Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 10: All The Things He Said"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Warning over notes: This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...

'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney

"I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free
Nobody else so we can be free

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
This is not enough
This is not enough."
(T.A.T.U. - "All The Things She Said")

Hokuto saw Fuma-kun smirking, satisfied, as he gazed into the distance at something she couldn't see. Her whole body hurt, she was panting and she had no energy left. She wouldn't even go into the state of her poor clothes. Kamui-chan had saved her life with that blow he managed to throw to stop Fuma-kun from striking her again, but now neither he nor she were in shape to fight further and she knew it. She couldn't even stand anymore and Fuma-kun had again trapped Kamui-chan in a net of cables with the same careless ease another person would use to restrain a child. She felt the bitter taste of failure on her lips. Fuma-kun was a too strong opponent, one who had easily defeated her using only a fraction of his power, but she couldn't, she wouldn't surrender, it didn't matter if, right then, she hadn't the strength to raise a single finger. She wouldn't surrender. Not yet. Not until she had freed Subaru from the Sakurazukamori's hold. Subaru... Subaru was the only one that mattered to her, she reminded herself as her gaze seemed to blur. Subaru... She had to live. She had to live to free Subaru...

"Don't you want to die?" Fuma-kun asked her gently in an almost caring, concerned tone, doing 'it' again, looking like her Subaru again, his expression not the apathetic one she saw on her brother's face when he was with the Sakurazukamori but the kind, caring, concerned one he had when he was a child and saw someone hurt, and she fought tears of desperation and grief. Subaru... Her Subaru... "You're obviously in pain and forced into a position you don't like. Why don't you Wish to be free from all this? Why don't you Wish to simply die?" the teenager asked her, his voice a perfect imitation of her brother's. She gritted her teeth against the pain, not from her injuries, but the pain that illusion brought and that was much stronger.

"Don't be absurd! I won't die! I can't die until I get Subaru back!" she yelled at him, hating the raw note of desperation in her voice. She was Sumeragi Hokuto. She would never surrender. She only wished it wouldn't hurt so much... He smiled down at her, another smile that was the mirror of Subaru's and she felt another wave of pain hit her even harder, wounding her more than one of the boy's blasts.

"It's impressive how that Ten no Ryu has got so many people obsessing over him," he commented discursively and yet with that hint of naivety only Subaru could have and it was so unfair... so unfair to have this boy pretending to be her brother and using it against her... "So is this your Wish? To get him back?" he asked, tilting his head in an almost curious, innocent manner as one who has caused mass murder and had been about to kill her and Kamui-chan shouldn't be able to do. No, that tone belonged to a caring soul that had been always more anxious to please others than himself and she...

"Of course this is my Wish! I want Subaru back, away from the Sakurazukamori, no matter what! I won't die before!" she screamed and physical pain merged with the psychological at her effort to try to summon the strength to stand and do something, what she had no idea and she would never discover since she fell immediately back down, spent.

"If that is what you truly Wish for, I guess I may help you. This way I will fulfil three Wishes with one single action!" Fuma-kun replied, still smiling innocently and she hated him for this, for resembling so much her brother and yet not being him, she hated him and yet her Wish to see Subaru still feed his illusion allowing him to continue that charade.

"Why? Why do you have to resemble him so much!" she asked in frustration, ignoring his statement, feeling the desperate need to cry and refusing to shed a single tear in front of him.

"Oh, that's easy," he replied carelessly, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. "It's because you Wish it!" Her eyes widened in surprise at his statement and she gasped in confusion, unable to utter another word as she stared at him. What was that supposed to mean? What?

"Kamui. The other Ten no Ryu are coming," Fuma-kun's companion stated in an empty tone and a corner of her mind was slightly annoyed at hearing him call Fuma-kun 'Kamui'. It was just... wrong. Anyway, she was grateful that help was coming their way but, considering the situation they were in, she doubted they would make it in time. One blow and she and Kamui-chan would be dead. And neither of them had the strength to stop it. Fuma-kun smiled down at her again.

"I guess, Hokuto-chan, I have to say goodbye," he stated, and she felt another stab of pain as he used exactly the same words Subaru told her before leaving Kyoto to go to Tokyo. Those had been the last words her brother had said to her and she had treasured them for such a long time in her heart... She lowered her head in sorrow and, as soon as she did it, Fuma-kun dismissed her, stopping to look and act like her Subaru, his attention moving to Kamui-chan.

"Kamui, we will meet again, soon, because I will come to kill you," Fuma-kun told the poor boy, seeming to savour the expression of absolute pain on his face. Then, to their surprise, the cables that had kept Kamui-chan trapped released him as Fuma-kun turned and left with the other Chi no Ryu. Kamui-chan didn't move from the point at which he had fallen after the cables had freed him, his head bowed in defeat and grief. Hokuto forced herself to find the strength to look at the poor boy.

"Are you okay, Kamui-chan?" she asked after Fuma-kun disappeared in a weak, pained voice that she attempted to make sound normal. Kamui-chan clenched his fists tightly before forcing himself to raise his head and to look at her with concerned eyes.

"I've been better, but I'll survive," he said dismissively in attempt to sound like a tough boy. "How... how are you?" he asked hesitantly, his toughness failing him as his voice filled with concern and fear.

"Alive and glad to be," she replied with a weak smile. Yes, she was glad to be still alive, still alive to fulfil her Wish... "Oh boy..." she added with a sigh as she tried to force her weak body into a slightly more comfortable position. "I don't know what got him into a talking mood but it had really saved our lives. Any idea what he saw when he stopped throwing blasts and got that 'I've finally managed to mess someone's life up badly' expression?" she asked Kamui-chan looking at him intensely. If there was one who might know the answer to that question, that person could only be Kamui-chan she was sure of it, and somehow she sensed the answer affected her. Kamui-chan seemed to hesitate.

"No I... I don't know... not really..." he murmured in a low tone, looking elsewhere but she picked up on it anyway.

"You're an awful liar Kamui-chan, do you know it?" she observed as a smile came unconsciously over her lips as she was reminded that Subaru too was a horrible liar. Kamui-chan looked tremendously nervous and embarrassed.

"I-think-someone-was-watching-us-and-Sorata-and-Arashi-are-here-now!" the boy said way too hurriedly and too low for Hokuto to understand as Sorata and Arashi hopped onto the roof of the building and hurried to help them leave as the structure started to crumble. Hokuto had no time to prod him with further questions then and Kamui was glad for it.(1)

He hadn't lied to her. Well, not really. He didn't know for sure but he had sensed two strong powers... one that had felt like a Chi no Ryu and the one who had felt a lot like a Ten no Ryu. And they were both pretty strong, probably the strongest Chi no Ryu and Ten no Ryu after Fuma and himself. It wasn't really difficult to guess who could be the only Chi no Ryu who spent his time watching them fight in the company of a strong Ten no Ryu without fighting him. However he doubted Hokuto would be happy to hear that her brother and the Sakurazukamori had been watching the show. Kamui didn't pay much attention as Sorata announced they were going to take them to the hospital and then continued to babble. His mind had switched over to thoughts of Fuma.

Fuma.

Fuma had said some pretty weird things that day.

Fuma.

What was he up to? Would he manage to fulfil his Wish and get the Real Fuma back? He could only hope so.

Subaru sighed as he considered his present situation. The trip back home had been silent and unpleasant, and now Seishiro-san was there, sitting on the couch, staring at nothing and looking like he was doing his best to think of nothing as well. Subaru had NEVER seen him in such a mood and had no idea how to get him out of it or what to do. Being like this just wasn't Seishiro-san's style. Subaru sighed at a loss. A tiny corner of his mind was still wondering about the girl, if she was well, if she had managed to escape from Kamui, if someone had rescued her, if he would see her again, but Subaru told it to shut up. To him, Seishiro-san was much more important than she was, and it pained him to see the man so... upset and not be able to help. He walked toward him and wrapped his arms around Seishiro-san's neck from behind, nuzzling against him affectionately like a tiny kitten would. He wasn't much for open affection, but years of cohabitation and the intimacy between them had helped him to loosen up a little when they were alone.

"I'm sorry for before. I just... don't like too much open space," he apologized quietly and very honestly, taking responsibility for Seishiro-san's bad mood. Seishiro-san rested his hand over Subaru's arm.

"That's not the problem, Subaru-kun," the man stated without looking at him. Subaru felt tempted to sigh again. He desperately wanted to help, to please Seishiro-san, to make him happy but he just had no idea how.

"Then I don't know what the problem is," he replied, and there was something in his normally apathetic voice that seemed to beg for help in understanding and made him sound tremendously helpless.

"What do you Wish for, Subaru-kun?" Seishiro-san asked instead of explaining himself. They were back to this? Fine, if Seishiro-san wanted to know then he could tell him.

"You. I Wish for you," he replied honestly. Seishiro-san laughed humourlessly, leaving Subaru even more confused.

"Flattering but not true," the man stated in a not particularly pleased tone. "What do you Wish for, Subaru-kun? What does your soul long for? What could Sumeragi-chan give to you that I didn't?" Seishiro-san asked him with rising intensity, turning to look at him. Subaru blinked, not following Seishiro-san's logic.

"How did Sumeragi-san end up in this?"

"Do you have to be so polite about her?" Seishiro-san countered in a clearly annoyed tone that made Subaru feel immediately guilty. He was polite with everyone, very formal and polite to be honest, but Seishiro-san had never been upset by it before...

"I'm sorry, I..." he tried to say, lowering his head in shame.

"Don't apologize," Seishiro-san calmly interrupted him, his hand now resting gently on Subaru's cheek and Subaru leaned into his touch. "Just answer me. What does she have that makes her so special? What sort of hold does that girl have on you?" There was an... anxious curiosity in the man's voice, an urgency that Subaru couldn't understand even if the tone was kind, or structured to sound as such.

"Hold on me?" he repeated weakly.

"Hold on you," Seishiro-san repeated firmly. "You couldn't tear your eyes away from her. I don't like to be ignored, Subaru-kun. You're mine. You're not supposed to ignore me," he reminded him, and this time he couldn't hide his annoyance from his voice. Seishiro-san had always been possessive of him, never tolerating even the thought of sharing him and Subaru knew this well.

"I wasn't!" he defended himself immediately. He had been paying attention to Seishiro-san. The man was always his first priority. Always. Seishiro-san had always been the most important thing in Subaru's life and nothing could replace him. He loved him, more than he could express, even if he doubted that Seishiro-san was aware of it. "I was just..." he continued, but words failed him. What had he been doing exactly? He... he was dismayed to discover he had no idea.

"What were you doing exactly?" Seishiro asked, echoing perfectly the question he was posing to himself.

"I... I don't know, Seishiro-san. I really don't know," he answered as his hold around Seishiro-san tightened out of fear more than affection. He didn't like not knowing what was going on with himself. In fact it terrified him.

"Do you Wish you never met me? Is that it, Subaru-kun?" Seishiro-san asked him in a deadly calm tone. Subaru blinked at the question.

"No. Why should I?" he replied immediately, not understanding how the man could think something so absurd.

"I put you under a spell, stole you from the rest of the world and from your destiny as well. I made you my own. It would be natural for you to Wish you never met me," Seishiro-san observed still in that same calm tone. Subaru knew all of that and dismissed it all with a shrug.

"I don't mind, Seishiro-san. I'm happy with you. I want to stay with you," he said simply in a very honest tone. He really didn't mind but that didn't matter and Seishiro knew it. It wasn't like Subaru-kun could leave him should he chose to. His will was entirely subordinated to Seishiro's. As long as Seishiro didn't want him to leave it didn't matter if Subaru-kun wanted to stay or to leave, he couldn't leave all the same.

"You almost never smile, Subaru-kun," he observed aloud. Before he hadn't paid much attention to it, considering it a mere artistic loss. Seishiro was so used smiling without meaning it that smiles didn't mean much to him anymore. He didn't know why he felt the sudden urge to have Subaru-kun smile again, to smile at him, to look happy. "If you never have reasons to smile how can you say you're happy?" he tried to reason with the boy.

"I didn't know you wanted me to smile..." Subaru-kun replied as if smiling was a mere act he could put up at will. Well, it was for Seishiro, but it shouldn't have been for Subaru-kun. Subaru-kun wasn't like him. Subaru-kun...

"That's not the point!" he cut him off a bit more sharply than he intended. "Why don't you smile, Subaru-kun?" he asked again, almost exasperatedly. He had no idea why but somehow he felt it was important.

"Because... I don't know why... because it won't matter, it won't make a difference... It's just... it seems a waste of effort..." Subaru answered, trying to put in words his feelings. It wasn't easy. He had never been good with words and the fact he had never been required to talk much didn't help.

"I don't think I understand this," Seishiro replied tiredly. He didn't. He didn't at all. He had no idea how they had ended up in this situation and why it seemed so important to get out of it.

"I don't think I know how to explain this," Subaru-kun continued, a hint of discomfort in his voice. "I never ever Wished that I had never met you, I swear it," he assured then and his voice was firm and totally honest. Subaru-kun wasn't good at lying and couldn't do it to him at all so Seishiro knew that what the boy had said had to be the truth, but...

"Then, Subaru-kun, promise me something. Promise me you'll never leave my side. Promise me you'll be mine and only mine forever. Promise me this again," he demanded.

"I promise, Seishiro-san," Subaru said simply and yet with all the honesty he was capable of. It wasn't like he wanted to leave, anyway. He loved Seishiro-san. He wouldn't be able to live without him.

"How heartfelt is the promise of a man who can't choose to disobey?" Seishiro replied bitterly, turning his gaze away from Subaru-kun, unconsciously quoting something he had heard from the Chi no Ryu's Kamui in one of their past meetings.

Subaru-kun didn't reply; he hadn't the time to do so. Seishiro turned toward him almost immediately and their lips met. A gentle kiss turned into something hungry and desperate and Subaru-kun found himself being dragged to the couch, next to Seishiro.

Control.

Seishiro still managed to be gentle as he pulled the boy next to him, no matter how badly he wanted him right there and then. Seishiro prized himself for his ability to control situations. He refused to lose control, not even in the heat of passion. Recently his control had been slipping, his balance going out of focus, disturbed by something he couldn't identify, but he could still manage to control things if he really put his mind into it. As soon as Subaru-kun was in his arms, against his chest, pressing up against him, everything started falling into the familiar dance of touches, kisses and movements they had danced so many times before. Their clothes ended up dropped unceremoniously on the floor as they focused only on themselves and the sensations all this was awakening in them. They really would do better to move to the bedroom but neither of them seemed to care. There was a weird sense of urgency in everything they were doing, as if this could be their last chance to be together. The couch wasn't exactly spacious but it wasn't like they planned to roll all over it. In fact they really needed very little space as they attempted to be as close as possible, as if they were trying to fuse their bodies into one. It was intense, it was good, and it ended far too soon for their liking, leaving them drained yet still strangely... thirsty, hungry, as if that hadn't been enough and they still needed more. However, getting more wasn't an option at the moment as that strange, excessive exhaustion that had fallen over them dragged them into a fast sleep.

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. In the 'X' manga Kamui is conscious while Fuma fights with Subaru. When Fuma destroys Subaru's eye Kamui frees himself and throws a blast in Fuma's direction trying to save Subaru. He then reaches an unconscious Subaru and calls him. The Kekkai starts to fade and Fuma leaves abandoning Kamui to cry over Subaru. There's no hint that someone helped them to leave Sunshine, which falls short after, and when the scene moves to the hospital there are no other Ten no Ryu with Subaru and Kamui. Sorata will also say later that they wanted to help but they came too late so I'm not sure they were the ones who managed to help Subaru and Kamui. Here however I supposed that, since Fuma toyed with Hokuto a bit longer, they managed to join them before Sunshine fell. Oh, Sunshine fell later even if there wasn't a Kekkai to protect it because Fuma went easy on it this time. Ah, Hokuto sees Fuma looking like Subaru as he is now but acting as Subaru acted before he had been kidnapped. Why? Because, of course, that's Hokuto's wish.

JJ's Extra Notes:
For who's wondering this chapter's title was purposely a bit different from the title of the song I quoted at the beginning.
Yes, Kamui and Hokuto are close, close in a different way than Subaru and Kamui in the 'X' manga but still close and before someone will ask, no, they aren't going to fall in love.

Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Kekkai: Shield
Maboroshi: Illusion
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To Angel Lain: Thank you for your kind words! I'm happy to hear this is the first 'X' story that made it in your favourite list! You'll discover if Subaru will be back to Hokuto in chap 17... as for Seishiro's feelings... there should be already enough hints... the only ones who seem to miss them are Seishiro and Subaru...

To THopkins: I hope you aren't disappointed that Subaru, in the end, did nothing. He'll have plenty of action in the future, I promise. I'm glad you like Seishiro's possessiveness! I think Seishiro, despite everything, was very possessive of Subaru in the manga too... I'm trying to post a chap each week but I can't promise I'll always manage to do it, sorry. Thanks for reviewing!

To Gray Wings: LOL Well, you might say me what you hope will happen next or what you would like to see developed. Even if most of this is already written I'm still adding parts and so... Thank you for always reviewing!

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: Too many compliments make me blush! Thank you a lot for your words and for always taking time to review!

To helo: I'm glad to hear you like this! Subaru is adorable, isn't he?

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!