[A/N: Thanks to all the kind reviewers. It means a lot, and it encourages me to continue writing for the three different fic ideas that cropped up while I wrote this story. I didn't rate this story M, but there is an instance of language later in this chapter that I trust my readers are mature enough to handle. But still. I thought I'd warn you. There is also an occurrence, or near-occurrence, at the end of this chapter that might trigger some folks so please be forewarned. I do promise that there is a method to my madness and that there is a plan for this story.]
4.
A week had passed in relative normalcy, with perhaps Niles being more evasive and CC being more brittle, but the Hanukkah/Christmas spirit had infected the Sheffields and they, as usual, did not notice the misery of their butler and the business associate. Being determined to avoid everyone, CC found it surprisingly easy to stay out of the mansion for large chunks of the day, and she wondered, not for the first time, if she had actually found reasons to work in the home instead of work demanding her presence there all these years.
Aside from avoiding Niles, however, she also sought to avoid Maxwell and Fran, wanting less than ever to discuss her fraud of a marriage. Her mother had been relentlessly phoning her, wanting to discuss the latest "contract negotiations," but CC had been avoiding her too.
CC tried once more to call her father, who appeared to be taking an extended holiday in France, before succumbing to her mother's request of having lunch on Friday. She arrived at the Sheffield's, luckily entering the mansion without notice. Pausing outside of the office, the silence within told her that Niles wasn't inside, so she entered and greeted Maxwell.
Lucky, too, that Maxwell wasn't much like his wife and so had little desire to discuss CC's surprise. He knew a few things about how much pressure family can put on a person, and he suspected that that, and not a secret lover, was the root of CC's marriage. He also understood how uncomfortable it was to discuss private matters, so he simply asked CC a few things about their latest production and then left her alone to work.
Without Fran or Niles to distract them, CC and Maxwell made quite an efficient team. The lack of Fran made sense when the office phone rang and CC heard Max talking to his wife on the other end of the line. She began packing up her bag and grabbed her coat, deciding to grab a bottle of water when Maxwell mentioned to Fran something about Niles being out.
She set her bag and coat on the kitchen table and had just opened the sub-zero when she heard the back door open. She heard the feet freeze over the threshold and knew that it was Niles.
She had just decided to grab her things and leave when Niles shut the door behind him and said, "We'll go to the poor house trying to keep you fed, Babcock." He sighed inwardly. It was a weak insult, he knew, but the reason was simpler and much more complicated: he missed her.
CC turned around, gripping a bottle of water, and smirked. "I guess it takes a more competent hand to satisfy me, then."
Niles raised his eyebrows. "Good thing your husband is made of money, then. Even if he looks like he's made of little else."
"Still aren't over it, are you, Niles?" CC asked, moving over to her possessions in case she needed a quick exit.
"It's a little jarring to realize people have been keeping secrets, that's all," Niles said. CC paused, not knowing what to say. She considered for, she realized with a hint of shame, the first time how Niles actually felt about her "secret," aside from jealousy.
"I…I didn't think of it that way," CC told him, her face troubled.
"No, you wouldn't, as it would require you to consider things outside of yourself," Niles explained.
This insult rang a little too true. CC stood awkwardly, fiddling with the strap of her bag, alternately wanting to apologize and demand an apology for his behavior the previous weekend.
Niles vacillated between a few of his own desires, the least of which was to beg her to prove that the idea of them wasn't actually a lie, however remote of a possibility it truly was.
As usual, though, these two people with so many ties in different directions found themselves once again unable to follow the one that led them to each other. Instead, CC realized she needed to leave to be on time for lunch and Maxwell came on the intercom, asking if Niles was back yet.
With twin sighs, Niles left the kitchen and CC slid on her coat, following in Niles's tracks.
CC stepped into the Russian Tea Room, irritated with her mother because she knew her daughter would hate the venue. Faux elegance taken over by its real purpose as a tourist trap. BB sat at the back, near an expansive window, like a queen very much disappointed in her subjects. She took a deep, bracing breath and walked towards her.
"CC, doll, is traffic bad?" BB asked in ringing tones.
CC slid off her coat and handed it to a waiter. "It's downtown Manhattan, mother. Traffic is always bad."
BB laughed with very little mirth. "Of course. I was just wondering why you were late."
"It's 12:02," CC gritted out.
"Don't grit your teeth like that, darling, you're not a cow," BB told her daughter.
Another waiter arrived, setting down two glasses of wine.
"I ordered a pinot noir. It's from that adorable vineyard we visited in the Rhone Valley, remember?" BB asked with a smile.
"You went on that trip with DD," CC reminded her, "and I prefer white."
"No need to be rude, dear," BB said, waving off the waiter. CC reached for the bread basket and BB pulled it away and handed it to a passing waiter. CC raised her eyebrows and stared at her mother. "Women in this family can't handle carbs well."
CC seethed, marveling at how effectively her mother was able to transform her into an insecure teenager, still seeking her mother's approval. Yet another waiter set down two identical plates of tuna nicoise and CC couldn't help but laugh.
"Is this an exercise in how little you know me?" CC asked.
BB cut off a small bite on her fork and shook her head. "DD loves this dish."
"That's really fascinating information, mother. Here's more: I'm not DD," CC told her.
"Of course you aren't. DD married well without my intervention," BB said dismissively. She went to spear a small potato and CC pushed her plate aside, nearly knocking it off the table.
"We can't handle carbs, remember," CC reminded her mother sweetly.
BB laughed a tinkling, fake laugh that raised the hairs on CC's arms. "I'm not a Babcock woman, dear. I was referring to the women on your father's side."
"Why are you here, mother?"
"This is one of the finest restaurants in the city," BB replied, brushing imaginary lint off of her Chanel suit.
"That extreme exaggeration aside, I didn't mean here in the restaurant. I meant in the city overall. Why did you come back?" CC asked.
"Truthfully, dear, I was a little worried about you."
CC raised her eyebrows and quelled the urge to laugh again. Here was a new tactic.
"After last year's debacle, I knew you were in a fragile state but goodness, CC, cavorting with the help? Didn't you outgrow that yet?" BB asked, replacing her plate in front of her and going for another bite of tuna.
CC's plate sat untouched, cooling and becoming less appealing by the second. Fascinating that her emotional breakdown was a debacle, and just as fascinating that her mother chose not to worry about her until now, months later. "Your concern is touching. I'm not cavorting with the help." CC remembered Niles taking her earlobe into his mouth and prayed she didn't blush.
"CC, please, your brother told me all about it," BB said dismissively. "And I have to say, I'm surprised—"
"What do you mean, all about it? There's nothing to tell," CC lied smoothly.
"Please," BB snapped, her fake amicability gone. "That butler and Noel are the only people who visited you in the hospital. I know how your brother feels about you," BB continued, her voice hostile as though the thought of her two children getting along personally affronted her, "so I can only imagine what you've done to make the butler feel that way."
"He was just being a decent person—which I realize is a difficult concept for anyone in this family to grasp, but—"
"That's all? I received several calls congratulating me about your Broadway Guild award two years ago, and so many asked about my daughter's charming date. How embarrassing do you think it was for me, CC, to realize he was a butler?" BB asked.
CC smirked at her mother. "Well, you know how I love to make people talk."
BB smiled at her daughter as she sipped her wine, a smile so snakelike in appearance that CC instantly regretted going on the offensive in this lunch. She poked the bear, and now the bear was going to destroy everything. Again. "You do. Then I must admit, I'm surprised that you continue to spend time with this man, when he is so clearly determined to run through the women in this family."
CC prepared herself to argue that she didn't spend that much time with Niles, another lie, when her mother's last comment brought her up short. "What? What do you mean, run through the women?"
BB put on a look of surprise, but the grin beneath it told CC that she knew her daughter didn't know whatever she was talking about. "Your cousin GG, dear. The butler slept with her when she replaced you at Sheffield's company."
CC stalked through the alley at the back of the house, entering the Sheffield manse through the back door. She slammed it behind her, watching Niles jump and splatter tomato sauce across the stove.
"Thanks, Babcock," Niles said, sucking the sauce off of his thumb and setting the wooden spoon back in the pot. "Is that how you were taught to enter a house in obedience school?"
CC threw her purse and coat on the island and stepped heavily around to his side. She grabbed the front of his shirt and angrily spit out, "You slept with her?"
At Niles's look of confusion, CC released his shirt with a noise of disgust. "Don't talk to me about secrets when you slept with her."
"Who?" Niles demanded.
CC grabbed the dish towel hanging on the oven and threw it at him hard. "You've got sauce on your face. And you know who."
"I clearly don't."
"Who's the last woman you had sex with, Niles?" she snapped.
"You!" he exclaimed.
She blushed slightly but wouldn't be deterred. "And before that?"
Niles thought back and then dawning comprehension came over him. "Oh."
"Oh," CC echoed. "Oh. You talk to me about secrets when you've been going around, sticking it in any Babcock you can find."
"Excuse me?" Niles said. "My 'secret' is only several months old when you're nearing your twentieth wedding anniversary, if my calculations are correct."
"You don't even know. I don't even remember half the time that I'm married, but every time you look at me, you…" CC's voice tapered off. Her entire life, her family had been comparing her (unfavorably) to GG. Where CC was tall, GG was more petite. Where CC was round, GG was diminutive. And now, when it counted, where GG was first, CC was second.
"Try the opposite," Niles snapped, understanding the thoughts swirling in her head. He shook his head. He had very little desire to revisit the time in his life when she was away, when he missed her so surprisingly much, when his longing was irrevocably tinged with guilt, when the CC strapped to the bed barely resembled the beautiful, lively woman he knew, when he would (and did) take any solace that momentarily distracted him from his worry.
"She's my cousin, Niles," CC said, her voice more plaintive than she wished.
"You have no idea—" he began.
"What you were going through?" CC guessed, and he saw her fury mounting. "What you were going through, making cakes with an unflattering picture and sending cards with insults and whispering jokes in my ear?"
"I was just trying to-to bring some normalcy to your life," Niles explained lamely. It had seemed fitting at the time, but Niles understood how it all looked to CC now.
"By fucking my cousin?" CC snapped harshly. Niles winced. "Of course I absolutely understand why you needed some comfort at such a trying time for you. Why, compared to my medication fog and electroshock therapy, I was on vacation while you were really struggling."
"That isn't fair," Niles said. He held up a placating hand, staving her off for a moment. "I know it was worse for you. I can't imagine. But you can't imagine what it was like…seeing you like that." His face clouded and CC felt, for a moment, sympathy for him—until she pictured GG writhing beneath him.
"And you can't imagine living it," CC told him.
"Can't you, for one second, stop looking at me like I'm the enemy and consider the fact that I care about you?"
CC tried—for her credit, damnit, she tried—but she weighed the evidence and Niles almost always came up short. He visited her, yes, to tease her. He slept with her and then instantly regretted it. CC saw no way around these obstacles. There, waiting on the other side, was Niles, but CC's view remained blocked.
"You never told me, CC," Niles said sadly. Her eyes flicked up to his. "You're married, and you never told me."
"You slept with a younger, thinner version of me," she shot back. "While I was-while I was…" Her eyes slid away from him as she imagined Niles doing what everyone else did: comparing her to GG and finding CC lacking.
Niles shook his head and repeated himself. "You have no idea."
Her anger, momentarily gone, ricocheted back and slammed into her chest. "I have no idea? You—"
"You're married," Niles said to her. He carefully controlled his voice, but it still strained. "I never stood any real chance with you, and you knew it, and you never told me."
CC stopped, dumbfounded. Not many things knocked CC Babcock speechless, truly speechless, her brain unable to form words. But this did.
From upstairs, Niles and CC heard Margaret calling out for him. CC opened her mouth to say something, likely something about GG, and Niles knew it. He reached out quickly, grasping both of her arms above the elbows and pulling her against him. CC gasped unintentionally.
"Why don't you ask your cousin whose name I said in her ear that night," Niles whispered harshly into her ear. He pressed such a quick kiss to the space before her ear that in the rush of activity, she couldn't tell if he'd actually kissed her or not. He released her as quickly as he'd grabbed her and went up the back staircase to find Maggie.
By the time Niles had returned, CC was gone and his tomato sauce had congealed to a thick blob stuck to the bottom of the pot. He turned off the stove and threw the pot into the sink as hard as he could.
That evening, CC wrapped herself in her warmest, fuzziest blanket and lay on her couch, the television turned up loudly enough to drown out any sound, even her thoughts. Chester, offended by the noise, trotted out of the living room and disappeared down the hallway.
The television effectively captured her attention during the shows, but she wavered during the commercials and invariably returned to her starting point: I never stood any real chance with you, and you knew it, and you never told me.
CC recalled just last week when she realized she had no freedom to explore her relationship with Niles but now, she realized that Niles was a step ahead: he'd figured out what he wanted from the relationship and had even hoped that a future was possible.
But things were seldom so simple for CC, and her mind usually tended toward the pessimistic side. So she burrowed further into her blanket cocoon and waited for a more reasonable time to go to bed.
Still, CC drifted off and found herself rattled awake when Chester's high-pitched barks pierced through her blanket bubble. Confused, CC sat up and found Chester bouncing around the front door as he usually did when someone knocked. She stood up and moved towards the door, tripped over her blanket, righted herself, and walked to the door.
When she glanced through the peephole and saw Andrew on the other side, CC allowed herself to admit that she was disappointed it wasn't Niles. She supposed he was hiding at the Sheffields, nursing his pride. She unlocked and opened the door, offering Andrew a guarded smile.
"Good evening, Andrew," CC said before wrinkling her nose. He reeked of alcohol in the way that CC associated with fraternity brothers.
"There's my wife," Andrew slurred, lurching forward and, it seemed, aiming for CC's lips.
Her eyes popped open and she hopped out of the way in time. Missing his target, Andrew stumbled into the penthouse. After a few failed attempts to steady himself, he finally stood up and gave CC an easy smile.
"We can play hardda get if you wanna," Andrew said with a drunken shrug.
"What's going on?" CC asked, her voice suffused with a sigh.
"Juss thought we should make that heir like we have to," Andrew suggested.
CC thought if she sighed any harder, her body would lose all oxygen and she would shrivel up like a raisin. "Andrew, just leave. I'll see you at the next business meeting."
"Speaking of business," Andrew said brightly. "I had drinks with my father this evening."
"Fascinating."
"And he reminded me, he reminded me, you know?" Andrew said, gesturing emphatically to CC. CC nodded along, wondering if she could call security and have him removed from her penthouse. "I'm your husband."
"I'm aware."
"No, but, yeah, I'm your husband, right, and I'm a man and I have rights, husbandly rights which have never been exercised," Andrew continued, nodding to himself.
"Maybe in Victorian England, yes," CC snapped. Why had she answered the door? She looked longingly at her blanket. She jumped when she felt Andrew's hands on her shoulders. "What are you doing?"
"The things they say, it's just…is just so mean," Andrew continued, the conductor of his train of thoughts helplessly drunk too.
"Just go home, Andrew," CC said, pushing his hands off of her. He grabbed her shoulders again and leaned forward, his lips touching her cheek when CC turned her head at the last minute. "Get off of me!"
"I'm your husband," Andrew repeated. He wrapped one arm around her and CC had a moment of true fear when she realized that Andrew's strength outstripped hers.
"Stop!" she cried. The screech of her voice and Chester's renewed barks woke Andrew to the situation, and CC finally pushed him off of her. He stumbled back into the door frame, his back connecting painfully with the wood.
Andrew looked around, confused. He looked up at CC and started to speak before she pushed him out of her penthouse and slammed the door, locking it immediately.
She stood for a few moments, uncertain about what to do, before walking back to the couch, wrapping her blanket around her, and bursting into tears.