Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and favorite and followed this story! - Gemma
Chapter Five
We open on dancing GSN logo
Announcer: Welcome back to Vampire Family Feud
Cut to game show set, each player is standing behind their family podium clapping to the beat.
Announcer: With your host, Ryan Seacrest!
Ryan stands in the center of the stage smiling wide. The audience cheers loudly. The host takes his place behind the face off podium. "Let's play the Feud," he announces. "Elena and Elijah, come on up!"
As the two vampires meet again, they shake hands politely before setting their palms down next to the buzzer.
"Point values are doubled," Ryan reads from his card. "Top seven answers on the board." He pauses as he reads the question to himself. "This should be a good one," he mutters softly but the mike catches it and it broadcasts over the speakers.
The audience laughs.
"Name something a party guest might do that would get them kicked out."
Both vampires slam their hands on the buzzer. Elijah's light flashes indicating he rang in first.
"Elena," Ryan ignores the light and turns to the brunette on his right.
"Ahem," Elijah clears his throat loudly.
"Uh, I think Elijah…," Elena questions Ryan's call.
"Yes," Elijah agrees. "I rang in…"
But Ryan talks right over Elijah.
"Three seconds, Elena."
She looks back at her team and sees Damon urging her to answer.
Elena feels guilty because she's knows it's really not her turn. "Show up uninvited?" she says hoping that her second-rate answer won't actually be up there. The tension between Elijah Mikaelson and Ryan Seacrest is just plain weird and is making her very uncomfortable.
"Show up uninvited," Ryan says.
BUZZZZZZZZZ
A red strike appears.
"Rebekah?" Ryan addresses the Mikaelson podium.
"What?" Rebekah is taken off guard. "Isn't it my brother's turn?"
"Yes, it IS my turn." Elijah is getting angry. "I do not know why you insist on acting so childishly."
Ryan ignores Elijah. "Three seconds Rebekah."
"I am talking to you!" Elijah moves toward Ryan. He's got a few inches on the host and uses every one of them as he stretches his spine looming over the celebrity.
"You really wanna do this?" Ryan growls.
Elijah growls back deep and menacingly. His fists curl into balls and he looks ready to swing.
Everyone knows Elijah is a gentleman but he is also a Mikealson. The host drops his cue cards and prepares to strike.
No one from either family moves a muscle.
Even the audience holds their breath.
The air is thick with anticipation as Ryan shadow boxes in place, taunting the Original.
Elijah reaches out one hand and flicks the tip of Ryan Seacrest's nose.
"OW!" Ryan winces as both hands clutch his nose.
"My answer is," Elijah resumes his normal façade placing his hands eloquently back on the podium. "Get into a fight," he tells the host, smirking sideways at the double meaning of his answer.
"Show me 'Get into a fight'". Ryan takes the hint and subtly cues security.
DING!
The number two answer flips over.
The Mikaelson family cheers for Elijah.
"Pass or play?" Ryan asks him.
Elijah looks at his family.
"Come on, Mate," Kol yells. "Niklaus has been kicked out of plenty of parties."
"Yeah," Finn agrees. "We've got this one!"
"We'll play," Elijah tells Ryan.
"Fangtastic." As Ryan makes his way to the Mikaelson podium, an intern runs onstage with a new set of cue cards.
As Elena walks back to the Salvatore podium, she gets a text from Caroline.
Do you still keep a spare thong in your bag?
Elena quickly types NO and even though she is curious cannot bring herself to text the Why. Caroline's next text comes instantly. Vampire speed plus texting – talk about efficiency.
Help! I'm naked! I can't find wardrobe!
After texting a quick reply, Elena slips off stage to help Caroline find clothes.
Back at the Mikaelson podium, Ryan leans on his elbow as he reads the question to Rebekah. "Name something a party guest might do that would get them kicked out."
"One time," Rebekah pauses to hiccup. "Nik showed up in the nude."
"I remember that!" Finn laughs.
"Good answer!" Kol drums his hands on the podium.
Esther purses her lips. She knows her children have plenty of stories but she doesn't want the Mikaelson dirty laundry aired on television.
Ryan checks his watch. They're halfway through the taping. He glances over at the lovely Taylor Swift and gives himself a little pep talk. Only ninety minutes until they go to dinner.
"Is it up there?" Ryan smiles for the camera. "Show me – party naked!"
BUZZZZZZZZZ
The first red strike appears.
"Awwwww," Rebekah frowns.
"Finn, what do you think?" Ryan asks.
"I'm going to say – get completed inebriated," Finn replies laughing. His siblings laugh along as their mother stand stiffly by, staring straight ahead.
"Show me, drunk!" Ryan calls up to the board.
DING!
The number one answer flips over.
"Alright, Mate!" Kol pats his brother on the back.
"I did it!" Finn exclaims. "I got the number one answer!"
The announcer cues the theme song as Finn takes a minute to perform a rather awkward victory dance.
The Mikaelsons all try to stop him before he embarrasses himself (or the family) any further. But Finn won't be stopped – he leaps over the podium and heads to center stage.
The audience laughs and cheers as he performs some poorly choreographed pop and lock moves.
"Go Finn! Go Finn! Go-Go-Go Finn!"
"Mother, do something!" Elijah elbows Esther – who is clapping along – clearly oblivious to her son's deficiency in Rhythm 101.
From across stage the Salvatores watch the center stage performance and don't bother to hold in their laughter.
"Is that the running man?" Tswizzle blurts as Finn's feet slide across the floor.
"I've seen poodles dance better than that," Damon shakes his head.
"Why is he smacking his own ass?" Enzo asks.
"Let's hope he keeps his clothes on," Stefan says with crossed fingers.
The music winds down and Finn spins 360 and ends posed – with his arms crossed over his chest, fingers splayed in gang symbols.
Kol's phone clicks as he snaps a photo and posts it to Instagram. Hashtag: FinnGotSwag
"Thank God that's over," Ryan shudders at Finn's dancing – but has to admit it's better than some of the stuff he's seen on Dancing with the Stars recently.
Fortunately, Finn isn't as popular as some of the other contestants so there is no rioting or fan girl fighting and he is able to return to the podium to the sound of scattered applause.
Ryan continues to the final spot. "Kol, got an answer?"
"What was the question again, Mate?"
Ryan lets out a low growl as he reads the question – yet again. "Name something a party guest might do that would get them kicked out."
"Shagging in the master bedroom!" Kol shouts loudly. His siblings all applaud his answer. "C'mon, mate – you know you've done it." Kol winks at Ryan.
"Actually, I haven't." Ryan's jaw sets. Apparently none of the Mikaelsons have any respect for anyone's personal space – or line of designer suits.
"Sex in the master bedroom," Ryan calls out.
BUZZZZZZZZZ
The second red strike appears.
"WHAT! Kol exclaims. "Oh bloody hell."
"It was good answer, Kol." Rebekah fist bumps her brother.
"Back to the lovely, Esther." Ryan journeys to the head of household at the top of the podium. "Your family has two strikes," he tells her. "One more and we go to the Salvatore family for the steal."
The camera pans over to the Salvatore family where they are huddled together brainstorming an answer.
"Name something a party guest might do that would get them kicked out."
Esther thinks for a moment. She looks at her son, Elijah and then back at the host.
"Three seconds," Ryan reminds her.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BACKSTAGE
Elena finds Caroline in a dressing room frantically searching through a rack of gowns for something to wear. She pauses for a second, and sniffs the air. "Why do I smell urine?"
"Uhhhhh," Caroline blushes. "I may have had a little accident."
"An accident?" Elena stares at her friend. She doesn't want to think about it let alone ask about it – but this is Klaus and before she can stop herself the question slips out. "Please tell me that Klaus doesn't have some freaky Fifty Shades of Grey fetish that involves pee."
"EW! NO!" Caroline's face wrinkles in disgust. Then she takes Elena by the arm and pulls her into a secret confidence. "He made me come so hard - I wet myself," Caroline confesses.
Elena covers her mouth in shock.
"Multiple orgasms. So many I lost count," Caroline continues, as Elena looks at her with a sort of horrified jealousy.
"Elena, I'm scared." Caroline's worried fingers run through her blonde hair. "I don't think I'll ever have sex like that with anyone but Klaus. I mean, what if he's the only person that can make my body feel that way?"
"He's not, Caroline. Trust me. There is someone out there for you who is so much better than Klaus." Elena tries to sound convincing and even though Caroline nods in agreement, Elena can see the doubt in her eyes. "Maybe you should shower," Elena steers her friend toward the bathroom. "I'll find something for you to wear."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BACK TO THE GAME
"Be rude," Esther tells Ryan with a final nod of her head. Hoping he'll take the hint because only an idiot would mess with a Mikaelson.
"Show me – Be Rude!"
DING!
The number three spot flips over: INSULT HOST
Ryan moves to the next contestant – his new enemy – Elijah Mikaelson. "See that answer," he says to Elijah slapping his cue cards against his palm. "It won't just get you kicked out of a party." He looks at the vampire triumphantly.
Elijah ignores the petty threat of Ryan Seacrest, instead offering an answer of, "vomit on the wall."
There is laughing from Finn and Kol as Rebekah's face reddens.
"You did that?" Ryan looks at the fair Rebekah in disbelief.
The blonde covers her face with her hand in embarrassment.
"How do you throw up on wall?" Ryan continues.
"It was projectile vomit," Kol explains as he demonstrates using his tie as the vomit.
Rebekah keeps her eyes down on the podium.
"Learn something new every day." Ryan points up at the board. "Show me paint the wall with puke!"
DING!
The number five spot flips over: VOMIT
"Come on Rebekah!" Finn and Kol cheer up their sister as she sends a nasty glare Elijah's way.
"What?" Elijah looks at her innocently. "It's not as though you had to clean it up, Cinderella."
"Alright then," Rebekah looks her big brother then back at Ryan. With a sly grin she answers without being prompted, "Getting into a screaming match with Niklaus over, hmmm, let me see – what was her name again? I believe it may have been…"
Elijah's brow wrinkles as he snorts out an inaudible warning to his little sister, about not mentioning Katherine's name.
Clueless, Ryan looks up at the board. "Show me arguing!"
DING!
The number six spot flips over: GETTING TOO LOUD
"Two answers left," Ryan looks up at the board in amazement. "It's been a long time since any family actually made it this far. Then again, he looks down at the writing on his cue card, maybe he just needed to ask the right question.
"Two strikes," Ryan sighs hoping that this will be the third strike so Finn won't have a reason to get his groove on again. "Name something a party guest might do that would get them kicked out."
"Phew," Finn takes a breath and looks up at the board. He rocks back on his heels then forward on his toes. "I'm gonna say…," he takes a minute to look at each of siblings.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BACKSTAGE
Klaus stands shirtless in Ryan Seacrest's dressing room admiring the (quickly-healing) claw marks down his back courtesy of one Caroline Forbes. He smiles to himself at the hand that fate dealt him today.
Nothing like a bit of raw, feral sex to lift your mood.
In fact, Klaus is in good spirits right now – which is as close to "happy" as someone like Klaus gets.
He puts his shirt on and sees a familiar face peeking in the doorway. "Marcel!" he greets his surrogate son. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company today?"
Marcel enters the room with Davina a few steps behind him. The witch takes a slight sniff of the air.
"Why does it smell like sex and Thin Mints in here?" she asks.
"How do you know what sex smells like?" Marcel gives her a stern look. "You and Kol better not have…
"We haven't…," Davina replies in annoyance.
Marcel's fingers form a peace sign as he points to his face and then to Davina in the unspoken: I'm watching you.
Davina rolls her eyes and checks her iPhone.
Klaus chuckles at the interaction between Marcel his ward.
"Laugh while you can," Marcel tells him. "Yours will be this age before you know it."
"And I'll kill anyone who even looks at her," Klaus tells Marcel. (Poor Hope!) "So," Klaus picks up a box of Girl Scout cookies and removes the foil sleeve. "Cookie?" he offers to his visitors.
"You bought Girl Scout cookies?" Davina asks critically.
"Actually, Ryan Seacrest bought them," Klaus shoves an entire Thin Mint in his mouth. "Want one?"
"No thanks," the witch returns to her phone.
"Pass," Marcel hold up his hand as the green box comes his way. "Something you wanna tell me?" he asks Klaus, giving him the 'I-know-you-keep-a-lot-of-secrets-but-this-is-something-you-should-have-told-me-about' look.
Klaus shrugs and pops another cookie into his mouth.
"Come on, man." Marcel punches Klaus in the shoulder. "Who is she?"
"Who is who?" Klaus repeats while chewing.
Marcel opens his phone and searches briefly. "When I got the e-Vite, I thought it was a joke." He holds out his phone to Klaus. "All I can say is – I better not have missed the bachelor party."
"Bachelor party?" Klaus takes the phone and looks at the screen.
Mr. and Mrs. Mikael Mikaelson
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their son
Niklaus
There is a sonic-sounding growl of, "Mother!" as Klaus tears out of Ryan Seacrest's dressing room toward the set.
Oh No - A Cliffie! But don't worry - there's more Feud coming soon!
Don't forget to leave your favorite ship in a review - I'll be using them in the next chapter!