Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 15: When I'm Gone"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Warning over notes: This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...

'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney

"Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone."
(Three Doors Down - "When I'm Gone")

When Seishiro awoke he found Subaru-kun still sleeping curled next to him in the same position in which he had been when Seishiro had fallen asleep. He shouldn't wake him up, the man mused as he stroked lightly Subaru-kun's cheek, the boy had got little sleep in the past few days due to some annoying nightmares and their lovemaking; he really shouldn't wake him, he told himself as he stroked his hand appreciatively over Subaru-kun's naked body. Subaru-kun moaned deliciously at the sensation of Seishiro touching him and squirmed closer. Seishiro grinned in the same manner as a child who was planning to steal some jam. He shouldn't wake Subaru-kun up but... how could he resist the boy's lovely charm? He wrapped his arms tighter around him, rubbing himself against the boy's naked body.

"Subaru-kun... Subaru-kun, wake up..." he whispered gently in Subaru-kun's ear before nipping it. Subaru-kun stirred faintly but that was all. Seishiro's grin widened, considering his plan to wake the boy like an amusing game. He kissed Subaru-kun's neck passionately then rolled him on his back and placed himself over him.

"Subaru-kun... wake up... wake up for me, Subaru-kun..." he said softly in the boy's ear before starting to trail kisses and gentle bites along Subaru-kun's neck. Subaru-kun merely mumbled something and rolled his head to the side, exposing his neck more. The boy must be really tired if he hadn't woken up yet. Seishiro smiled. Waking up Subaru-kun was starting to turn into a challenge in his mind. "Subaru-kun... Subaru-kun, wake up..." he called again, nuzzling against him. Subaru-kun rubbed his face with his hand tiredly and then cracked his green eyes open.

"Seishiro...-san?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun! Slept well?" Seishiro told him quite enthusiastically. Subaru-kun turned his sleepy eyes on him, not looking like he shared Seishiro's enthusiasm at all.

"What's going on?" Subaru-kun's voice was drowsy as the boy blinked further in an attempt to adjust his eyes to the light however, even as tired as he was Seishiro knew that Subaru-kun knew him well enough to know something was up.

"I want you," he replied simply. He wasn't the type who would expose all his motivations without an important reason. Subaru didn't complain, nor did he feel flattered.

"You already have me, Seishiro-san," he replied simply as he circled Seishiro's neck with his arms and Seishiro nuzzled again against him, pleased. Who else understood him so well?

"I want you, Subaru-kun. Every inch of you. Every part of you. Each corner of your mind, body and soul. I want you," he whispered in a husky tone in the boy's ear.

"You already have me," the boy repeated and Seishiro moved to kiss him, savouring those soft lips that had known no one else but him. It felt good to have Subaru-kun say that, but it wasn't enough. "You're the only one who holds my heart..." Subaru-kun continued once the kiss was finished.

Was he, Seishiro asked himself. For now he should be. For now. As long as Subaru-kun didn't interact with the Sumeragi girl... He frowned, feeling a pang of anxiety hitting him. He would never allow anyone to take Subaru-kun away... Never... The girl had to die... She had to... He would see to it. He would see to it that day.

"I will never allow you to belong to anyone else, Subaru-kun, never. I'll keep you forever. You're mine. Mine to do with as I please. Never forget it, Subaru-kun. Mine. You're only mine. You obey me only and you'll do all I say," he stated coldly, his breathing slightly faster than normal. No, he couldn't, wouldn't give up Subaru-kun. Never. Never, never, never, never...

Subaru-kun had no time to reply, as Seishiro bent down to claim his mouth again, possessed by a weird urgency to have the boy, to have him and never let him go, never let anyone else have him. Subaru-kun answered the kiss obediently, his arms hugging him even tighter. Subaru-kun. His Subaru-kun. His. Thoughts became blurry as their lovemaking progressed, and he soon became unable to think of anything but the body under him, and the fact he would never let anyone else have him.

In the end... Seishiro had been a little careless, a little rougher than he had intended and this had bothered him even more. Subaru-kun hadn't complained about his performance or his roughness, but Subaru-kun never complained, therefore this wasn't reassuring. He hadn't meant to be like that. He hadn't wanted to be that rough on Subaru-kun. He knew that the boy was frail and didn't really like rough treatment or aggression. It was all the Sumeragi girl's fault that it had happened. She was the one who was threatening his ownership of Subaru-kun, bugging him and distracting him enough to... well, to cause this. He couldn't allow it. He didn't like to be distracted, especially when he was with Subaru-kun, and he loathed to have his ownership threatened. No one should dare to do it.

He unwrapped himself from Subaru-kun and stood, leaving the boy alone in the bed as he started dressing. He wanted to solve the problem as soon as possible. To solve the problem was the only thing on his mind.

"Seishiro-san... where are you going?" Subaru-kun asked in a sleepy, tired voice, startling him. He sounded... unhappy, and he was probably sore too, and this was all the Sumeragi girl's fault. She had caused this and it irritated Seishiro even more.

"Out," he replied, more harshly than he had intended, turning away from the boy. He was angry, angry, angry and he had no idea how that girl had managed to irritate him so much. Normally he wouldn't care but each time he thought of how she was trying to steal Subaru-kun from him... He heard Subaru-kun sigh and then the creaking of the bed as the boy moved to get up as well.

"Stay where you are, Subaru-kun, it's pointless to get up. You're not coming with me," Seishiro stated, glancing at him. Subaru-kun froze in mid movement, his green eyes looking at him anxiously.

"Seishiro-san... what did I do wrong?" he asked meekly, his normally emotionless tone filled with an almost begging note. He felt... pushed away, abandoned, left behind, and he hated it. All he asked from life was to stay with Seishiro-san and if Seishiro-san didn't want him anymore...

"Everything. Nothing. It's just..." Seishiro trailed off, frustrated. He wasn't good at dealing with emotions or with this sense of impending loss. He turned and sat down next to the boy. "You're mine, Subaru-kun, all mine to do with as I please," he stated, leaning his hand against the boy's cheek. "I don't think I could forgive you should you ever forget this."

"I won't forget," Subaru-kun assured, but there was something wrong with the conversation and Seishiro couldn't figure what it was. What he had said wasn't what he had wanted to say and Subaru-kun's answer hadn't been what he had wanted to hear. Yet it should have been. They had had the same conversation many times and before he had always been satisfied by that answer. He couldn't understand why now it didn't seem enough. He took Subaru-kun's hand in his and kissed its back, stroking the star shaped mark he had left on Subaru-kun when he was still a child. His mark. Subaru-kun wore his mark; he was bound, chained to him without hope of freedom. He was his. The Sumeragi girl couldn't change this. So why didn't he feel satisfied? Why didn't this seem enough?

He felt Subaru-kun's hand sliding through his hair in a gentle caress. As long as they were alone Subaru-kun's attention was all on him and only on him as it was supposed to be. Yet that girl had managed to divert Subaru-kun's attention to her back at Sunshine, doing nothing really noticeable, nothing really important, and Seishiro couldn't understand how she had managed it.

Had it been the call of blood? The call of heart? Or the memory of affection, buried by his spell in Subaru-kun's mind and yet still present? Was the bond between the two siblings stronger than any chain he could put around Subaru-kun's neck merely because it wasn't spell induced? Merely because it had been instinctual, honest, born from love?

He didn't know.

He had never felt affection for anyone. Even Subaru-kun was nothing more than his prized possession, a possession he refused to share or lose. Yes, the boy was just a possession. Only a possession. His possession. Sure. That was it, and yet somehow, as he said that to himself it didn't sound true and he had no idea why. What else could Subaru-kun be if not his possession?

"I must go, Subaru-kun," he said, standing. Strange. It felt as if he was escaping from something, but what was there to escape from? "Subaru-kun, you will wait for me here, rest and behave," he instructed, then caught the boy's worried, confused expression and his voice softened a bit. "Don't worry, if you do as I say nothing will go wrong, okay?" he assured, forcing a smile and ruffling the boy's dark hair as he would have done with a child.

Subaru-kun nodded, but he didn't look persuaded. However, there was no way he would disobey to Seishiro's order. He was Seishiro's beautiful doll, after all. Strangely enough, the idea didn't comfort Seishiro at all, on the contrary it displeased him even more. Seishiro turned and left, determined to put a definitive end to the Sumeragi girl and to this madness, even if a voice deep in the back of his head was screaming at him it was the worst thing he could do.

Shinjuku in the evening was even more filled with people than during the day.(1) Seishiro's Shikigami needed a lot of time to track Sumeragi Hokuto down but, when it finally did, Seishiro allowed himself a smile of satisfaction. The girl wasn't that far from him, she was on her own and she was wearing a dress even more 'original' than the two she had previously worn and it surely would be a nuisance in a battle. How Subaru-kun could be related to a person with such an odd fashion sense was a mystery to Seishiro. It was going to be an easy battle, Seishiro assumed as he elegantly jumped from building to building toward his target. Everything was going smoothly, so smoothly that when he reached the girl completely undetected and prepared himself to trap her in his Maboroshi he was ready to bet that it was going to be his lucky day. He had no idea just how wrong he was.

Still in the Sakurazuka mansion, Subaru sighed for the nth time. Once Seishiro-san had left he hadn't even bothered trying to rest knowing that, now that he was alone, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again, and so he had got up, dressed and sat on the couch waiting for Seishiro-san to come back. If there was something that Subaru hated it was to be without Seishiro-san. He had no idea why, but without the man he felt miserable. Subaru knew he was a powerful Onmyouji, strong enough to knock down anyone who tried to attack him, with the exception of the two Kamui, of course, and he was capable of taking care of himself if he set his mind to it, but he simply... needed Seishiro-san. The man gave him a sense of security that he couldn't reach without him.

Seishiro-san knew Subaru didn't like to be alone and normally he didn't let him be. This was the first time in ages Seishiro-san left him completely alone, without his Shikigami or some harmless people around. Subaru liked it even less.

The 'incidents' had always happened when he was alone. He could never remember them but he had a bad feeling about them, similar to one of falling, falling, falling into a hole without an end. He didn't want another 'incident' to happen. It would upset Seishiro-san even further, and Subaru knew the man was upset even if he had no idea what was bothering him.

Subaru was sure something was up and that Kamui had a hand in it; only he had no idea what the boy was planning. He only hoped Seishiro-san wasn't going to get himself into something dangerous.

He sighed again.

It was then that the bell rang. It came as a surprise. Seishiro-san had never forgotten his keys before and he had been gone for too short a time to be back already. Other people didn't visit them and they didn't receive packages. Actually, no one else besides them knew this address or knocked on that door.

Subaru stood anyway and went to the door to check who it was as he had been instructed to do long ago when they still lived in Shinjuku. He was responsible for the house when Seishiro wasn't around and he always did his best to fulfil his duty as caretaker. Besides, a visit gave him something to do besides worry. However, as he opened the door, he immediately understood it would have been better to remain alone.

"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun. I'm here to turn the Sakurazukamori's Wish into reality."

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. Shinjuku is a very populated district, a major commercial and administrative centre and the location of one of Tokyo's largest public transport interchanges, Shinjuku Station. In Shinjuku there's also the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building (yes the one under which the Chi no Ryu have their headquarters) and the headquarters for the Ground Self-Defense Forces (yes the one in which Kusanagi work) and its west area is one of the few in Tokyo with many skyscrapers. It also contain a famous red district (the one in which Subaru, Hokuto and Seishiro resided in 'Tokyo Babylon'). I assumed that, with her attack, Satsuki had aimed to destroy only the west area of Shinjuku... but since Kamui hadn't said where Satsuki was going to hit Seishiro had to search through the whole place...

JJ's Extra Notes:
Yes, Seishiro and Subaru aren't into sado-maso therefore Seishiro normally doesn't aim to hurt Subaru when they're having sex. He simply... lost control of things.

Dictionary:
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Maboroshi: Illusion
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyouji: "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Shikigami: "Ceremonial God". Summoned creature that attends an Onmyouji

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To Gray Wings: You know Seishiro... he didn't really care about puppies... As for Kamui... he'll do something even worst in the future...

To Sunshine Pie: Happy to hear you love this! Here's the update!

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: Seishiro's not even aware of it but he's amazingly protective of his Subaru...

To My Bloody Hell: LOL. Here's more! I'm glad you like this!

To Momo: (blush) I'm glad you like this fic so much! I hope everything went well with your tests. My time of tests is ended by a while but I still remember them with dread...

To liz-chan: Heya! Seishiro's amazingly possessive of poor Subaru... I try to update fast but sadly work doesn't let me much free time... Oh, Subaru and Kamui will have their chance to bond, don't worry...

To helo: (blush wildly) Thank you! I'm happy to hear you love this and the characters' characterization!

To emerald: I'm glad to know you like this! I hope you will enjoy the future chapters as well!

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