Edward was back. There had been no thought on her part about leaving to save his life. It was the only thing that she could have done. Anything else was unthinkable.
But now, he was sitting in her room, asking for her forgiveness. She could see he was in pain. He wanted to make things right and go back to the way they had been before.
A part of her wanted to jump into his arms and just forget the past few months, but there was still so much hurt in her soul from what she had gone through. She could still remember all the nights she woke up crying out his name or screaming from the pain of missing him. It wasn't going to be simple or easy to forget all that.
"Edward, I do still love you. I'll always love you but you really hurt me. I didn't understand what I'd done or why you were so cold towards me. It nearly killed me," she told him through her tears. "I know, Bella. I thought I was protecting you. I knew it would hurt you but I honestly thought it was for the best. I was hurting too, being away from you. It was wrong, so wrong. I should have told you the truth," he whispered in an agonized tone. Bella hugged her knees tightly to her chest and hid behind her long dark hair, "I need time, Edward. I need to figure some things out." Edward stiffened and uttered in a low growl, "You mean things with that dog. Bella, he's dangerous. You don't know." Bella jerked her head up, "What I know, Edward, is "that dog" is the one who's been here for me, who's protected me and kept me safe and sane while you walked away. I trust him with my life. I will see him when I want and you have no claim or control over any part of my life any more."
Edward could only stare at the ground. "If that's how you want it, okay, but I'm not giving up. Not ever," he said just before disappearing out her window. Bella sat staring at the spot Edward had just left. She had really believed that he was the one and only love of her life for a while, but now things were so confusing. Jacob had become her best friend but also more. She loved him and she knew he loved her. He hadn't imprinted on her but he had made his feelings known. That night in the kitchen after her crazy cliff diving experiment, she had finally realized that her feelings for him were so much more than friendship. If the call from Edward hadn't come at that exact moment, she was sure they would have become a couple by now.
She didn't regret leaving Jacob to save Edward but she did regret hurting Jake that way. She had called several times since returning to Forks but he wasn't responding to her pleas to talk. She decided that the only way was to confront him personally, and she would make the trip first thing in the morning. She would make him see that she hadn't left him behind.
She was up early and headed out to the reservation. She knew Jake would probably be sleeping after running with the pack during the night. It would be the perfect time to catch him at home. What she hadn't expected was the whole pack waiting for her in his yard when she arrived. "Hi guys," she said as she stepped down from the truck, "just here to visit Jake." There were a few low growls so she kept her distance. "Bella, Jake doesn't want to see you. You made your choice to go back to the bloodsuckers. You need to leave, NOW." Bella took a step back. She didn't want to antagonize any of the guys and cause them to phase. "I know I hurt him," she offered, "That's why I'm here. I want to explain and to apologize and just so you know, I'm not back with the bloodsucker." That drew a couple of big grins from the pack members, "Really! Well, maybe you do need to go see our boy. Good luck, Bella, and stay back a few feet when you're explaining. Jake's been pretty angry." She shook her head in agreement and watched as they walked away.
Bella knocked on the door but no one answered. Billy must have been out. She wasn't sure whether it was right or not, but she had to see Jake, so she pushed the door open and went in. She could hear his soft snoring even before she opened the door to his room. He really was beautiful. She walked carefully to his bed and touched her fingertips to the hair falling across his forehead. He jerked awake grabbing her wrist in a tight hold. She pulled back, "Jake, it's me. Sorry. I shouldn't have startled you." He let her go as quickly as he'd grabbed. "I'm sorry, Bella. I wasn't expecting you. You should never sneak up on a sleeping wolf, you know." They both smiled. He could always make her smile.
"So what are you doing here?" he asked. She sat on the edge of his bed and started trying to explain, "When I left, it was because I had to. He would have died, Jake, if I didn't go. I couldn't let that happen, but it doesn't mean that everything is back to normal with him if there is such a thing as normal when you're talking about vampires. I thought for a long time that everything would be okay if he would come back, but then it started to be okay even without him, because of you." He was looking at her so intently. "Jake, I told him and now I'm telling you. I don't know right now what I want or maybe I'm just too afraid to take another chance. I just don't want to be hurt again," she told him through her streaming tears.
Jake reached and placed his palm against her face and turned her to face him. He leaned his forehead against hers, "Do you remember what I said to you that last night? Que Quowle. I meant it. I still do. It means stay with me forever." Bella couldn't stop herself. She wanted his touch, his lips. She slid closer and leaned in until their noses were touching. "Kiss me, Jake," was all she had to say. His lips were on hers, their mouths and breaths mingling. He was so warm, so very warm. Before she even realized it, she was lying next to him on his small bed, their hands exploring, their breath coming faster. She wanted him and it was obvious that he felt the same way, but she was also a little afraid.
"Jake, I haven't done this before." She whispered feeling very shy suddenly. "Neither have I,"he said, "but I think we can figure it out." Then his hands were pulling up her shirt and their bare skin was touching. It felt so perfectly right being here with Jake. She didn't have to worry about holding back so he wouldn't lose control. It was exactly where she wanted to be and it was perfect. She didn't think about the whole wolf telepathy thing until later as things were reaching a fever pitch between them. The sound of howling could be heard all through the reservation, she was sure. She smiled and hid her face against Jake's neck in total embarrassment. But then he whispered, "No secrets between wolves, remember. It just means they're happy for me, for us."
Bella wasn't sure how long they lay in each other's arms but Jake finally said, "My Dad'll be home soon. We should probably get dressed." Bella hated the idea but she didn't want to be caught in a compromising situation by Charlie's best friend.
They got up, dressed and Jake announced he was starving so she offered to make him breakfast. "Got you playing homemaker already," he teased. "Yeah, right, keep dreaming wolfman," she replied. As she stirred the scrambled eggs in the pan, he came up and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "Hey, uncoordinated person working over a hot stove here," she warned, but he just held tighter and kissed the top of her head.
About that time, Billy rolled in with Charlie tagging along behind. They had spent the morning at a favorite fishing spot and were returning with a nice catch of trout. Both looked shocked but happy at the scene before them. Bella didn't know what to say. Her Dad had grounded her after she had flown off to Italy with Alice. "Dad, I know I'm not supposed to be here, but I had to talk to Jacob and I'm sorry. It won't happen again," she promised. Her Dad looked somewhere between amazed and amused and was about to say something when Jake volunteered, "Charlie, it's my fault that Bella broke your rules. I was being stubborn as usual and wouldn't go to your house and she…" Charlie interrupted, "Look, I know I should be acting like an angry Dad right now but I've kinda been hoping for you two to get back on speaking terms so I'm okay with this – just no more sneaking out, Bells." She nodded and smiled.
"Hey, is something burning?" Billy asked. "Oh, no, the eggs," Bella yelled as she hurried back to the stove. The eggs hadn't actually caught fire but might as well have. They were completely inedible. "Well, one more thing I suck at," Bella mumbled, but Jake was standing right behind her and whispered, "I can promise that there's one thing that you do very well." Bella was sure she was blushing to the tips of her toes and she pushed her hand playfully against his chest. It was like pushing a brick wall.
She could feel the heat traveling from his body into her hand and when she looked up into his eyes, the heat she saw there caused very nice sensations in other parts of her body as well.
They didn't realize that Charlie and Billy were standing in the doorway watching the whole scene between them. When they did notice, both men starting looking everywhere but at them and talking about having some fish to clean and heading back outside.
Jacob laughed, "Those two look like the cat that ate the canary." Bella agreed, "Yeah, I think they've been hoping for this since I moved back to Forks." Jacob leaned down and kissed her gently, "Oh, Bella, I've been hoping for this since the first time I saw you when we brought you the truck. I love you."
Bella was overwhelmed by what he had said. She cared for Jacob so much and he was definitely sexy and desirable. There were just too many thoughts racing around in her head. Edward had said those exact words to her and look how that had turned out. Jacob cupped his hand to her chin, "It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I just want you to know. When you're ready, if you're ever ready, to say it back to me, I'll be here."
There were tears in her eyes, "Jake, I don't want to hurt you, not anymore. I just can't promise anything right now. You're the best friend I've ever had but then what just happened between us was so great. I want to be able to say it back but when I do I want to mean it with no reservations or doubts. Do you understand?" He nodded and then kissed her again.
They spent the next couple of hours sitting outside listening to Charlie and Billie telling fish stories. It was past noon before Billy had the trout sizzling. They all had lunch together and then Charlie told Bella it was time to head home. "Well, I've got my truck here so I'll follow you," she told her Dad. "Okay, then," Charlie said as he climbed into his police cruiser. Bella gave Jake a quick peck on the cheek and then drove off behind her Dad. She was smiling and felt truly happy for the first time in months.
Suddenly there was a thud from something dropping into the truck bed. She knew it was Edward. Before she could even turn to look, he was climbing in the passenger side door.
She could see the rage in his face, "How could you do that, Bella? You were with that, that Dog! I'll kill him for touching you. Was it just to hurt me, to show me how you felt when I left, is that what this is about?" Bella was enraged by his accusations. She screeched the truck to a stop on the shoulder of the road.
"How dare you! How dare you question anything I do? This is my life. You made it pretty clear by leaving that I wasn't the most important thing in your life. I guess I was just your little pet like Laurent told me before Jake had to kill him. I don't answer to you and if you lay one finger on Jake, the treaty will be breached and the wolves won't stop until they've killed you and your family. I told you that I didn't know if I could forgive you, Edward, and I still don't. Right now, I feel like Jake is all I have keeping me centered. He makes me happy. I know that hurts you and I'm not trying to do that. I'm just being honest. You were what I lived for but then you left. I stopped living for months. Jake brought me back to life. I don't know what else to say to you right now. I'm trying to find those feelings I had for you before but when I look at you, all I can see is the pain you caused me. You told me yourself that I don't belong in your world and maybe that's true. I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry. I don't want to hurt you."
He sat like a statue for several minutes. She had never seen an expression on his face like the one he now wore. "I messed up very badly. I know that. Will you just give me a chance to make it up to you? Will you let me take you out tomorrow night? Wherever you want to go – a real date. I'll court you like I would have done in my old life. I'll show you what you mean to me. And you're right, I don't have any right to question your choices or make demands of you. It won't happen again. What do you think, about tomorrow?"
Bella had sat and wiped away tears as Edward spoke. "I don't know, Edward. I just… I feel like I'm being torn in half. I can't have both of you but I don't want to lose either one of you. I don't know what to do but okay, I'll go. Just a date, that's it. Pick me up at 7:oo and we'll go to our spot in Port Angeles for mushroom ravioli." Edward smiled, "Deal," and then he was gone in a flash.
That night Bella dreamed she was in a large meadow. Edward stood on one side surrounded by his family and the Volturi. Jacob stood on the other side surrounded by his wolf pack. No matter which way she chose, there would be a battle. People that she cared about would get hurt. There was no way to win. She started running. Both groups followed her, calling out her name, "Bella, Bella" and then she woke up to Charlie gently shaking her shoulder, "Bella wake up. You're having another nightmare." She sat up, looking helplessly at him, "Sorry Dad." He sat down on the edge of her bed, "Bells, I thought you were done with nightmares. I thought today that you and Jake seemed happy. What is it?" Bella didn't know how to explain it to her Dad but she needed someone to talk to.
"I am happy with Jake. He's the greatest guy. But Edward is back now and that's all I wanted for so long was just to see him again and be with him. I don't know if I still feel the same way. It's so complicated with Edward and it's so easy with Jake. I don't want to hurt either one of them. What am I going to do?" Charlie looked at her, took her face in his hands, "I can't tell you what to do. You have to decide who's right for you. You probably know who I would pick if I had a choice in this but I'd never try to influence you. Listen to your heart, Bella. That's the only way to know. Your heart already knows. Your head just has to catch up. I love you whoever ends up being my son-in-law and that won't ever change. Now get some sleep." He stood up, blew her a kiss and closed the door. She lay thinking about what he'd said. Your heart already knows. She wished it would pass along the intel already so she could end this heartwrenching process.
The next day, Jake called. He wanted to spend the day with her. She thought about just not telling him about Edward but had decided that she was done with lying. She told him about having a date with Edward. His fury was evident even through the phone but he did his best to stay calm, "Okay, I get it. You test drove me yesterday and now it's his turn. Then you pick the ride you like best." Bella was furious, "God, you two are just alike. How can you even think such awful things about me? I was honest with you and I was honest with him. He knows what happened between us yesterday. He accused me of doing it out of spite – just to hurt him and now you say something like that. You know what? You can just go to hell, Jacob Black. Don't call me again until you can be civil."
It wasn't 20 minutes until Jake showed up at her house. She could tell he had phased and run all the way. He still had that hot wet animal smell which she had never noticed as being completely sexy before. He looked completely ashamed, though, "I'm sorry, Bella. I lost my temper. I know what I said was stupid and wrong. I just, you know I can't stand those blood suckers. It's hard to think about him touching you." She crossed her arms and looked at him, "Don't you think it's hard for him to think the same thing about you? He can see, in your head, everything we did yesterday. You don't have to go through that. Since he had to endure that and hasn't come to kill you yet so I expect you to be as gentlemanly as he is being." Suddenly Jacob doubled over with laughter, "Bella, you have got to be the strangest girl ever. You have a vampire and a werewolf fighting over you and you are expecting us to behave like gentlemen. That's priceless. You're one of a kind. I love you and now I'm leaving. Call me if you want." Bella couldn't help but smile as she watched him jog away, " Oh I definitely want, Jacob Black," she whispered, forgetting his super wolf hearing. He turned and gave her a sly little smile before sprinting away.
Edward arrived promptly at 7. He was dressed quite elegantly although casually. He looked gorgeous. She had only worn her usual faded jeans and a sweater. She felt completely underdressed. But, as always, he told her how beautiful she looked. He took her arm and walked her to the car, making sure to get the temperature just right for her.
He began by asking about her day. She couldn't help but smile, "Are we back to talking about the weather, again, Edward?" He smiled back, "I wish we could go back to that day and start over, Bella. I'd do everything so differently." Bella replied, "I wouldn't change those first days or months for anything Edward. They were perfect, well except for that first day when I thought I smelled bad and you ran out. I fell in love with you because of what we were during those days." He looked at her with deep pain in his golden eyes, "And now?" She only shook her head, "I don't know. It's different now."
Edward changed the subject, talking about Rosalie and Emmett's latest disagreement and Alice's redecorating project. It was easy and funny, like two old friends getting reacquainted. She had missed this, missed him. She told him about Charlie's latest fishing trip and her Mom's most recent mishap with her cellphone. They reached the restaurant where she knew he couldn't eat but he said he enjoyed watching her eat anyway. All through dinner, they kept up polite friendly conversation.
Bella kept remembering the first time they had eaten here, when Edward had told her about his ability to read minds and how he wasn't strong enough to stay away from her.
He had managed to do just that, though, for months. He had stayed away. "Bella, what's wrong?" he asked. "Nothing, just memories," she quickly replied. He reached for her hand, "Good or bad?" She pulled her hand away, "Both. I think I'm finished Edward. Why don't we get out of here?" He called for the check and they were soon back in the luxurious interior of his car.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked. "I don't know, Edward, just drive. Take me somewhere nice that we can talk." He drove with his usual mad speed up the mountain and then onto a dirt road. They pulled up into a clearing that looked out over the Pacific with the moon shining down on the water. "A clear night, unusual for Forks," she remarked. "Now who's talking about the weather?" he asked. He reached for her hand and pulled it to his lips, his ice cold lips. "Bella, we have to talk about this. You know how sorry I am but I can't go back and fix my mistakes. I honestly thought I was doing what was best for you but I can see that I was so very wrong. I still love you. I will always love you. I know you have feelings for Jacob, but can we get back what we had? Can you forgive me?"
Bella had never been averse to how cold his skin was before. She was puzzled by her reaction to his kiss. She listened to his explanations and questions and sat for a long time just looking at him, remembering. She had loved him, more than anything, but there were always obstacles, problems, dangers. If she got a papercut, it was a major ordeal with his family. She couldn't make love to him the way that she wanted. He considered her too fragile, and yet he refused to change her so that she would be more like him.
She could have a life with Edward but it would never feel like she fit with him. It would be like forcing a jigsaw puzzle piece into a slot that it didn't belong. She knew now what Charlie had meant. Her heart was finally revealing the truth to her mind.
"Edward, I will always love you and I do forgive you. I know why you did what you did. I didn't understand it until I found you in Italy but I get it now. You were my first love. I couldn't eat or sleep or do anything except think of you, want you when you were gone. But, I don't know, somehow, at some point, things changed. I changed. I don't want everything to be so difficult all the time. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. I wish I didn't have to hurt you, but I want to be happy. You're not the one who makes me happy now. I'm sorry."
He had dropped her hand half way through and was staring straight out into the sea. "It's Jacob. You're in love with him." Bella nodded as tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Things are simple with him. We're the same, or sort of the same. We fit, Edward."
He gripped the steering wheel so tightly she was sure it would disintegrate in his fist.
"I could always change you and then Jacob wouldn't be an issue for us," he half sobbed. Bella put her hand on his shoulder, "I'm not afraid of you, Edward. I've always trusted you and I still do. You're not a monster." He looked at her, "You're sure?" and she answered, "Yes."
He started the car, turned around and drove her home. He got out, opened her car door and walked her to the porch. "I'll stay out of your way, now," he told her, "but I'll always be nearby if you need me. He kissed her on the forehead. "Edward," she whispered, "You have to promise me one thing." He looked down at her, "Anything." "You have to swear that you won't go back to the Volturi again, ever," she insisted. He shook his head and stroked her cheek, "No, Bella, you're alive and happy. That's all I need. It's not all I want but I can live or at least exist as long as I know that's true." She stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek, "Thank you, Edward, you've made me a better, stronger person than I knew I could be." He turned to leave and just before walking away she heard him say, "Ti amero per sempre" and then he was gone.
Bella walked inside and closed the door. She felt a strange relief but also a sadness that was uncontrollable. She collapsed onto the floor sobbing. Thankfully, Charlie wasn't at home so she didn't have to explain herself. She'd never wanted to hurt Edward. The look in his eyes when she'd told him had been like a stab in her heart.
Suddenly she felt strong arms encircling her and cradling her, carrying her to the sofa. She knew it was Jacob. He was so warm. "Bella, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" he asked. She could feel how hard it was for him to control his rage and stop himself from phasing. She looked up at him, "I'm fine, Jake, and it was me who hurt him." Jake couldn't stop himself from grinning just a bit. "It's awful, Jake, awful,"she said and threw a punch at his chest, forgetting that she'd almost broken her hand the last time she'd tried a similar move. He put up his hand and grabbed hers to keep her from getting hurt. "I know Bella. I'm sorry. It's just instinct between wolves and blood suckers. So what happened?"
She looked down at the floor. Should she tell him? Was she ready for this? It felt right with Jake but what if he ended up hurting her like Edward had done. She didn't know what to do. Then she heard Charlie's words in her head, "Your heart already knows, Bells". She looked up at Jake and it felt like their hearts were beating as one, like they were linked in some way and she knew in both her heart and head. "Edward and I mostly just talked. I made some decisions tonight, Jake, some really hard decisions."
She could see the look of alarm on Jacob's face, "You chose him, didn't you? That's why you're crying. You don't want to tell me." His anger and pain was rising off him in waves. She could see that he would phase soon if she didn't stop him. "Did you hear what I said? I hurt him. I chose you, idiot. He's gone." He looked amazed and reached and grabbed her arms and pulled her back to him, "Are you serious? Are you sure? Bella, is this real? Do you really want to be with me?" She could only mumble against his fabulously muscled chest, "Yes to all those questions." He loosened his grip a bit, "Sorry, didn't mean to smush you." He touched her cheek and stroked his hand down her neck. He pulled her face to his and kissed her so tenderly and deeply. She heard a small moan escape her own lips and then an answering muted growl from Jake. God, he was so hot, both literally and otherwise. She wanted him and without even thinking her hands were soon roaming underneath his shirt.
It was at just that moment that they both heard Charlie's car pull up out front. She knew her face was flushed and her lips were red. Hopefully her Dad wouldn't pay much attention. Jake quickly made his way out the back so he wouldn't be infringing on Charlie's rules.
She quickly turned on the TV and slouched as if half asleep. Charlie was pretty tired and so they didn't talk much before he headed off to bed. She wasn't far behind, heading to her room in hopes that Jacob was waiting for her. She wasn't disappointed.
She had his shirt off in a flash and her hands tangled in his black hair as she kissed him deeply. He lifted her up and gently laid her back on the bed. Their lovemaking was slower, and gentler than the first time but even more intense which Bella would not have believed possible if she wasn't experiencing it. As the lay together, Jacob looked directly into her eyes. It felt like he was looking into her soul, like they were connecting at some level beyond anything she'd ever felt. "I love you, Bella Swan, que quowle." Had he said the words out loud? She hadn't seen his lips moving. What was happening? She was drowning in his eyes. Then she realized, he was imprinting on her. He was tying himself to her forever. Tears swam in her eyes, "Yes, Jacob Black, I love you and I will stay with you, forever."
He stayed with her as long as he dared without getting Charlie's attention. She had never felt more alive or happier. Jacob was hers and she was his. Yes, it had hurt to make a choice. It had been the most difficult thing she'd ever done, but definitely worth the pain it had cost her.
She had to be in class in an hour so she rushed to the shower before Charlie got to it first. She stood in the hot spray thinking of what had happened last night, how it had felt when he had imprinted on her. Her body tingled all over at the thought. "Oh, Jake, you have made me one happy girl," she giggled as she shampooed her hair. Almost instantly, she heard his reply, a long wolf howl. She'd forgotten again about super wolf hearing.
Life was going pretty good again now in Forks. Forever with Jacob had begun last night and she couldn't wait to see what happened next.