Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 6: Soul Diver"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Warning over notes: This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...

'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney

"When the hurting starts
When the feeling stops - we die
Will you care for me?
Soul diver - Trading life for identity

Nevermind
You And I
Believe Me...
Believe Me..."
(Seabound - "Soul Diver")

It took time to take care of all the injuries Kamui bore.

The physical ones, anyway.

The wounds that had been given to his soul... those were still gaping open, painfully evident in the boy's empty stare or in his unresponsive behaviour as he cradled Kotori's head against himself, refusing to let it go or to react to anything that went on around him. Sorata had called him more than once, but it just hadn't worked. Kamui continued to stare at nothing as he sat in a large bed, all wrapped in bandages, like a broken doll.

In the end, Sorata gave up on trying to get a reaction from him and joined the others.

Outside Kamui's room Nekoi Yuzuriha-chan, the fourteen year old girl from the Mitsumine Jinja, was crying desperately, as Inuki, her Inugami, and Aoki Seiichiro-san, the Kazetsukai, were trying to comfort her.(1) Hokuto was trying to comfort her too, willing herself to not think of how it would have been better if her brother were handling this, how he would have known what to do. Subaru would have known how to offer comfort and how to deal with such a desperate situation.(2) Subaru... She shook her head, forcing herself to abandon that line of thought. Subaru wasn't there, she was, and, all in all, it was better this way. Subaru would have suffered seeing this situation, and she didn't want him to be in pain. Aoki-san's nephew, Saiki Daisuke-kun, was there as well. Arashi-chan ran immediately to Sorata, asking how Kamui-chan was, a concerned expression on her beautiful face.

"... He doesn't respond to my calls," Sorata admitted, causing Yuzuriha-chan to sob harder. "... But really, he watched the girl he loved get killed by the guy he loved just as much right in front of his eyes. He lost the two people he wanted to protect all in one stroke. I fear... he might not want to return to consciousness after all."

Loss. Hokuto knew about loss. About the responsibility to face what you didn't really want to. About the pain of losing someone, the pain of being left alone, the pain of being left behind. About seeing the person you loved the most looking at you like you were a total stranger.

No.

She couldn't allow Kamui-chan to also feel that horrible pain. She had to help him. Subaru would have agreed with her. Subaru would have surely thought the same. Determinately, she barged into Kamui's room.

Sorata called her back, asking her what she planned to do. She stopped in front of Kamui-chan's bed and took the poor boy's hand into hers. Such an empty gaze... he didn't even look alive anymore... She couldn't leave him like that. She had to help him.

"... I'm... I'm going inside Kamui-chan," she explained in reply to Sorata's question. She could do it. It was risky and she didn't have the ability Subaru had but... she could do it. She had already done it before and...(3)

"... Into his heart?" Arashi-chan asked.

"Going into his confused consciousness... it's very dangerous!" Daisuke-kun pointed out. Hokuto knew. Of course she knew, but she couldn't turn back. After all... there were no other choices. Tuning out the others' voices she started chanting, feeling the rush of power and then the disconcerting experience of being... inside someone else's soul. It was like a 'water ambient'. She could either walk over it or sunk into it and reach a deeper level. It was unpleasant and disconcerting at best. She had to fight to control her fear. She would never get used to it. As if the situation wasn't bad enough, Kamui-chan's consciousness took the shape of a dragon and attacked her. She ignored the pain her wounds caused and sank deeper into the boy's heart, until she saw something.

It was a memory, Kamui-chan's memory of what had happened after he had chosen to become a Ten no Ryu, but it soon turned into a nightmare as Kamui-chan was forced to watch as a mirror of himself, and not Fuma-kun, was the one who murdered Kotori-chan. When Hokuto tried to reach him Kamui-chan started sinking, sliding into a deeper level.

That was bad.

If he went any deeper, she knew Kamui-chan's soul could break. Frowning she followed him, reaching a new memory.

Three kids were playing together, young Kamui-chan, young Fuma-kun, and young Kotori-chan. They looked happy but, suddenly, young Fuma-kun was cut into two halves by teenager Fuma-kun with one of the two ShinKen. Fuma-kun then stabbed the ShinKen into young Kotori-chan's heart under young Kamui-chan's gaze.

The child's eyes widened in shock filling with tears and he covered his ears in attempt to block Fuma-kun's cruel words out.

Unsuccessfully.

"I... will... kill you," the older boy repeated before vanishing, his whole body converting into white feathers as Kamui-chan screamed his denial and knelt there, broken hearted, unable to move further. Hokuto reached him and regarded him sadly.

"Kamui-chan," she called softly.

At the same time, Fuma, or better the Chi no Ryu's Kamui, was wandering around the city. When he had tried to murder Kamui he had been stopped by a YumeMi who had controlled his sister's dead body. Only a Mitsukai would be capable of controlling a corpse and he planned to track this particular Mitsukai down. He had no problems in finding the huge mansion in which the YumeMi was, avoiding easily being caught by the men in black, probably Yakuza, who were guarding it. He entered in the house through the window of the only room with the light still on and found himself trapped in a dreamscape.(4)

"... I've found you. You are the YumeMi who got in my way before," the Chi no Ryu's Kamui stated coldly. He could see the YumeMi right in front of him, sitting calmly on a glass ball shaped like the Earth, feathers fluttering all around him.

"... Your name?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked.

"... Kakyou," the other replied with some hesitation.

"This is... your dream?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked looking around at the dark place in which they were and that resembled a bit the space. "This is... your dream?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked, looking around dark place in which they were. It resembled some kind of surreal science fiction backdrop.

Kakyou didn't answer but pointed to the floor on which the Chi no Ryu's Kamui was standing, a floor made of water, and the teenager saw that, in place of his reflection, there was a young version of the other Kamui. The same young version with whom Hokuto was, and that currently was crying and desperately calling Kotori and Fuma's names.

The Chi no Ryu's Kamui showed no reactions at the scene.

Kakyou opened his hand showing him the feather that he was holding. Said feather took the shape of Kotori as she gave him her last message for Kamui and her brother.

'I love you... and... the future... has not been... decided yet...'(5)

"No," the Chi no Ryu's Kamui stated firmly after hearing the words of the girl who had been Monou Fuma's sister. "The future was decided when I became a Chi no Ryu. You should know since you're a YumeMi. There is... only one future."

After saying so he walked toward Kakyou. The YumeMi tried to block his way by raising a wall made of giant crystals, but the Chi no Ryu's Kamui broke them all too easily, shattering Kakyou's dream world and finding himself to face him in the real world now.

The real Kakyou wasn't much different from the one in the dream, only his white hair was longer and he wore a white Kimono.(6) He was sitting on a Futon in a scarcely furnished room. His golden eyes were amazingly sad and he looked like a man who had long ago lost all his hopes.

He had, in a fashion.

Due to his 'gift' he had always been kept there, in that room, forced to see the future for an important politician connected with the Yakuza. He was supposed to spend the rest of his life closed in that prison, dangling between the depressing reality of his cage and the future tragedies he could see in his dreams, if the end of the world didn't come first, to free him from that life.

"Is this what you really look like?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked him. Kakyou nodded, lowering his head in shame. Destiny had made him one of the Shichi no Mitsukai, but no one would have been able to tell it from his miserable, weak appearance. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui offered him his hand. "Come with me, Kakyou. Weave your dreams for me..."

Meanwhile, Hokuto was trying to get Kamui-chan's attention.

"... Who are you?" the child finally asked, looking up at her with confused, tearful purple eyes.(7)

"I am Sumeragi Hokuto, Kamui-chan," she replied gently in an almost motherly tone.

"... I don't know you..." Kamui-chan whimpered before hugging the fading figures of young Fuma-kun and young Kotori-chan. "Please, don't kill Kotori and Fuma... please... don't kill them..." the boy babbled as he panicked again, his sobbing increasing. Hokuto knew she couldn't allow it, she couldn't allow him to sink further in his desperation. It would kill him in the end.

"Kamui-chan! Kamui-chan, stop it! If you keep this up you won't help things! They will only get worse! Your tears and your screams won't bring back Kotori-chan and Fuma-kun!" she firmly told him, grasping his arms. Kamui stared at her numbly with his eyes wide open. Hokuto could almost feel his pain and her gaze softened at that. "I... I'm sorry, I know what it means to lose someone," she said in a softer tone as she forced a gentle, encouraging smile. "Do you know? Right now we are inside your heart. It looks weird, doesn't it?" she asked him.

"... In my heart?" young Kamui-chan repeated, confused.

"Exactly," Hokuto said, nodding. "Something sad happened... and you have refused to face it," she explained gently but Kamui-chan looked lost anyway. He was only a child after all. She sighed then turned toward her left. Kamui-chan followed her gaze. Two children came running out of the darkness, chasing each other and laughing. They had almost the same face, the same bright green eyes and the same fine black hair and wore identical white Shikifuku and identical haircuts. Their resemblance to Hokuto was impressive.

"Who are they?" Kamui-chan asked. Hokuto stared at the children sadly.

"Me and my brother when we were children," she replied with a sigh before turning to him. "Do you know what an Onmyouji is?" she added in a more serious tone. Young Kamui-chan nodded.

"Okaasan told me." She attempted another smile at his reply then her gaze turned serious again.

"We... my brother and I, I mean, we are members of the Sumeragi Ichimon that controls all the Onmyouji of Japan. Subaru... my brother... he was really gifted in Onmyoujutsu and had been chosen to become the next KaChou of our family," she explained, her voice serious and with an odd note of emptiness as if she was trying to distance herself from the story she told.

"So now your brother is the Sumeragi no Chou?" Kamui-chan asked curiously.

"No..." Hokuto replied sadly as a storm of Sakura petals fell on one of the two children causing him to vanish. "He disappeared when he was only nine, kidnapped by the Sakurazukamori," she said, doing her best to keep her pain for Subaru's loss and her hate for the Sakurazukamori out of her voice. In place of the disappeared child now there was a man, a man in a black coat who was smirking at them, looking very pleased with himself.

"I know that guy..." Kamui-chan whispered.

"You've met the Sakurazukamori?" Hokuto asked, surprised.

"The Sakurazukamori?" Kamui had already heard that name but it had never meant much to him. He hadn't know what a 'Sakurazukamori' was, only that the man had dared to attack him and Kotori. Kotori...

"The Sakurazukamori," Hokuto repeated, failing to notice Kamui-chan's sadder look, and her voice was cold, so very cold as she glared at the man who was responsible for Subaru's disappearance. "The one who kills people with Onmyoujutsu," she explained. "He... he kidnapped Subaru when he was only a child, making us believe he had murdered him. That's why I had to become the Sumeragi no Chou in Subaru's place even though I didn't have his talent," she reported lowering her head at the memory for a second, then raising it again determinately. "Only today I finally discovered Subaru is still alive, even if he's still in the hands of the Sakurazukamori and completely under his control. He doesn't even recognize me anymore..."

Her gaze saddened further but she didn't lower her eyes when, next to the Sakurazukamori, appeared the figure of Sumeragi Subaru as he was now. The young man was looking at them with the same empty gaze he had turned on Hokuto during their meeting. The Sakurazukamori moved behind him and wrapped his arms around the boy possessively, smirking at them cruelly.

"Yes, I saw him too!" Kamui-chan exclaimed excitedly, remembering the boy who had protected the Sakurazukamori during their meeting. So, had he been controlled? It could have been, he hadn't look like he had aggressive intentions and his eyes had been so empty... "So, now you and all the other Sumeragi will try to free him?" he asked then. Hokuto shook her head sadly.

"No. I will have to try to do it alone. After his disappearance, my family preferred to declare Subaru dead and to erase any trace of him from the family tree than to admit they had lost him to the Sakurazukamori. They won't lift a finger to help him, and they definitely won't have him back after he has been raised by... that man." Hokuto said the words 'that man' with disgust and hate. Kamui stared at her. They wouldn't have him back? They would abandon him?

"Subaru... Subaru was Special," Hokuto continued. "He was so caring and kind and gentle and... and everything and... and he was the only one Special for me, the only one who really mattered, the only one who really cared for me and accepted me for what I was. I... I can't abandon him to this destiny no matter what he did, no matter what my family would say. My Wish is to have him back and now I live to turn my Wish into reality. I will never give up my Wish," she stated firmly.(8)

"Because he's 'special' to you?" Kamui-chan asked. Hokuto nodded firmly.

"Yes. He's Special," she replied in an absolutely sure tone. "Now... you're in the same situation as me. You've lost Kotori-chan, but Fuma-kun is still alive even if he doesn't recognize you anymore. You... you can forget him and stay here forever or... or you can wake up and decide what you Wish to do about Fuma-kun. You... you don't want to abandon Fuma-kun to this destiny, do you?" she asked, and as she spoke Kamui-chan began to transform, growing before her eyes.

"I want to get Fuma back... I couldn't protect Kotori... so... I want to protect Fuma." The figure of Fuma holding the ShinKen appeared. "... That's not the real Fuma," Kamui-chan stated firmly and, as he said so, the figure disappeared, converting itself to feathers. Hokuto looked at Kamui-chan sadly.

"If you give him back his real personality... he will have trouble facing what has happened," she said, tactfully avoiding mentioning that Fuma-kun had murdered his sister and tried to do the same to Kamui-chan.

"... Even so... I... don't want to lose Fuma!" Kamui-chan exclaimed, near to tears.

"So... no matter what, you'll stay at his side? You'll face any sort of trouble to protect him, not caring what other people do or say?" she asked then.

Kamui nodded, as his figure grew further.

"Even if no one understands your Wish?"

Kamui nodded again as he finished changing back to the way he really was. Hokuto smiled at him, offering him her hand. He took it.

"... Then, for that Wish, please, come back," she said, hugging him.

At the same time the Chi no Ryu's Kamui, still in Kakyou's room, sensed the other Kamui's awakening. The room changed shape and a Shoji door appeared and opened by itself, showing them Kamui and Hokuto.

"... Kamui only wants the young man named 'Fuma' to return. He had awakened for that Wish alone," Kakyou reported.

"What about you, Kakyou... What is your Wish?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked, kneeling next to him. Kakyou lowered his gaze.

"I want to die," he said. It was the only way he could imagine to be free from his prison, from his 'gift', from his nightmares, from his loneliness and from his pain. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui smiled at him. It was strange, but he had known Kakyou's Wish even before the man had spoken it.

"Then I will grant you your Wish," and saying so he offered to Kakyou his hand again. Kakyou took it in the same way Kamui had taken Hokuto's. His dream fused with Kamui's internal world. The two Kamui stared for a moment to each other. The two Kamui's eyes met and for a second the younger Kamui reached out to try to grasp the one he still called Fuma before the two realities divided again and each of them returned to the real world as the sun was finally rising again in Tokyo's sky. So, while Kamui awakened in his bed under the gazes of the other Ten no Ryu and Hokuto fainted from exhaustion, the Chi no Ryu's Kamui effortlessly left the house in which Kakyou was kept prisoner carrying the YumeMi with him, and headed toward the Tokyo Government Office.

As dawn came Seishiro stretched in his bed, careful not to wake Subaru-kun, still sleeping right next to him. It was a rare sight to observe the young man sleeping peacefully. Normally Subaru-kun had too many bad dreams and slept too little. Exhaustion was probably the cause of this deep, quiet sleep. Seishiro smiled as he traced Subaru-kun's profile with a finger. The night hadn't gone so badly after all; on the contrary, after the pain had finally faded Subaru-kun had proven he could be far more interesting than a romantic dinner. If allowing the boy to keep those tiny flickers of will was what made him so... alluring in bed, Seishiro really had no regrets or complaints, even if he had to deal with Subaru-kun's depression and the risk that, one day, the boy could find a way out of his control.

He gazed at Subaru-kun appreciatively. The boy was a beautiful playmate, so obedient and compliant, caring and loyal, young and shy, but more important than anything else, his, only his.

He brushed Subaru-kun's lips with his thumb. The boy opened them and mumbled something that Seishiro didn't understand, than his green eyes fluttered open and turned toward Seishiro.

"Morning..." he mumbled.

"Good morning, Subaru-kun," Seishiro replied as he moved over the boy, and then lowered himself to kiss him fully on his lips. Subaru-kun sleepily wrapped his arms around Seishiro's neck, answering his kiss. Seishiro smiled as he felt his body brushing against Subaru-kun's and tried to calculate how much time they had before they should show up at the Tokyo Government Office to meet the Chi no Ryu's Kamui.(9) As Subaru-kun awoke a bit more and started to get seriously into... 'business', he decided that, after all, it wasn't going to be the end of the world if he made the Chi no Ryu's Kamui wait. They still had some time before the final day, and if they hadn't... well he couldn't think to a better way to spend his last moments.

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. For who hadn't had the chance to read the 'X' manga I'll point out that Yuzuriha and Seiichiro already knew each other. They had also met short after the Nakano earthquake.

2. That's just Hokuto's opinion. However in 'Tokyo Babylon' Subaru was good at offer comfort to people while in 'X' the only one he tries to comfort is Kamui and he keeps distant from the others.

3. Going within is a Sumeragi's secret technique. I've no idea how much ability require to go within someone else, I assume quite a bit but I figured that, since Hokuto is now the new KaChou, she had been forced to learn how to do it.

4. Since Kakyou never met Hokuto in this AU he is still trapped in that huge mansion in which we see him in his sidestory. I'm assuming the men guarding him are Yakuza. In Japan the Yakuza works often for politicians so it can make sense.

5. For who hadn't had the chance to read the 'X' manga I'll point out that after her death Kotori's spirit had gone to Kakyou again. They had talked about what had happened. Kotori had thanked him for stopping her brother because if Kamui should die Fuma would never return back and that's the future she saw in her last dream. Then she asks him to tell to Kamui and her brother that she loved them both and that the future is still undecided before leaving.

6. For who hadn't had the chance to read the 'X' manga I'll point out that in the beginning, when Kakyou showed up in a dream, he had short hair and normal clothes. Oh and yes, Kotori says that Kakyou has golden eyes.

7. In many CLAMP illustrations Kamui has purple eyes and not brown as in the anime. I will use purple as colour for Kamui's eyes.

8. Hokuto is not saying she's in love with her brother! He's just the most important person in her life. She died for him in 'Tokyo Babylon' after declaring she couldn't live without him.

9. In 'X' Seishiro shows up to the Tokyo Government Office right in time to meet Kamui as if he knew the boy would go there... Maybe he just had an intuition but still I'll go for the assumption the same YumeMi who, I assume, tells him who will become a threat for Japan, also told him when Kamui would show up at the Tokyo Government Office.

JJ's Extra Notes:
It had been hell to picture how to get Kamui to awake again without Subaru. In the end I figured that since Hokuto's situation is still similar to Kamui's (a person they loved had been taken away from them and twisted) the thing could still work.

Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Futon: Bed in Japanese Style
Ichimon: "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"
Inugami: "Dog God". A dog shaped spirit that someone control
Jinja: Shinto Shrine
KaChou: Family Head
Kazetsukai: Wind User
Maboroshi: Illusion
Mitsukai: Angel
Okaasan: Mother
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyouji: "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakura: "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Shichi no Mitsukai: Seven Angels
Shikifuku: Ceremonial Robe
ShinKen: "Sword Given By God" or "Sword Offered To God"
Sumeragi no Chou: Sumeragi's Head
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven
Yakuza: "8-9-3". How is called the Japanese mafia
YumeMi: "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To Gray Wings: Happy to hear you liked the previous chapter! Yes, Hokuto is not exactly pleased with Seishiro's actions... She won't be for a long time...

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: I ddin't want people to think Subaru follows Seishiro around solely for the spell. He also cares about him and since he's been raised by him Seishiro also made him depends on him.

To THopkins: I'm sorry that chapters are short... but look at the positive side... I release them faster this way!

To Ruth: Well, I couldn't take away from Hokuto such a strong part of her character, could I? In this chap you also find out who substituted Subaru... Hokuto is a tough girl!

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!