Is This Goodbye?

Please stay. I need you. You keep me sane.

Dan's POV

I paced the floor for an eternity. Something felt wrong. Something felt very wrong. It had been hours, and I had barely sat down; barely calmed down in any way. I frantically needed to see him. Each time a door opened anywhere, I ran toward it. I looked like a complete imbecile, I'm sure.

"Dan," a voice said to me. I was staring down the hallway he had been rolled through. "Dan." The owner of the voice's hand rested on my shoulder.

I slowly turned around to find PJ. Right, I remembered texting him a while back.

"Dan, hi," he said, looking at me, trying to get me to smile a bit.

Instead of smiling, I fell into his arms, sobbing and shaking. I cried into his chest, and told him how scared I was. I told him how I thought Phil might die, and how I thought I would have to die if he did because I couldn't live without him in my life.

"Shh, Dan it's okay. It is okay. Phil will be fine. Phil is so strong, you know that. He will make it through this, and he will be better. After a few weeks, everything will be back to normal, yeah?" His soothing voice calmed me down a bit.

We sat down and talked for a bit. Ten minutes later, a busy-looking nurse came out in a rush.

"Family of Philip Lester?" She called.

I shot up from my seat. She walked over to me, an almost emotionless face on as she did.

"Is Phil okay? Can I see him?" My voice was as panicked and scattered as my thoughts. I needed to see Phil right then.

"Mr. Howell," she began. My heart plucked itself from my chest and was thrown out of me. It felt as though it crashed through every level of the tall hospital building. "There have been some complications with the surgery."

I started to push past her, but she firmly grabbed my arm and kept me in my place. "Is Phil okay? Is… is he…"

"Mr. Lester is fine," she said, finally reassuring me with a smile. "There were some complications however. Phil's heart stopped three times during the surgery."

My eyes widened with shock. "Please. Please let me see him. I need to see him." I was begging the woman.

"Well, I'm really not supposed to let anyone except immediate family in to see him…"

"I am his family. His parents aren't that close to here. Please, I need to see him."

The nurse looked from side to side before leaning in close to me. "Follow me, and if anyone asks, you pretend you two are married, yeah?"

"Thank you. Thank you so much, you have no idea how thankful I am." Tears crept out of my eyes as she walked me down the hallway to a room.

"Now you need to not make him fuss too much. He is going to be very drowsy, tired, and in pain. Press the call button on the wall if you need anything. I will be back in after a while."

"Thank you," I breathed as I pushed the door to his room open. Phil was laying in a hospital bed, eyes closed, and a portion of his now shaven head wrapped up in a bandage. His chest was rising and falling steadily, and a monitor on the wall showed his heart rate.

I sat down in the chair that was beside the bed. I took his hand in mine and sighed, looking at him. Phil looked so different with a shaved head. I knew his hair would grow back quickly, maybe even within a month or two, as his hair grows incredibly quick, but nonetheless, it looked so different.

I felt him stirring slightly. His eyes slowly began to blink open, and I sat there, smiling at him and rubbing circles on his forearm.

"Hey Phil," I whispered, kissing his hand.

"Dan," he mumbled. "My head is cold."

I laughed a little. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," he said. We both remained silent for a couple minutes. "Dan, are you going to kiss me because I survived, or…"

I smiled and looked up to see the joking grin on his face. I put a hand on the side of his face. There was paleness to his face. I kissed him softly and pulled away, smiling weakly. Feeling his lips against my own made me think of what it would be like to never kiss him again. I suddenly felt sick again.

"Dan, what's wrong?" His voice was quiet, tired, and now suddenly quite worried. He tried to reposition in his bed, but gave up, obviously in pain.

"Your… your heart stopped three times." I paused for a long time, trying to regain control over my emotions.

"Oh…" He sighed deeply, and his heart monitor made some weird noises. "I…I am so sorry. Dan I never want to leave you. I never will leave you."

I sighed and told him to sleep. He did, and I found myself staring at the consistency of his heart monitor. Each beep is just a simple noise, a disturbance, even; to some people's ears, but I found it amazing. Each little sound, each little prick of noise is something extraordinary. Every single one of those little beeps means life. It means my boyfriend is alive. It means I am so not alone. Each beep reassures me that I am okay, and that Phil is okay. That was all I needed.

I was entranced by the sound. I listened for hours. I felt the sound. I felt like I became one with the sound. I rocked back and forth slightly to it until I felt Phil's hand stop me.

We stayed for a few nights, until the hospital cleared him to go home. Things seemed to be a lot better for both of us. We were so ready to go home and sleep for real.

"Are you ready to go?" Phil asked me, pulling a black beanie over his stubbly head. He rarely wore hats, but for some reason he was very self conscious of his hairlessness.

"I am very ready," I said, patting my pocket to make sure I had my phone. We walked side by side out of the hospital, checking out at the front desk. Our fingers brushed against each other as we walked in what can only be described as a comfortable awkwardness.

"Do you think that we can finally have a little bit of a normal life now?" Phil asked, whispering to me in the back of the cab. "We haven't had time to even do any normal couple stuff yet."

"I hope so," I sighed, leaning my head against his shoulder. He then rested his head against mine and closed his eyes.

"I hope my hair grows fast," he said some-what humorously.

I laughed. "Me too," I said. "Although you are kind of cute like this too." I smiled and felt his blush.

We have had quite a streak of bad things happening. Can we possibly have a little while of things being normal?

Chapter Complete.

I hope you guys are enjoying this so far! Please review Okay bye for now! ~Lexi~