20 July, 1979

Today was just an ordinary day. It's amazing, but we don't have many of those anymore. I woke up, spent some time with the Lupins, en my friends all got together and we had wonderful playful meal together. It was almost like being at Hogwarts before everything changed. I loved it! As the war keeps going on, I ink these will be the hardest days to remember, but I think they're also the most important days to hold onto, I hope I can.

Annicka Llewellyn

23 September, 1979

I just got the most amazing news! You have to forgive my enthusiasm but I went to the doctor today. I've been getting some odd health issues lately, and now I know why. I'm pregnant! I can't stop smiling. I'm almost three months along and I'm so excited to be having Sirius' child. He's leaving on a mission in two days. If I can manage it, I'll wait for him to come back. I don't want him distracted by the news, besides, he might try to stay home and they're already a man down because Remus has to stay behind. The full moon will hit half way through the mission, so – I'll wait. I'll wait just a little longer to tell him the news.

Annicka Llewellyn

Annicka was in the kitchen cooking when Sirius finally arrived home, she was pleasantly surprised when he spun her around to face him and kissed her. "Welcome home," he greeted her with a grin.

"I missed you," he sighed. They stood in happy silence for a few moments until Annicka sighed and went back to cooking.

"You got a letter today," she informed him. Sirius moved over to the small table where they always kept the post. "From your brother," she added freezing him mid-step.

"Are you sure?" he asked reluctant to move forward.

"I didn't open it," she confessed, "however it has the Black family seal, and he has similar handwriting." Sirius seemed to finally accept it as a fact, and picked up the letter. Annicka watched as his expression changed, and his skin paled. "Sirius what is it? You're pale as a ghost," she asked in concern.

"My father died," he stated, his voice devoid of emotion. "The funeral is in two days."

"Oh Sirius!" Annicka exclaimed and swiftly joined him.

"They're reading his will after the service, so I have to be there," he continued his voice still shockingly calm.

"Do you want me to come with you?" she offered taking the letter out of his hand. This question more than anything seemed to wake him up.

"No!" he almost shouted. "I don't want you anywhere near my family!"

"Sirius, I would go to be with you. Anything your family might say or do doesn't matter to me," she assured him. Sirius gazed into her eyes long and hard before finally shaking his head. "Alright," she agreed, "I'll be here, waiting for you, as always." Sirius kissed her once more and went to unpack from his journey. With a heavy sigh Annicka went back to preparing their supper.

2 October, 1979

Sirius' father's funeral was today. I know it was hard for him, but he won't talk about it. In fact he hasn't said more than five words since he got back. I honestly don't know what to do, he processes things so differently that my own experience does little to help. I'll never tell Sirius, but I did send flowers to the family, he wouldn't approve, but I felt like I needed to do something for them. I've been getting this strange feeling lately, almost like I can feel a storm on the horizon. Something is going to change soon, I know it.

Annicka Llewellyn

The lower levels of the Ministry of Magic had an almost sinister feel about them, but Annicka was so used to walking down them that it no longer affected her, and so the first thing she noticed about the young man at the end of the hall was his nervous attitude. It wasn't until she had taken a few steps forward that she recognized the young man as Regulus Black. He started to walk forward to meet her but paused when she pointed emphatically to a door on his right. Regulus looked at her quizzically for a moment before he understood and went through the door. Annicka joined him a minute later. "What are you doing here?" she demanded to know, incredulous at his audacity.

"I came to thank you," Regulus replied easily.

"Thank me, for what?" Ann asked confused.

"For the flowers you sent," he reminded her and held out the card that came with them. "This was you wasn't it?"

"Yes," she sighed looking at the card. "Does anyone else know?"

"No, no one else figured it out," Regulus paused a moment before asking, "Why did you do it? The last time we spoke you made it very clear that we shouldn't have any contact."

"You lost your father," Annicka stated, sounding genuinely sad, "no matter what else may be happening in the world you are my friend, and I'm truly sorry for the loss you have suffered."

"How is Sirius doing?" Regulus asked trying to avoid the emotions welling up inside of him.

"He's not talking about it, so-"

"Not well," he concluded.

"I have to get back to work," Ann suddenly announced, trying to avoid thinking too much about all of it. She turned to the door but paused before opening it. "Regulus you can't come here to speak to me again, it's dangerous for both of us," she warned him. "Wait a few minutes before you leave," she glanced back at him once and left.

11 October, 1979

Sirius hasn't been getting any better, and in some ways I think he's worse. He spends as little time as possible at home. He's lively and bright when we're with our friends, but when it's just the two of us . . . I need to talk with Remus.

Annicka Llewellyn

Annicka knocked anxiously on Remus' front door. After several minutes he came to the door rubbing sleep from his eyes, "Ann?" he asked groggily. She seemed to recognize that something was not quite right.

"What time is it?" she asked suspecting the problem.

"Um . . .it's 2am," Remus answered waking up a little in the chill morning air.

"I'm sorry," Annicka exclaimed and retreated back off the porch. "I'm so sorry, you should go back to bed."

"Ann wait," he stepped out the door and grabbed her hand. "Stay," he pleaded, "There's no one I would rather speak to at 2 in the morning. But can we go inside? It's a little cold out here," Annicka nodded and followed him into his house.

"How is it you always manage to tell me you love me without actually saying the words?" she asks as she passed him into the parlor.

"Ann what's going on?" Remus asked in concern as he joined her on the sofa.

"Have you noticed anything strange with Sirius?" Annicka asked trying to keep her voice calm, but the panic seeped through.

"No," Remus replied, "he's been normal, almost too normal considering what happened with his father." Remus paused assessing the reason for her panic from her question. "Has something happened with Sirius?"

"That's just it, nothing is happening with Sirius," Annicka complained. "When we're with everyone else he's fine, he smiles and tells jokes, but the moment we're alone he completely checks out. It's like living with a ghost, he won't speak to me, look at me, he never touches me – not even to hold my hand." She paused wiping away a tear, "I'm afraid he's falling out of love with me."

"Oh no, Ann, Sirius loves you," Remus immediately protested. "You have to remember he deals with things differently than you do. Whatever this is it has nothing to do with you. Believe me," he continued when he saw her hesitation, "he loves you more than anyone else, maybe even me."

Annicka started at him in surprise for a moment before a smile spread across her lips, "Thank you. I don't know what I would have done if I lost him before I have our-" she stopped herself suddenly.

"Your baby?" Remus finished. Annicka was so shocked she couldn't speak, "You are pregnant, aren't you?" he confirmed.

"How . . . how could you know that?" she asked breathlessly.

"I recognized the signs," Remus explained. "My mother got pregnant when I was 7, but she miscarried a few months in."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she sighed.

"It was a long time ago," he dismissed her comment. "I am happy for you Ann, you will be a wonderful mother."

"Thank you," she said with a grin. "I haven't told Sirius yet, so could you keep it between us for now? He really should know before everyone else."

"I promise," Remus vowed.

15 October, 1979

It's been a few days since I spoke to Remus and it really did help, but it's getting worse, the others have started to notice his distraction. I don't know how to help him, I don't know if anyone can, and I still have that funny feeling whenever I ink if what might happen next.

Annicka Llewellyn

As Sirius and Annicka lay awake at night she watched him as he stared at the ceiling. "Sirius," she called to him softly, "I'm pregnant," she continued gently. There was silence for 10 seconds . . . 30 seconds . . . 1 minute.

"Did you say something?" Sirius asked turning his head to look at her.

"No," she replied quietly, "no, I didn't say a thing." Sirius went back to staring at the ceiling, and Annicka quietly seethed until she could stand it no longer. She climbed out of bed quickly and dressed. She was almost to the door when she heard Sirius ask, "Ann, where are you going?"

"As far from here as I possibly can," Annicka stated her throat tight with unshed tears.

"What's wrong?" she repeated. "How can you ask me that? How can you of all people ask me that after the way you've behaved for the past week and a half?"

Sirius seemed taken aback by her anger, "I know I've been a bit distracted -"

"A bit distracted?" Ann interrupted him. "A bit distracted? Forgetting the day of the week is being 'a bit distracted'. Misplacing your keys is being 'a bit distracted'. Walking around the flat like a zombie is more than 'a bit distracted'."

"Ann, I'm sorry, but there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this," Sirius assured her, trying to calm her down.

"Good. Please tell me because I have been trying to understand, and I can't," she sighed almost crying.

Sirius froze. His only motion the rise and fall of his chest with every breath as he saw her desperation. "I can't tell you," he finally replied.

"Can't or won't?" Annicka asked. Sirius merely sat before her unable to speak. "I guess I have my answer," she concluded, her voice steeped with pain. "I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I won't do this anymore. I will not be the girl you are with simply because you need to be with someone."

"Ann," Sirius tried to interrupt, to reason with her.

"I am tired of waking up every morning hoping that today is the day you will be the man I fell in love with. I am done going to bed every night only to lie awake wishing that we had never started this, that we had never fallen in love, because it would be far less painful than this. I am done. We're done." It took him several moments to understand her full meaning and when she saw it had sunk in she continued, "Good bye." She turned back to the door, and heard the blankets pushed aside as Sirius got to his feet. "Don't you dare follow me Black," she ordered. Sirius froze in shock just long enough for Annicka to leave the flat.

James and Lily were woken from a deep sleep by the sound of pounding on their front door. James opened the door only to be pushed aside as Sirius barged in. "Ann?" he called out, "Is Annicka here?"

"No," James answered startled and confused. "Padfoot, what's going on?"

"I can't find her anywhere," Sirius stated as he began pacing across their entryway. "We had a fight, she left, and I can't find her. I've checked everywhere, all of her usual haunts. Moony is out looking too."

"The two of you should join him," Lily ordered, as she descended the stairs. "I have an idea of where she might be, and I think I should talk to her alone," she added when Sirius tried to speak.

"Come on Padfoot, let's go," James grabbed his cloak and urged Sirius out the door. Lily followed moments later apperating to a lonely park bench where a familiar young woman sat in a small pool of light. "Sirius came by the house looking for you," Lily announced as she took a seat by her best friend. "He said you had a fight."

"I think that's a bit generous," Annicka scoffed. "A fight implies more than one person participating. I just stood there yelling at him."

"What was it about this time?" Lily asked causing Annicka to chuckle, remembering old times.

"I told him I'm pregnant," Ann answered with a sigh.

"Ann that's wonderful news!" Lily exclaimed gleefully before asking, "What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything."

"What?" Lily gasped incredulous.

"Sirius didn't say anything because he didn't hear me. It was the last straw – I just tore into him, then just before I left I told him we're done." Annicka explained in a daze.

"You don't mean that," Lily objected. "The two of you love each other so much, everything will work out in a few days," Lily tried to reassure her.

"No, it won't," Annicka objected. "I'm not going back to him, I can't go back to him."

"Ann what about your baby? He deserves to know you're pregnant, besides he's going to notice eventually," Lily argued.

"No, he isn't," she argued back, "because I'm going to die soon."

Lily gasped in shock, "What?"

"I know it sounds crazy," she admitted, "but I also know it's going to happen. I've had this feeling before, when my parents died. I knew for a week before they died, and I know it now."

Annicka and Lily sat in silence for several minutes. "What will you do?" Lily asked, still not quite believing her, but accepting that Annicka believed it.

"I don't know yet," her friend confessed, "but when it happens, will you do something for me?"

"Of course," Lily answered immediately.

"I've kept a journal since we started school, when it happens would you hide it? I don't want Sirius to read it – ever," Annicka begged.

"I promise," Lily pledged. "Now, come on, you are staying with us until you figure out your next move." Annicka hesitated only a moment before nodding her assent.

20 October, 1979

Lily just brought me my things from the flat I shared with Sirius. We fought just a couple of days ago, and broke up. He obviously hopes we'll reconcile, he's been trying to speak to me, but I can't bear to see him not now. I finally figured out what that strange feeling is. After our fight I was alone for several hours and it was then - unable to escape my thoughts, feelings, memories that I finally understand. It is the same feeling I had before my parents died.

I didn't understand it then, but I understand now. I am going to die, and very soon. I know it sounds crazy, and if it had not happened before I would not believe it now. I am so afraid because I know that it happen, but I am sure when or how. Mostly I'm afraid because I don't know how to say goodbye.

Annicka Llewellyn