I knew how to handle men. I knew how to come to them as a conqueror but appear a supplicant, and vice versa. For example, when I got Felix to train with me. I knew he had time to kill and nothing better to kill it with than a strong newborn to practice fighting, but he would never acknowledge it to me. So when he started going on about his important duties and how time-consuming they were, I cowered in feigned deference. "Oh, I'm sorry to even ask, Felix. I should have known. Maybe I can get Afton to train with me instead."

Felix was mostly over his passion for Chelsea, but he still remained less than fond of Afton. My mention of him left a furrow in his brow.

"Afton's an alright fighter, but he and Chelsea haven't been on the guard that long. He doesn't have nearly as much experience as I do."

"But even a less prestigious full education is better than half of one from someone who doesn't have time to teach."

"I'm sure that when Aro knows I'm teaching you, he'll remove some of my duties."

"Oh, I wouldn't want you to do that just for me. As you said, your duties are very important."

I had him struggling for words. "Well - well - compared to what the rest of the guard does, they are. But I don't need important duties to show my worth to Aro. I'm always among his most prized."

"And why would one of Aro's most prized bother to teach an untalented little recruit?"

"Because . . . you're important, too."

"I am?"

"We're a guard, not a football team. We're only as strong as our weakest link."

"Oh. That's . . . flattering." And I turned away from him, as if I were going to leave. I wasn't about to let him get away with calling me weak.

"I mean, um, I also, uh, really want to work with you."

Oh yes, he did!

"You do?"

Felix smiled. "It's not every day you get to fight a strong, cunning newborn."

Hmm. Cunning. That was a bonus. I gave him a knowing smile, indicating that he'd been caught. "Well, as long as it's not too much trouble, then."

But for all my artistry, two males in my life continued to elude me. My son, Julian, I was forbidden to come into direct contact with for fear my thirst would kill him. Several times my longing for him ached until I was tempted to sneak into the wives' tower and spirit him away. But then the thirst would attack me again, and the thought of putting my baby in such danger inspired extreme panic.

In my occasional trips to the one-way glass, Julian spoke to me aloud. He proudly told me of everything he was learning, both physically and intellectually. He told me what a great teacher Sulpicia was, and that he wished I could be with them too. He also said I shouldn't worry too much, because he still saw me through the thoughts of others. "Otherwise," he told me, "I would have found a way to break out of here and catch a glimpse of you."

Our bodyguards laughed. Sulpicia said, "You would have found a way to make us very angry and lock you up in a crib like a normal baby." She said it tenderly, with a smile.

Julian answered, "And then you'd find out that I can throw a temper tantrum like a normal baby."

Two months after his birth, I received a handwritten note from Julian. I was pleased to have a way to communicate without seven other vampires in the room, but it saddened me to realize that he had learned to read and write while I wasn't there. His life was passing so quickly, and I played such a minor part in it.

I was eternally envious of Sulpicia, for she had the raising of him while I didn't. In my darker moments I wondered whether she shouldn't be trusted with him either, for up in the wives' tower she had little practice restraining herself around humans. But no, she was always in control. If I let suspicions like that worry me, I'd go insane.

I was also jealous of her for another reason - Aro, the only man I had no power over. I wasn't sure whether my worry over him was due to the fact that he knew I had still desired him - when I was human at least - or that the line between master and lover were forever blurred and confused. To make things more complicated, he would show up to my training sessions with Felix every now and then, always claiming some pretext. I never knew what to make of this. Was he merely doing his job, making sure I was trained properly? Or was he there to make sure Felix made no advances on me? If the latter were true, did that mean he wanted to make advances on me? But he was my master; if he wanted to take me he would just do it, as was his right. To have his gaze on me as I trained was unnerving, to say the least. It put my emotions in a tumble, a mixture of fear, passion, and anxiety. However, I made sure to let none of that show in my work. To appear unfocused and incompetent simply would not do.

When I'd been a vampire nearly six months, I showed to train with Felix one day, only to find our usual room empty. This was to be expected; he sometimes came late. But after waiting half an hour and I was ready to go out looking for him, Aro showed up.

"Felix has been sent out hunting," he told me. "He can't train with you today."

Oh. So I'd return to my room and write a letter to Julian. When Felix returned, I'd be able to make another trip to the one-way glass. Julian had gotten so big now. Would his hair be even longer? Sulpicia really should arrange to get it cut -

"Which is why," Aro cut in, "I will be training with you instead."

Wait - what? Since when did Aro train with anyone? Aro could fight? Aro would fight? I looked at his clothes. Beneath the black cloak he wore loose, less extravagant clothing. It suited him well.

"The two of us - alone?" I asked.

It wasn't until his breath caught that I realized what I was insinuating. What I meant was that I expected his bodyguards to be with him while he was training with a newborn - what if I lost control? But he thought I meant that I thought he had intentions. And from the look on his face, it looked like he did have intentions.

How much planning went behind this meeting? Was it mere coincidence that Felix was suddenly called away to hunt without warning, that he didn't have time to tell me not to come today, and that the only person available to deliver the message was Aro himself?

He wanted me - that much was obvious. But did I want him? I had when I was human. How much did I trust those memories? I cast a furtive glance at his body underneath those loose clothes he was wearing.

Aro said, "Do you wish to fight me or not?"

"Yes," I said.

He came at me then, and I ducked out of the way at last nanosecond. From there I jumped, intending to land on his shoulders, but he, too, was fast. He attempted a hold on me from behind, but I was in the air again, starting a flip over his head. With dartlike precision, Aro grabbed my leg and knocked me to the floor.

This was crucial. If Aro got on top of me, I had a small chance of winning this fight. That was why I had employed such techniques of jumping into the air - to ensure I was above him.

I got off the floor the instant I hit it, but Aro was one step ahead of me, already on my left side. I had to make a quick hairpin turn to my right.

Here I made a decision. If my gameplan was to outrun Aro and make quick fatal jabs before he could react, nothing would happen. He was just as fast as I was, and so we would remain at an impasse. I decided to move in on him and spar, relying on my strength to overpower him.

I began by trying to get a hold on his wrist, and he took a step back to avoid it. I realized this wasn't a smart move. It alerted him to my change of tactics, and it was too feeble to really surprise him. In all my endeavors to not rely on instinct and go for the obvious kill, I had grown too reserved.

Still, he had given me ground. I took advantage and made a drive toward him, aiming to take out his legs. He responded with a kick, which I blocked, and went for my head. I responded by hitting him in the stomach, which forced him back from me and gave me room to stand upright. At that point he went for my arms, and I aimed to block him with a kick - but wait, he was only feinting for my arms, and while I was busy delivering my kick he went around with a side attack.

His mouth touched my throat, and he had won.

"Felix really has taught you well," he murmured to me. "Would you like to try again?"

At which I did something impulsive - I put my arms around him in such a sudden motion that my momentum carried us both to the floor, with me on top. I put my mouth on his throat then.

"Done," I said, and he laughed.

"I should have been expecting that - but then, I haven't sparred with anyone in ages."

His breath washed on me as he spoke. There were only centimeters between his face and mine; and the rest of our bodies lay directly on top of each other. We were in a compromising position, and we both knew it.

My decision here was just as fatal as any I'd made during the fight, but this one was real, and had real consequences. I had every reason to accept him, and if I rebuffed him, I had no idea how he would react. I had been with him before, and found him attractive, at least to human eyes. Becoming Aro's mistress would give me privileges with the rest of the guard. The only thing holding me back was this new life. The only passion I had felt for the past half-year was for human blood, and also to have Julian in my arms. Physical passion had never crossed my mind. I wasn't even sure what to make of how I felt now, with my body lying across his. If my body wasn't ready . . . could a vampire be hurt that way?

I had never felt so vulnerable. Ever.

"But Gianna, you're so tense," said Aro as he began to stroke my cheek. "Are you all right?"

I had no answer.

He sat up, and I obliged. He took me in his arms and began stroking my neck, my hair, my back. "What do you feel?" he asked me.

I felt myself beginning to unclench at his touch. I sighed quietly but still said nothing.

"You were smart, to employ the change in technique when you did," he told me. "After that, it was your strength against my experience. Your speed, though, that was fun to watch. The leaps you've learned to time well. You'll be a formidable fighter."

It was good to hear his praise of me. I relaxed into his chest, but was surprised to find only bare skin there. Apparently I had grabbed the back of his shirt too roughly when I'd tackled him, leaving a full rip down the front. The wide planes of his chest and abdomen were fully open to my view.

"Oh," I said. "Your shirt . . ."

"Ah, well," he said. "These things happen, you know. Nothing to worry about."

But it did make a difference. No matter what we did now, he'd be leaving this room with a ripped shirt. Though the excuse he'd make would be true, I didn't have to read minds to know what people would think when they saw it. I was Aro's mistress from now on.

"Nobody has to know anything we don't want them to," he told me.

Only then did I realize he'd been reading my thoughts for the past few minutes - ever since he'd touched my cheek. I'd been much too distracted by him.

"I've been distracting you?" he asked.

At that moment I recognized my fear for what it really was - a defense mechanism, a human residue from the last feverish moments of my former life. When Aro had left me . . . left me to die bearing Julian, the pain of that rejection had caused me to put a mental block over the idea of ever loving him again. Being confronted with it now caused my buried desires to come into conflict with that mental block, a trait cemented in my vampire form. My response was this fear.

Hearing this, Aro responded carefully. "My brothers . . . were averse to letting you live, even before I fathered my son on you. It was not my place to override their mandate. But when Julian made it a condition of his serving us, they were content to trade over your life. I really am quite grateful for that, and he knows it."

Of course. Julian knew everything.

Aro chuckled. "He's amazing, isn't he? He's more than I ever dreamed of."

He was.

"And I'd like to thank you for giving him to me."

So Julian was Aro's, then? Did that mean he intended to keep our separation permanent?

He tipped my face to look into his. "Gianna. Even if I had a reason for keeping the two of you apart, it would never work. Julian and I can't possibly keep secrets from each other, and he'd never stand for it. It's as we said, you just need to get under control."

That day could never come fast enough.

Aro sighed. "You really are doing well. I think we can arrange something for when Felix gets back."

"So I can see him?" I asked aloud. "I can hold him?"

"Of course."

I crushed myself against him with such happiness that I began shaking. My son. My boy. We would be together soon. My boy.

Aro turned his head and kissed me, and all the memories of our first night together flooded through me. My pent-up passion and heartache were released in one wild torrent, and that day I earned the title that would follow me for the rest of my life.

I was Aro's mistress.