"I wish you could stay," Brittany said quietly, her voice vanishing into the still air.

Santana lay next to her on her stomach, her breathing not quite even. As promised, their first coupling hadn't been their last, in fact, in the twelve days since it had begun it had become rather frequent. It was now almost a part of the nightly ritual, Santana usually hanging back until Brittany was quite sure her husband didn't plan to enter in the night. They hadn't been together every night, but close to it and Santana knew it couldn't continue, but still didn't know how to tell Brittany no.

"I wish I could too."

The blonde turned on her side and snuggled closer to Santana, "I wish I could wake up to find you in my arms always."

She smiled at the thought, "That would be nice."

"It would be perfect. And after we woke up we could eat together and talk about all the things we wanted to do for the day."

"Hmm, I would think, for me, that would be to return to bed," Santana replied, smirking as she turned her head to face the woman tucked against her side.

Brittany laughed, "We could do that for hours, but after we could go for a ride somewhere."

"No," she said, gaining her lover's attention, "Let's not ride, let's leave. This castle is too big and ominous, we should leave it and move far, far away to a small home in a large town. Somewhere where it is easy to be lost in the crowd, but in our home it will be just us."

A bright smile met her, "And can we have a garden there, too?"

"Yes, one only for you with a pond for all the birds to rest in during their travels," Santana said, giving her a gentle kiss.

It made Santana smile to think of such a place, to imagine carefree worlds the way Brittany did, but at the same time it was crushing, because she knew it would never be. The queen's imaginings almost seemed cruel in the face of reality, but if it made her smile Santana would gladly indulge the fantasy.

However, the brunette's joy faded as she saw the happiness drain from Brittany's face; she was sitting up and looking down at Santana, at her back. And with a sudden flash of fear she realized she had never lingered so long after sex that the other woman had been able to truly examine the handiwork of her previous owners.

She wanted to leap up and run away, to roll out of the bed and hide in her room, but somehow the weight of Brittany's stare kept her pinned down. The other woman ran soft, careful fingers over the intricate web of scars, a frown forming and deepening with every passing moment.

"It's not as awful as it looks," Santana said nervously, though she still had no idea how it looked.

Her eyes continued to look sadly over the criss-cross of scars before her eyes darkened, "Who did this?"

Santana was taken aback by the vehemence in her tone and sat up trying to turn the distressing sight away from her. "I've been beaten all my life, it's nothing to be so concerned for now," she said, hoping to calm her, but apparently only making it worse.

"It is something to be concerned over," she said, eyeing Santana's side as if she could still see what had upset her there, "And I want to know why you've continued to keep your beatings from me."

Santana frowned, "I haven't been whipped since before Azimio became the new understeward."

"Then why are there fresh wounds?" she asked, her eyes sharp.

The smaller woman couldn't help but chuckle, "Those are from you." A horrified look crossed Brittany's face, but knowing that was coming Santana nuzzled into her neck, pressing soft kisses there, "Don't be sorry. I have always been marked by those who hate me, it makes me quite happy to have the mark of one who loves me. I can think of nothing I want more than proof that I can pleasure my lady so thoroughly etched into my skin."

She knew her words had aroused Brittany again, her own kisses to the queen now had intent behind them, but she was aware that this couldn't go on. However, in light of the gentle caresses being sent down her sides, she decided it would for a little while longer.

"Maybe you enjoy them, but I never want to be a cause of pain for you ever again," Brittany said, a determined look on her face.

"I find it quite pleasurable so don't trouble yourself, mi reina," Santana said, uttering the pet name with a grin.

The queen's smile returned, though it was tinged with a frown, "And you still won't tell me what that means," she griped.

Santana merely chuckled mischievously before nibbling on her neck, eliciting a small moan, "Not yet."

She was playing coy, but the truth was that after she'd had a night to think on it she felt the term rather silly when explained. It sounded better to her in her native tongue and she wasn't sure how Brittany would take being called her queen, regardless of the language.

With a pout the other woman sighed and folded her arms, "That's unfair."

"A little, but all you need to know is it is my way of saying I love you."

She still seemed disgruntled, but was undeniably pleased, "You will tell me one day, right?"

Santana's eyes danced with amusement, "One day."

"Soon?"

"We'll see," she said before offering another kiss.

However, the connection was soon broken, because she knew the longer she lingered, the greater the danger. And Santana had no desire to ever find out what Archibald would think a proper punishment for his wife's infidelity.

With tremendous effort she pulled herself out of bed, putting her clothes back on with practiced efficiency, before helping Brittany back into hers. For a while, she simply stood near the bed, knowing she needed to go, but not wanting to and the blonde seemed content to let her.

Eventually she was able to leave and return to the solitude of her room, slightly comforted in the knowledge that her lover was so near.

By the next day that peace had faded.

Like every morning since the moment she had found Karofsky lurking outside Brittany's bed chambers, Santana was filled with nervousness every time she went to eat her morning meal. There was a time when she would have eaten quickly to return to her queen's side, but lately she had taken to slowing down and having lengthy conversations with her small assortment of friends if they had the time. She did it knowing that if the king so desired he could go into Brittany's room at any time and have his way with her, and if that was to be the case Santana felt it would be best for all if it happened without her knowledge. Seeing him leave her chambers caused a hurt that was deeper than a whip's lash and she did not plan to have the pain repeated.

When she finally returned she was pleased to find Brittany's door unoccupied and went in to wake the sleeping woman. The blonde rose slowly, giving her a greeting kiss before getting up, ready to be dressed. Santana chose a dress for her - a dark color, in the hopes of hiding potential stains - and put it on for her as slowly as possible, sharing loving touches and gentle kisses as the garment was put on.

By the time the other servants joined they were both ready to send them away and spend the morning in bed together, but they couldn't and soon Brittany was ready to greet her king.

Santana exited her bedroom and watched the man approach from down the hall with a look of disgust barely masked. He was walking taller these days as his wounds had healed significantly, and though he observably had full use of his arms he seemed to still feel it necessary for Tina to feed him.

When they arrived at the dining hall everyone took their appropriate place and began to feast on the spread that had been prepared. Everything proceeded as normal, with Santana waiting off to the side and thinking excitedly of being alone in the gardens with her queen, when suddenly Brittany called to her.

Surprised, it took her a moment to respond, and when she came to her side she found the woman pointing to the small bowl of seasoning a short distance from her plate.

"Can you hand me that please?" she asked kindly.

Santana was tempted to ask why, it was unlike Brittany to call for assistance to do a task she clearly could manage herself, but she caught herself in time and merely bowed with a 'Yes, m'lady'

When handed the requested item Brittany took her hand and examined the bowl, looking at its contents as if seeing them for the first time.

"I thought this was pure salt, but it's not," she said absently, her long fingers rubbing the back of Santana's hand gently.

The sensation made goose flesh run up her arm, "Um… no, this is…" she used to know, but with Brittany touching her that way she couldn't remember for the life of her what it was she was holding.

"Let me taste it then," she said simply and Santana gaped at her.

It was not at all an inappropriate request for nobility unwilling to put forth the effort to taste foods themselves, but with things like spices and salts it wasn't possible to just hand them over. In such cases when requested it was customary to allow her queen a taste from her finger, but given their relationship it felt like she was asking for an open mouthed kiss.

"Uh…yes, m'lady," she said before pressing a slightly trembling finger into the brown powder and offering it to Brittany.

The queen took the digit into her mouth, her tongue cleaning every bit of the offered spice off it and then some. Santana felt her heart crash around in her chest and couldn't help but glance down the table to see if Archibald was out of his chair charging towards them, but the king was paying them no mind. Instead, he had his eyes on the subject of his own infidelity as Tina fed him his meal.

Her eyes snapped back to Brittany's to find them watching her intently, and her mouth went completely dry as she realized the woman was still tasting her finger. With a gentle nip she finally released it and frowned slightly.

"I'm pretty sure that was cinnamon."

"Yeah," Santana replied numbly, she had known that all along, but the word had escaped her until Brittany said it.

"At least it seems that way. Here, you taste it, maybe I'm wrong," she said easily before lifting the bowl from Santana's hands and dipping her finger into the powder.

Santana was shocked by her boldness, but again the action wasn't out of line, the royals often demanded slaves taste things. Though she had never seen a master make a slave taste a powder from their own hand, and rarely was there ever someone who was too lazy to taste their own food, but willing to reach over and offer the same to their slave. Then again, Brittany's unusual behavior towards those under her was quite well known.

Not wanting to draw attention to herself Santana agreed and allowed Brittany to offer her the spice. She had never tasted cinnamon before, it was bitter yet spicy at the same time, a heat multiplied by the fact that she had Brittany's finger in her mouth. Reflexively she allowed her tongue to do the same dance the blonde's had and it made her squirm a little to see the reaction on the other woman's face when she did. And it made her squirm a lot when she heard a soft moan escape her.

Quickly she pulled away, finding herself panting a little, looking around to see who had noticed the display. Apparently no one had, but when she turned to see Matthew standing nearby she almost screamed, the man's approach had gone almost completely unnoticed.

Brittany didn't seem perturbed in the least, "Hello Matthew," she said pleasantly as she sprinkled small amounts of cinnamon onto her porridge.

"Greetings, highness, the king asked that you accompany me to the library after you have finished eating."

She looked at him quizzically and Santana immediately suspected a trap of some kind, "May I ask why?" the queen inquired.

"He wishes for us to work together to decipher the letter he received."

"The one I couldn't read?" she asked sadly.

"Yes, he wishes to at least know the nature of the letter if not the verbatim content."

With a kind smile she tilted her head, "I wouldn't think he would bother involving me. This is not to say I won't help, but could you not do this on your own?"

His wry smile matched the conspiratorial look in his eyes, "Indeed, I believe I can, but I suspect the letter to contain information only meant for you, and such knowledge may have led me to imply it could only be translated with your help."

Santana felt a little irate at the loss of their private garden time, but the joy on Brittany's face squashed that, plainly the idea of hearing from her family brought her great happiness.

"Alright!" she said excitedly before her face fell slightly, "Santana can come too, right?"

Matthew glanced over at her with a quizzical face, "I don't think the king would approve a servant other than myself knowing the contents of the letter, regardless of its intended recipient, but if she were out of earshot I would think it acceptable."

It was more than a little irritating to be spoken of as if she wasn't around, but she knew neither of them meant any harm by it. After all, even she was aware of Archibald's grey eyes on them now, and after a moment she became aware that Matthew was staring at her rather intently as well.

"Then I will most certainly accompany you."

With a bow he left and Santana watched him go, wondering what his lingering gaze was about, before Brittany returned to her food to eat with a new purpose. She finished long before Archibald, but since the king was still eating and talking lazily with Matthew she had to make her way to the study without him.

At first Santana worried that they might get lost since in all her time at the castle she had never actually been to the library, but they found it with little difficulty. She was astounded to walk inside and see how vast it was, there were books from floor to ceiling, a ceiling that was three levels high. On each floor there were cases full of books on what appeared to be a variety of subjects; Santana could only read simple words, but even she could tell they were about very different things.

Brittany seemed only mildly interested and traveled to the back of the room where there was a space cleared for royalty to sit. The queen seated herself in one of the large, plush chairs by a table and beckoned for Santana to join her, the smaller woman hesitated, because amongst the plush carpet, ornate table, and oversized decorative chairs there did not seem to be a place for a servant to sit.

"Come join me," she said, scooting to the side of her large cushion to make room for her.

"I don't think that's allowed, m'lady," Santana said slowly and cautiously, not knowing who could be lurking in the room, watching them.

"It's perfectly fine, as royalty I am allowed to have a servant to sit at my side to hold my book for me and turn the pages," Brittany said smiling, clearly proud to have found a use for such a privilege.

"You don't have a book."

"Then get one for me."

Her anxieties wearing away, Santana walked to the nearest shelf, picked a book and sat next to Brittany. It was an amazing feeling to be seated next to her with no fear of getting caught, it let her imagine, if just for a moment, that their relationship wasn't a closely guarded secret.

Not knowing how to go about letting Brittany read, she opened the book to the first page and offered it for inspection. The blonde leaned in close to read the words on the page though they were in a clear bold print. She was so close Santana could smell her natural scent and feel her breath across her arms as she held the book steady. It was something she focused on so much she almost yelped when a gentle hand pressed into her side.

"Turn the page."

She did and saw beautiful, ornate drawings of orbs, she stared at it in wonder, wishing she knew what they were for before receiving another light squeeze. Startled once again to be touched so boldly out in the open she turned the page reflexively, focusing more on the warm hand resting on her side and the arm it was connected to stretched across her back. With every gentle nudge Brittany seemed to pull her a little closer until she was practically in the queen's lap.

Santana's blood ran hot from the proximity and the desire to kiss the woman who was so close, however, she knew that this was not the place for such actions, no matter how alone they seemed to be.

After clearing her throat Santana dared to speak, "What is it about?" she inquired.

"The heavens," Brittany replied lightly, "A lot of the words are a bit beyond me, or they are using words that are only for those who study such things."

"Oh," she said, looking at the book with a renewed interest.

Every few pages were full of words and sketches, but occasionally there would be a page covered in a drawing of the night sky, or a giant orb covered in an odd texture. She wished for the first time ever that she could read as well as her masters, because she very much wanted to know what the book was trying to tell her.

"That's a picture of the Blue Divine, it's a place out beyond our world, far away in the sky, it says here it governs the seas and all the life within," Brittany said, having somehow sensed her interest.

Turning the pages she flipped through the book until she saw another picture, "What about this one?"

Her eyes skimmed the words before a smile swept her face, "It's a picture of the Morning Star, it's one of the brightest heavenly bodies. It's said to be the source of love and protects the fate and fortune of women."

Santana frowned a little, "It needs to pay more attention then," she grumbled and Brittany laughed.

"Maybe it only works if you live there."

"You can live on it?"

She looked back down at the page, "It doesn't say you can't, but I guess the problem would be getting there."

"I would like to, I think it would be far enough away from here," she said, indirectly referencing their conversation from that morning.

Lowering her voice, Brittany pressed closer to her, "You would move away with me to the heavens?"

"I would go anywhere with you, mi reina," she replied in a whisper.

Their eyes locked and for a second Santana thought she might not be able to resist the urge to kiss her, but then a noise broke them apart. Looking alarmed she turned to see Matthew approaching with a parchment in his hand, his face neutral, meaning he either hadn't read anything into their closeness or hadn't seen it at all.

"I apologize for my tardiness. Shall we begin?" he asked as he swept into the room.

Santana stood, snapping the book shut and scurrying out of the way, though her position next to Brittany was technically allowed it felt scandalous to be so close in front of others. Quickly she let herself become lost amongst the seemingly endless shelves and eventually came to a corner with a lone, decrepit chair and a window that let light pour in.

Seeing nothing else to do with her time Santana sat in the chair and opened the book again, turning to pages with pictures and marveling at the artwork. Soon she was lost in its pages and began to long to be able to see what the artist saw, to be able to look among the stars at places no horse or ship could reach.

She wasn't sure how long she had spent in the library, the book barely a hand's length from her face, but by the time she saw Matthew appear from behind one of the bookshelves she was on the last few pages.

"Is it time to go?" she asked.

He chuckled, "It was time, some time ago. We couldn't find you, so I escorted the queen to court."

Santana sat up, suddenly alarmed, "Why didn't you call for me?"

"I did a couple of times, but etiquette dictates one not be too loud here. The queen was most distraught, but I gave her my word I would find you and merely escorted her out myself."

"Are you going to have me beaten for not replying?" she asked warily.

He looked offended, "No, why would I?"

"I don't know, Matthew, I can't understand you. You help the king be all that he is yet you are kind to those around you, those two things contradict so severely I find myself confused as to what kind of man you are."

Santana had seen a variety of expressions cross Matthew's face before, but the one she saw now was new. It was sorrow, insult and anger all in one and for a moment she thought he might yell at her, instead he leaned against a nearby bookshelf.

"I would think you of all people would know that there are things one must do to survive in this world. My duty to the king is not who I am, it is merely something that has to be done."

"No. It doesn't. You offer ideas and information, that strengthens him. To overthrow the man all you would have to do is remain silent."

"A means to what end?" he asked, his eyes sharp and his voice low, "To have this kingdom be overrun by others who are exactly the same? I have met all the rulers of our enemies from the far corners of this land at one time or another and I regret to inform you that they are all the same. Maybe one doesn't beat his wife, but he does believe in selling children, or another won't sell children, but has no qualms in killing them for stealing food when they are starving. It doesn't get better, Archibald isn't the kingdom's problem, the mere existence of kingdoms is the world's problem."

She gave him a startled look, supposing she had been quite mistaken to think a man such as Matthew hadn't thought a great deal about his position and the power he held, "And of these royals you have met how many were as cruel as our king in every way?"

Matthew chuckled, "Not many, but he isn't all you think he is," pausing he looked at the floor, "At least he wasn't in the past. He has always been temperamental and spoiled, but as a ruler it has been changing into something else," his words became softer and softer until they were almost inaudible.

"So stop it, you have the power."

He shook his head, "I have the opportunity and that is not the same thing. Opportunity allows for failure, and failure would mean my death."

"And what is it that keeps you so stubbornly away from even trying?"

A sigh escaped him as he walked over to where she sat and looked down at the book she was reading, "I didn't know you could read."

"I can't really, there are pictures," she said, watching him suspiciously.

"I used to study the stars quite extensively when I was a boy," he said, idly flipping the pages of the book in her hands as he spoke, "That and a great deal of philosophy, and in doing so I realized that though I am in a unique situation, I have limitations. I am a man, one with good standing with the king and more control over the castle than any servant has probably ever wielded. However, ignoring all the ways feeding the king faulty advice could cause my demise, and the way that felling him will most likely result in another king of equal moral character as replacement, there is this."

He stopped turning the pages and pointed to a picture rendered in black and white of, what looked like, a grand explosion.

"What is it?" she asked, looking over the intricate image.

"A star. One of the guiding lights of the heavens reaching its end. It's said they shine brightest right before their light goes out."

Santana frowned, "Stars go out?"

"Stars die. Everything dies, Santana, our time is limited and it is best, no matter what your standing, to remember that. In my philosophical studies I learned the phrase memento mori - remember death - and having seen the inevitable mortality of all things, have lived by it ever since. There is only so much that a man can do, and no matter what he chooses one day he will die. There is no reason to court death more than I already am. I do what I can when I can, but I must remember that death is always close at hand."

Santana looked down at the picture of the explosion and frowned, "I understand your fear, and for a while I lived by that as well. But what I learned long ago is that there are things far worse than death, and coming here taught me to stop fearing it so much. Because if fearing it means being unfeeling and uncaring, if it means watching horrors happen around me and doing nothing when the opportunity arises, then my life isn't worth anything. It means I have given up my humanity for the sake of possibly dying later. There is always the danger that some mundane accident could befall me and I might die having preserved my life at the cost of all that I am, only to lose it suddenly in a death that holds no meaning."

A silence fell over them before Santana closed the book and stood to return it to the shelf she had retrieved it from.

Before turning the corner she looked back to Matthew, "Your phrase, remember death, it would be better to be remember life. Remember to live so your death won't be one of regret."

A small smiled graced his lips, "That would make it memento vitae."

"Then memento vitae, Matthew," she said before turning to leave.

In the time left to her Santana decided to visit the river since it was where she usually went at this time, though under normal circumstances it was to cool down after an afternoon of kissing the most beautiful woman in the kingdom.

She was prepared to go and sit at the water's edge and let it run over her feet, but she stopped upon seeing Michael already there, and something in his eyes told her he had been waiting for her.

"Santana, may I speak with you?" he asked in hushed tones.

Feeling immediately wary she stopped in her tracks, "We're speaking now."

"I meant somewhere much more private."

Looking around she saw there were a few other servants going about their daily duties, though none of them seemed to be paying them any mind. She nodded anyway and tried to keep the worry off her face as she followed him when he turned to cross the river.

They walked to the trees until they came to the cliff's edge to sit where he had been with Puck the last time she had come out here. The ocean was particularly rough and the sound of it seemed to drown out all else, but she still heard him when he spoke.

"We're leaving, Lihua and I, at the next hunter's moon."

She looked to him in surprise, wondering if she heard correctly, "You are? How?"

"Not long ago, when I went to the docks, I met a man who knew me, knew my family. He decided to help us, and the next time he comes to deliver to the castle, he will sneak us away in the night."

"That's… that's wonderful Michael, but may I ask why you're telling me?"

"It is our firm belief that with all the help we have been given over the years to leave without somehow paying that back in some way would be wrong. So I asked Puck to join us as he was the one who kept me in contact with Lihua when we first arrived, and we both felt it right to ask you."

At the news her mouth fell open, and the reality of what he was telling her came crashing down like the waves below. He was asking her to escape, to run away from this place and the impending battle, to escape the constant threat of death… to leave Brittany.

She wanted to, she wanted to leave so badly it was dizzying, but then there was the queen, her queen, and the thought of leaving her behind with Archibald was heartbreaking.

"Where would we go?" she asked, her voice weak from the force of the emotions warring within her.

"To my home, across the seas, where no one would find us, and if we were discovered my father would make sure none of us were taken, you have my word."

"I…" she started, with no idea how to finish, she didn't know where to start.

How could she leave Brittany?

How could she stay?

"Puck declined my offer, and I am still in disagreement with his reasons, but they are his own. You, however, have someone you do not wish to leave. I do not understand your relationship with her, but if it's too much to consider leaving her behind I would understand that."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long strip of leather and handing it to her, Santana took it, still too stunned to be able to register what was going on. Clasping her hand in his he looked into her eyes, gaining her attention once more.

"We will leave at the next hunter's moon, the gates are always guarded, but there is another way to his ship." He pointed to an area to her left and her eyes went to it, "Through those trees there is a narrow path that goes down the cliff face and around to a shallow cove near the harbor and when the tide comes in a boat will be able to retrieve us. It is incredibly hard to see, especially at night, and treacherous besides, but it can be done. If you decide you want to go with us, tie this leather around one of the trees by the cliffs and we will wait for you as long as we can."

She looked over at the trees and then down to the leather dangling pointlessly from her fingers. Not knowing what else to do she put it in her pocket and let out a deep breath, trying to still her heart, because it was going wild with all the possibilities, for fear of being caught in this plot, for the thrill of possibly being free, for the pain of having to leave the woman she loved.

When she met Brittany again she looked beside herself with the desire to hug her, but instead took Santana's arm, forcing them to walk close, "I'm glad Matthew found you, I was so worried you were lost in the library."

Santana only nodded, because internally she was already testing the idea, if she could fathom living in a new land without the woman at her side.

"I was looking through that book."

"Then why didn't you answer when we called for you?" she pouted, "Matthew wouldn't let me yell your name, but I got pretty loud."

"I was lost in its pictures."

Brittany stopped walking, pulling Santana short, "What's wrong?" she asked, a worried look on her face.

"Nothing," Santana replied, forcing a smile, "What would you like to do now?" she asked since it was time for Brittany to enjoy her right as a royal and pass her time as she pleased until her evening meal.

"Don't evade the question," she said pleadingly.

"I'm not, everything's okay."

With a final, worried side glance she allowed her face to ease again, "If that's so then I think I would enjoy taking a trip to the garden now."

Santana smiled at her and fought for it to reach her eyes. She loved Brittany so much and wanted to share the world with her, but it had always been her way to balance life or death, this was a weighing between love and freedom, ideas that were both new to her.

Would she be staying true to her philosophy of life by choosing to stay with the woman she loved no matter the cost, or was that an excuse to not take the chance and truly live. Matthew had convinced himself to be content in his sordid position, though not on the basis of love the basic way of thinking was the same.

Both options held the threat of death, so what she had to consider was which would ultimately give her a better life.

Later, in the evening sun, she felt her eyes well up with tears as Brittany tenderly kissed her neck, because she didn't know. Santana didn't have the slightest clue as to what she would do.