PART II - The Final Vampire Family Feud

A/N: A couple years back I had a poll on my profile as to which opponents the Salvatore Family should face next. I'd like to thank everyone who voted and I hope some of you are still around to read this since I finally got around to writing it. This is the third and final part of the Vampire Family Feud Trilogy.

Introduction

A couple seasons later

"So what do we do now?" Paula Abdul asked the group of people gathered in the conference room. "It's not like we can replace Ryan Seacrest."

"Who says we can't?" Simon Cowell answered from his genuine leather executive-producer chair.

"He's the face of Vampire Family Feud," Paula argued. "It just wouldn't be the same without him."

"Look, if American Idol can replace ME – then we sure as hell can replace him," Simon rubbed his chin distractedly.

"They replaced me too," Paula reminded him. "We just need to get the right celebrity," she sat back in her chair sinking deep into thought. There were a few options for celebrity hosts: Kelly Ripa or Michael Strahan. Jennie McCarthy or Mario Lopez. Maybe even Tina Fey or Amy Poehler.

"Or we could….," the cocky Brit tapped a finger against his lips.

"Simon, whatever you're thinking – NO," Paula stated firmly.

"Let's break for 30," Simon told the meeting's attendees. As the bodies got from the chairs around them, Simon caught Paula's attention. "I have a plan."

"Simon….," Paula's lips pursed together. She knew that whatever Simon was plotting could not be good.

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Ryan Seacrest was driving along the California coastline when he received an incoming call from Paula Abdul.

"Hi Paula," he answered.

"Happy New Year, Ryan."

"Happy New Year to you too."

"You were amazing this year on Dick's Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve 2015."

"Thank you. That means a lot."

"Really Ryan, I loved every minute of your hosting. And when you offered Taylor Swift your jacket – my heart melted. You are one hundred percent gentleman."

"Stop it Paula, you're making me blush. So what's going on with you? Anything new and exciting?"

"As a matter of fact, we did get some promising scripts this year for reality show pilots."

"Excellent."

"Also, ratings are up and the Network has decided to resurrect your series, Vampire Family Feud."

"Good for them," Ryan replied. "Who's the unfortunate sap they've contracted to host?"

"Well, we were hoping that you might be willing to do one last show to kick off the new season."

"No thank you, Paula. I'm still in therapy from the last episode."

"We'd be willing to double your salary."

There is a nanosecond pause.

"I'm listening."

"For the first episode, we're bringing back last season's top two families….."

"And which families are those?"

"The Salvatores…"

"Oh no! I still have nightmares about Katherine."

"I'm not sure if this will make a difference but, sadly, Katherine passed away."

"She did? That's the best news I've heard in a LONG time. So who is taking her place?"

"They're replacing Katherine with someone named, Enzo."

"Enzo, huh? Is Elena coming back? She was so lovely."

"I remember how much you enjoyed her and I'm please to tell you that she will be back. Along with Caroline, Stefan and Damon."

"Ugh, Damon Salvatore. What a pain in my derriere. Who's the other family?"

"The Mikaelsons."

"As in Klaus Mikaelson? No BLEEPING way, Paula. NO BLEEPING WAY! Remember we couldn't even air those episodes!"

"Hear me out Ryan. Niklaus Mikaelson is not listed as a participant."

"Then who is?"

"It's Esther."

"Who is that?"

"His mother."

"That demon has a mother!"

"I've spoken with her and she is very upset with his actions on set."

"She's not the only one."

"Esther assures me that the rest of her children will be on their best behavior this time. They want to redeem themselves."

"Is Elijah returning?"

"Yes."

"Elijah Mikaelson, now he is one well-dressed vampire. Do you remember that Armani suit he wore to the audition?"

"How could I forget? He looked fabulous."

"I wonder who he's wearing now?"

"Esther tells me that he's been partial to Valentino lately."

"Valentino, huh? Do you think there's a chance he might wear my line of designer suits?"

"We could talk to wardrobe…"

"Definitely. Can we set something up for next week?"

"Absolutely."

"It's Esther, Elijah and is Rebekah coming back too?"

"Yes, she is."

"She was a sweetheart."

"Finn and Kol are also on the list."

"They weren't my favorites but…"

"But? You sound as though you may be reconsidering."

"I might be. It's only one episode. There's no Katherine and no Klaus. You're doubling my salary and you'll feature my line of suits on the show."

"Yes. Yes. Yes. And YES! Are you in?"

"I have to see that all in writing but – I think we can work something out."

"Wonderful Ryan. I'll have the contracts sent right over."

Stay tuned there's more to come...

-Gemma