Ok so I'm really excited about this chapter, so I really hope you guys tell me what you think of it. In this one I made use of the Jonhy Cash song, once again, so if you are already bored of it, sorry :/ I just fell in love with it on the cold case episode The Goodbye Room (really great episode, you guys should totally watch it) anyway I had this chapter completely maped out since the beggining and it worked out exactly how I wanted so I hope you guys like it.

Thanks a lot to xxxMrsSalvatorexxx for correcting this for me :D

Please please review, I really want to know what you think about this one ;)

When I was young I knew everything
And she, a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt-stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
Stopped a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice, no

Can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

The Freshmen –The Verve Pipe-

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September 1, 2003

Elena caressed her six month old pregnant belly absently while she watched some TV at night.She had dreamt about him once again, it was so vivid, she could still feel the taste of his lips on her mouth. A single teardrop fell from her eyes at the memory.

"You okay Lena?" The worried voice of Jeremy brought her out of her dream.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said, wiping her eyes clean.

"Yeah, I can see that." He said with a roll of his eyes and sat on the floor in front of her.

She hated what she was making him go through, this was her mistake not his. He was fourteen, he shouldn't be going through all of this. Their parents had sent them both to Boston, where John's parents lived. They didn't want the society of Mystic Falls to know about their daughter's indiscretion and for them this was the best solution. Elena hadn't complained at all because it seemed like the best way out for her, she needed to be as far away as possible from Damon.

Sometimes she wondered if they were going to let her go back, they took her here because they didn't want people to know, but what were they going to say when she and Jeremy went back to Mystic Falls with a baby in her arms? She guessed they were still trying to figure out that part.

"You see, there's something that I still can't understand." Jeremy stated, looking at the floor and rubbing his hands against his pants.

"What?" Elena asked cautiously.

"I know that something happened between you two, that's the reason you don't want to see him again." Jeremy started talking carefully, he knew pretty well that he had to avoid his name or Elena would flip and turn into an emotional mess. "But why didn't you tell him about the baby?" His warm eyes looked at her.

"I don't know." She admitted looking down. "At that moment I was so angry and so hurt because of it, he was going to be my rock but he betrayed me and I felt like he didn't deserve to know, to be a part of this." She closed her eyes and caressed her belly once again. "But now I think that I made a huge mistake, I shouldn't have kept this from him." Her eyes clouded with tears and she started taking deep, short breaths to stop them from falling.

"You can still work this out you know." Jeremy said with a small smile. Elena knew what he was suggesting, he wanted her to call Damon and tell him everything. But she couldn't, not now anyway. Maybe once the baby was born, plus, she couldn't handle it right now.

"I will Jer, but just not now. I can't do it right now." Jeremy was able to see the distress she was in, and decided to let it go. His sister was already going through so much and he didn't want her to be sick again, that could be bad for the baby.

"Well okay then." He said with a small smile. "What are we watching anyway?" He said, turning around to face the TV screen.

"We are watching re-runs of Lois &Clark." Elena answered with a small smile.

Suddenly images of Damon holding their baby clouded her mind and her heart swelled, even after everything she knew that he would be an amazing father. She hadn't wanted to know the baby's sex, sometimes she wished it was a boy with his eyes, and other times she wished it was a girl with his dark hair.

After all this time she still couldn't get it out of her head and how could she? She was carrying his baby. She couldn't wait to hold him or her, this was the most anticipated moment of her entire life, no matter all of the things that she went through last year and even though this wasn't an ideal situation, she still wouldn't change her baby for anything in the world. She loved him or her already and the idea that a tiny person was growing inside of her enchanted her completely; she was carrying a little part of her and Damon.

Sometimes at night she wondered what he was doing. Did he miss her? Did he know the reason why she left? And on those nights she was overwhelmed with guilt, no matter what he did to her, he did not deserve what she was doing to him. She was keeping his child away from him. But then the anger would rise as well and made her realize that he didn't deserve to know about it. He promised to love her forever but he didn't, she was just a game to him. Even so, she was so thankful that her mother didn't reveal the truth to her father, John would have killed him if he knew that he was the father. But Isobel hadn't said a word and she wouldn't, she knew how to protect her daughter's sanity.

"Well sis, I think it's time for you to go to bed." Jeremy said getting up from the floor and offering his hand to her so she would be able to stand up. "It's almost eleven and we want my little nephew to get lots of sleep."

"Nephew?" She asked with a raised brow.

"Yeah, I think it's a boy."

"We'll just have to wait to find out." She answered with a smile and let him lead her to her room.

Once inside she put her nightgown on, brushed her teeth and sat down in front of the big oak boudoir to brush her long hair, she was almost done when she felt the baby kick hard at her stomach.

"Oh my God," She placed her hand on her belly quickly and enjoyed the feeling of her child claiming her attention. "I guess you really don't want to sleep, huh?" A big smile played on her features. "How about a song?"

She got up from the chair and climbed into the bed, resting her head against the headboard while still caressing her belly; she felt it kick once again and she couldn't help but wonder about the little life growing inside of her.

.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away

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Tears started to fall from her eyes when the song left her lips, she didn't know why but she sang it to the baby almost every night, the pain was just too much.

Sometimes she wondered how her life turned out this way, this wasn't in her plan, never supposed to happen, in a matter of minutes her life started to crumble down, the only thing that let her keep going was her child; she was going to overcome everything for it: the heartache, the rejection of her parents, the bad looks from society.She was going to overcome everything for the life growing inside of her.

My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of valium and slept
And now he's guilt-stricken, sobbing
With his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept

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.

He stared at the ceiling, like he was hoping that there was some answer hidden in there. After six months he still couldn't believe that everything had turned out this way.

For the first time in his life he had left his heart out in the open, he had given all of himself to someone.He let himself feel and now everything had turned into pain, nothing else mattered. In that moment Damon Salvatore swore that no woman would be able to hurt him that way again, he wouldn't let them. And it's not like they would be able to… you can't break a broken heart, and his was shattered. But even so, he couldn't stop his head from going to her. Where is she? What is she doing? Is she okay? Is she happy?... Does she miss me? Damon couldn't understand how he still had feelings for the brunette girl, she gave up on them, on him. She left him alone, left him when he was broken.He should hate her, hate her with every fiber of his being but he couldn't, he knew that if she returned home to him right now he would forgive her without question, because he couldn't live without her, he just couldn't.

He stretched his arm out to the night stand and took the bottle of bourbon that was resting on there.He drank straight from the bottle, almost choking himself in the position he was in, but he didn't care, nothing mattered anymore.

"Damon, are you okay?" He heard the soft voice of his little brother but he couldn't care less, they had been bugging him for weeks, wondering what was wrong with him like they care.He knew that no-one in his family cared about him, no-one. The only person he thought cared about him was long gone now.

"Go away Stefan!" He shouted and Stefan flinched at his words once again. He couldn't understand what was happening with his brother and he was truly concerned. He hadn't seen Damon like this in his whole life. He had been drowning himself in alcohol for the past few months and he wanted to find a way to help him but he didn't know how. What shocked him the most was the fact that his father seemed oblivious to it, it was like he really didn't care about what was going on with his elder son's life.

Sometimes Stefan wondered if his brother's state of mind had anything to do with the fact that Elena Gilbert was gone, he had heard that she left for boarding school.He saw them spend time together over the summer but that was it, he wasn't sure that there was something between them and he prayed to God that there wasn't because he had his own feelings towards her and he would never compete with his brother for a girl, Damon mattered more than anything in the world to him.

Everything became quiet once again and Damon breathed in relief, he had finally left him alone. Why couldn't Stefan understand that he wanted to be alone? That he couldn't stand being with anyone at the moment?

"Damon, this can't continue." Karen's soft voice said and he lifted his head to see her standing in the doorway.

"What do you want? Just go!" He replied harshly but she did not budge. She closed the door and walked towards the bed.

"You can talk to me you know." She said in a warm voice and took a seat on his bed.

"Don't pretend you're my mother." Damon answered, giving her a hard glare.

"I'm not trying to do that Damon, I know that I'm not your mother and that you're never going to see me that way, that's not what I want." Her warm green eyes looked at him with love. "I just want to be a friend."

"I don't need friends."

"Yes you do. We all need a friend." She put her hand on top of his and removed it immediately. "This is because of Elena, right?" She said in a whisper.

"What?" Damon's eyes widened at the mention of her name and he immediately sat up in the bed.

"Your father is too busy to notice but I'm not." He stared at her, eyes open wide and a soft smile appeared on her lips. "You love her, right?"

"I…" He didn't know how to answer. He had been putting his feelings inside of him for so long and after hearing her say it he just couldn't get a grip of himself.

"It's okay Damon, you can tell me."

"She left, I loved her and she left." He gripped his bed sheets with his hands at the memory of the letter she had left for him. "I wasn't good enough for her."

"Don't say that." She stared into his broken eyes and felt her own heart breaking at the sight. This boy had been through so much in his young life and the only thing he needed was for someone to love him back.

"It's just-" His eyes clouded with tears and he looked down. Karen had never seen him like this, no-one had ever seen him like this, but there was only so much pain a man could take on his own. "I don't know what I'm going to do." His blue tearful eyes looked at her.

"Oh Damon," She murmured, getting closer to him. "Everything is going to be okay." She held him tight while he kept crying like a little boy, for the first time ever he was letting her show him the comfort of a mother. Of the mother she had always wanted to be for them.

"I can't keep living without her."

"Don't say that. Everything will get better," She stroked his dark hair while he trembled in her arms. "We're here for you. We won't leave you alone."

He kept hearing the soothing words she whispered to him but he couldn't understand them, he couldn't understand anything. The only thing he knew for certain was that he would never be the same man after Elena Gilbert.

For the life of me
I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise

And we'd never compromise
For the life of me
I cannot believe we'd ever die
For these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen
We were only freshmen

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September 28, 2003

Elena opened her eyes slowly and found herself surrounded by white walls, her head was throbbing with pain and she felt needles connected to her arms. Her throat was dry so when she attempted to talk the only thing that came out was a soft whimper.

Panic attacked her when she felt a sharp pain at her lower stomach and she immediately placed both of her hands there. She knew something was wrong, she could feel it. Her baby was no longer there.

"Help." It came out as a strangled whisper but she didn't stop, she continued repeating it while she struggled to free herself from the machines she was connected to.

Two nurses rushed into her room after a couples of seconds and held her to the bed, reassuring her that everything was going to be okay. She was hysterical and didn't stop calling after her baby. Isobel came into the room and she instantly felt relieved - if her mother was there that meant that nothing could be wrong.

"Mom," She said with tears in her eyes. "What happened, where's my baby?"

"Elena darling, what do you remember?" Her mother said, taking a seat next to her on the bed.She had calmed down enough so the nurses excused themselves and left Isobel to deal with the girl.

"Jeremy and I were driving with Pops; we went to the market…" She closed her eyes trying to shut out the pain in her head and felt her mother's hand squeezing hers. "…Then there was this truck, we didn't see it. It just crashed into us." Frantic sobs left her mouth at the memory. "Mom, what happened?"

Isobel caressed her forehead softly and pressed a kiss to her hand. "Elena, you've been out for three days." A soft gasp left Elena's lips. "Jeremy hasn't woken up yet, but the doctors said that he would be okay, we just have to wait. You grandfather is absolutely fine." She said with a small smile but was still being cautious, something that Elena didn't like at all.

"What about my baby?" She said in a soft whisper, looking deeply into her mother's eyes.

"They had to give you an emergency C-section," Elena tightened her hold on her mother's hand. "It was a baby girl."

"Was?"

"Darling, she was very small and very weak. And the impact-"

"No." Elena cut her off immediately. "No, that's not true, I know it isn't. Where's my baby?" She shouted at her mother while tears fell from her eyes.

"Elena, she didn't make it sweetheart." Isobel's heart was breaking at seeing her daughter like this, but she knew that the sooner she accepted it, the better. This was the best thing for her.

"No, you're lying. I want my baby. She's not dead, I can feel it. I know she isn't!" Elena continued screaming hysterically.

"Elena, Elena sweetheart," Isobel took her face inbetween both of her hands. "I know this is hard for you to accept… but it's the truth."

"I wanna see her!" Her voice broke down at the end and Isobel had to stop her own tears from coming.

"That's not going to be possible, she's already been buried." Elena's eyes widened in horror at her mother's response.

"How could you?"

"You were out for 3 days, we didn't know when were you going to wake up. We needed to do something with the body-" Elena covered her ears with her hands, not wanting to hear another word come out of Isobel's mouth.

"Elena-"

"Get out." Her voice was hard and void of any emotion.

"Sweetheart," Isobel caressed her hair softly.

"I said get out!" Elena shouted at the top of her lungs. "I wanna be alone; I don't want to see anyone!"

Isobel tried to speak again but realized that the best thing was for her to be alone while she processed everything that had happened. It was a lot to take in after all.

Elena heard the door closing and laid down into a fetal position, not really caring about the pain in her stomach. The sobs were racking her tiny body as she clutched the bed sheet tightly.

This couldn't be happening; it had to be some kind of dream. Her baby couldn't be taken away from her. She felt a hole in her chest and she wasn't sure how she was going to close it. She felt empty; the only thing that made her happier these days was gone. How was she supposed to go on without it? She had loved her baby since the minute she knew she was carrying it, what was she going to do now with all of that love? How was she supposed to keep on living without it?

'If you were with me tonight,I'd sing to you just one more time… A song for a heart so big…God wouldn't let itlive.' She sang softly to herself while tears kept falling from her eyes.

A baby girl, she could picture her now: Dark hair and blue eyes just like her father. She would have been beautiful and now she wasn't even going to meet her. Why was God being so unfair to her? What right did he have that allowed him to mess with her life?

This would never have happened if things had gone as she had planned, if he didn't betray her she would have stayed in Mystic Falls, he would have supported her and taken care of them. Her baby girl would still be with her.It was his entire fault. Everything bad that had happened in her life was because of him. And for the first time in her whole life, Elena Gilbert wished she had never met Damon Salvatore.