hours, allowing his tears to soak her shirt. She couldn't think of anything to say. It seemed empty to tell him that, though it didn't feel like it, things would one day be all right. She couldn't possibly know that herself. But her little boy seemed to find her presence somewhat soothing nonetheless.

Astrid was appreciative of her fellow Berkians as she walked Finn through the village square. Many of them averted their eyes or nodded respectfully to her as she gently led her son up to the house. His hands trembled so violently, she had to wash the blood off of them herself. When she drew him a bath, she waited outside the door for his blood soaked clothes. There would be no way she could get those stains out. She instead tossed them into the fire and felt an odd sense of satisfaction to watch them burn into nothingness before getting Finn some fresh clothes from his room.

Finn didn't speak when he emerged from the washroom. He didn't speak when his mother helped dry off his hair or when she hugged him again before taking him down to the village again. In fact, he was completely silent until the sun was beginning to set and the Haddock family had gathered together at Mara's.

By this time, Benen's body had been cleaned off and covered up to the neck with a sheet. When Astrid and Finn arrived, they immediately spotted Adrianna sitting on a chair in the farthest corner of the room. She didn't look up when they arrived, choosing instead of stare at her lap and slowly swing her legs back and forth in front of her. Hiccup and Mara were standing next to the body, talking in low voices. Astrid saw her husband nod respectfully to the healer before turning to them. His green eyes gazed at their son, searching for some form of reaction, but Finn only stared at Benen's prone form. Then he blinked and he seemed to realize what was happening. He sharply inhaled and bumped into Astrid, who gently held his shoulders.

"Finn," Hiccup stepped forward with his hands held out. "It's okay, buddy."

Astrid squeezed her son's shoulders, searching his face for any sign of panic. "Do you want to sit down?" After a moment Finn shakily nodded. "It's okay if you want to wait-"

Finn managed to shake his head and move himself forward. He didn't feel himself sink into the chair or his body slump forward. He stared into the blank face of Benen, his best friend of 6 and a half years. Benen looked so peaceful he seemed to be merely sleeping; such a sharp contrast to a few hours prior.

Anguish washed over him again when the images replayed in his head. He kept asking himself to wake up from this horrible nightmare, but deep down her knew there would be no waking. This wasn't a nightmare. This was just as real as the scars on his back from Ratri's cane that never seemed to fade. Only this was worse.

A swish of fabric pulled him back to the present and he noticed Mara kneeling beside him. He forced a placid expression on his face and continued to stare at the face of his old friend. "There was nothing anyone could have done, honey." The healer gently spoke. "I'm truly sorry. But at least he went quickly; I think that's how he would've wanted it."

Finn blinked hard, a memory resurfacing from the back of his mind. Then he remembered: his Poppy, Stoick the Vast, had also gone quickly. He was there one minute, gone the next.

It wasn't fair.

Why did the scum of the world live long, fulfilling lives without pain and suffering, like Ratri, and the sweetest, kindest people who wouldn't harm a fly had to suffer? Benen hadn't deserved to die. That rubble was meant to hit him besides, why hadn't Benen let things happen how they should? He's a strong kid, he could've bounced back from something like that. Why did Benen have to sacrifice himself? Why?

Finn felt his father's warm hand rest on his shoulder and gently squeeze. "Benen died a hero, Finn," Hiccup said as if reading his thoughts. "The others told me what happened. He wanted to protect you. He never would've lived with himself if you were hurt."

Finn felt a surge of emotion bubble in his chest and he dropped his head into his hand. He tried to prevent the sob from escaping and was only partially successful. His father put both hands on his shoulders and held him steady. He thought he heard a few sniffs from around the room but none of them could be feeling the pain he was feeling.

Benen had saved his life on Maero and he had saved Benen's. They'd understood the pain of slavery and weathered the after effects together. He'd been there when Benen took in his first breath of pure freedom. He'd sat beside Benen when he cried at his first full meal with their family because he'd never felt such kindness. With his own two hands he helped build the house Benen lived in. He and his father helped choose a sweet Gronckle to be Benen's companion. Numerous trinkets were in his room from activities they did together and countless spots on the island held memories. How could he possibly come back from this? Benen was his foundation, his rock: the foundation crumbles and the whole structure is in jeopardy.

"What..." He couldn't even recognize his own voice. "What am I supposed to do?"

Hiccup opened his mouth but no sound came out. He patted his son on the back again, taking several deep breaths but nothing came to him.

"We did everything together! I-It's not like I have any other friends to hang out with, not like Benen!" A tone of hysteria took over the teen's voice suddenly. "How ironic is that? The guy who has the best friend in the world-"

Hiccup walked around to face him. "Finn-"

"-last very long and every kid out there has friends that don't possibly compare-"

"Hey." Hiccup held Finn's face gently.

"And I took mine for granted-"

"No, no, Finn!" The boy slumped into quiet sobs on Hiccup's shoulder. The father's heart broke at his son's tears and words, wishing he had something within himself to make his pain go away. "Finn, you never took him for granted. Not a single day that you were with him."

"It's not fair..." Finn wailed.

"I know." Hiccup's forced his voice not to wobble. "I know, buddy, it's not. I wish there was something wise or profound I could say to make this better but, honestly, there isn't."

"Is that all you can say?" Finn whimpered through heavy sobs. "Just… it's not fair and there's nothing I can do about it?"

Astrid stood from her seat at Benen's bedside and lowered herself at Hiccup's side. She kissed Finn's temple, trying to think of something, anything to say to help him.

"He loved you." She finally settled on saying. "He'd want you to treasure his memory."

"But what about me?" Finn sniffled and wiped his nose. "I loved him. He knew that. Why'd he have to… to…"

"He was so proud of you." Astrid interrupted, brushing her son's hair out of his eyes with her fingers. "He always said you'd do great things one day. He had great dreams ad aspirations for you. He couldn't see that great future dashed to pieces."

"But he's not in it. He was the reason for all that greatness. I'm nothing." Finn shook his head as he stared at the buckles on his father's vest. "He uhh... he wanted to s-see me off on my first date. He'd always tease me about girls. And he wanted..." Finn's face twisted suddenly and the parents thought he'd break into another round of hysterics. "He deserved better."

Hiccup shook his head. "He was thankful for everyth-"

"Where were you?" Finn's eyes fixed on his father's with sudden intensity. "Why weren't you helping with the barn?"

Hiccup blinked. "I was coming late. Toothless and I were already on our way when-"

"Where. Were. You?"

Hiccup glanced at Astrid with a deep swallow. "I was... I took your sister to the library."

Finn let out noise that almost sounded like a derisive laugh. "Of course you were."

Hiccup hid his frown. "She deserves my time too-"

"So Benen didn't?" Finn spat. "Taking your favorite to the stupid records center was more important than at least giving Benen a chance?"

"Favorite?" Hiccup sputtered.

"You heard me." Finn whispered in a dangerous undertone.

Hiccup exhaled carefully. "Finn... This is about Benen-"

"Doesn't matter. You're never there when you're needed most! You're always off doing something!"

"Finn!" Astrid exclaimed but the Haddock boy wasn't finished.

"She can't even walk to the library without getting into trouble when people out there, people who need you, risk their lives for this village! But you're always blowing them off because gods forbid she get hurt again!"

"Finn." Hiccup said in a calm, level voice. "That's enough. This isn't about that. It's not important right-"

"NOT IMPORTANT?" Finn roared, causing both his parents and even his sister to jump in alarm. "My best friend is dead and you could have done something about it if you hadn't been playing favorites and now that's not important?"

"No, I- that was a poor choice of words. I'm sorry-"

"No, you know what? That was the perfect choice of words." Finn's voice had lowered to a dangerous volume, his blue eyes icy cold. "Because now I know exactly what your priorities are."

Hiccup's eyebrows furrowed. "Finn, how could I have known this would happen today? I'm not perfect, I can't see the future! Benen knew that he didn't have a lot of time left anyway!"

Finn narrowed his eyes into slits. "You don't know that."

"You know as well as I do that Benen wasn't a liar."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Finn asked. Too late, Hiccup wished he hadn't spoken. Realization dawned on his son's face. "He told you someth- he told you and didn't tell me! What was wrong with him? Why didn't he tell me?"

"Finn," a calm voice came from his left and he turned his head to face Mara, "you need to calm down."

"You." Finn seethed. "Why didn't you say anything!"

"Benen felt not telling you, for now," Mara emphasized, "was best. He didn't want you to worry-"

"Now he's gone!" Finn shouted. He faced his parents and shook his head, not even glancing at his silent sister. "I can't trust anybody! The only one I could trust was Benen, and he's gone!"

Hiccup gasped. "Finn, that's not true-"

"No! You're the worst out of everyone! You know, for once I can actually see eye to eye with her!" Finn pointed at Adrianna, who jerked at being brought up. Her green eyes widened as Finn continued yelling at Hiccup. "I thought you were somebody amazing. I actually thought that maybe I could look up to you like I did Poppy and I did Benen." The boy shook his head. "No, that's the ruse isn't it? When things are good, everyone loves you. But once things go wrong, that's when the true colors show."

Hiccup shook his head desperately. "Finn-"

"You might be a legend across the Archipelago, but you're a terrible father! Even though she's the favorite, you can't even stick around to make her feel better about her problems! You're unreliable, you're unpredictable… you're nothing but an old fool who hides behind real heroes to make yourself look better!"

Astrid gasped. "FINN!"

The damage was done. Hiccup backed up until his back hit the wall. He clamped his jaw to keep it from trembling.

"I'm done with you and your lies and deception and empty words!" Finn bellowed, his voice echoing through the house.

Hiccup swallowed. "Finn-" Finn stepped back toward the door. "No please, not you too."

The teenager took one last mournful look at Benen before marching out the door, letting it slam against the frame. The room was completely silent as everyone stood looking at the door. Then Adrianna's chair scraped against the floorboards as she stood.

Mara pointed at her. "Sit down, Anna."

"No." Adrianna raised her chin defiantly before looking her father in the eyes. "Hurts doesn't it? Being abandoned."

Astrid marched forward. "Adri- Adrianna!" The girl left the room before her mother could apprehend her and the door slammed for the second time in thirty seconds.

Hiccup closed his eyes and let himself slide to the floor in a heap. He buried his face in his shaking hands and tried to steady his breathing. Both of his kids hated him. Both of them and Benen was gone. He felt his wife's hand on his shoulder, her arms pulling him in for a hug. As he rested his head on her shoulder, he felt the wetness from his eyes soaking the fabric of her shirt. His whole body shuddered as he sat there, allowing her to stroke his hair and his back as comfortingly as she could.

"What... what could I have done?" he wept. "Tell me what I could've done to save him. To save any of them?"

"You did everything you could." He heard Astrid whisper in his ear through her own tears.

"Not enough." Hiccup let out another choking sob and clung to her even tighter. "Never enough."

"Shh." Astrid hushed him, unable to think of a response. "Just let it out."

And let it out he did. Hiccup's hoarse sobs were the only noises in the room for what felt like hours. Mara had gone to tend to another patient, leaving the Haddocks alone. Hiccup felt like his whole heart had burst open. He had failed his daughter, his son, his dear friend, his village… he had failed everyone.

"Why, Benen?" Hiccup whimpered into his wife's shoulder. "Why now? Why?"

He felt his wife shakily crying against him and hung on tighter. One thing they both knew without a shadow of a doubt: nothing would ever be the same after this.

Sorry the new year had to begin with this horribly depressing chapter! But that's when it got done so… yeah, sorry. Special thanks to EmmerzK and to Miss Pookamonga for the death scene. She actually ended up thanking me for letting her write that so those of you who enjoy her stuff, take that as a warning, I suppose.

Don't forget to review!

~KateMarie999

P.S. The trigger in this chapter is a rather bloody death but it's not as grisly as it could have been.