I have always been completely honest with myself.

I never looked at my brother as merely a sibling.

Yes, pretty twisted but these are my feelings and it is my choice to hold onto them.

I never realized how much I cared for him right before Asuka snatched him away.

I felt extremely betrayed when he told me about them.

Is he doing this on purpose to stop something that hasn't been started yet.

Actually, who am I deceiving, I already know the answer to my questions even before I asked those myself.

I've been watching you all my life and I may have overlooked various things but I'm not a complete idiot who will fool myself over and over, feeding with lies that you felt the same when it was served right before me, that bitter reality. I didn't take a bite but through seeing it alone makes me want to puke.

I've been blinded by my own desires and failed to notice that we aren't the only ones in this world, in your world.

I am simply doing what I know is the right thing for me, not the right thing in front of the eyes of the people who only knows what and how to judge.

But at the same time, I am considering your feelings because if not, I might've taken actions that are totally against the rule of society.

I wanted to see you happy Shinji but I am deeply sorry because I truly wished for my own happiness, as well.

Other than that.. to hell who cares.

"Do you hate me? Are you disgusted now that you know everything? Us, is this something not worth trying because you don't feel the same? Or, you're only escaping because you know that its dirty?"

"Rei, stop. This is wrong. I'm your brother. What are you thinking?"

"I am thinking... What would you do if I kill your lover."

That was the first time he slapped me.

The sound of skin hitting another skin echoed and that sudden action was beyond my expectation.

"Don't drag her into this game of yours. Tell me, are you troubled by something? What is it, because I can't understand you at all."

"You don't have to. It's not that you can't, you just don't want to. I didn't mean it when I said I was having thoughts of killing her but the rest are true. You don't have to answer right away."

He isn't looking directly at me, he's staring back at my eyes but they were blank.

I could feel it, my whole body started trembling, that sight of him frightened me, he never looked at me like that.

He gradually took small steps, kissed me goodnight, then he was out of my sight.

It was a small gesture, a simple tradition between siblings.

I lightly touched my forehead, the spot where his lips just made in contact not so long ago, and unconsciously brought my fingers to my lips.

That night, I felt an incredibly different pain for the first time.

A pain that continues to grow but.. I don't give a crap.

I'm willing to cross the borderline. I do know what lies beneath.

I'm not prepared but I'll gladly accept whatever are the consequences.

"What are you doing here?"

"We are classmates. I know what happened and I felt the need to pay you a visit somehow."

No, she wasn't involved in a car accident and she didn't commit suicide.

Asuka fainted, fell on the stairs and sprained her right ankle.

"And you're the girlfriend of my brother. Why didn't you include that? Speaking of which. I'll be completely honest with you and plainly ask you straight to the point, why did you do that?"

I thought she's going to hit the bull's eye but she's still a little hesitant after all.

"I kissed him because that's what I always wanted to do. I was holding back for a very long time and that night, I was at my limit."

It had began, you didn't initiate a move yet, I am wondering, how you are going to play this so-called game, just how my brother described it, Soryu-san.

"Haha! Rei... Okay. This is... How should I... Damn. I didn't know what proper thing to say. You may be his half-sister but still.. Everyone knows you two are siblings and Shinji sees you as his sister. Only his sister. I'm totally confused. I didn't see this coming."

I didn't see you coming either.

Both of us were pre-occupied inside our little universe that we completely ignored the smallest events that could greatly affect our lives.

"I love him."

I already predicted what you're about to answer and you're mistaken, its not something you could understand right away and I think its something that you will never ever want to understand.

"What are you stupid?"

In life, if things don't go our way, we build a wall and shut ourselves behind that wall to avoid being wounded as much as possible.

That wall covers our eyes, mind, heart to understanding endless possibilities and even if we do, we ignore it, simply because we know its beyond our beliefs.

I don't think people like that are stupid, its just how they want to live life.

We see one side of something and we thought we know the entirety.

"Yes. I think I am."

I bowed and bid my farewell.

She had this sour look painted all over her face, an evident truth showing how she's totally against my confession.

"What did you really come for?"

"I think I told you what my real intentions are right from the start. You asked me about my brother first-"

"And you have the guts to call him your brother when you said filthy things-"

"STOP."

I didn't face her.

I don't know what I could've done if I did.

I took a short but deepest breath.

"You're no saint Soryu, I believe you have no rights to call what I feel for him filthy."

"What the hell are you talking about."

"I know about Ryoji-san."

It just came out of the blue.

Though I couldn't see her with my ow eyes, I could feel her hatred growing on me.

"You piece of.. Are you threatening me? Is this blackmail to stay away from your, ahem. brother?"

A nurse peeped through the small opening of the door, excused herself as she appeared from the other side grabbing some of Asuka's attention.

She bowed and hesitantly smiled at me.

"I am not and no, it isn't. I'm just letting you know. And again, I only answered your question."

I continued.

I stepped out of the room having no regrets at all. Unhappy but composed.

If its easy to restrain myself from falling my brother, I would've done so, a long time ago.

"Happy Birthday!"

I want you so bad that its killing me.

"I... wanted to apologize for my behavior. And.. and the things I said and did earlier."

I could stare at you all day.

"I could... dn't understand what's happening. You know you can tell me whatever's bugging you."

I actually don't know what you're saying right now.

"Rei? Hey. Are you even listening to me?"

We both blinked at the same time.

"Let's kiss."

Unconsciously, I mouthed those words.

Words that were only meant to be heard by me.

I didn't ask.

I didn't dare.

I said it casually like let's eat or let's go.

He ran his fingers at my bangs, dipping them all the way to the top of my head, finally settling at the back.

I never averted my gaze and so did he.

Using his free hand, he grabbed my right arm, I didn't flinch.

It was dark and I couldn't properly see his face but his heavy breathings were evident.

His the left hand dancing on the skin of my right arm, down, slowly, until it came to rest on the back of my hand.

Noncholantly shutting my eyes as he bring his face on the crook of the right side of my neck.

Burying the tip of his nose, it just felt so... exhilarating.

What on earth is this man doing to me.

I feel hot, absolutely hot, bloody crazy hot.

He deliberately brought his nose from my neck to me ear, as he whispers at his lowest voice.

"We can't be doing that when you have a high fever like this."

"I'm..."

"Shhhhh."

It's a part disappointing.

I was wondering, if it wasn't for the fever, will he really do it.

But the night is still young.

The sheer fact that i'm going to spend it with my brother makes me delighted.

Call it strange, but here is my sanctuary.

Right here, in his arms.

t.b.c.

A/N: First of all thank you reviewers and readers. Yes, chapter two and I'm actually enjoying writing this one. Haha. [Not as much as writing an SxA fic, but still, who would've thought.] I'm kind of shocked, myself, that I could write an Ayanami POV, we're complete opposites. XD Well Asuka's for a fact an open book in the Anime and the manga [with her past and all] but Ayanami... for me was an enigma all throughout. She being a clone is a factor but what would she be if she wasn't, that's what I was thinking. I'm trying my best to keep them in character as much as possible, I sure do hope I am. But, I wanted to give them a touch of my own, something to spice things up. My Rei was... madly inlove. Lol. Transparently. But she's still in a way reserved and more straightforward. My Asuka wasn't a complete bitch but still outspoken. And, Shinji... he's Shinji and emotionally unstable and... I'm still thinking what I should do with him. :P

qwertyui: I love weird, creepy, eccentric. And good to know incest isn't a bother to you at all. Yes, i'll definitely continue and sorry if it might take some time for updates. And right now, I have three fan fictions in progress.

Gob Hobblin: I, honestly, am not good with descriptive writing. I'm still working on it but I must say that this style suits me better. And yes, this universe that I created is without a doubt messed up. The more damage I make the better. And actually, I haven't even read a Shinji x Rei fan fiction, ever. O.o Hehe.

KendrixTermina: Yeah, I was a bit hesitant if I would continue with this incest thingy but well I did and I don't have any regrets at all. I'm striving for a unique Shinji x Rei tale in spite of the short chapter lengths. I still hope I could properly convey what the characters are going through, specially Rei.

Man, I was overly touched with these people. Really, thank you so much. I never thought it would caught anyone's interest. It was a great Christmas gift. hahaha. I know I have a lot to learn and your words make me want to push forward. Thanks again guys! [And sorry for all grammar mistakes, English is not my main language.] Happy Holidays everyone. ^_^