Chapter 2

"Gai told me a lot about you, you know," Kara says. Her tone is almost taunting, as if she has some knowledge that Carrie wouldn't want her to have.

Carrie doesn't take the bait. "Great, then there's no need for formalities with us getting to know each other."

Kara eyes Carrie with a flash of respect. Chick is just as smart as Gai said, she thought.

"Did you love him? Because he really totally was in love with you. You know that right?"

"Of course, I know that. I mean I knew that. And I loved him just as much as I was able to love anyone after…" Carrie's throat is suddenly full of something that wouldn't allow any more words to come out.

"Gai told me about Brody," Kara states flatly. "Hell, he couldn't stop talking about you, you know? He shared all the gory details."

"Look, are you saying I took your brother away from you in some way? Because if you are, then that certainly was never my intention. We enjoyed each other's company. I didn't ask for anything more. I didn't want anything more. Truth be told, I am incapable of even handling anything more."

"Yeah, well, more happens all on its own doesn't it."

Growing tired of the passive aggressive accusations, Carrie shrugs and bites off some more chocolate. She gazes out the window and her mind goes back to Kara and Gai's mother. Do our parents know our stories before we live them? Did Kara and Gai's mother know that Gai's mind would split into two and eventually break? Or did the fact that he was named after two people with opposite personalities contribute to the break? And the fact that he was named after someone the polar opposite of Kara's namesake: what did that do to the relationship between him and Kara?

Carrie shakes her head as if to clear all the unanswerable questions in there. Kara seems to have some unanswered questions about her brother too, but trying to engage on that topic will have to wait for another time.

Carrie thinks back to her time in Palestine as station chief for the CIA. She was the youngest station chief ever to come out of the agency. And she thinks of how it was all lost by a stupid mistake.

There she was reveling in her job as the head of the office in Palestine, as usual putting all of herself into her work. Then one day, while Carrie was casing a girl's school for a would-be asset, an embedded journalist snapped some pictures. The journalist may or may not have been working on a story about girl's education in Palestine, but, whatever the case, he was snapping pictures and before vetting the pictures with anyone and even before writing it all up into a nice Pulitzer ready article, the journalist thought that one particular shot didn't warrant publication, he thought it lacked a certain quality of "real" journalism, so what does he do? He sloppily posted it to his personal Facebook instead. And there was Carrie's face plastered on the guy's very non-private Facebook page, his "friends" asking who was that blond among all the Palestinian girls.

Of course, the journalist had no clue, but the picture got attention and spread and was shared among friends and friends of friends until eventually the blond was identified as a CIA agent. Not just any CIA agent, but the one who had given it all up for a terrorist Marine and still managed to not only stay employed by the CIA but had been promoted to station chief. The picture and her name spread and spread and before anyone had the chance to reign it in and spin it to maintain Carrie's and the CIA's cover, she was outed. The job she loved and deserved was gone and she was back stateside, working at a dank office in LA. One step up and two steps back seemed to be the motto of Carrie's career. But what choice did she have? She loved the job. And it's no secret, you'll go through brimstone and fire for love.

Kara glances over at Carrie and marvels at this wound up spool of flaxen energy who was now her partner. She remembers Gai's wide-eyed description of his new girlfriend. He had told Kara that he's never met a woman so single-mindedly devoted to her work. Kara had heard about Carrie's history with the CIA and the terrorist Marine. Kara remembers well warning Gai that she didn't sound stable. But Gai was already hooked.

Now, working with Carrie herself, Kara sees a bit of what Gai must have seen in her. Her brother's fantasy come true. Carrie wasn't attractive simply due to the great love she had for the irreparably damaged Marine Nicholas Brody, although that was pretty spectacular. Carrie embodied the fantasy of a woman, or any person really, having a job that they're willing to give their life for. An all-consuming mission that requires their every waking thought. When Gai met her, he saw her going home, when she had to, to an empty house with no real food in the frig. But, really, when you have a job that sweeps you away so completely, what more do you need but a well-stocked wine cabinet and a warm bed. Gai loved that about her. He envied her commitment to her work. She'd only go home when it was absolutely necessary to get some shut eye and then she'd be right back at work.

Carrie had shared with Gai that she had told Brody to leave his wife and children and be with her, and she wanted it so completely, but only for that moment. She knew that, really, settling down with Brody was the last thing that'd make her happy. Brody was supposed to be just drunken sex. A temporary lapse, a brief reprieve from the grind. But he became more, as love does, all on its own, just as Kara had said. No planning or prodding or subterfuge and machinations needed. That he was her target had nothing to with her falling for him. Love doesn't care about who's the agent and who's the terrorist, who's good, who's bad...morally ambivalent force of a thousand suns that it is. Brody did satisfy her on many levels, but if they had settled into normality, where would that put her job, her need for adventure? She needed Brody for peace, but she needed her work to breathe.

Kara realizes that maybe being angry with Carrie wasn't the best way to process the grief she still carried over losing her brother. Was she now, all of a sudden, okay with working with the woman who may have not exactly killed Gai, but certainly lead to his death? No. Kara was not okay with that. But she knew her brother. She knew his illness, the overwhelming sadness that came over him so often throughout his life. Kara knew first-hand how prone to despair her brother was. And she sees, working with Carrie, all he saw in her and also all that must have driven him crazy about her. Carrie was the woman he loved. And maybe, if she gave Carrie a chance, Kara may find some part of her brother that was now lost to her forever.