Ianto watched from his bed as Toshiko ran a dust cloth over his furniture. She'd been over at least twice a week for the last two months keeping him company and making sure his flat didn't turn into the disaster area he feared it would become. When she caught his eye she smiled.

"Well that's that," she said, dropping the cloth onto the dresser before plopping herself on the end of his bed. "All done."

"You're a lifesaver," he told her, smiling. "There's no way I could do all that even without being on bed rest." He pointed at his stomach. It was very much the stomach of someone about to give birth.

Sitting cross-legged on the bed, Toshiko shook her head. "Ianto, if there's one thing I know about your cleaning habits, it's that you would never let something like advanced pregnancy keep you from making everything neat and orderly."

Ianto nodded, realizing she was right. "Well, thank you anyway for coming over and doing it for me. I don't think Owen would consider it an acceptable excuse for getting out of bed."

"Not hardly," she agreed. "Besides, you want to make sure that baby is healthy and waits as long as can be so she's fully developed."

"You're awfully sure it's going to be a girl, Tosh. I don't think that's even possible."

She waved her hand, rolling her eyes. "Oh please. Did you or did you not manage to get impregnated by another man?"

"You have a point."

"Besides, I'm really good at determining these things," she said, moving to lie on her stomach and prop herself up on her elbows. She rested her chin in her hands. "When my cousin had a baby, she and her husband assumed it would be a girl. I told her it was a boy. Guess who was right?"

"You were," he assumed.

"Yep. And I was right with all three of my neighbor's pregnancies. Face it, Ianto, you're having a girl."

He chuckled. "Alright, so maybe it is."

She watched him for a moment in silence, a frown appearing on her forehead. "Ianto?"

"Yes Tosh?" he asked, worried about her frown.

"Have you absolutely made up your mind about the adoption?"

Ianto tensed, looking down at his hands. "Jack's already spoken with the agency. The family I chose has chosen me. We're supposed to sign a contract tomorrow."

Toshiko's frown deepened. "It seems awfully late to be making those arrangements."

"We had no choice," he explained. "Since we weren't sure if the baby was going to be premature, we didn't want to chance signing a contract and then having the family back out if there was a problem. This way, everyone can be sure the adoption will go through."

"If you don't mind my observation," she said, "you don't seem all that thrilled about it."

"About giving the baby up?" he asked. She nodded at him. "I suppose I'm not. But I know it has to be done."

Tosh scooted up the bed, coming to sit beside him. "Is there a part of you that wants to keep it?"

Ianto looked up at her, worrying his lower lip. "I guess there is. A small part."

"No one would fault you if that's what you decided to do. And I know I can speak for the others when I say that we would all be there to support you."

Ianto snorted. "And what would I do with a child?" he asked. "My life is Torchwood."

"And Jack."

Ianto swallowed past the lump that formed every time he thought about taking this child away from the captain. "I…I can't burden him with that kind of commitment. He needs to be free to do what he has to do, whenever he has to do it."

Tosh sighed. "I'm sure you've had this discussion with him, right?"

"A form of it, yes."

"And did he say he doesn't want to have the baby?"

"No. I'm pretty sure he does."

"So," she said, slowly, "you're doing this in his best interest, even though you're aware that he wants the child?"

Ianto closed his eyes, resting his head against the headboard. "It's so much more complicated than that, Tosh."

"Then talk to me about it, Ianto," she replied, placing a hand on his arm. "I know it has to have been tough only confiding in Jack. He's an interested party. While I may not be completely impartial, I am a good sounding board."

Ianto opened his eyes and looked at her, seeing the honesty and love in her eyes. He took a deep breath and then laid bare his soul. He told her all of his concerns regarding being a good father, his worries about not living long enough to be there to see his child grow up, his certainty that he would abuse his child as his father had abused him, and she simply listened. He didn't share anything Jack had told him about his own experiences, as they weren't his to tell, but when he was done he had to admit he felt a lot lighter.

Toshiko was holding his hand, a sad look on her face. "Everything you've just said is no different than the worries every expectant parent goes through. They may be slightly colored by what we do for a living, but I don't think there's a parent out there who can truthfully say he or she has never had doubts about having a child."

"My sister didn't," Ianto argued. "She and Johnny both wanted kids before they even began dating."

"And are they perfect parents?"

"Perfect? No."

"Do they sometimes yell at the kids, or argue in front of them?" she continued.

Ianto thought about it. "Well, yes…"

"And your sister, has she ever struck them?"

"I suppose so, a spanking here or there. Why?"

"Don't you think she's asked herself if she was going too far?" Toshiko asked. "If your father's abuse was being passed on through her?"

"I…I don't know."

"Ianto, is there anything wrong with you nephew and niece?"

Ianto shook his head. "No, they're healthy. And they're good kids, for the most part."

"So why are you being so hard on yourself? Why would your children be any different?"

Ianto didn't answer. Toshiko squeezed his hand and then got off of the bed. "I'm going to make us some dinner, and then we're going to talk some more, okay?"

Ianto nodded, unable to return her smile as she left the room. It was as though every time he thought he knew what he wanted to do something happened to make him question his decisions. First there were the horrible situations Jack had been through, and now his friend had made him see that maybe he was over-thinking things.

She was right. David and Mica were happy kids. They were raised by a parent who'd been abused just like he had, even if his dad was usually harder on him than he was on her. She had moved on, found love, and had two great children that he himself adored. Then again, she wasn't working for Torchwood. She was supported by Johnny.

And Johnny wouldn't have been his ideal brother-in-law. The man was loud, obnoxious, and quite often spoke before he thought about what to say. That much was evident just from their quick visit in the pub several months before. But he was good to Rhiannon, and he was a good father to his nephew and niece. And really, what did it matter if he and Ianto didn't get on that well?

If he were honest with himself the closer it came to when the baby would be born the more and more confused he became. Could he raise this child? Could he be a good father? He knew Jack would be a good father. He trusted the man implicitly, and it wasn't a blind faith. Jack had hurt him before, but not intentionally. He sometimes failed to make the popular decisions at work, yet he made them nonetheless. Someone had to do it.

It truly came down to whether or not Ianto felt this baby would be better off with another family. He now wasn't sure. And with ever movement inside him, every kick, every punch, every rapid heartbeat he heard through Owen's stethoscope, he became more and more attached the life form inside him.

He rubbed his stomach, covered by a simple t-shirt that was several sizes larger than he'd normally wear. Underneath that cotton was more than just a mistake that had occurred after he'd come in contact with a Raspotahn. He knew that now. He knew it with every fiber of his body. It was a miracle. And he was planning to give his miracle away.

He thought about his sister again, and how he could explain a baby. He could always say he'd gotten a girl pregnant and she'd left the baby with him and taken off. It was a harsh lie, but one that was true for many single fathers all over the world. It was unfortunate, but it did happen. He could also say he'd simply adopted the child, but that wouldn't explain the fact that it would likely look like him. At least partially.

And how to explain Jack? Surely the captain would want to be around, which meant he would have to admit to his family that he'd not told them the truth about their relationship. Could he come out to them? Should he? Was he even gay? No. No, he wasn't. He still found women attractive. Bisexual then?

Ianto grimaced. He hated labels nearly as much as Jack did. He didn't actually want to identify as any particular sexuality. He'd never had to before. He'd always assumed he was straight, and so had his family. So was it all men, or was it just him? No, no it was definitely only Jack. He'd never so much as been attracted to another man before Jack.

Ianto groaned, feeling the baby kick. "I know," he said, stroking his stomach. "I know."

He wasn't sure how his family would react to him wanting to raise a baby with another man. His sister might understand, but his brother-in-law? If his parents were alive he knew his father would likely disown him. And his mam, well…she would have a terrible time trying to decide whether she wanted to alienate him, or alienate herself from his father. He had a feeling she would side with his father just to keep the peace.

He tried to picture what Johnny would say, but all that did was make him upset. And the more upset he became the more the baby became agitated. In fact, by the time Toshiko returned to the bedroom, the baby was moving around like crazy.

She set down the tray on the bed, removing a bowl of homemade soup and a sandwich and setting it on his bedside table. She placed a glass of milk beside it, starting to hand him a spoon. She frowned. "Are you okay?"

He realized then that he was grimacing. A pain shot through him and he balled his fists, pushing them into the bed on either side of him. "No."

Toshiko's eyes widened dramatically and she moved the tray off the bed and onto the dresser before sprinting from the room. When she returned to his side she had her mobile up to her ear.

"Owen, it's me. No, he's not alright. I think it's time."

The next half hour was filled with pain and confusion for Ianto, as Owen and Jack arrived with the SUV in order to move him to the Hub. He was aware of Jack holding his hand as he lay on the table in Owen's medical bay, and of his clothes being removed, but he never felt the needle enter his arm.

"I've numbed the area where I'll be operating, and I've given you a stronger dose of pain meds," the doctor explained. "Do you want to be out completely, or do you just want the local?"

Jack squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Will he be in any additional pain if he's awake?" the captain asked on his behalf.

Owen shook his head. "The pain meds should kick in here pretty quickly, and the local anesthesia will mean he'll feel nothing but pressure when I open him up. It's completely your decision, Ianto."

"Ianto?" Jack asked.

"I want to be awake," the Welshman replied. The idea of being unconscious, while appealing for pain reasons, meant he couldn't be aware of what was happening with his own body, and he was determined to regain some control he'd previously lost.

"Alright," said Owen, preparing another needle. "Local it is."

Ianto never felt that shot either.