Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 13: Catching The Butterfly"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Warning over notes: This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...

'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney

"I'm gonna keep catching that butterfly
In that dream of mine
I'm gonna keep catching that butterfly
In that dream of mine

In my lucid dreams
In my lucid dreams."
(Verve - "Catching The Butterfly")

After their little 'adventure' on Sunshine 60, Hokuto and Kamui were forced to spend the rest of the day at Shinjuku Hospital.

As soon as they were released Hokuto resumed work on helping Sorata to pair up with Arashi. It wasn't a purely altruistic act but rather dictated by the fact she adored to mess with love relations. Right then she really needed something to do to keep herself as busy as possible. The battle with Fuma-kun had confused her and had forced her to acknowledge her inability to fight a Chi no Ryu. She just didn't have the power. She was a mere substitute, after all. A substitute. A substitute.

Subaru...

Fuma-kun had looked like him and she couldn't understand how or why since Fuma-kun wasn't like her Subaru at all. They were completely different, and yet... yet... she would have sworn that...

She shook her head dismissing that line of thought.

Fuma-kun had also talked like he could knew all her wishes.

Hokuto knew she Wished Subaru back, she truly did.

Only... it wasn't as simple as that.

She wondered if Fuma-kun had grasped her whole Wish, and if he really planned to bring it true as he said. Somehow, she wasn't sure this would be good...

The immensity of the space was all around them in its dazzling beauty. They were suspended in that dark nothingness broken only by distant stars. Others might have been scared by that place, but his guest was not.

"Kuzuki-san? What can I do for you?" Subaru-san asked him politely after greeting him.

Kuzuki Kakyou stared at the young Onmyouji. The Ten no Ryu Subaru-san was always formal and polite. He didn't seem bothered by the fact Kakyou had entered his dreams uninvited or disturbed by how his dreamscape looked.(1)

"I'm sorry to bother you, Subaru-san," he said, bowing his head toward him. Subaru-san shook his head dismissively.

"It's no problem at all. How can I help you?" he asked again. Kakyou hesitated. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui was the only one who could fulfil his wish and, for this, he had gained Kakyou's loyalty, but this young man had always been kind and understanding with him. Kakyou believed the future was already foreordained but, sometimes, he wished he could change it. Some people didn't deserve what they were going to get.

"Kamui said you have a Wish," Kakyou began. He had never been very good at talking, maybe because he rarely had the chance to do it in that room that had been his cage.

"Everyone has a Wish," Subaru-san confirmed, nodding. Subaru-san wasn't a talker either. Kakyou was prone to think it was because he too, in a fashion, had been kept prisoner for long.

"So why don't you try to fulfil it?" he asked. Subaru-san lowered his head.

"Because it would make Seishiro-san unhappy," he stated.

"Does that man matter so much to you that you would sacrifice your happiness and your freedom for him?" Kakyou asked then, his voice bitter. He didn't like Sakurazuka Seishiro. The man cared for nothing and toyed with everything, was free to do whatever he wanted and considered the world his own personal amusement park, and yet Subaru-san would do everything for him and ask nothing in return. Kakyou didn't think the Sakurazukamori deserved all that love and devotion from a good person like Subaru-san. In his most honest moments Kakyou was ready to admit he was envious of the Sakurazukamori. Kakyou had spent his life trapped in a room without any chance to leave it, without ever knowing the meaning of the world 'fun', observing everything through his dreams, never really able to fully enjoy it, always alone, without anyone caring for him. In a fashion, he and Subaru-san were similar, both trapped in a situation they didn't deserve, only Subaru-san seemed to be willing to stay in his cage and Kakyou couldn't understand why.

"Seishiro-san is everything to me," Subaru-san admitted with a tone of supreme security. Kakyou shook his head. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. That wasn't something he could understand.

"Subaru-san, you're a Ten no Ryu. How can you protect a Chi no Ryu?" he reasoned.

"It's because I'm a Ten no Ryu that I want to protect the person that means the world to me," Subaru-san explained patiently. He seemed a bit embarrassed, even if it was hard to say because he didn't show his feelings much, however he didn't look bothered by Kakyou's questions.

"That's close to what the Ten no Ryu's Kamui said when he made his Choice and look at how that turned out," Kakyou reminded him.(2) Subaru-san didn't reply. The young man was polite and kind, but also tremendously stubborn. His mind was already set and Kakyou had no idea if he could influence him in any way. However, it was worth a try. "What about your sister, Subaru-san?" he asked then. Subaru-san blinked.

"My... sister?" he echoed. As soon as Kuzuki-san said it something he had long forgotten, or rather something he had been forced to forget, brushed his conscious thoughts, but the disturbance didn't last long, only the length of time he needed to remember he had, in fact, had a sister.

"The girl that you saw fighting Kamui on the Sunshine building. She is Sumeragi Hokuto, your twin sister. You surely hadn't missed the resemblance." Kuzuki-san went on. Subaru hadn't missed the resemblance or the... bond he had felt with her. He just hadn't wanted to dwell on it too much, knowing it would be pointless. He belonged to Seishiro-san. Whatever that girl wanted from him, he couldn't give it to her, even if this made him feel guilty.

"So... she's my sister... I didn't remember having a sister," he admitted. It made sense she was his sister. It sounded... natural.

"The Sakurazukamori didn't tell you she was your sister, did he? He doesn't even let you remember your full name, does he?" Kakyou continued. Why couldn't Subaru-san realize how the man mistreated him? Why couldn't he realize what sort of person Sakurazuka Seishiro was, and how he didn't deserve Subaru-san's feelings at all?

"It doesn't change a thing. I won't leave Seishiro-san," Subaru said stubbornly. Actually, Subaru knew what sort of person Seishiro-san was, even better than Kuzuki-san, and he loved him anyway. He understood how Kuzuki-san might not like Seishiro-san, but this made no difference to Subaru. No matter what, he loved the man and wanted to be with him.

"She Wishes you back. She told Kamui so," Kakyou continued. Subaru-san had to know he could choose a different life, a different companion, one who would deserve his affection. If Subaru-san couldn't realize it on his own, Kakyou would tell him. It was all he could do to try to help him.

"I won't leave Seishiro-san," Subaru repeated firmly. "I don't want to leave him, but..." Subaru-san hesitated and Kakyou allowed himself to hope that... maybe...

"But?" he prodded gently.

"Can you please talk with her for me?" Subaru-san asked with the look of one who's begging for a favour he didn't think he deserved. "Can you please tell her I'm fine this way, and to stop searching for me?" Subaru-san continued. "Seishiro-san... he wouldn't take it well if someone tried to take me away from him, and I don't want him to kill her."

Seishiro-san had never taken it well when people came too close to Subaru. There had been a time in which Seishiro-san used to allow him to have a puppy. In fact, he had bought several for Subaru when the boy had been a mere child.

They never lasted long.

As soon as Seishiro-san thought they were getting too close to Subaru he would use them to deal with the Sakanagi. He didn't mean with it to be cruel to Subaru. He only wanted to stop the puppies from coming too close to what he judged his own property. He would comfort Subaru after each death and try to explain to him that it was all the puppy's fault, and brought him a new one the day after. He didn't understand Subaru's pain over their deaths. To him they were the equivalent of toys to throw away and replace when they broke or didn't work properly. Subaru had tried to stop them from getting close to him, but all the puppies ended up liking Subaru a bit too much, and Subaru couldn't help liking them; Seishiro-san always noticed and hurriedly disposed of the pet who had tried to come between him and Subaru, then coddled and fussed over Subaru after. Subaru had been very grateful when Seishiro-san had stopped bringing them home.

"Subaru-san... Kamui will fulfil her Wish, one way or another. You'll save yourself trouble if you leave the Sakurazukamori on your own," Kakyou tried again. He wanted to spare Subaru-san from what destiny was planning for him, he really did, but he couldn't do it if Subaru-san didn't leave the Sakurazukamori.

"I'll never leave him," Subaru stated. No matter what Seishiro-san did, no matter what could happen to him, Subaru wanted to be with Seishiro-san.

Kakyou looked at him sadly.

"I'll talk to her if that's what you want. I'm sorry I can't help you more, Subaru-san. Of all the people I've met since Kamui freed me, you're the only one who has honestly cared about me and I'm grateful for it."

"I'm sure, if you would give the world a chance, you would meet more. You could even meet someone for whom you would think it would be worth it to die for, and she would think the same about you," Subaru-san told him gently. Kakyou smiled bitterly.

"I don't think that's possible, Subaru-san, but thanks anyway." Who could find him even remotely interesting? All he knew how to do was dream of a future of death and destruction. No, there was no one out there for him. He was born to live alone. He could only hope his lonely life would end soon.

The figure of Subaru-san faded as he left Kakyou's dreamscape soon after, and Kakyou's gaze lowered.

"You've been trying to persuade him to give in on his own," he heard the Chi no Ryu's Kamui saying, as the boy appeared in his dreamscape suddenly, catching Kakyou by surprise.(3) His tone of voice wasn't accusatory, more like... amused. Kakyou said nothing. After all, there was nothing to say. "He refused, didn't he? He's stubbornly set on ignoring his own Wish and we can't have that, can we?" Kamui continued in an almost patronizing tone.

"If it makes him happy..." Kakyou offered. Kakyou didn't approve of Subaru-san's choice, but he liked what Kamui had in mind even less.

"It doesn't make him happy," Kamui stated and Kakyou knew he was right. "It doesn't make the Sakurazukamori happy either. Or the Sumeragi girl. Wishes are made to be fulfilled. I'm merely helping them. They may not like it in the beginning but they'll appreciate it in the long run," Kamui explained with the confidence typical of a teenager before smiling gently in Kakyou's direction. "Now, Kakyou, I want you to do something for me. I want you to connect me with the Sakurazukamori. That guy is stubbornly refusing to answer the phone, even if I can't really blame him..." he commented, grinning slightly, talking about dreamscapes as if they were phones, and Kakyou couldn't find fault with that since he had used them often for the same purpose.

"I don't think he'll appreciate an intrusion into his dreams. And I'm positive I don't want to enter them. That guy's dreams are twisted," he replied, shaking his head in disapprobation.

"I think they're... interesting... Dreams tell you a lot about the person who's having them. Evidently he has an obsession with that Ten no Ryu and murdering whoever tries to go between them. Oh, and Sakura. But I guess that his Sakura-obsession comes with his title," Kamui observed. Kakyou didn't comment. Considering what Kamui had done to the Ten no Ryu's Kamui and to his own sister, and what Kakyou had seen he would do in the future it really didn't come as a surprise that the boy wasn't bothered by the Sakurazukamori's dreams. Probably his own dreams were even more twisted. Or maybe not. Kamui was hard to figure out, with all those personalities crashing inside him.

The boy looked always like the one the others most wanted to see, constantly changing to please them, to the point it was hard to say where Kamui ended and the illusion began.

Maybe even Kamui's twisted side was nothing but a mask. Kakyou didn't want to judge him. Kamui was, after all, the one who had freed him and the only one who could help him to fulfil his Wish. Kakyou was sure that, for this, he would always be loyal to the boy.

A door appeared in the dreamscape.

"You can enter in the Sakurazukamori's dream from there," Kakyou said simply. "If you don't mind, I'll wait here." Kamui smiled, a kind, innocent smile before opening the door and entering into the Sakurazukamori's dream. Kakyou didn't smile back. He didn't think he knew how.

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. When Kakyou met Fuma in the 'X' manga his dreamscape looked like the space. I assumed that, without Hokuto's influence, that was how it would look usually...

2. Probably everyone knows this anyway... Kamui became a Ten no Ryu to protect the ones he loved the most, Fuma and Kotori. As soon as he chose so Fuma became the Chi no Ryu's Kamui.

3. In the manga the Chi no Ryu's Kamui can enter in Kakyou's dreams at will.

JJ's Extra Notes:
I know, many think Seishiro is a sadist. Actually I don't think so. He simply doesn't care about people and the consequences his actions could have. Plus a side of him would like for Subaru to view things as he did and that's why he kept murdering the puppies. Well, yes, a corner of him also wanted to warn Subaru to not get attached to other people...
I assume that Subaru and Kakyou could get along fairly well. They have much in common.
Kakyou tried to save Hokuto in 'X' original plotline so I assume it would be in character for him to try and help Subaru, even if for him he won't go to the extends he went for Hokuto.

Dictionary:
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Maboroshi: Illusion
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyouji: "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakanagi: "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To Gray Wings: I assure you Seishiro will have his own troubles to deal with... I feel almost guilty... I won't make his life easy...

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: Seishiro doesn't understand much other people's feelings. He somehow thinks everyone should think like him therefore he knows that if he had been in place of Subaru he wouldn't have been a happy boy. He is also starting to get insecure about how much of Subaru's affection for him is due to the spell and how much is due to just Subaru.

I find your fic adorable and very intriguing! Please write more!

To kuraitsubasa: I'm glad you liked the previous chapter. I think Seishiro's situation isn't easy to handle. He had some nice convinctions and now the Chi no Ryu's Kamui destroied them...

To My Bloody Hell: I'm happy to hear you like the story and find the characters IC. As for the reviews... well maybe it's also because I update fast. Maybe I should wait until I get... let's say... ten reviews before posting each new chapter but well... I don't want to force people to review if they don't feel like it and it wouldn't be fair toward the ones who had reviewed and should wait for others to do so.

To Momo: The plot will be different from the one of the original story even if it'll move on a parallel line and some things will stay just the same. It's a bit too early to talk about the ending since we're far from it but I hope you will like it. Good luck for the finals!

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!