The light slipped through the seams of Ianto's closed eyes and he started to stir, stretching languidly on the bed. He really didn't want to wake up, a sigh escaping him as he held on desperately to the last vestiges of a wonderful dream.

He and Jack were running barefoot on a beach, the sun at their backs, and a cool, salty breeze in the air. They came to a stop, tumbling together, laughing and wrestling playfully as they fell to the sand. Jack kissed him softly and he tasted of…mouthwash. Mouthwash?

Ianto cracked his eyes open, wincing at the sunlight pouring in through the window and then focusing on the face a mere breath away from his. Jack was smiling at him, and leaned in for another kiss.

Ianto accepted it, closing his eyes once more and wrapping his arms around the other man. The kiss deepened, and Ianto was suddenly all too aware that while Jack had obviously brushed his teeth and freshened up, he had not.

He broke the kiss, wrinkling his nose. "I must have morning breath."

"Mmm, I didn't even notice," Jack murmured, kissing Ianto once more before pulling out of his embrace. "How are you feeling? Seemed like a good dream, hmm?"

Ianto blushed. "I was nice, yes. How did you know?"

"You were laughing and talking in your sleep."

"I was?" he asked, horrified. "Do I normally do that?"

Jack chuckled. "Don't worry; you didn't give away any monumental secrets."

"Then what did I say?"

"Well, you mumbled something about it being a nice day for a swim, and then a couple minutes later you were grinning and moaning."

Ianto's blush deepened. "We were at the beach."

"Yeah?" said Jack, lying down beside him and rubbing his stomach.

"Yup. And it was a nice day for a swim. Warm, with a breeze."

"We don't get enough of those around here," Jack acknowledged. "So, did we go swimming?"

"I can't remember," Ianto replied, thoughtfully. "I just remember running on the beach, and you kissing me."

"You don't need to dream for that."

Ianto turned his head to look at him. "I won't be doing any running for a while."

Jack gave him a pitying look. "Not for a little while, no. But afterward, we can find a beach and make a day of it. Get out of town for a little while."

"We have beaches here," Ianto reminded him.

"Yeah, but the really nice ones are further up the coast. Or maybe we can even get out of the UK altogether. I hear the Dalmatian Coast is lovely."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Croatia?"

"Sure, why not?" Jack asked, slipping his hand under Ianto's sweater and t-shirt. "Lots of hot girls in bikinis, and muscled, bronze men strutting their stuff."

Ianto gave a derisive snort. "And one overweight, pale, postnatal Welshman at your side."

Jack's hand moved from out from under Ianto's shirt, cupping his face instead. "I happen to think you look wonderful, Ianto Jones.

"Yes, well, you're just saying that so I won't be jealous of your women in bikinis and bronzed men."

Jack shook his head. "I'm saying it because it's true. And you're not overweight, Ianto, you're pregnant."

"I did say postnatal," he reminded him. "Once the baby is born it's going to take me some time to get back in shape."

"That's only natural, Ianto."

"There is nothing natural about a man having a baby!" Ianto snapped, pulling away from Jack and wishing he could storm out of the room. At this point looking away would have to do.

Jack put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey."

He shrugged the hand off, scowling at the clock on his bedside. It said it was just after eight. Fantastic. Only fourteen or so hours before he could look forward to going back to sleep.

"Ianto," Jack pleaded, this time not touching him. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to make light of this situation. I know it's difficult for you."

"You have no idea," Ianto muttered, letting out a loud sigh.

"Actually, I do."

Ianto waited a moment for Jack to continue, but when he didn't, he said, "And how exactly do you know what it's like for me?"

"For you? I don't," replied Jack. "But I know what it was like for me."

Ianto turned his head back to face the captain. Jack had hinted at being pregnant before, but he and the team had just assumed it was more of Jack's tall tales for attention's sake. "Go on."

Jack covered Ianto's hand with his own, weaving their fingers together. "I was nineteen the first time it happened," he explained. "It was just after I'd joined up with the Time Agency. I'd fallen hard for one of my instructors, and he seemed to care about me just as much. Unfortunately I was mistaken. When I told him I was a few months pregnant he made me get rid of it."

"An abortion," Ianto guessed.

Jack nodded. "It's not a very complicated procedure back when I come from, but nonetheless I didn't want to have it. I wanted the baby."

Ianto squeezed Jack's hand. "But he didn't, obviously."

"Turns out he was a married man," Jack continued, a sad smile pulling at his lips. "He already had three children of his own, and his wife was not the sort to approve of an affair."

"You're always telling us how different views on sex were then."

"They were," Jack agreed, "but that doesn't mean that everyone wanted to have multiple partners. It just wasn't frowned upon if that's what the people involved chose."

Ianto nodded in understanding. "So what happened after that?"

"I had the abortion. The Time Agency was paying for my room and board while I went through training. I didn't have my own money, so there was no way I could afford to take care of a baby by myself. After the baby was gone, I tried to rekindle the relationship with my instructor but he no longer wanted anything to do with me. He said I was tainted goods."

"Oh my God, Jack! What did you do then?"

Jack shrugged. "I went on with my life. I had no choice."

Ianto swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "You said the first time. How many more were there?"

"Just one," Jack replied, stroking his thumb over Ianto's fingers. "I was still in the Time Agency, but a few years older. This time, I was in a relationship with someone my own age. Devon. He was beautiful, Ianto. And a wonderful man. You would have gotten along well with him."

"Sounds like everything was good."

"It was. I got pregnant, and we were both ecstatic. When the baby was born we named him Caden Alexander. He was exquisite, Ianto. And Devon, he was a doting father. Me on the other hand? Well…I had what they call commonly call postpartum depression these days. We had a different name for it, but it's pretty much the same. I hated being a father. I hated what the baby had done to my body. And worse than that, I hated our baby."

"Jack…"

The captain shook his head. "It went on for months and I refused to get any help. Eventually, Devon packed up our son and left."

"He walked out on you?"

"Yes."

"Did you try to find them?"

A tear slipped down Jack's face. "By the time I came around enough to get some help, it was too late. Devon and Caden were long gone."

Jack moved away from Ianto and pulled himself into a sitting position, wiping at his face. Ianto placed a hand on the small of his back and realized that Jack was trembling, his tears still falling.

"I probably shouldn't have shared that," Jack admitted, voice quavering slightly.

"Why not?" Ianto asked, eyes welling up.

"Because now you're going to think I'm even more of a monster than before."

Ianto struggled to get up and onto his knees. He slid his hand up to Jack's shoulder, trying to pull him around. Once the other man was facing him Ianto tugged his hands away from his face. Jack's eyes were red-rimmed but he was holding back the rest of his tears.

"I do not think you're a monster, Jack Harkness."

"But I am."

"No, you're not," insisted Ianto, frowning. "What you went through many, many women here on Earth go through. No, you didn't get help right away, but Devon should never have left. And he certainly should not have taken your son away from you."

Jack blinked a couple of times and snuffled. "I wish I could say I blamed him, Ianto, but I can't. I was a terrible person after the baby was born. I wasn't a good partner and I was an even worse father."

Ianto traced a hand over Jack's cheek. "I think you're being too hard on yourself. As for Devon and Caden, I have to hope they settled someplace nice, so that your son could grow up safe. But that doesn't mean he was better off without you. You love him now, don't you?"

Jack let out a mirthless laugh. "Yeah. I think about him every day. Little good that does me."

"Thinking about him keeps his memory alive. And who's to say you'll never get back to see him? You could run into him again someday. It's now your future too, and not just your past."

Jack nodded, kissing Ianto's forehead. "There was once a point to me telling you all this," he said, sighing.

"I understand," Ianto said, settling back down on the bed and gesturing for Jack to do so as well. "And yes, you went through a hell of a lot more than me."

"I wasn't trying to lessen your own experiences," Jack started, face sad. "I just…"

"I know."

"I just wanted you to know I understand the confusion and the trauma that a pregnancy can cause," Jack finished. He didn't lay back down, instead getting off the bed. "Tell you what. Why don't I make us some breakfast and we can watch movies in bed all day?"

Ianto struggled for a moment with the sudden change of subject. When he recovered, he smiled. "Alright. But I really need the toilet first."

Jack laughed, and this time it was a bright and cheerful sound. "Let me help you into the bathroom to clean up, get you back in bed, and then I'll go get things started."

Ianto nodded, letting the captain assist him off of the bed and into the bathroom. He waited by the doorway while Ianto used the toilet, shaved, and brushed his teeth, then helped him back into bed.

"After breakfast I can run you a bath, if you'd like. I don't think Owen will want you taking a shower."

"Sounds familiar," Ianto said, rolling his eyes.

Jack smiled. "I figure you're probably dying to get out of those clothes."

Looking down at himself Ianto snickered. "Even more than you can imagine."

"Alright, I'll be back in a bit. I'll check in with the others as well."

Ianto nodded, watching as the other man left the room. His face fell, remembering all that Jack had told him about his two pregnancies. God, he'd been such an idiot, whining about his weight and going on about Jack having no idea how he felt. Granted, this was the first he'd ever heard about what had happened to the captain, but it was enough to really make Ianto think.

Ianto didn't want to be a father because of what his father and grandfather had done. Yes, there was the Torchwood angle, but that was secondary to Ianto's doubts about his ability to be a good parent. But Jack had been forced to terminate one pregnancy, had lost his other child to a depression he couldn't help, had been betrayed by a partner who couldn't handle seeing him through it, and yet the man was still willing to have another child.

Ianto knew that if Jack had the opportunity, he would love this child, and would make sure that he or she wasn't the third casualty in a line of tragedies. It made Ianto's heart ache when he realized that he was going to take that opportunity away from Jack. That he was going to take his child away.

No, Jack was not the monster. He was.