Timeline: Vampire Diaries – a few episodes into season six; The Originals – Season two – mid season finale. There may be slight spoilers if you haven't seen up to this point in either series.
Chapter Co-Author: PoetWITHOUTaCause
Thank You DeathDaisy - I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Alexis2106 - Welcome aboard!
Chapter One
The Family Feud Theme music plays and Ryan Seacrest takes center stage. The studio audience cheers as he waves hello.
"Welcome to a brand new season of Vampire Family Feud," he says. White fangs become visible as his lips pull back into a smile.
His fan girls roar with glee.
"WE LOVE YOUR FANGS!" they scream.
Ryan grins proudly. After attending several therapy sessions with Dr. Phil, Ryan has finally accepted his un-dead life as a vampire so he's gotten Fang implants – now if only there was something he could do about the damn sparkly skin.
"We've two great families here today. Our champions from Mystic Falls are back," he sweeps an arm toward the left podium. "Let's welcome Damon, Elena, Stefan, Caroline and Enzo."
The crowd roars with applause.
"And the challengers, selected from YOUR votes!" He points to the podium on stage right. "Hailing most recently from New Orleans, Louisiana - The Mikaelson Family! Esther, Elijah, Rebekah, Finn and Kol."
There are a few scattered claps. Someone yells "Hey, where's Klaus?" Then a few voices join together chanting, "WE WANT KLAUS! WE WANT KLAUS!"
Soon the set is echoing with demands for the hybrid.
The "QUIET PLEASE" prompt flashes but the fans won't be stopped.
Announcer: Niklaus Mikaelson had a prior engagement and will not be appearing in today's taping.
"A prior engagement?" Elijah asks his mother as Rebekah rolls her eyes. Kol is busy texting and Finn stands perfectly still with his hands clasped in front of him.
The crowd BOOOS at the announcement and several rows pack up their belongings and begin to leave. (But Klaus fans should definitely keep reading)
"This is a joke, right?" Elena looks at the masses exiting the studio. "All those people can't actually be fans of Klaus."
"Relax," Damon tells her. "We have ten times as many Delena shippers."
"Delena shippers?"
"Ye-ah," Damon grins at her. "In case you didn't know – you and I are the top OTP in Mystic Falls."
"No you're not," Caroline whirls around with her hands on her hips. "Bamon has a bigger and more devoted fan base than Delena."
The Delana shippers in the audience furiously protest the blonde's statement.
"Bamon?" Elena laughs. "As in Bonnie and Damon."
"The chances of that happening are about the same as Barbie and Enzo getting it on," Damon proclaims, although thoughts of smiley face pancakes sneak into his mind as he says that.
"Ew," Caroline winces.
"I'm bloody standing right here," Enzo stares at Caroline in disbelief.
"Sorry, Enzo," Damon looks at his friend sympathetically. "She's been Klaus-ed."
Caroline's face lowers into her hands. "I made a mistake."
"We've all made mistakes," Stefan attempts to defend her as he thinks about that last time with Katherine.
"Whatever, Stefan" Caroline snaps at him.
"Caroline, he's just trying…," Elena tries to diffuse her friend.
"Don't bother," Damon interrupts Elena. "It's just the sexual tension talking."
"I'm bloody standing right here," Enzo repeats a little sexier eyeing up Caroline.
"Klaroline," Damon whispers.
"Shut up, Damon," Caroline snorts in annoyance.
"Klaroline."
"I said SHUT UP!"
"Are you two done?" Ryan Seacrest pounds an angry fist on the podium of the group from Mystic Falls.
"Are we done?" Damon leans forward Caroline.
"Oh, we've been done," she replies with a cocky bob of her head as she folds her arms across her chest.
"Wonderful." Ryan changes his cue cards and returns to his host duties. "First up, Damon and Esther!" he announces waving the heads of household up to the face off podium.
"We'll talk more about Delena later," Damon winks at Elena. He whispers "Klaroline," once more watching as Caroline scowls back at him. Then his smile turns to a frown as he walks stiffly to meet Esther. He is wearing a sleek black suit with a thin black tie. A group of fan girls stand up and scream.
The vampire stops halfway to wave to them. Then he turns his back in attempt to discreetly pick a crotch wedgie.
"What's wrong?" Ryan asks him. "Doesn't the suit fit properly?"
"It's a little tight in the jewels," Damon growls as he adjusts himself once more.
"I had it tailored that way because if I remember correctly, you have a small…,"
"I DO NOT!" Damon proclaims. Of all the things to carry over from previous episodes – it had to be that. Damon decides that he is done with rumors and is going to put the question to rest once and for all.
"Ask Elena." He gestures to the podium where his love interest stands with a blank stare.
"Damon," she stutters. "Ric compelled away everything. I don't remember…"
"Well, let me remind you." Damon unfastens the front of his trousers, exposing himself. The screams of Team Damon fan-girls resound through the set. It's deafening and the vampires are forced to cover their sensitive ears.
"Oh my," Esther places a chaste hand to her chest. "I thought this was supposed to be a family show?"
"Wow," Elena blushes as she turns to Stefan who is standing beside her. "Did he do this kind of thing when we were together?"
"Not even being with you could change his impulsiveness," Stefan sighs.
"He said we could make new memories," Elena continues. "I'm not sure that these are the kind of memories I want."
Damon stands center stage encouraging the crowd to scream louder.
At the Mikaelson podium Finn has covered Rebekah's eyes.
"It's not as though I haven't seen a penis before!" Rebekah protests as she swats him away.
"Mother!" Finn whines as he cowers from his sister's punches.
"Oh, there's not much to see anyway," Rebekah pouts.
"And that's going on my Instagram," Kol holds up his phone, photographing the scene before him. "Hashtag Itsy Bisty WeeWee"
"Was that necessary?" Ryan grabs Damon by the shoulder, spinning him around and attempting to cover him with the cue cards. "Can we get wardrobe out here? NOW!" he shouts.
Immediately two staff members appear onstage and escort Damon into the wings.
Announcer: We're taking five.
Ryan takes a long deep breath. "Can we just go to the second position face-off?"
Announcer: The board is set for the first question.
"Can ask the first question to the second position?" Ryan counters as he looks to Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul for approval.
"Go ahead," Simon waves his consent.
"Thank you. Esther, you can go back to the podium now," Ryan directs as he calls for a fresh set of cue cards. He waits until she is back in her spot then he faces the camera. An intern runs out and replaces the cards.
With a candid celebrity smile Ryan announces, "Next up – Elena and Elijah!"
Elena bounces happily up to the podium. "Hi Ryan," she greets him with a big hug.
"Hello Elena," Ryan greets his favorite Doppelganger. "How have you been?"
"Great," Elena smiles. "I'm starting my sophomore year at Whitmore."
"And you managed to keep the tradition of the freshman fifteen alive, I see." Ryan eyes up Elena's new curves. "But you carry it well."
"Uh, Thanks?" Elena folds her arms over her chest at the rude comment.
At the Mikaelson podium Kol has taken another photo, "Hashtag Fat Vampire"
Beside him Finn gives a disapproving glare, "That's insensitive, Kol. Do I need to tell Mother that you've been Cyber Bullying again?"
"Piss off, Finn," Kol replies as he turns away from his brother and begins to take photos of the audience.
At the podium Ryan happily turns to Elijah and offers his hand. "Elijah, welcome back."
Elijah accepts the gesture and they shake hands, "My family and I were very surprised by the invitation."
"The Mikaelsons certainly made an impression on our fans," Ryan forces himself to smile as he thinks about the damage Klaus did during their last taping. "Never mind," he changes the subject. "That suit is stunning. Please tell us about who you're wearing today?" Ryan asks the Original vampire.
"Who I'm wearing?" Elijah's brow raises and he looks at the host in confusion.
"The designer," Ryan smiles eagerly.
"This is from Dolce and Gabanna's 2015 couture line."
"Wait a minute," Ryan frowns. "You were supposed to be wearing one of my suits."
"I prefer to select my own attire," Elijah replies.
"PAULA! A word please….," Ryan growls as he walk to edge of the stage.
Announcer: We're taking five.
"Hello Elena," Elijah nods to his opponent.
"Hello Elijah," Elena responds.
They stand there uncomfortably, unable to even make small talk.
Damon returns on stage wearing a pair of faded blue jeans with a dress shirt, tie and jacket. "Where's Ryan Sparkles?" he asks as he takes the host spot at the podium.
"He's taking five," Elena tells Damon.
"Oh please, like his job is hard." Damon holds up the cue cards and begins to read. "One hundred humans surveyed, top five answers on the board."
The camera pans to the board overhead with the five answers covered.
"WHAT THE BLEEP ARE YOU DOING?" Ryan roars from the back of the auditorium. With vampire speed he rushes on stage ripping the cards out of Damon's hands and holds them protectively against his chest.
"I AM THE HOST! NOW GET BACK IN YOUR SPOT," Ryan orders.
"Well, someone's a little cranky-pants today," Damon replies holding his hands up in submission.
Ryan closes his eyes and utters the word "Woosaaaa" several times.
"Is he alright?" Elena asks Elijah.
Elijah shrugs.
"Yes. I'm fine." Ryan straightens his tie and adjusts his shirt cuffs. From backstage a girl runs onto the set and fixes his microphone. "Elena and Elijah, are you ready to play the feud?"
"Yes," they answer in unison.
"One hundred humans surveyed, top five answers on the board."
The camera pans to the board overhead with the five answers covered.
"Name a place you might find a vampire."
Both Elijah's and Elena's hands slam down on their respective buzzers. The light flashes on Elena's side indicating she hit her buzzer first.
"Elena?" Ryan turns to her.
"A bar," Elena replies.
"Good Answer!" her team screams and claps.
"That's where I go," Ryan comments, "Show me BAR!"
BUZZZZZZZ
A red strike appears.
The camera pans to the Salvatore Family – their jaws are dropped in shock.
"How is that NOT up there!" Damon bursts out in disbelief.
Even Ryan Seacrest seems surprised. He looks over at Elijah who is clearly mulling over possible responses. "Perhaps Elijah can give us an answer."
Elijah pauses dramatically, his brow furrows as though he's giving this a great deal of thought.
"Three seconds," Ryan reminds him.
"Transylvania," Elijah replies.
"Transylvania," Ryan repeats. "Where it all started."
"To be entirely accurate, the origin of our kind began in a small village…," Elijah responds but Ryan talks over him.
The host turns to the board overhead, "Show me Transylvania!"
BUZZZZZZZ
A red strike appears.
"Oh no," Ryan's smile falters. "Please don't let this happen again."
There's more Feud coming up shortly...
-Gemma