All right, one chapter to go after this one!

Chapter Nineteen: The Flame

Finn blinked awake early the next morning, vaguely aware of his surroundings. His whole mind seemed to be singularly focused on the horrible nightmares that had plagued him the whole night, some of Ratri and his cane, others of his best friend dead in a pool of his own blood. The Haddock boy immediately got out of his bed and began throwing on his clothes as quickly as he could. Only one person would know why he was suddenly inundated with horrific images and an constant feeling of powerlessness.

It was as Finn was pounding down the stairs, not bothering to keep quiet, that he suddenly stopped, a horrible sinking feeling in his gut. Benen wasn't going to be at home. The nightmares of his best friend lying dead in his own blood were more than just nightmares.

The boy slowly lowered himself until he was sitting down on the step. He placed his head in his hands and took several deep breaths, forcing himself not to lose it right there, not to let out the wail he felt deep within his soul. He didn't realize how long he was sitting there until he heard footsteps just behind his head. He looked up to see his sister descending the staircase, still dressed in her long pink nightgown and fuzzy, yak fur slippers. She sat down next to him on the stair, her blonde head several inches below his own. Ordinarily he would have thought it funny how small she was compared to him but he couldn't get Benen out of his head.

Adrianna was quiet for a few seconds before speaking up. "I know what loneliness feels like... So if you need someone to talk to-"

"Anna, I'm not you! And I'm not a girl!" Finn suddenly snapped, taken aback at how hoarse his voice sounded. He sighed deeply when his sister flinched slightly. He knew it wasn't fair to take this out on her when she was on his side for once. He mentally reminded himself that she had loved Benen almost as much as he had before speaking again. "I just... don't act like the wise guy here because suddenly I'm feeling something. Okay?"

"I... I'm not-"

"No I know you're just trying to help, but honestly you're no different than anyone. Same empty words whether intended or not, the words don't help. The promises don't do anything. The wisdom from people doesn't make you feel warm and fuzzy. You should understand that more than anyone." Finn said as patiently as he could before standing up and going back upstairs.

Adrianna remained seated on the stair, watching him ascend the staircase and walk back into his room, shutting the door behind him. A part of her felt like she should have been offended by his words but something about his voice surprised her. For a long time, she thought he was oblivious to things like feelings and emotional pain but he wasn't. She wasn't sure whether or not to be glad he finally understood a little bit of her own struggle. Was she supposed to feel anything except sorry for him?

Still feeling conflicted, the Haddock girl got to her feet and headed to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast. She would have to think about her brother's emotions some other time.

If Finn had been able to focus on his surroundings, he would have been touched that so many people showed up for Benen's funeral that afternoon. The crowd was so thick, he was glad he'd been leading it because he certainly wouldn't have been able to see Benen's ship otherwise. The silent crowd watched as Finn got to his knees next to the small ship to inspect it, making sure that it was perfect before shoving off. A few trinkets lined the body, which was covered in a thin white sheet. Finn recognized a small wooden carving he had made his friend a few weeks after they'd gotten back from Maero. He wanted to thank whoever had thought to include it but he suspected it might be his father. He wasn't ready to talk to him again.

"So uhh..." Finn cleared his throat, speaking in a low voice so that no one could hear except Benen. "I'm not so good at this, last words. I just..." Finn bit his lip, his heart drumming against his ribs. What could he possibly say to sum up the best six and a half years of his life? To convey how close he and Benen had been, how much he had loved him? There were no words. Nothing profound or important. Nothing at all. "I wish I could say something amazing that'll make you proud but all I can say is that I'll miss you. More than anything."

Finn straightened up and nodded to his father. Hiccup shoved the ship out to sea and, aside from the gentle lapping of the small waves on the shore, there was absolute silence. Finn stood rigid, bow and arrow in hand and waiting for the ship to get far enough away from the shore to burn safely without igniting anything else. A small part of him wanted to chase it down and give Benen a few more final words but he couldn't think of anything else to say. He tightened his jaw as Benen's ship sailed farther and farther out. Hiccup placed a hand on his shoulder when it had sailed out far enough and gestured to the small fire beneath them. The Haddock boy shakily reached down and ignited the tip of the arrow.

As he pulled it back, his hand coming to rest beside his head, Finn stopped. His hands were shaking too hard. If he let go, the arrow probably wouldn't even travel two feet. Small, warm hands rested on his and he looked over to see his sister standing beside him, silent tears streaming down her face. Almost without thinking, he let go.

The flame traveled in a high arc through the air before landing directly on target. The cloudy sky was suddenly filled with flames propelled forward, all hitting the ship and igniting it so that it almost looked like the sun had come out again. Finn watched as the sky almost turned to fire, several of the dragons paying their respects alongside the Vikings, and dearly wished Benen could have seen this. He would have been overwhelmed with gratitude. He probably would have shed a few happy tears. Finn fought off the crazy urge to smile at the thought. The face of his best friend, wiping tears out of those sky blue eyes, filled him with an ache he could hardly endure. There was a flicker of happiness in there somewhere but it was stifled by the agonizing pain that plagued him every second since his friend had died.

Finn silently watched the ship burn until it sank and only a few clouds of smoke remained. He turned around and was slightly surprised to see most of the crowd still standing behind him. Of all people, his mother was absent, as were the Larsons and several families with small children. But the rest of them still gazed out over the sea and watched as the clouds of smoke finally dissipated. Finn knew it was time for a quick lunch before they all would meet in the Great Hall for the rest of the service. His father wanted to gather everyone together to share stories about Benen. Finn knew he had to go, there was no way he would miss out on such a vital part of honoring his best friend, but he dreaded it so much his stomach ached. He didn't know if he could stand listening to all the amazing things Benen had done. Because there was no summing up his elderly friend's life in a short period of time, no way of expressing just how amazing and how admirable he had been.

Finn dragged his feet on the way to the Great Hall, falling behind the crowd. He saw someone out of the corner of his eye walking beside him and it took several seconds before he felt like turning to see who it was. Adrianna walked in silence with him for a while, still wiping tears out of her eyes. Finn used to joke about how often she would cry, sometimes over the silliest things, but this time he was almost thankful for her tears. Thankful that someone was responding the appropriate way when he himself couldn't figure out how to react or emote at all.

His sister didn't speak until they had reached the entrance to the Great Hall. They stood in front of it for a few seconds before turning to face each other. And then Finn did something even he didn't expect. He stepped forward and placed his arms around her. She was taken aback at this sudden affection but she held him tightly. It was at least a minute before Finn finally broke away, wiping his eyes and blinking to prevent any future tears.

"Don't... don't get used to that." he said shakily as he straightened up and determinedly fixed his eyes on his feet.

Adrianna gave him a tiny smile. "Never." As Finn opened the door, she spoke up again. "Finn?"

"Hm?"

The Haddock girl sighed deeply before looking him directly in the eye. "Love you."

Finn felt his throat constrict but he dry swallowed and nodded. "You too, Anna."

Cold. Empty. Alone.

That's the only way Erick could describe what he felt. A cacophony of words continuously flitted through his mind, unwilling to give him rest or peace with what had happened. There was only a dull ache in the pit of his stomach, a heavy weight on his shoulders that wouldn't ease, a tear in his soul so wide and deep that nothing in the world could heal.

Except time. That's what everyone had said. Give it time, they'd said almost mechanically, as if it would stop the grief, as if it would stop the pain. Nothing could heal this. The loss of someone so close, so special… so vital. Nothing could fill a crater so vast.

Hiccup and Magnus were the only two who'd held him in their arms for an extended time. With Magnus, he'd cried. It had just happened. With Hiccup, he'd merely stood in his friend's arms and buried his face in his shoulder, unblinking, uncaring of anything else going on around them.

Hiccup had grasped his shoulders and nearly in tears apologized that they hadn't gotten home in time. But Erick wasn't angry with him. No, he was angry with the one person who'd sworn to bring back the cure, and had failed. He was angry with the girl who claimed they were best friends and said she'd do anything to help him, as any best friend would. He felt cheated, used by someone who didn't know what she was talking about. If that's what having a best friend meant, then he'd rather be alone. Making empty promises was too painful. Too costly.

No one had talked to him in hours and he was okay with that. Benen's funeral had been that afternoon. It made him think of his father's funeral only a few days before. Hiccup had given his father a funeral worthy of a king, and deep down he was grateful. But he'd only accepted a soft pat on the back before walking blankly away from the crowds to be alone, ignoring the pitying expressions cast his way. He didn't need their pity or their comfort. He didn't want it.

And now he found himself walking away from yet another funeral. He walked until he found himself sitting by the cliff side beyond the forge. He couldn't remember when he'd sat down or drew up his knees to his chest or rested his chin against his knees. He could vaguely hear the waves crashing against the rocks below and the seagulls squawking overhead. All around him was quiet.

Erick couldn't remember when he'd cried last. He'd cried with Magnus and Gregory until he pulled himself out of their arms, forcing the tears to stop and walking away from the scene. He'd stepped outside the Hall to calm himself, tell himself it was just a bad dream, his father was okay, he was just sleeping as he had been for the past days…

But upon returning, he found Mara pulling a white sheet over his father's prone form. He watched his father's face disappear from view. He'd cracked, slumping against a bench and shutting out any attempts of comfort by his family. At some point he'd cried himself to sleep, exhaustion charting its own course. And he'd woken to Hiccup and Astrid's echoing whispers about Adrianna's problems.

Anger swelled in his chest a mite, but was quickly extinguished by grief's cold fingers. Benen's death had brought back all the emotions he thought he'd pushed down. Benen had been an old man who was ready for death but Erick never would have thought his own father would leave him so early. He wouldn't be there when he came of age and was allowed to participate in village meetings. He wouldn't be there for his wedding day and wouldn't meet his grandchildren.

Despair clawed at his insides and he choked it down by digging his nails into his arms, forcing himself to remain placid. He had to keep it together. He had to beat this; he was better than this.

Soft footfalls sounded behind him and he heard the swish of material. Erick forced himself not to care as someone sat down beside him. He expected Magnus or Aud… a small part of him wished it was his mother, but he knew she'd enclosed herself in the house as soon as the funeral was over, even if he'd left before she did.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see blonde hair. Maybe it was Adrianna… if it was, he'd surely lose it… but no, he could tell by the woman's size that she was bigger than Adrianna. So who-

"I'm so sorry, Erick."

For the first time in countless hours, Erick showed emotion: surprise. His neck made a crick sound that only he heard as he turned and saw Astrid sitting beside him. Her braid was loose and wispy, her skin still a bit clammy and her eyes dark with grief of her own. The breeze was biting against her skin; he could tell from the goosebumps racing up her arms. He finally realized how cold he was at the observation, but made no move to stand or warm himself up. He didn't care. He only continued to stare at her in surprise. Of all the people who'd come…

"I hate this. So many goodbyes. We never wanted this to happen, least of all to your family." Astrid murmured. "And I know things have fallen apart with you and Adri… but if you ever want to come over and talk to either me or Hiccup, don't hesitate. You're always welcome in our home." Erick blinked unresponsively and she pressed, "You know that, don't you?"

The teenager dry swallowed before turning his eyes back to the cliff. He heard Astrid sigh softly to herself, figuring that she was wishing she could do something for him. He wanted to tell her to go away, to not try because nothing would help. But he couldn't open his mouth to speak.

"Erick… honey," Erick heard her scoot closer to him and almost instantly felt the warmth she brought when her knees touched his ankle. "I don't want to say what everyone says… you do need time. But don't shut us out. There are people that are here for you, who want to help you. When you're ready, give yourself a chance. That's all I ask." Astrid rested a searing hand on his shoulder blade and he blinked, a small frown forming on his face. "You are loved and we've got you."

"That's what he said."

Astrid blinked, shocked just as much as he was that he'd spoken. Erick mentally frowned at how terrible he sounded but didn't try to fix it. He didn't care.

"What?" Astrid asked gently.

Erick heard himself respond, "The last night. He woke up and we talked."

Astrid smiled a little. "So you got to talk to him… that's good."

"Except he lied." His vocal chords constricted painfully. He finally cleared his throat.

"Lied?"

"Yeah," Erick looked down at his boots. "The last thing he ever said to me was, 'come here, son. I've got you.' He said that and he… left." He clenched his jaw, swallowing hard as suddenly his eyes burned and he felt the desperation welling up again. He shook his head and jerked to stand, his limbs creaking from misuse and cold. Astrid stared up at him with dread in her eyes as he bit out in a wobbly voice: "Don't make me promises you can't keep. I've lost two for two in the past week, three if you want to count Benen. I don't need more… grief."

Erick turned on his heel and stalked back to the village, even as Astrid stood and called after him. He ignored her. The cold burned his lungs as he tried to calm the storm rising in his chest. The pain burned his soul like he'd swallowed a hot coal from the forge. The heat stung his eyes, making him blink rapidly to steady his emotions. He found himself running to his house long before he knew it, throwing open the door and charging up the stairs before anyone could say a word to him.

He slammed his door shut and locked it, panting and eyes darting around his bedroom for some sort of relief. Something to stem the throbbing wound in his chest, anything to ease the pain. All around him were memories of his father—pictures he'd drawn as a child, rocks they'd collected over the years, his first works in the leather shop. Everything from the quilt on his bed to the drop of white paint on his boots from painting the barn that past summer, everything had a memory. And every memory increased his agony.

"No… no, Dad…" Erick cried out, slumping to the floor with his hands in his hair. "Dad… Dad…" The tears finally rained down his face and he curled into himself, begging to every god he knew to help him. "Come back… Daddy, p-please come back to me, I need you."

If anyone heard him, he didn't care. Not his mother, not Magnus, not Gregory or Aud, not even Charger. No one could help this. He was truly alone. The fire in his soul burned and flamed no matter how hard he sobbed into his hands or his shoulders shook. The only thing he knew was grief and pain and the ever-burning flame within.

Long after the day turned to night and his face felt crisp with dried tears, he heard the soft rap of knuckles on the door over his head.

"Erick?" Magnus. She sounded exhausted. "Can I come in?" Some small part of his soul wanted to reach out and accept her help… her love. But in the end, grief won. He didn't want her to come in. He didn't want her help. He wanted to be alone. "Erick please?" He couldn't even stir up the energy to ask her to leave him alone. He felt drained of all feeling and emotion and energy. Eventually he heard her footfalls as she retreated to the downstairs.

Time. They said time was the answer. Time had no meaning anymore. Only pain. Only grief. Only the flame.

Finn had thought he could handle the second part of Benen's service. He thought he could listen to all the stories about Benen and smile, remembering all the memories they had together with the same sort of fondness he had for his memories with his Poppy.

He had been wrong.

Only thirty minutes had passed before Finn couldn't take it any longer. Abruptly he stood from his seat and walked to the door as quickly as he could, the beloved necklace Benen had given him clutched in his hand the entire way. Though he really didn't care, he was glad he had sat toward the back of the Hall. Fewer people looked his way when he stood. But he didn't have to look to know his parents were watching. He could almost feel their eyes burning through the back of his head.

He forced himself not to care as he shoved the mighty doors open and stepped out into the cold. It was windier than it had been and the force of the cold blew his hair back to the root. He stood there trying to control his heavy breathing and the sudden chills coursing through his body, but despite these distractions he couldn't stop the rising panic.

Benen was gone. He was really, truly gone.

The boy couldn't understand how kept possibly forgetting it. He would be thinking about the accident and the fear and the blood until he'd jump up and march out with the intention to talk to his best friend because he always made things better. Benen made him calm, made him see the opposite side of things that made him upset. Benen had always been the answer to every problem, every qualm, quarrel, and question.

Finn could hear the sound of his blood pulsing in his ears even over the howling wind. Who could he talk to? What could anyone say that could help?

He didn't realize he was running until he missed a step and slipped, tumbling headlong into a snow bank. He vaguely wondered in his panic how he'd gotten down the stone steps so quickly, but it didn't matter. He had to get away from the houses filled with happy families, the fake sympathetic smiles, the hollow looks of grieving villagers who'd also lost someone. He couldn't stand to be around his depressed family any longer because they couldn't help him. Nobody could.

The Haddock boy felt a branch slap his face, probably cutting his cheek, but he kept going. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't care. It didn't matter. The snow swirled around him as he dodged trees, bushes, and boulders in the dark. It wasn't until he tripped on a sharp stone and skidded to a stop that he stopped and took in his surroundings.

The cemetery.

Finn backed up on his hands and feet, willing himself to get up. But the ground was slippery and his body gasped for air from his sudden trek. He looked around, willing himself to calm down. Of all the places he had to run, why hadn't he run somewhere comforting? The gods must hate him.

But then a larger tombstone caught his eye from the back corner. As if his feet had a mind of their own, he shakily stood and walked toward it. His vision swam for a moment and he growled in irritation at the after effects from the sickness. He blinked long and hard, willing the world to stop dancing. Eventually he made it over to the grave and he slid to his knees.

"Poppy," Finn said plainly. His voice was hollow and his breath fogged in front of his face. He hadn't visited Poppy's graves since his Nana died. He thought about the day his parents told him his Poppy had died and he felt the same desperate pain in his chest. Except this was worse because he was older. This time, he understood what death was and just how cruel it could be.

Thick, hot tears poured down his face and he leaned his forehead against the stone. "Poppy… w-what am I supposed to do? T-tell me what to do. I f-feel so alone."

Finn couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so alone. Never before had he been reduced to sobbing on his grandfather's grave, but every kid has fits of loneliness now and then. Every memory that came to mind had Benen's hand in it, even if they hadn't been doing anything. A simple hello as they passed each other on the street was enough to make his day. Benen had touched his heart in every way imaginable and there was no denying it or getting around it. He simply couldn't wish for Benen to cease to exist in his mind. He couldn't wish to be struck with amnesia to make the pain go away.

Something niggled in the back of his mind like an old memory resurfacing. As if he was reliving the past, he touched the hidden slave mark under his hair beside his left ear.

They hadn't been home long—a week perhaps. They'd returned from Maero and gotten Benen established in their Poppy's old home, which had sat dormant for many years. He remembered sitting at the table while Benen walked to and fro dusting and wiping shelves and sweeping. No amount of prodding could convince the elderly man to sit down and rest.

"Why would I sit and rest while I'm blessed with a home to clean?"

Finn scoffed. "You're hopeless."

Benen smiled widely at the 7-year-old boy and continued his work. The boy was impetuous and snarky for one so young, and being free from Ratri's clutches only encouraged such behavior. Benen firmly believed he would have lots of work to do for many years to come with this one. "Good, strong hands can do much hard work. But you know what they say, many hands make hard work light!"

Finn raised an eyebrow at the man, making him chuckle. "Do you always speak in riddles?"

"Not always." The old man's blue eyes twinkled. "I suspect I speak in riddles more when I'm excited."

"And backwards."

"Hm?"

"What?"

The two stared at each other in confusion before they burst into laughter. Benen leaned against a pole and sighed heavily, wiping his brow. "I haven't laughed like that in… many years."

Finn scowled. "Not even allowed to laugh."

"Hm? Oh," Benen shrugged. "I believe laughter from a slave would make the master suspicious. The occasional slave will become rebellious and pull a prank on his master. The consequences for such crimes were…" The elderly man waved his hand to dismiss the topic. "No matter. Here I can laugh freely and I will do so as much as I can."

Benen swept for a few moments longer until he really noticed the silence. Finn hadn't replied like usual. He turned to see Finn leaning against one elbow and his other hand gently scratching beside his left ear. The elderly man smiled sympathetically. "I remember when my scar itched. Most annoying thing that's ever crossed my body, I think."

The boy's eyes curiously searched Benen's head for a scar, but he found none. "Where's yours?"

"Oh, under here." Benen patted his breast right over his heart. "Yours is a burn mark so it will take less time to heal. It should stop bothering you soon."

Finn frowned. "What's yours?"

"A tattoo. But no matter; we need not discuss such things anymore." Finn's face fell and Benen stopped, curious. "Unless there's something you want to talk about?"

"No... yes?" The boy huffed.

Benen set his broom aside and sat down in the chair adjacent to Finn. "What's bothering you?"

Finn stubbornly stared at the wood grain table, his fingers tracing the grooves and random shapes. His foot tapped against the floor beneath the table. But he made no moves or sounds to reply.

Benen had learned early on just how stubborn this strong little man was. As soon as he moved to Berk and met his entire family, he really understood. Stubbornness was not only in his blood, but also in his nature. It was practically instinct to refuse to comply. Luckily, he was a patient man.

His only problem: he was still learning about the boy. How far could he push? How far should he push?

"You know what the hardest thing for me has been all these years?" Benen asked presently. Finn blinked but he could tell the boy was listening. "Not having anyone to talk to. Loneliness. This life is a hard and lonely road for someone who has no friends to share it with." He cocked his head to see eye to eye with Finn, and finally blue eyes met blue. "We're friends right?"

Finn nodded instantly as if this were the most ridiculous question to have ever graced his ears.

"Then I will always be here to listen, Finn. It takes two to converse. It's only up to you if you want to talk. All you have to do is speak." Benen smiled and patted the boy's hand, moving to stand. He hoped the boy would mull over his words for a while and come around over time.

Finn spoke before he could fully stand. "I still see him."

Benen relaxed back in his chair with a confused face. "Him?"

Finn look away in shame. "Ratri."

"Ah." Benen nodded.

"I…" Finn licked his lips. "I don't think about him. I try to ignore… all that happened. But after I go to bed, I-I have bad dreams. He s-stands over me hitting me and he won't s-stop." Finn slumped further into his seat; to his horror, tears were beginning to burn his eyes. "I wake up all s-shaky and s-sweaty and I can't go back to sleep." The tears spilled onto his cheeks. Finn, completely embarrassed to be crying in front of someone he really didn't know very well, hid his face in his hands as he desperately tried to stem the flow. "I-I don't know what to do, Benen, I can't talk to anyone, nobody knows what that's like-"

"Hey hey now, it's all right." Benen held the boy's shoulders gently. He frowned sadly at the little boy trying so hard not to show emotion. "Finn, don't hold it in. You're still young; you have the right to feel. Especially about something like that." The boy sniffed once more, tears still flowing down his cheeks, and the elderly man smiled gently. "Come here." Finn instantly buried his face in the man's shoulder. Benen hated how the strong boy in his arms shook like a leaf in a tempest. He took a slow deep breath. "I know pain and suffering better than anyone. I've had a very long, very hard life. But I forced myself to believe in those especially hard times that something good would come of it someday. And it was true: here I am now, thanks to you."

Finn swallowed thickly. "You make it sound easy because you're old."

Benen laughed and tousled the boy's hair. "We mature with the damage, Finn. Not with the years." Finn stared at the old man for a few moments before nearly crushing him in a hug. Benen jumped in surprise but smiled widely, hugging him back. "Things will be all right someday, Finn. I guarantee it."

Yes, no matter how long it would take, if it took until the last day of his life, he'd be sure the boy would be fine. Just fine.

An owl hooted over his head somewhere, jerking Finn out of his reverie. His forehead felt like it had frosted into his grandfather's gravestone. The tears had practically turned to ice on his cheeks. He felt dead and cold both on the inside and out. A small part of him wondered how long it had been, but he forced himself not to care.

Against his will, he shivered against the cold. His rapid sprint this far into the woods winded him and he could feel his throat tighten with every dry swallow. Mara would not be pleased. Too bad he was too far gone to care. Thoughts of his warm bed at home nearly pulled him out of his stupor, but he didn't move. The thought of facing his family, even walking through the same room to get up the stairs to his own little sanctuary, was enough to keep him rooted to the ground.

He could almost feel his formerly strong will bending. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to stand up. A small, selfish part of him just wanted to freeze to death out here. Maybe the ice could dull the pain. Without restraint, he closed his eyes and blocked out the world around him.

Toothless warbled over his shoulder for his human to hurry up before trotting further into the trees. Hiccup shoved his hands into his pockets, keeping a wary eye out for his son in all directions. Toothless had easily gotten a scent from outside the Great Hall and so far they'd followed it for nearly a mile into the woods. Where had his little man gone?

Hiccup's prosthetic slipped on a hidden rock and his knee buckled. He just managed to catch himself before ramming his knee. He huffed in mild irritation and stood back up. If his leg gave out on him now, he'd tear his hair out. That's the last thing he needed right now. He had to find Finn and try to talk to him.

They hadn't spoken a single word since Finn's blowup the previous evening. The father tried everything in his power to not hold a grudge against his son for his angry, hurtful words—easier said than done. Adrianna had also shut him out completely. He wondered how long he could survive without his children's attention. Once again, he thanked the gods for Astrid and her faithfulness. Without her… no, no need to entertain those kinds of thoughts. Things were bad enough as it was.

Toothless sniffed the ground and then the air. Finally he barked with a nod of his head to their left. They continued on the random path with heavy hearts. Hiccup couldn't honestly believe Benen was gone. Olaf had been a hard blow; it was hard to consider who could possibly replace such a great man and asset in the council. He feared he'd have to search long and hard for someone as wise as Olaf.

But Benen… there was no replacing Benen. It was simply impossible for such a kind, loving being like him to be replicated.

Toothless finally led him into a small clearing and Hiccup stopped in surprise. The cemetery. Why had Finn come here of all places? The father shook his head and walked past the first of the tombstones. It didn't matter why. Nothing makes sense when you're grieving.

Toothless bounded ahead of him suddenly and before looking, Hiccup knew exactly where he was going. In the back corner of the cemetery were his parents' graves, and curled up against his father's was Finn.

The Night Fury sniffed and nuzzled the boy's hair, growling when he didn't respond. Hiccup blinked out of his trance and knelt down in front of his son. Resting his hand against Finn's forehead, he frowned at the chill he felt, but was pleased to see him hum softly in response to the warmth.

Hiccup sighed softly, pausing to gaze at both his parent's graves. "I could use some great wisdom right about now. Anything to tell me what to do. At least to help my son… either of my kids. I feel so… useless." He frowned at the snow like it had uttered the distasteful word. His mother had hated the word. He sighed again and looked at his son. "Unfortunately for both of us, buddy, dead men don't speak."

The chief turned toward Toothless and slid his saddlebags back to create more room. Gently he prodded Finn until he seemed partially semi-conscious. He expected the boy to at least argue, but Finn instead rested his forehead against his father's chest. With that response, Hiccup knew his son needed to get warm quickly.

When Hiccup had Finn carefully strapped into the saddle in the front seat, he told Toothless to take off. "Let's go home, bud." Finn didn't make a sound or movement as the cemetery grew smaller below them.

"'ere ya go, lassie." Gobber smiled toothily at Adrianna as he handed her a rather large mug of tea.

Despite its size, she accepted it and was rather surprised to note it tasted pretty good. "Thanks Gobber. I didn't know you made tea."

Gobber sat down at the stool beside her, sending a short sympathetic glaze to the silent Astrid sitting at the head of the table with her hands wrapped around her own mug. "Oh yeh, I can make lotsa good teas, like chamomile, peppermint, green tea-"

The door suddenly opened in a whirlwind of snowflakes. Hiccup stepped inside first with Toothless at his heels, and Finn draped across the saddle, clearly unconscious. Astrid nearly spilled her tea when she jumped up. "Finn!"

"Relax, he's just sleeping." Hiccup unbuckled a few of the straps and pointed at the upstairs for Toothless to take him up. Astrid followed the Night Fury upstairs to help get her son to bed. Hiccup removed his coat, staring at the floorboards, the walls, his shoe, anywhere but the table where his daughter sat. He had a vague feeling she stared at him while sipping her… monstrous cup of tea. But honestly her words from yesterday still stung even after he'd tried so very hard to make amends. It hurt like nobody's business to be scorned and unforgiven when that's all he wanted: forgiveness.

"Are yeh just goin' ta stare at your coat all night?"

"Sorry Gobber," Hiccup apologized, turning toward the kitchen.

Gobber watched him pour hot water into a mug and stare at it for another few minutes. Adrianna swirled her tea around, acting as if she didn't have a care in the world that her father was also grieving. She shouldn't fuel the fire, but he wasn't about to lecture her.

"So," Gobber broke the silence again, raising his mead. "Where was he?"

Hiccup flinched. "The cemetery."

Adrianna promptly stood. "Thanks for the tea, Gobber."

"Oy hold on, lass-" Adrianna ignored the old smith and continued up the stairs. Apparently there would be no talk of cemeteries while she was around. Neither man moved until they heard the sound of her door closing, then Hiccup covered his eyes with his hand. Gobber watched him swallow hard and lean fully against the counter.

Astrid closed Finn's door and came down the stairs. She noticed Hiccup beginning to pull on his hair and was at his side within seconds. "Hey, it's okay, come here." Hiccup turned and buried his face in her shoulder. Gobber watched on sadly; he remembered the day Hiccup became chief. It was supposed to be an exciting day when it finally came. But it came so suddenly and so unexpectedly that the young man had been thrown into harsh leadership roles and high stress situations with no time to grieve for the passing of his own father.

Now Hiccup looked the same as he did then. Unsure, confused, lost. A chief had to hold up for his people but inside his own home, he had to let the walls down. He had to feel or there would be consequences later on.

Hiccup sat up and wiped the few tears off his face. "I-I just… I-I don't know what to do. Addie won't give me a chance and Finn… I-I don't even know where to start."

"Give 'im time." The couple turned towards Gobber and he continued, "Finn will need time to grieve. Lots and lots of time. He won't get over this easily. Mom, he's naturally closer to you, always has been. Don't cling to him, but always be there for him. He'll come to you first no doubt." Astrid nodded, her face hard in determination. "Hiccup…" Gobber sighed. "The boy's just angry. Both of them are. They're angry, they're lost and confused. Finn's stubborn and Adrianna's… stubborn and tougher than she looks. They got both of those things from you so you need to do the same. Give them time and space, but don't back down. They'll come around eventually."

Hiccup sighed heavily with a nod. His eyes were red and puffy from both crying and lack of sleep. "Any other advice?"

"Not for today. Well, except get some sleep. You're going to need it." Gobber stood and hobbled over to give each of them a hug, which they appreciated. They saw him to the door and bid him goodbye when he left.

Astrid turned to her husband after he closed the door, waiting for him to make eye contact. He finally did and she gave him a small smile. "Just another storm," He nodded. "We've weathered some pretty bad ones. We can beat this too. We just have to remember Benen. But Gobber's right; the kids will come around." She held his face in her hands when he didn't make eye contact. "They will."

Hiccup exhaled and kissed her forehead gently. "For both our sakes, I hope so."

Boy was this chapter an adventure! Thank you, EmmerzK for writing so much of it! Honestly, she hasn't read over a lot of the later additions but I really want to end this story so I'll edit if I feel like it needs edits but I'm honestly pleased with how it came out.

We're making a Growing Up Haddock tumblr page to answer any and all questions, add drabbles and one-shots, post updates on our progress, and music from the soundtrack. It was actually EmmerzK's idea, not mine, but I think it's great! So look for us on tumblr and be sure to follow us! Our username is growinguphaddock.

Don't forget to review!

~KateMarie999