Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 12: How Can I Be Sure"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Warning over notes: This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...

'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney

"How can I be sure
In a world that's constantly changin'?
How can I be sure
Where I stand with you?

Whenever I
Whenever I am away from you
I wanna die
'Cause you know I wanna stay with you."
(The Young Rascals - "How Can I Be Sure")

Seishiro awoke to the pleasurable feeling of Subaru-kun's fingers sliding gently over his skin and petting his hair lovingly. The boy's body was a warm, solid presence under him, Subaru-kun's heart beating right under his ear and, even if his position wasn't the most comfortable in the world, he had no complaints, really. He raised himself a bit and kissed Subaru-kun's cheek affectionately, than started trailing kisses down on his neck, kisses that weren't just affectionate anymore, causing the boy to moan softly at his ministrations. He grinned, then frowned as a though came to his mind.

"Am I too heavy?" he asked, raising himself a little to stare into Subaru-kun's perfect pools of emerald green.

"I don't mind," the boy replied with a careless shrug, then, almost hesitantly, caressed Seishiro's cheek gently. "However, you should shave," he announced in a serious and self-conscious tone.

Seishiro raised an eyebrow, pretending to give Subaru-kun's words deep consideration, than laughed.

"Subaru-kun, do you like me only if I'm shaved?" he asked playfully as he lowered himself to nip the boy's lobe. Subaru-kun moved away from him, freeing his ear from Seishiro's attentions with a sound of annoyance. Seishiro raised himself again to stare into the boy's face, amusement sparkling in his eyes. He knew it annoyed Subaru-kun to have his ear nipped. He knew everything about Subaru-kun, about what he liked and disliked, what he wanted and what he didn't.

He knew also there was something in the back of Subaru-kun's eyes, something deep and strong that people seemed to always fail to see, something alive and stubborn that couldn't be bent. One who knew where to look could see that the boy was a lot less empty and apathetic than he looked at first glance. His Subaru-kun merely accepted passively a lot of things, mostly because he couldn't oppose them, or because he was too considerate to oppose them. His apathy was more like a shield than anything else, a way to put everything that hurt him in the background. Subaru-kun had always been too sensitive, too caring. Living with him, a cold blooded murderer, and accompanying him at his work shouldn't have been easy for such a kind soul. Subaru-kun had put a shield between himself and the world to keep himself sane.

Seishiro had known him since Subaru-kun was a child and could see through it easily. He wasn't overly fond of that shield, but he didn't mind it that much since he knew where to look to see what he wanted to see.

"I don't care if you're shaved or not. I always love you, only you," Subaru-kun stated in reply, wrapping his arms around his neck and bringing him gently down for a kiss. Seishiro kissed back, groaning in Subaru-kun's mouth as he sensed the boy squirming under him and wrapping his long legs around Seishiro's waist, clinging to him, only him. Delicious, he decided, this boy was way better than cake. Subaru-kun really was his most prized possession, and he was addicted to him even more than to cigarettes, greedy for him even more than for cakes, he admitted to himself as he trailed kisses and touches, continuing their lovemaking.(1)

Subaru-kun was also frail, very frail, so very frail that the tiniest error in handling him could shatter him irreparably.

Precious, frail and his, only his. Forever bound to him, unable to refuse him anything.

A treasure. His treasure.

'I think you're the one who doesn't know him at all. He has a Wish, Sakurazukamori, as do you. I'm merely inviting him there to help him to fulfil his Wish.'

Damn Kamui. Why couldn't he forget his words? He bit Subaru-kun's shoulder in irritation, then, when he heard Subaru-kun's whimper and realized what he had done, he soothed the bite with kisses and gentle nipping.

"Sorry..." he mumbled.

"It's okay, don't stop..." Subaru-kun replied, holding him tighter. But was it really okay? Was it? Seishiro didn't know, and he realized he hated not knowing. Subaru-kun's presence, the boy's loyalty to him had been a constant in his life. He couldn't conceive the idea that Subaru-kun might not want to be with him. It just couldn't be possible. It...

'He just Wishes to stay with me, and I'm going to fulfil his Wish. Surprised, Sakurazukamori? Some people don't need to put others under a spell to have someone who is willing stay with them...'

Damn Kamui, damn Kamui, damn Kamui... Why couldn't he banish his words from his mind? Why?

"Do you want this, Subaru-kun? Do you want me?" he panted, his voice way too raw for his liking. It wasn't the best moment to start a conversation; his body's needs were affecting his ability to think clearly.

"Seishiro-san..." Subaru-kun moaned, not really pleased by the interruption but unable to articulate further. Seishiro found a bit of consolation in the fact that, at least, he wasn't the only one who was finding it hard to think clearly at the moment.

"Seishiro-san..." the young man whimpered when it became obvious that Seishiro would make no attempt to continue until he didn't got an answer. Maybe it wasn't fair to demand of Subaru-kun an answer at that point, but Seishiro couldn't help it. Besides, he had never cared much about being fair.

"You... I want you... only you... don't stop..." Subaru-kun managed to reply eventually, looking at him almost pleadingly.

That would have to do, Seishiro decided, because even though he could control himself usually, he couldn't do it for much longer. Not in that situation or at that point in time anyway.

The rest of the discussion was consisted of moans, whimpers and the repetition of their names, over and over as if that was all that mattered.

Then it was finished and they laid there panting.

'I want you... only you...'

It had felt good when Subaru-kun had said it. Very good. So good... Kamui could stick all his assumptions about Subaru-kun's Wish up on his...

'How heartfelt is the promise of a man who can't choose to disobey?'

No, he didn't need this, he didn't want this. Subaru-kun was his. He would be his forever. It didn't matter why or how.

'Some people don't need to put others under a spell to have someone who is willing stay with them...'

So he had put Subaru-kun under a spell. It didn't matter, it didn't make a difference, and it didn't make Subaru-kun less his. Did it? Would he still own Subaru-kun without the spell? Would the boy still want to be with him should he remember his family? Without the Sakurazukamori's marks he had placed on his hands would they still be here, one against the other, in the aftermath of an orgasm? Or would Subaru-kun be away from him, with the other Ten no Ryu, with his sister, Wishing nothing else but to fight him, his enemy, and his polar opposite?

He wanted to own Subaru-kun fully, mind, body and soul. He couldn't do it as long as the spell clouded Subaru-kun's judgement.

He didn't want to risk losing Subaru-kun. Not now, not ever. The boy was his. He couldn't remove the spell but... but... but he Wished it gone, he realized to his surprise. He Wished it gone for good. And he would never dare to fulfil that Wish. As Subaru-kun had said, the price for the fulfilment of some Wishes could be too high.

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. Seishiro has two known official 'weakness', he's a Mild Seven smoker and he loves food, sweets in particular.

JJ's Extra Notes:
Yes, Seishiro is blindly oblivious to the fact that Subaru loves him but he doesn't understand love much and he knows that what he did was wrong. Mind you he doesn't care if it was wrong or not, his only worry is that it might cause him troubles, that it might stop him from getting what he wants.

Dictionary:
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Maboroshi: Illusion
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To Momo: Well... I have a demo version of this fic and now I'm just fixing it so that's why I can update fast... I'm glad you like the explanation about Subaru's feelings!

To Gray Wings: Poor Subaru doesn't know what's going on with himself... and yes he almost always get the worst deal... but don't worry, Seishiro too will have his troubles!

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: I'm happy to hear you liked the previous chapter!

To kurri-chan: Here's the update! I hope you will enjoy it too!

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