Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, or the lyrics, or anything else in here that is copyrighted.

a/n: Okay, so I hate putting these in the beginning before the chapter but I need to explain this before you guys get angry. This chapter is going to be split up into two parts, so this is chapter 6A and chapter 6B will follow sometime this week. I had to do this because it has been such a long time since I uploaded that I'm afraid that I'll lose drive to complete this story if I don't post something up. Also, this chapter drained me emotionally to write and I wanted to just get it out of the way. Writer's block is mean.

This is dedicated to sakurasapprentice7 for reviewing every chapter in this fic so far. You're amazing, and thank you.

6. As much as you wish you could, you can never stay mad at them.

"And maybe it's all for the best,

But I just can't see any good in this."

-Every Avenue_Between You and I

Roxas had always been a fantastic liar.

In fact, he had managed to lie himself out of every P.E lesson in high school without getting caught.

But, as Hayner stood there, with a box of sea-salt ice-cream popsicles in his hands, Roxas's mind went completely and utterly blank.

There was no lie just creeping into his subconscious, waiting for him to use it and get himself out of the situation that he was currently placed in.

Instead, all that his mind could come up with was "Hey, look...Sea-salt ice-cream."

The silence stretched on awkwardly.

"Well, since you two seem to be as confused as I am about this... I'm going to go put this in the freezer. Then we can talk about what just happened. Like a therapy session. Or like parents telling their child that Santa Claus isn't real. With, you know, me being the kid, you guys being the parents, and Santa being your heterosexuality."

Roxas sighed, sitting up in his bed and dragging his hand down his face as he tried to organize the thoughts that were currently flying around his head at the speed of confusion. There was a lot that he could say in this situation, ranging from 'this really isn't what it looks like' to 'Hayner, don't you ever knock before barging into someone's house' but he just settled on: "Hayner, you're babbling."

To which Hayner replied with a slightly exasperated look.

"Right...so, I'll go put this in the freezer."

Hayner looked at them before he walked out of the room, the sound of those stupid camouflage sneakers that he always wore hitting the ground was only the sound that penetrated through the silence in the room.

The silence continued.

It was surprising to Roxas that the only coherent thought that his brain could clearly form right now was the memory of how amazingly soft Axel's lips were. And weirdly enough, the thought of kissing Axel didn't freak him out as much as it should. Maybe it was because he was finally accepting what his subconscious had been trying to tell him for ages- he liked his best friend.

As in...feelings that went beyond platonic. And after that kiss, that Axel had basically initiated, the feeling had to be mutual, right?

"So, do you want ice-cream? It's Hayner's treat to me for getting over my cold." Roxas said, not look up from his hands that were clasped in his lap. He looked up, startled, when he heard sudden movement next to him. A quick glance into the direction of where Axel had been only a few minutes ago showed that the red head was now quickly gathering up his belongings and trying to put his sneakers on without taking a seat on the bed.

"Axel?"

Roxas saw the involuntary wince that passed through Axel's face when his voice rang out uncertainly through the room. But Axel didn't look up, instead his eyebrows furrowed as he feigned concentration and interest in the black and red sneakers that he was trying to stuff his socked feet into.

"I'm sorry... I really need to leave. Now."

Roxas kept his eyes trained on his best friend's face, even though the red-head continued to stare at his shoes instead of looking up. But, in the brief moment that Axel glanced up Roxas felt his heart drop at the expression that was so clear on Axel's face.

Fear.

"Ax..."

"No, Roxas... this should never have happened. This..." Axel clenched his eyes shut, running his hands through his silky, red hair. Roxas's fingers twitched as he remembered the feel of the strands of Axel's hair on his fingertips only minutes ago. How could everything have gone so wrong in such a short amount of time?

Hell, it hadn't even been ten minutes since Hayner had walked in, "this was a mistake."

"Mistake? A fucking mistake, Axel? That's what you're calling it? Funny, it didn't feel like a mistake to me."

Axel still didn't make eye contact, his venom-green eyes were attached to the carpeted floor, and Roxas felt his fists clench in anger and frustration when Axel grabbed his car keys off the bedside table and proceeded to walk out the door after whispering a cowardly: "Sorry."

Roxas bolted from the bed and grabbed Axel's hand before the red-head could make his way out into the lounge area.

"Damnit, Axel, let's talk about this okay? You can't just act like it didn't happen!"

Axel looked down at Roxas's hand that was tightly clenched around his wrist, the digits bunching up the material of the green hoodie that he had hurriedly thrown on in Roxas's room. Roxas's hand on his anatomy sent an unwanted shiver down his spine, followed by an immediate sense of nausea as the kiss was replayed in his mind. Finally, his eyes came into contact with his friend's for the first time since Hayner had walked in on them.

He shook his head slowly, scrunching his eyes shut after taking in Roxas's face that was set in grim determination. A little part of him inwardly chuckled at his best friend's facial expression- it was always in Roxas's nature to try and fix things, to tackle an issue straightaway before it ate away at him. That stubbornness and confrontational attitude was one of the many things that Axel lov-

No.

Thinking like that was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place.

He shook his head slowly, tugging slightly at his arm so that Roxas would let go but the blonde's grip was insistent.

"You don't get it Roxas...it shouldn't have happened. I... I don't want this."

Roxas let his grip slacken and watched Axel leave, his surprise leaving him stunned into silence. The door closing behind Axel with a slight click seemed to make the moment all the more final.

"Roxas?" Roxas turned, his eyes still widened and perplexed, to look at the source of the voice that had called out his name.

Hayner.

He had forgotten that his friend was even in the apartment with them. Roxas realised, with a slight grimace, that Hayner had probably heard the whole exchange that had taken place after they had left the confines of the bedroom.

"Hey, Rox... you okay?"

Roxas shook his head as the reality of the situation finally dawned on him, the realization that that one, solitary, fucking minute long kiss had screwed everything up.

Axel had walked out.

Axel didn't like him, not in that way.

Axel... called it a mistake.

With a gasp to his suddenly aching lungs, Roxas let his legs give out under him and he sank to his knees, his fists clenched so hard that he felt his nails leaving indentations on the skin of his palm.

"I-I... fucked up, Hayner."

XxXx

They were seated in Roxas's lounge, Hayner and Roxas, with Roxas picking at the threads that were coming loose on the worn-in but comfortable couch that Axel had picked up at a random garage sale last year. Roxas's lips curved into a gentle smile when he remembered the argument they had had over the stupid couch. He had initially refused to buy the couch on the basis that people had probably had sex on it previously but Axel had insisted that it was perfect.

And cheap.

With the fact that Roxas was a broke college student, you couldn't forget cheap.

Roxas couldn't help it, as much as he tried to smother the pain that flamed in his chest whenever he thought of the red-head by trying to replace it with anger instead, he just kept thinking about the fact that Axel was his best friend- his other half. The thought of Axel hating him was eating him up inside, twisting up all that frustration he had and replacing it with a feeling of desperation.

The sick thing was that, even though everything about that kiss had felt right to Roxas, he would act like it never happened if it meant getting his best friend back. He would act as though that kiss meant nothing to him; he would ignore the feelings that welled up inside of him whenever he thought of kissing Axel again, he would lie to everyone and act as though the feelings in their friendship didn't go past platonic.

He would lie to himself for Axel.

Hayner sat on the other couch that was situated in the room. If it had been anyone else in his situation, they may have felt a little awkwardness or at least a little uncomfortable, but not Hayner. He was lounged comfortably on the couch, a sea-salt popsicle in his mouth and curiosity evident on his features as he took in the sight of his friend looking uncomfortable and lost in his own home.

"So, where's Sora?" he asked, pulling the popsicle out of his mouth in order to speak.

"He... uh. I think he's at his parent's or something for the weekend. And I'm pretty sure he stayed at Kairi's for most of the week while Axel was here. Something about not wanting to get my 'flu' germs."

Hayner snorted, "That sounds like your roommate."

There was silence as Roxas stared at his hands, not really looking forward to the conversation that he knew Hayner was building up to. But even before Hayner removed the blue popsicle from his mouth in order to speak once again, Roxas knew that his friend's tact only went so far. The conversation that he was dreading was inevitable.

"So. You and Axel kissed... what's up with that?"

Roxas groaned, burying his head into the arm rest of the couch. After a moment he looked up, his eyes narrowed and glaring at his friend.

"Fine, I'll pour out my emotions to you, but, and listen carefully Hayner, you cannot tell ANYONE about the... kiss, okay?"

Hayner shrugged, looking bored but attentive enough that Roxas could see that he actually cared about what he was going through.

"Yeah, sure, I won't tell anyone. Now, spill."

XxXx

"Hey, Roxas. Oh good, you're alone. I need to speak to you about Axel."

Roxas looked up when Olette seated herself next to him on the couch in Hayner's parent's basement. Hayner still lived in his parent's house, he claimed that it was because they provided free lodging but they all knew that it was because Hayner was too lazy to live on his own. And since the basement had been made into a mini-apartment for Hayner, the gang all tended to hang out there whenever they had a rare free day between them all. The gang of course comprising of Hayner, Olette, Roxas and Pence.

"About Axel?" Roxas asked, cold fear starting to climb up his internal organs as he looked around, trying to catch Hayner's gaze. It proved ineffective though as Hayner and Pence were glued to the television that Pence's old school game system was connected to.

That was the whole point of the evening, to waste time playing video games and not thinking about anything. But as much as Roxas tried, he couldn't shake the feeling of having a metaphorical grey cloud raining on his attempt at fun. Everything seemed to remind him of Axel recently.

"Yes. You really think that we wouldn't notice the fact that you guys aren't talking?" Olette asked, one of her eyebrows raised as she scolded Roxas for his naivety, "You two were basically attached at the hip and then you two just started avoiding each other. Seriously, people I don't even know have been asking me what happened between you and Axel. People I don't even know, Roxas."

Roxas groaned, reaching out to the old wooden crate that Hayner had creatively turned into a coffee table. Hayner had even painted the words 'coffee table' on it for anyone who was confused. He grabbed a slice of rapidly cooling pizza out of the box that was situated on the crate-turned-coffee table and took a quick bite before muttering out a response to Olette's prying.

"I don't want to talk about it. I messed up; he doesn't want to talk to me. So let's forget it." he ended his statement by taking a huge bite out of his slice of pizza and trying to grimace at the feeling of cold cheese in his mouth.

"I know that you two kissed."

Roxas almost started choking when he heard Olette. The fact was delivered in such a matter-of-fact and calm voice that for a second Roxas was sure that he had heard her incorrectly, but the guilty look on Hayner's face, when he finally turned away from staring at the television screen, proved that there was nothing at fault with his hearing.

"Oh, don't you glare at Hayner. He did nothing wrong." Olette scolded, rolling her eyes at the expression that Roxas was wearing on his face.

"Nothing wrong?! I told him not to tell anyone!"

Hayner huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and fixing Roxas with a pointed look.

"Well, I'm sorry if I got tired of watching you mope around for two freaking weeks. You almost took up smoking because of this bullshit between you and Axel!"

Roxas flinched as he recalled his lapse in judgement. He had honestly considered taking up smoking as a habit at least three times during these past few weeks. As far as his friends were concerned, he wanted to take up smoking to help with his stress levels.

You know, stress due to school and the fact that his best friend wasn't returning his calls.

And he was content with them believing that because the truth was so much more pathetic. Roxas wanted to smoke so that he could feel closer to Axel, because even if he could just surround himself in a smell that so distinctly reminded him of his best friend... then maybe the void that was continuously making itself known in his chest due to Axel's absence would fill itself.

But he couldn't do it.

As much as smoking would make him feel like Axel was close to him... It would also remind him that Axel wanted nothing to do with him.

He sighed, placing his pizza back in the box because his appetite had suddenly deserted him. He wiped his hands on his black jeans, staring at the material as if they held the answer to everything that was happening to him right now.

"And what exactly are you gonna tell me Olette? That it was a huge mistake? Because you really don't have to, Axel already took care of that."

"Actually, I was going to tell you to man the fuck up."

Roxas blinked repeatedly, Hayner looked at Olette in horror and Pence even went as far as to gasp in shock.

Olette never, ever swore.

"Shit just got real." Pence said.

"Really dude? You don't say anything up until now and that's all you have to add to this intervention?" Hayner snorted, a grin forming on his lips as he got over his temporary stunned state to turn back to his game.

Olette's eye visibly twitched in annoyance but Roxas watched her take a deep breath, and when she spoke again that caring, motherly tone that Roxas, and everyone else was so accustomed to, was once again present in her voice. "Roxas, you need to go find Axel and speak to him."

"About what, Olette? If he wanted to speak to me, he would have answered the hundreds of texts and voicemails I left him."

"I want you to talk to him, face-to-face and not over the phone, about the fact that you like him and want to take your friendship past the borderlines of, well... friendship." She retorted, confidence in her words clearly evident in her voice.

"And what makes you think that I want our friendship to be anything but a friendship?" he snapped, annoyed at the knowing tone that she had adopted. However, his anger fell away when he saw the affection in her eyes. But instead of Olette's voice, he heard Hayner pipe into the conversation.

"You know... for the longest time in high school, we were so sure that you and Axel were dating and you just didn't want to tell us. I mean you were always kinda weird when it came to telling us stuff, and we couldn't really think of another explanation as to why Axel would want to hang out with someone two years younger than him." He said, and for once Hayner's voice didn't hold its normal mocking tone, but instead Hayner sounded... serious.

"Yeah," Pence finally added in, a soft smile gracing his features as he tilted his head to the side to look at Roxas, "and you two were practically attached at the hip. And, Roxas? I don't know if you ever realised, but you were a pretty intense kid up until you met that crazy red-head. But when you were with Axel you smiled. And not the strained smile that you used to give us to make us think that you were alright so that we would leave you alone either. You really smiled when you were him. He changed you, Roxas. You loosened up when you became closer to Axel."

Roxas felt tears starting to prick at his eyes and, so that his friends wouldn't see his watery gaze, he kept his eyes glued to his lap. He inhaled shakily and responded with a whisper.

"What am I meant to do?"

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder and when he looked up, he was met with Olette's eyes, fierce certainty shining in them.

"Tell him how you feel Roxas. We've all seen the way that guy looks at you. He freaked out because he was scared, and you need to tell him that you wanted that kiss to happen just as much as he did."

...

Oh gosh, please don't kill me guys? Both for the super long delay in update and for making Axel into a confused jerk. i'm sorry, really.
Like i said earlier, this chapter was extremely emotionally draining for me to write. i feel so sorry for my editor, i swear i must have complained to Daniel at least like, a hundred times while writing this these past few days. I'd send her something and she would reply and tell me there was nothing wrong with it, and i would be like: "FML, I don't wanna write this chapter, i can't write this anymore!" Er yeah. i'm pathetic when i have writer's block.

Hey, by the way, i survived my exams! i have one more set of exams left in October and then...high school is over for me. Man, that's scary.

Thank you time!

HUUUUUGE thank you to: Uqluiorra12345, fallenofthedark, kotoko-kurosaki, The Fuzzy Ficus, ReliveTheGreat, sakurasapprentice7, memwwms, mudkipluvr4ever, and Moka nee-chan.

Seriously, thank you. i don't think that you understand how much i appreciate every single one of your reviews.

And, thank you to everyone who has favourited, alerted, or even just read this fanfiction.

The second part of this chapter should be up soon.

On a completely unrelated note...it's my birthday on Friday! i'm turning 18. which isn't that exciting really. it just means that i can buy and drink alcohol (legally). Meh.