Chapter 4
…What the mikes recorded during the commercial break…
Caroline: Matt says he just can't handle me being a vampire. I don't what to do, Elena. I love him.
Elena: You just have to give him time, Caroline. It's a lot for him to accept.
Damon: You could just compel him.
Stefan: No one is compelling anyone.
Katherine: Well, I think you should…
Damon: Shut your hole, Katherine.
-o-
Max: I will stake you all myself, if you keep answering questions like that! (turns to David) Laxatives? What were you thinking?
David: That if all those people left Santa cheese ….
Marko and Paul start laughing.
Max: Not another word out of any of you.
Dwayne: I didn't say anything.
Announcer: We're back in five people…
There is a frenzy of activity as the stagehands return to their appointed positions behind the scenes. Ryan Seacrest is seen dabbing the corners of his mouth with a cloth napkin. The families line up behind their podiums as the countdown begins.
Three
Two
One
"Welcome back to Vampire Family Feud," Ryan says with a smile. "We've got a great game going between The Lost Boys and the Petrova-Salvatore Family." He walks to center stage and calls out to the teams, "Elena and Paul – it's your turn to play the Feud."
Elena walks to her place, accepting hi-fives from Stefan and Damon. She stands facing Ryan and gives him a quick hug. "This is from my friend Bonnie, back home. She's a really big fan."
"Hello, Bonnie." Ryan smiles at the camera.
Paul's boots make a squeaking sound as he struts up to the center podium. The soles leave black scuff marks along his path.
"Hi Elena," he smiles and extends his hand to his competitor.
"Hi Paul," Elena tosses her hair over her shoulder and then reaches out for Paul. "Good Luck." They shake hands and then place their palms next to the buzzer in anticipation of the question.
Ryan flips his cue cards and begins reading, "One hundred humans surveyed, top six answers on the board. If the Obama family were to play Family Feud, name a family they would play against."
Paul's hand slams down on the buzzer before Elena can even move an inch. The Lost Boys cheer loudly.
"Paul," Ryan turns to the blonde vampire and awaits a response.
Paul leans up against the microphone. "Who are the Obama's?"
"What do you mean 'Who are the Obamas'?" Ryan asks in disbelief. "Barack Obama. President of the United States."
"Oh," Paul looks over at his shoulder at his team.
"Answer the question," Max orders. Dwayne, David and Marko all shrug.
"Um, Pass?" Paul says.
"You can't PASS!" Damon screams from the Salvatore podium.
Paul's reply to Damon is censored out as a red strike appears.
"Elena?" Ryan turns to Doppelganger.
"The Bush Family," Elena replies.
"Show me the Bush Family," Ryan calls out.
DING! The number one spot flips over. Elena jumps up and down in delight. The Mystic Falls Team cheers.
"Looks like we're headed over to this way, again." Elena takes Ryan's arm as he escorts her back to the podium.
"Damon, if the Obama family were to play Family Feud, name a family they would play against."
Damon thinks for a minute. "The Clintons."
"Show me Clintons," Ryan says to the board.
DING! The number two spot flips over.
"Hello again, Caroline." Ryan smiles at her.
"Hi Ryan," Caroline's neck disappears between her shoulders and she smiles back at the handsome celebrity. "I'm going to say, the Kardashians."
"Strike one," Damon's head sinks into his hand.
"It's a good answer," Caroline says defensively. She looks at the rest of the family. "It's a good answer, right?" she asks uncertainly.
"Good try. Good try." Stefan claps his hands together. Elena joins him.
"Show me Kardashians," Ryan says.
BUZZZZZZ! A red strike appears.
"Ugh!" Caroline throws her head back. "I thought it would be there!"
"You're the only one," Damon replies.
Ryan moves up to Katherine, head of household.
"Answer, please," he says.
"Well, Ryan," she reaches out a hand and caresses the sleeve of his suit. "I have always thought the Kennedys made a formidable opponent."
Ryan shrinks away from her touch. "Show me the Kennedys."
DING! The number six spot flips over.
"Stefan, three answers left with only one strike," the host tells him.
"I'm going to say the Palins," Stefan claps his hands together.
"Good answer, Stefan," Katherine coos.
"Show me the Palins," Ryan says.
DING! The number three spot flips over.
"Elena," Ryan leans on the space right in front of her. "Back to you."
"Uh," Elena swallows. "Ummm," She looks from side to side at Stefan and Damon. "Ohhh, I can't think of anything…"
"Three seconds," Ryan says squeezing her hand.
"Uhh, The Jonas Brothers!" Elena blurts out, slapping her palm against her forehead.
"Show me The Jonas Brothers," Ryan says with a light chuckle.
BUZZZZZZ! A second red strike appears.
"Damon, it's up to you," Ryan tells his fellow vampire.
"No problem, Ryan," Damon says confidently. "The McCains."
"Good answer," Ryan agrees. "Show me The McCains!"
DING! The number four spot flips over.
"Alright Caroline," Ryan takes her hand in his. "If you get this right, your family has swept the question and stays alive. If not, The Lost Boys will get a chance to steal and possibly win the game."
The camera pans to The Lost Boys. Paul has taken his boots off and is picking his toes. Marko and David are flirting with a pair of girls in the front row. Dwayne is fussing with his earring, which has gotten caught in his hair. Max stands at the head of the podium, staring longingly at Katherine.
"I'm going to repeat the question," Ryan tells Caroline, "and then you have three seconds to answer."
Caroline nods and wraps both her hands around Ryan's.
"If the Obama family were to play Family Feud, name a family they would play against."
Caroline squints her eyes closed and concentrates. "Ummm."
"Come on Caroline," Elena whispers.
"I can't think …," Caroline starts to shake.
"Two seconds…"
"The Smiths!" Caroline yells out.
"The Smiths. Seriously?" Damon looks at her condescendingly.
"I don't think the Obamas would play against an 80's punk band," Stefan tells Caroline.
"Punk Band? No. I mean The Smiths. You know, Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith," Caroline clarifies.
"Ohhhhh. those Smiths," Damon rolls his eyes.
"I'm sure they know each other." Caroline informs Damon.
"Show me The Smiths," Ryan says.
BUZZZZZZZ! Strike three appears.
"Sorry!" Caroline apologizes.
"Let's see if The Lost Boys can get the steal," Ryan walks over to the challengers. "David," he says. The leather clad vampire, looks away from the girls in the audience for a minute.
"What?" he replies to the host.
"If the Obama family were to play Family Feud, name a family they would play against," Ryan repeats the question for him.
"The Brady Bunch," David answers. The girls laugh.
"Dwayne?" Ryan moves to the next member of the family.
"The Brady Bunch," Dwayne repeats, laughing. "Good one." He slaps David's shoulder.
"Paul?" Ryan moves to next vampire and awaits his answer.
"The Partridge Family," Paul replies. Ryan snorts and moves to the next member of the team
"Marko?"
"The Adams family," Marko replies. "Morticia was one foxy lady. I'd love to play with her," he licks his lips.
"Me too," Paul agrees with Marko. They begin to discuss her low cut dress.
"Max," Ryan avoids the cleavage conversation and addresses the head vampire. "If you get this correct, you steal the puzzle and win the game. But no pressure."
"No pressure," Max repeats as he glares at the other members of his family, specifically Dwayne who is letting the audience members touch his bare chest.
"I'm going to say The Royal Family," Max tells the host.
"Damn," Damon curses. "That's a good answer."
Elena and Caroline cross their arms, mimicking strikes and flaunt them at The Lost Boys, who are so distracted by the nipple piercing of an Emo chic in the audience they don't even notice.
"This is for the win," Ryan announces. "Show me The Royal Family!"
BUZZZZZZZ! A red strike appears.
The Petrova-Salvatore Family scream with happiness.
"Show me number five," Ryan says to the board. The fifth slot flips over.
"The Bidens," the audience reads.
"Darn, I was going to say that," Max mumbles to himself.
"Stay tuned," Ryan announces. "There's more Feud coming up!"
So should the Salvatores remain the champions? Or should we have an upset? Let me know what you think...Gemma