Chapter Thirteen
Tendrils of the harsh fluorescent light from the driveway spill down the hill as Elena and Damon make their way towards the archery field. Despite the extra pair of socks and the addition of Caroline's plum coloured coat, Elena feels the chill permeating to her very bones as she picks her way down the footpath. It is only eight in the evening, but the heavy darkness feels so tangibly thick it may as well be the dead of night.
As they stumble down the last part of the steep hill, Elena spots Buffy, Xander, Willow, Bonnie and Giles moving about the field illuminated by the eerie glow of their flashlights.
Bonnie greets them with a wan smile, straightening from where she is bent over setting up a wide ring of candles. "We're almost ready," she informs them. There is no telling trace of anxiety hovering on her features, but her eyes are preoccupied, focused on what they are about to attempt.
"Okay, I need everyone but Xander and Bonnie to take a giant step back," Willow announces. "I'm going to sprinkle the salt which is going to bind everything in this circle so nothing supernatural gets out during the spell."
Damon nearly takes out Elena's foot in his haste to get away from the edge.
"Easy!" she exclaims, barely managing to hop out of his way.
"Just testing your reflexes," he teases, trying to pass it off. Elena takes his hand reassuringly. He would never admit it, probably not even to himself; but it is evident to her that while he's finally come to trust Bonnie, he remains wary of Willow. Despite her own trust of Willow, she can't blame him; after all he's been screwed over by witches more than once.
"Hey guys!" Caroline materializes directly in front of Elena, distracting her from her thoughts and sending her pulse skyrocketing.
"Must you?" she asks, trying to catch her breath.
"Sorry," Caroline replies brightly. After the gloomy afternoon she spent helping with the hybrid video, Elena is glad to see her friend's cheerful demeanour, even though she's afraid it might only be masking her real grief.
Before she can open her mouth to greet her, Caroline grabs her arm and drags her over to Buffy, gushing about how good she looks in her jacket. Elena shoots Damon an apologetic look over her shoulder as Caroline pulls her away but he only smiles and strikes up a conversation with Giles instead. Elena feels a tug in her heart—the good kind— as she lets Caroline drag her away. She likes that this is how they are together, never hovering but always within reach of one another.
Crossing her arms against the chill, she tunes out slightly while Caroline grills Buffy about shopping in Edinburg; over Buffy's shoulder she notes Elijah and Faith making their way down the hill and towards them, their heads bent in conversation.
It takes a few minutes for Willow to complete her ring of salt, glancing up at the moon to check how high in the sky it is. "We're ready," she announces breathily. "Bonnie, would you like to do the honours?"
Bonnie steps into the centre of the circle and raises her hands, stretching them out in a way Elena has seen her do many times. She throws her head back, the feeling of power washing briefly over her face. All the candles roar to life at once, throwing a warm glow over them that provides a nice contrast to the harsh flashlight bulbs.
Giles clicks off his flashlight and draws nearer to the circle. The rest of them follow his lead, but they all remain a safe distance from the edge of the salt.
"So here's how it's going to work," Willow explains. "A lot of different things can happen when you try to contact the dead so I want you guys to be careful. If nothing goes wonky, Anya won't have a physical foothold. I'll be able to ask her some questions and you all will be able to hear her, but she'll only be able to hear those of us in the circle." Willow surveys them all intently. "Don't panic if something weird happens and come rushing in the circle. If something really goes wrong, Giles knows what to do."
Giles nods grimly, still wary of what they are about to undertake. Elena glances around at her companions.
"So..." Xander breaks the silence that falls over them. "Where do you want me?"
"Centre would be best," Bonnie replies primly.
Xander lies down in the centre of the circle, resting his arms behind his head. "Now what?"
Bonnie and Willow seat themselves cross-legged on either side of him.
"Just lie back and try to think about Anya while we do the spell," Bonnie instructs with a toss of her head.
"Well it's kinda cold, but hey. I've had worse nights," Xander quips. He stretches himself out lazily in the middle of the circle arms under his head, staring up at the stars.
Willow looks to the rest of the group. "Those of you who knew her, it wouldn't hurt for you to think about her too while we're doing this. It might help foster a connection."
Willow holds out her hands and Bonnie takes them. Both girls bow their heads in concentration. As Willow begins a chant in a strange tongue, the candles flicker, jumping a few inches higher before finally settling.
The soothing drone of Willow's chanting makes Elena want to fall into a deep sleep, but the chill of the evening keeps her constantly in motion. She notices she's not the only one either. It is very easy to tell the humans from the vampires by their frequent stamping feet and flexing hands in attempts to keep the chill at bay. Caroline and Elijah, however, remain predominantly still with the occasional fidget on Caroline's part.
In the circle, the cadence of Willow's chanting becomes more confident every second. She and Bonnie sit with their eyes closed; heads thrown back, faces radiating with a power the rest of them could never begin to understand.
A sudden breeze sweeps through the trees, sending an icy chill in their direction. Perhaps it is because of her doppelganger blood, but Elena knows it to be otherworldly; it shoots goose bumps down her arm, rocketing her every sense onto high alert. Bonnie and Willow suddenly tense as well, their posture suddenly ramrod straight. The flames spark again, shooting far above their heads.
An ear splitting crack echoes through the night; Bonnie's eyes fly open, her dark orbs hazy and unfocused, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' of surprise. Just to the left of Xander, a figure begins to emerge, blurred at first but growing more distinct every second.
Elena leans closer trying to get a good look at the figure that begins to look more and more like a slight woman in a long dress. The rest of the group lean in, equally befuddled; Willow said Anya wouldn't have a physical foothold, that they'd only be able to speak to her, but there's no denying the presence in front of them.
When she is finally distinct, the woman in the circle stares back at them in bewilderment for a moment. But when her eyes fall on the man on the ground next to her, she drops immediately to her knees, her attention fully fixated on him. Xander scrambles to prop himself up on his elbows, his face caught in an expression between sheer astonishment and overwhelming joy.
"Xander?" The woman chokes out, kneeling down next to him. Her waist length, wavy, dark hair tumbles over her shoulders as she kneels next to him. Her eyes are filled with deep concern, a strange face for a former vengeance demon. Her dress, long and lacing up in the front like something from a medieval fair, is clearly one she wore in her past.
Xander opens and closes his mouth a few times, unable to form words. He brings his hand up to touch her cheek but his fingers pass through her, as if she's nothing more than a beam of light.
"Well that went differently that I thought it would," Willow pronounces, a proud smile playing at her lips. "Better though."
Giles leans closer adjusting his spectacles as he inspects the scene before him with a concerned frown. "Willow, you said we wouldn't be able to see her."
Anya tears her gaze away from Xander fixes Giles with a scowl. "Yeah, well you look old. How long have I been dead?"
"Um...awhile," Xander answers her dazedly, bringing himself to sit upright, still gazing at her with reverence. Anya tries to run her hands through his hair, but it doesn't so much as stir a single follicle.
"I'm going to assume the salt means I'm still dead, huh?" Her voice is sweet but clipped; a charming inflection that rises and falls like someone from a classic film. Elena can picture her having tea with Ingrid Bergman.
Buffy smiles grimly. "We called you because we have some...questions."
Anya glances around, her arms loosely wrapped around Xander even though she isn't technically touching him. "Elijah," she gives him a wide smile, seemingly unsurprised by his presence. "I haven't seen you in...it's been over a century, hasn't it?"
"I believe so, yes." Elijah gives her a small bow in return. "A pleasure as always."
Anya's eyebrows rise as she notices Damon however. "Damon," she spits evenly with narrowed eyes.
"Anyanka." He winks rakishly, obviously amused by her animosity. "Miss me?"
She snorts. "Like a broad sword to the gut."
Her eyes pass over Faith and Caroline, but she cocks her head though as they fall on Elena.
"You're not Kat," she states after a second. "Which means you're—"
"—the doppelganger," Elena finishes for her, surprised by her quick revelation. She is so used to people not noticing at all, much less noticing in mere seconds. "Damon said you were clever," she adds, her lips turning up into a small smile.
Anya's eyes glint annoyance. "Well I'm surprised Mr. I-Only-Think-With-My-Fangs can tell the difference himself to be honest."
Damon rolls his eyes, his ever present smirk playing at his lips. "Oh c'mon Annie. I don't only think with my fangs."
Anya stands, brushing the non-existent dirt off her dress. "You're right. You also think with your—"
"You know this isn't terribly productive—" Buffy attempts to cut in, her eyes flicking from Anya to Damon as if she isn't sure if she should stop them or sit back and enjoy the show. Elena leans back on her heels, more in favour of letting them carry on with their light banter than not.
Damon ignores Buffy's interruption. "By the way, thanks for the heads up about your BFF not being in the tomb. That must have been one hell of a friendship bracelet."
Anya crosses her arms, her mouth forming an angry pout. "What, because I didn't spill my guts? You're not that good in bed Damon. You know, if you'd spent less time getting laid and coming up with stupid elaborate plans to rob the Gardner Museum, you might have figured it out on your own."
"Says the person who helped me!"
"Ha!" Caroline laughs accusingly. "I knew that Manet in your bedroom was stolen!"
Damon reels around on Caroline, pointing an accusatory finger. "You are not supposed to be in my bedroom Blondie."
"Enough." Buffy shoots all three of them a scathing look. "Anya, we need your help."
"Yeah, I figured you didn't call me back just to make me listen to him going on about Katherine. Like a century of that wasn't enough suffering."
Damon opens his mouth to interrupt but Buffy holds up a hand, cutting him off.
"What's going on?" Anya continues. "You haven't got me here for long; something is trying to pull me back."
"Niklaus broke the hybrid curse," Elijah calmly explains. "We're trying to kill him without destroying his whole bloodline."
"Why? Why not just take out the whole bloodline?" She looks at Buffy and Faith, her expression conveying mild irritation. "Are you or are you not vampire slayers?" she throws out bluntly.
Buffy glances at Faith and then back to Anya. "They have souls," Buffy insists, firmly. "I won't commit genocide without...exploring other options."
"Anyanka, do you know of a way to do this?" Elijah cuts in. "We were friends of sorts once. You and Niklaus were involved for centuries. If he told you something..."
Anya sighs heavily. "Every spell that has been bound can be unbound. There has to be a balance."
"I know that," Willow snaps, frustrated. "I'm just not sure what will happen if I do."
"Nik once told me in a drunken fit that the doppelganger is both his undoing and his salvation," Anya pronounces mechanically. "She's the key to everything."
"Yeah we've figured that out thanks," Damon mutters sarcastically.
Anya throws him a glare and turns her attention back to Willow. "I'm not sure how, but you should be able to unbind it the same way it was bound: culminating with blood sacrificed by the doppelganger. It won't kill him, but it will make him mortal again."
Elena processes this news with disappointment rather than shock and horror. She knows that even if she wanted to, Bonnie and Willow would never even consider a sacrifice.
Damon however, does not take this news nearly as well. Instinctively, he takes a protective step in front of Elena, blocking her view of the circle. "Well that's absolutely not happening," he spits at Anya.
Elena merely steps around him, laying a gentle hand on his arm, afraid he will launch himself into the circle and destroy the spell.
Willow meets Damon's eyes reassuringly. "I'm not doing a human sacrifice," she voices. "No way."
Anya rolls her eyes, flipping a strand of hair over her shoulder with annoyance. "I didn't say she had to die. Geez. She just needs to spill a little bit of blood." Elena lets go of Damon's arm when she feels him relax slightly. "The problem is I'm pretty sure that it will—" Anya cuts off, her face contorting in pain.
Bonnie bites her lip, a bead of sweat trickling down her face. Elena can tell it is taking much more out of her to maintain her share of the connection than it is Willow. "Something on the other side is tugging," Bonnie says through gritted teeth. She grimaces. "It's Esther; I recognize her power."
The flames flicker once and Anya begins to fade again.
"Now she's yanking," Bonnie clarifies hastily, her eyes filling with pain.
"Anya?" Xander tries to clutch at her, but—of course—comes up with fistfuls of empty air. Willow begins to chant under her breath, trying to maintain the connection.
"It will tether her life force to Nik's," Anya gasps, blurting her words quickly, knowing she is running out of time. "The Originals turned with wine laced with the blood of the first doppelganger; they're somehow connected to her as long as she's human. All three bloodlines."
"Wait—what three blood lines? Anya?" Willow prompts her.
Anya shakes her head, unable to speak, then looks down to Xander, anguished. Her hand comes up to touch his face. "I love you Xander," she barely manages to utter before she gives another gasp.
Xander shakes his head, silent tears running down his face. "I should have married the crap out of you. I'm so sorry, Anya."
Elena catches a last glimpse of Anya's wistful smile before the candles suddenly sputter out with a pop, plunging them all into darkness.
They stand there for a moment, then a flashlight clicks on, illuminating Giles' face. The smell of the candle smoke lingers in Elena's nose, like a birthday wish just extinguished.
"Is everyone alright?" he asks, shining the light into the hazy circle.
"We're okay," Bonnie answers.
Xander sits on the ground, his knees drawn up to his chest, staring at the spot Anya just disappeared from. "She's gone," he whispers.
Willow rubs his shoulder softly.
"I'm so sorry, Xander."
He shrugs her arm off, standing up quickly. "I'm just going to..."
Willow gives him a sad nod and he steps out of the circle, making his way up the hill.
A sob rings out, echoing over the hills. Elena stiffens uncomfortably, thinking it is Xander, but draws back in surprise when she realizes it's Caroline.
Elijah, the closest person to her, takes her elbow immediately. "Caroline, are you hurt?" he appraises.
Elena moves towards her friend, her eyes wrought with confusion.
Caroline shakes her head, tears streaming down her face. "I can't remember..." she cries out through her tears. "I want to remember...I miss him."
Realization dawns on Elena's face.
"Can't you over-ride Kol's compulsion?" Damon's voice quavers with concern he doesn't typically reveal, at least not over Caroline.
Elijah shakes his head. He's clearly uncomfortable with crying women but he awkwardly pats Caroline's hair anyways. "I've already tried. You know how difficult compulsion is to mess with. I think what just happened triggered something."
"Care?" Elena gently rubs her friend's arm. "Let's get you home, okay?"
Caroline nods, letting Elena pull her away from Elijah who releases her gratefully.
Bonnie glances from Willow to Caroline. "Um...is it alright if I..."
"Of course. Just come find me tomorrow."
I'll see you soon. Elena mouths to Damon as Bonnie takes Caroline's other arm and the three girls set off towards the hill
Damon gives her a concerned nod, turning his attention to Elijah and Willow.
Caroline cries silently all the way back to the guest house she shares with Bonnie. The two girls help their friend into her pyjamas, sitting down on the end of her bed.
"I'm sorry I'm such a mess." Caroline blows her nose. "I just..."
"Hey, it's alright," Bonnie soothes. "I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. Kol made you forget huge chunks of your life. You're entitled to a few tears."
Elena plucks Caroline's hair brush from the assortment of products scattered across the top of her dresser and gestures for her to turn around. Softly she runs the comb through her friend's golden locks; she can't remember a time Caroline hasn't loved having someone play with her hair.
"When Xander said goodbye to Anya, it was like I had this flash…this ache of missing something I don't remember having," Caroline explains quietly, tilting her head back to give Elena more room to brush.
Elena bites her lip, remembering the same feeling, like she lost something incredibly important that was hiding just out of reach. As Bonnie and Caroline continue to talk though, the image of Damon telling her he loved remains in her head. She can't imagine the agony of losing that moment again. Or any of them really; it isn't as if they have very many moments to spare, good or bad.
"Are you alright, Elena?" Bonnie blinks at her with concern. "You seem a little out of it."
Elena blinks, shaking her thoughts away. "I'm fine. I'm not the one who just had a battle of wills with the Original Bitch. Are you okay? You look a little pale."
"It took a lot of out me, but I'm just a little tired." Bonnie's lips quirk into a small smile. "The Original Bitch? I think Damon's rubbing off on you."
"He's rubbing off something, that's for sure," Caroline murmurs under her breath.
Elena rolls her eyes, poking her in the ribs with the end of her hairbrush. She's glad to see her friend smiling though, even if it is at her expense. "Any idea why Esther was trying to stop you?" She attempts to satisfy her curiosity and change the subject in one fell swoop. "Doesn't she want Klaus gone?"
"Esther wants to bring about the end of all the vampires she created." Bonnie swallows nervously. "She probably wanted to stop Anya from giving us information that might help us get around that."
"I wonder what Anya meant about the three bloodlines," Elena speculates, idly beginning to braid Caroline's hair.
"She probably just meant you were connected to the Originals," Caroline suggests. "I mean it makes sense."
Bonnie shakes her head. "At first I thought she meant the Originals too, but with Finn dead there are still four Original blood lines, not three. And that's if Anya even knew Finn died. I think she meant something else entirely." She shrugs. "I'm sure Elijah and Willow have an idea; we'll figure it out. Without Elena sacrificing herself that is." She gives Elena a knowing look.
Caroline sighs. "How come none of our problems ever equal 'kill Katherine' anymore? Why is it always 'sacrifice Elena's blood'? I miss the 'kill Katherine' days; they were so simple."
Elena laughs, nudging the hair tie off the end of the brush and onto Caroline's hair. "You and me both."
When Elena finally returns to her own guest house, it is well after eleven. She's surprised to find Damon in the kitchen tilting a cutting board with pieces of chicken on it into something steaming on the stove. It smells incredible.
"Have you eaten?" he asks quietly, setting down the cutting board. "I didn't get dinner and I didn't think you did either, so I thought—"
He cuts off as she abruptly wraps her arms around him and pulls him into a searing kiss. Damon sets down the serving spoon still clutched in his hand and encircles her waist.
"If I knew making soup was going to garner that kind of reaction, I would have tried this a loooong time ago," he jokes when she finally pulls away.
Elena steps back slightly, tugging her sweater down from where it rode up in the heat of the moment.
"I don't want to forget," she states.
"What?"
"After spending the day with Caroline...watching her not even be able to remember the simplest things about Tyler. I don't want to have her compel me; I couldn't put her through that. And..." she hesitates. "Well, that fight sucked, but it was still us, you know? I don't like the idea of losing memories, even the screaming matches."
"Okay," he says simply. He lifts the lid off the pot on the stove to inspect his concoction. Replacing the lid, he turns to face her again, leaning against the side of the counter.
"That's it, just 'okay'?"
"It's risky that you know, but after what happened to Caroline today I think it might be riskier to have someone punching holes in your brain when they don't even know what they're compelling you to forget." He tugs on her bracelet lightly. "Just be careful and wear your vervain."
She grasps both his hands in hers, rubbing her thumb over his palm. "You know, we should probably talk about the—"
"Nope," Damon cuts her off.
"No?"
Damon spins her around, resting his chin her shoulder while he stirs the pot on the stove. "We're under too much pressure as it is. That's ultimately why we were fighting this morning, isn't it?"
"I guess so."
"So let's just shelve that inevitable Sid and Nancy moment until we talk to Elijah and Willow tomorrow and we know more. Okay?"
Elena leans against him, tilting her head to look up at him. "Didn't Sid shoot up a bunch of heroin and stab Nancy to death?"
"Well, yeah...but he loved her."
Elena elbows him playfully. "How comforting. I'll make sure to remember that when you try to stab me."
He nips lightly at her neck, releasing her from his embrace. "Since I can't be trusted with the knives," he breathes in her ear, "Want to make a salad?"
"I don't know," she teases. "Can I trust you not to drug the soup?"
"Scouts honour."
She pecks his cheek once and steps around him to make the salad from the selection of vegetables on the counter.
"I read that journal you stole today while you were with Caroline," Damon comments dryly as he throws something else in the soup. He hops up so he is sitting on the edge of the counter.
"I didn't steal it." Elena clarifies, swatting his hand as he swipes a pepper from her carefully chopped pile. "I borrowed it. And I haven't really read it yet."
"You didn't? Why not?" He holds her gaze while he pops the pepper into his mouth.
"I wanted to ask you first."
Damon swallows, earning himself another swat as he tries to go for a carrot. "You can read whatever you like; you don't have to ask my permission."
Elena hands him a head of lettuce, trying to distract him from snatching pieces of food. He rolls his eyes but immediately begins to shred it. "I know," she states. "I just didn't want to violate your privacy. I mean, from what I skimmed, they pretty much detailed your entire human existence."
"You didn't ask Stefan for permission when you read all his journals," he points out.
Elena tilts her vegetables into the salad bowl. "Well you're ripping lettuce," she quips, "When you escalate to ripping people's heads off, you lose your right to privacy."
Damon sets the lettuce down on the counter and reaches over to grasp her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "You know you can ask me anything right? I'll tell you anything you want."
Elena raises her eyebrows dubiously. "Really? When's your birthday, Damon?" she teases.
Damon winces. "I was going to tell you that. I was just waiting until it was too late for you to throw me a party."
Elena pokes him in the stomach with the end of the salad tongs. "Well, it was a valiant effort, but you're still getting a party next December 7th. On the day. And you're going to at least pretend to enjoy it."
Damon rolls his eyes. "Just don't let Caroline do the planning. I'm not going to some WWII themed 'day that will live in infamy' birthday party."
Elena snorts, holding the bowl out for him to drop the lettuce in. "I think that level of dark humour is more up your alley than Caroline's."
"Good morning." Buffy gives her an appraising once over as Elena enters the weight room the following morning.
"Morning," Elena replies, stifling her yawn.
She takes in the gym with bleary eyes. This particular gym has a series of interconnected weight rooms, but the room they are currently in is composed of mirrors and weight machines. Beyond it, she can see the mirrored studio for stretching and yoga, and another room with mats and punching bags, exclusively for hand to hand combat practice. She's surprised to see them deserted, but then, it is fairly early in the morning.
"Why don't you sit and we'll talk a bit before we start?" Buffy gestures to one of the weight benches and Elena perches herself on the edge. "Let me be clear," Buffy continues. "I don't want to put either you or Damon in a position where you have to fight. But I also need to be realistic because there's a good chance you might have to."
"I know you've done some training before, but if you're going to survive, you need to learn more," Buffy explains. "I'm going to push you very hard. I need you to stay healthy alright? Don't skip meals." She gives Elena a knowing smile. "And get plenty of rest. Maybe don't let your boyfriend keep you up all night, anymore?"
Elena blushes, busying herself by pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "Where do we start?" she attempts to change the subject.
"I saw you break Robin's nose, but I'd like to see what else you can do." Elena feels at stab of guilt; no one told her his nose was broken. When she thinks of Damon on the cold, unforgiving ground taking his last breaths however, the guilt subsides.
"I can do some basic hand to hand combat," Elena answers, "And Faith showed me a few things yesterday. Other than that...I can use a stake rigged wrist guard."
Buffy tosses her a flat stake which she just barely manages to catch. "Ever staked a vampire before?"
Elena turns the stake over in her hands. "Sort of. I've daggered both Elijah and his sister before, but both times it was premeditated." She thinks for a moment. "And I gut staked Damon's brother once. I think that's about it. There's other stuff, but since I was a vampire at the time I don't know if it counts."
"Hey, it's more than most girls. I've had Slayers arrive here with less experience than that. I'd like to start with the hand to hand stuff; that's really the most important."
Buffy leads her to the next room with the punching bags and watches as Elena begins the routine she used to work through with Alaric. Buffy nods approvingly as she watches, stopping to correct Elena's posture or her angles. After a few minutes, she stops her.
"You're not bad, but you're going to need to do some weight lifting. Build up your strength."
"I know...I'm not very strong. I was doing some weights last fall, but..." Elena trails off, thinking about all the other things that got in the way, including the death of her beloved mentor. "It kind of fell by the wayside," she finally offers. She smiles slightly, thinking of how much Alaric would like this place. "Can I try one of the crossbows?" she pipes up, reminded of his particular love for them.
Buffy shakes her head. "Later, for sure. But Elena, you should never mistake weapons for power. Crossbows, axes, maces, those things are nice. Don't get me wrong; I'm a fan. But those things can be taken away from you in an instant. The only real power you have is yourself." She gestures back to the punching bag. "Let's go through it again. Watch your elbows."
Elena acquiesces and they spend the next few hours working with the punching bag, until Buffy is satisfied with her form.
"Alright," Buffy sighs, reaching her arms above her head to stretch. "We're gonna have to call it for the day. I have other stuff I need to do before we meet this afternoon. God, I can't believe it's April 5th already."
Elena blanches. "It's April 5th?" she chokes. She isn't sure how Jeremy's eighteenth birthday snuck up on her so quickly, but she can't fight off the sudden image that bombards her of her little brother at age five, dressed in a Ninja Turtle costume with cake all over his face. He'd stared at her with those big brown eyes so filled with adoration, babbling with sheer joy in trying to explain the Buzz Lightyear toy clutched in his hands.
"Yeah why?" Buffy replies, confused by her expression.
Elena takes a deep breath, composing herself. "No reason." She tries to give Buffy a weak smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."
She barely makes it out of the gym before the tears start running down her face. She knows she'll never make it all the way back to the guest house without losing it, and, unwilling to face anyone with her grief, she ducks into the nearest broom cupboard.
She sinks to the ground in the corner, pulling her knees up to her chest and letting herself, for the first time in weeks, to really truly cry.
She thinks for a moment of the birthday Jeremy would be having right now if all was right in the world. She'd have tried to make the carrot cake their mother always made and even if it was awful, Jeremy would eat every bite, teasing her all the while. Caroline would probably insist on some ridiculous party filled with people they barely knew but it wouldn't matter because at least the people she cared for would be together, safe and happy.
Instead she sits here, on the floor of a broom closet and her brother is...the best she can hope for is that he's alive. At this point, she would be grateful if Klaus hasn't tortured him beyond the point of sanity.
How did their lives come to this? How could her mere existence have fucked everything up so colossally?
She stays there for what feels like hours, sobbing out her frustrations. Finally though, she runs out of tears. As she there in the dark, trying to bring herself to get up off the floor and leave the closet, the door cracks open. Elena looks up to see Buffy's face illuminated in the light coming from the hall. She doesn't say anything, merely hands her a roll of toilet paper and sits herself down on an overturned mop bucket, pulling the door shut behind her.
Elena takes the toilet paper gratefully, wiping her face and nose. They sit there quietly in the dark for a few minutes before Buffy speaks.
"Sometimes you need to cry alone, but you shouldn't have to face the after by yourself."
"I'm sorry." Elena isn't sure what she's apologizing for, but she feels she needs to offer some kind of explanation. "Today's my brother's birthday. It just...hit me kind of hard. He's...he's the only family I have left."
"Hey, we all have to cry sometimes. I know how you feel. I have a younger sister...similar situation."
Elena is surprised by this information because, in the brief time she's known her, she's pictured Buffy as an only child. "Does she live here? I haven't met her."
Elena hears a slight rustling as Buffy shakes her head. "No. She lives in Toronto. She's trying the whole normal life thing. I see her a few times a year, but...we live in kind of different worlds." There's a squeak as she leans back on the bucket. "It's hard but...I'm glad for her. She's safer that way."
Elena sighs with envy. "God, I wish. For a long time, even though it was too late for me, I thought Jeremy maybe would be spared all the supernatural drama. But even if I wasn't the doppelganger, he's still been sucked in just as badly as the rest of us with this whole The Five thing." She sniffs, wiping her nose with a piece of the scratchy toilet paper. "You know about them right?"
"I know they exist," Buffy replies. "I've never met any of them though. I didn't know your brother was one. They're kinda rare."
"It's been pretty recent," Elena explains. "They only activated him because they were trying to find the stupid cure for me—" She throws down the piece of paper she was blowing her nose on with as much force as one can possibly fling a piece of tissue. "—to save me."
"You can't blame yourself for this, Elena," Buffy says firmly. "It's not your fault that a thousand years ago a witch took revenge to a whole new level with her magic. What you can do is fight it."
Elena fingers a loose thread on the end of her shirt. "Yeah...you'd think this doppelganger curse could have at least come with some Slayer strength though."
Buffy lets out a half laugh. "That would've come in handy huh? Slayer or not, though, this is your battle. And if you're going to survive it, you're going to have to stop blaming yourself and start fighting it. Because if you give up, even for a second, you're dead."
Elena thinks about that for a minute, not saying anything. Despite her hatred of this situation, of watching everyone die, she definitely doesn't want to die either.
"Go home, Elena," Buffy urges. "Get some rest, work out your concerns about your brother, I'll see you at the meeting this afternoon and we'll train again tomorrow morning. Alright?" Buffy cracks open the door, letting the light seep in.
Elena nods in agreement, accepting the hand up Buffy offers. "Thank you for sitting with me. It was really nice of you."
Buffy gives her a half smile. "Hang on to that. You'll hate me tomorrow when we really start to work."
A/N: I'm so sorry for the slow updates everyone, I'm writing my Master's thesis right now and that sucks away a lot of time. I'll try to have Chapter Fourteen ready for you as soon as I can. Thank you all for your reviews/follows/favorites, I really love hearing what you all think. Special thank you to Skye my amazing beta.