The Impossible Possibility of an Impossible Probability

(Or just entitle it confusion.)

I woke up the following morning with a pounding headache and incredible nausea. I was passed out on the couch, still in everything I had worn home, including my shoes and jacket. The light practically blinded me. I felt something pushing at my leg, and brought myself up enough to see Phil in the same state on the opposite end of the couch.

I groaned and attempted to stand up. I felt the world visibly darken around me. Phil moaned loudly before doing the same as me. We tried to help each other balance, but that only resulted in both of us falling back onto the couch.

We hadn't even had that much to drink, but this morning was hitting us hard. Neither of us even talked. I managed to make a few cups of coffee, and within a few hours we were feeling better.

"Dan," Phil said, breaking the silence.

"Yes?"

"That jacket you are wearing. I like it."

"I know you do," I said with a grin.

"What?"

"You always told me you like this one," I informed him. Honestly, that was why I had worn it in the first place. I wanted as much as possible to try and pull any memory from his mind.

"Dan," he said, tossing a pencil in the air.

"Yeah?"

"What was the video where we got together?"

"You want to see it?" I asked, trying to act cool despite my shock.

"Sure."

"Okay," I said, opening up YouNow on my laptop and going to my broadcasts. I clicked the one that I was looking for and handed it over to Phil, who watched it, quite intrigued. I listened, and knew exactly what was happening and when.

He was fairly silent throughout it, but he giggled at the awkwardness in our voices at the end.

"Yep," he said handing me my laptop.

"Yep what?" I asked quite confused.

"Yep I can remember that a little."

I gasped slightly. "You… you can remember that? Phil… That's… that's great!"

He smiled at me. "Yeah, it's a little hazy, but I had a dream like that last night. That's why I wanted to see it. I wanted to know if it was real or just a dream. It felt pretty real to me." He laughed a little.

I smiled. Not only had he just remembered something pre-accident, but he had also just said he was dreaming about US. That made me smile.

"That's amazing! See, you're slowly remembering things!" I was smiling like an idiot. I couldn't contain myself and flung my arms around him in a hug. He laughed when I did this, but also hugged me back.

"I wish I could remember more," he said.

"Shh, it'll come slowly."

Neither of us had made a video in some time. In fact, our last videos were our coming out as a couple videos. People knew partially what was going on, as I had kept twitter updated for a while, but really only our close friends and family were totally in the loop. I knew videos would need to be made soon.

We decided to go out again tonight, but just for dinner this time. There was a small restaurant close that we liked.

"You know I had a lot of fun last night," Phil said between bites of a sandwich. He has been a little more talkative today than usual, but I am guessing he is just happy that he remembered something.

"So did I, it was nice to get out and actually do something. I was hoping you wouldn't be upset that I was trying to make you do something," I admitted.

"Well, I know you were just trying to get me out of the house, and like I said, I had a lot of fun. I think I had a few more flashbacks while we were singing, not that I can remember everything about that either. Was I singing Toxic in a studio at one point?" He looked at me inquisitively with a bit of a laugh.

"Yes you were," I full out laughed at the memory. "It was at one of our radio shows, and you were trying to sing it."

XXXXX

It was the next afternoon, and I hadn't seen Phil all day. I was curious, but figured he was just extra tired, or was busy doing something. Still, I was a little worried about him, and decided to check in on him.

I cracked his door open and peered in. I was not expecting to see what I saw. There Phil was, curled up on his bed, crying his eyes out. I threw the door open and ran to his side, trying to get him to look at me.

"Dan," he whispered, a smile beginning to appear on his face.

"Phil, I'm right here, what's wrong?" I cooed into his ear, wrapping my arms around him.

"Dan, what have I been doing this whole time?" He exclaimed so loudly that no punctuation mark other than an interrobang could describe it. "It's you. It's you. You were the hand when I was unconscious; the warm comforting hand that made my heart race, even when I didn't know its owner. You were the beautiful and warm eyes that I first saw when I opened my own. You were the gorgeous face that greeted me, even when I was oblivious to anything in my past. Dan you were the first person I knew when I was unaware of anything. You are the most important person in my life. You are all I know. What have I been thinking this whole time?" He was sobbing into my shoulder again. I was so confused by all of this. What did he mean?

"Phil, just calm down. Calm down." I was trying to soothe him, rubbing circles on his bare back, moving my fingers through his hair. "Why are you getting yourself so worked up? I'm not going to go anywhere, I'm right here."

The shaking of his sobbing shoulders slowed, and I felt his breathing slow. He must not have slept much the night before, because he just fell asleep in my arms. I laid him back down on his bed and wrapped his blankets around him. I wiped the remaining tears off his cheeks and kissed his forehead. I then sat down on the foot of his bed and stared at the floor.

What was he so upset about? He was acting as though I was going to leave him, but that was the furthest thing from my mind. I just sat there for a while, until I felt him wake up again.

He noticed me. "Sorry about that before." Those were the first words out of his mouth.

"It's okay, are you alright?"

He nodded. "Dan, it's just, I realized how much you mean to me, and I think I am in love with you again." I looked into his eyes, and he lurched forward at pulled me down on top of him. We were a mere two inches from each other. He looked at my lips. "Please," he said. I was shocked by what had just occurred. He seemed so desperate for me now, but what was it that had suddenly changed him?

"Are you sure?" I asked. I didn't want to push him into anything he wasn't ready for yet. He was still quite vulnerable after not remembering anything about his or our past.

He nodded quickly, and placed a thumb against my bottom lip. I smiled and tilted my head to the side slightly, before he desperately crashed his lips against mine. He was smiling against my lips, as was I. It felt like something so lost. I had had him for such a short time, and he was taken from me. At first I had believed it to be a sign that it was not meant to be, but I refused to believe that. If we were not meant to be, why would God have put us together as a couple after so long of just being friends?

I leaned further onto him, and placed my hands in his hair, rubbing in circular motions which he seemed to lean into. His hands seemed to remember more than his mind did, as they found their way to the familiar spot on my hips. I wished to flood all of my memories of us through me into him. I wanted him to remember all the good things, and how all I want is to be with him right now and forever.

I wished the long missed moment could have stayed for a longer time, but we parted and I lay my head on his bare chest. He was breathing hard, and I could practically feel his frantic heart through his flesh. I closed my eyes, attempting to relish the moment for as long as possible.

"Door," Phil said.

"What?" I asked.

"A door," he said again. "You kissed me against a door. Our door. I remember."

I smiled even though he couldn't see it. Every time he talked about a memory I couldn't help but smile. Every memory was one step closer to being back to normal.

"Yes, that was-" he cut me off.

"No wait I remember more. Some people just left… Our families! Our families just left and we told them something. Did we just tell them about us? Yeah that's it! I remember! Dan, I remember! We ate chicken," He said excitedly.

I flipped over onto my stomach beside him, and slid up so my face was right beside his. His eyes were so full of happiness, and excitement, and curiosity, and childishness, and it made him look even more beautiful. "You remember," I whispered happily. "I'm so glad you remember." I brushed the hair out of his eyes with a smile.

They kissed again! But wait… What does this mean? Does it mean anything? Let me know your guesses for what will happen, as well as what you are thinking of this story so far! Bye for now ~Lexi~ 3