AN: Hello again, I apologize for making you guys wait a while, but I've had my reasons.
It pains me to say that I am seriously considering pulling the plug on this story, the response it's getting is very slight and somewhat embarrassing to me. I'm thinking of cutting my losses and ending this journey earlier than expected. I wrote close to five thousand words for the last chapter, and I only got about ten reviews, which is very little and not at all encouraging. I'm sorry for the people who've read this story and been with me from chapter one, I appreciate all your kind words and encouragement … I guess I'm trying to say that writing this story is hard work for me, and I feel like it's not worth it if nobody is going to be reading. So, I guess I'll be posting only one or two more chapters, and it saddens me as much as it might sadden anybody who's been following this story. To those people, I offer nothing but apologies, but if this story keeps going in that direction, I'll have to stop writing.
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns twilight…
Chapter 7: Luckless
The park my "husband" chose to take me to was a devastating embodiment of natures beauty, the trees were majestic and standing tall, the flowers were delicate and multicolored, the birds sung, the insects crawled, the sun shone with golden beauty and the air was fresh and absolutely rejuvenating.
As we walked silently side by side, I took in all the beauty surrounding me. As I walked aimlessly next to Edward, I chose to ignore my luckless attempt at a new and better life, and focus on the beauty that might stumble my way during the five years I have to endure, acting like a happily married woman.
I didn't really understand Elizabeth's logic. I couldn't understand the way she thought this could work; how she planned on selling this whole thing to the public. People weren't that stupid, no matter what this old lady believed. Were they supposed to believe that Mr. Edward multi-millionaire playboy wonder Cullen would gladly marry at this young age? And to whom; a meek right out of high school nobody who didn't have a penny to her name? How was I supposed to convince these people that I was blissfully content with marrying right out of high school? I wasn't that type of girl, nor will I ever be that type of girl. I am too young, with too little experience and not enough awareness to be a married woman. What responsible parents would let their daughter marry at such a young age? What troublesome playboy would suddenly throw all his rebellion to the wind and decide to get married so suddenly? I was honestly afraid of what people were going to think of me, I was scared of the gossiping tongs and the horrible rumors they were going to spread.
No, people weren't stupid, and sooner or later somebody was bound to find out. I completely agreed with Carlisle; his mother was certifiably crazy, not to mention a little naïve and a whole lot stupid.
But, in this park, after the deal I had made with Edward, I chose to ignore everything and everyone. I chose to forget my demise and focus on my new life. I had school to look forward to, I had new people to get to know, I had my whole future ahead of me, and Edward wasn't going to cost me any of it. Edward and I were going to have to work on being good pretenders, because that is all this whole marriage is ever going to be; pretend.
Stopping in front of a gorgeous oak tree, I stood marveling and optimistic. Its huge trunk was thick and wide, indicating the trees old age. Two big protruding roots fought their way out of the soil to reach the sunlight and fresh air; they sat arched and slightly elevated of off the ground, crowning the tree on both the right and left sides.
Edward turned towards me and frowned, seemingly lost in thought. He tilted his head and looked at me intently. "Want to take a seat?" he asked.
"Sure" I replied nonchalantly. "I'll take one the roots though, I won't be able to sit on the dirt." I said as I walked toward one of my designated seats.
"Is that so?" He said mockingly. "Why is that? Is your ass too conceited to sit on the ground?" he asked.
"You really don't want to talk about being conceited Edward. You calling me conceited is like a pot calling a kettle black." I replied just as mockingly. "And I have a slight case of OCD; dirt is not something I'm able to touch easily. It's not like one of those cases they portray in movies, I'm not crazy, and it only rears its ugly head when I'm stressed or nervous… I don't mumble to myself or anything of the sorts." I replied easily, OCD was something I've had to live with since I was very little, and I was not in any way embarrassed to say I was a little obsessive and compulsive.
"You're kidding me!" Edward said incredulously.
"No, I'm not!" I huffed, "It's not something to make fun of, I have no control over it, I was born with it, just like you were born with that insufferable ego you're hauling around." I replied indignantly.
"I'm not making fun of you Bambi." He replied coldly. "I have a slight case of OCD too, though dirt and mud don't bother me…" He said, trailing of.
"Oh, well would you look at that, we actually have something in common! Praise the Lord! It's a miracle!" I said jokingly.
"HA HA, funny girl." Edward actually smiled at me, shaking his head slightly and taking a seat on the dirt, leaning his back against the tree. He grabbed a bit of dirt, twirling his hand mockingly. "Look Isabella, dirt, germs, feces, insects, microbes!" He taunted.
"Edward." I said warningly "Please act like a grown up, put the filthy germ infested dirt down and let's act maturely. You don't want to hear my shrill screaming, trust me, it's not pretty."
"Calm down, Heaven. I'm not going to throw this at you. It's just a little incentive for you to be nice to me." He replied.
Raising an eyebrow, I taunted him right back. "Another nickname, Dirt boy?"
"What can I say, I couldn't resist." He replied.
"Why Heaven though?" I asked. We seemed to be getting along a little better since making our infamous deal, but not well enough for him to be calling me Heaven, or any other nickname or pet name for that matter.
"Because you are walking contradiction miss Heaven, that's all I'm going to say." He replied cryptically.
I should have known, Edward wasn't a nice person, and certainly not to me. A walking contradiction, thus by calling me heaven, he's damning me to hell.
"The Devil's afraid of competition, Dirty. He won't welcome me into his kingdom easily." I said, winking. He wasn't the only one who's quick witted.
"Right you are." He said "But back to being serious, I have to ask you something."
"Sure, go ahead." I said hesitantly.
"You don't have a small town, gun totting, crazy ex wanna be gangster boyfriend back home do you?"
"What?" I said laughing.
"I'm only asking because we don't want to run into unwanted trouble now, do we?"
"No. I don't have a crazy ex boyfriend. You don't have to worry about that. However, crazy, clingy ex girlfriends are the ones you're going to have to worry about." I said
"Broke up with the poor idiot to follow the big dream, did you?" He asked sarcastically, ignoring my last remark expertly.
"No." I replied. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and forehead. This topic of conversation was embarrassing me slightly. "I didn't have a boyfriend back home. I… It's complicated. I'm sure you don't want to hear about it."
"Oh, complicated? Don't tell me, unrequited love and all that jazz?" He said
"Look, I don't believe in love okay?" I replied angrily. "I don't believe in relationships and idiotic feelings and unwanted distractions."
"Come again?" He asked me slowly, looking at me like I'd just lost my mind.
"What part of it didn't you understand?" I said impatiently.
"It's just that… well I've never met a single girl who didn't believe in love. Girls are programmed to chase romance, to dream about prince charming and the big wedding dress. Love is a natural thing for girls, it's like breathing and blinking and eating to them." He replied.
"Not all girls are the same Edward. Each and every one of us is free to feel what they want to feel, and think what they want to think. So don't lecture me about stereotypes, I've heard it all before. Am I supposed to feel like a freak because I don't believe in love? Am I really that weird because I recognize that this elusive feeling everybody seems to be chasing is just some chemical reactions in our brain, deluding us into attachment and love and feeling and sex and heartache and distrust?" I rambled.
A person like Edward lives for the chase, the hunt, the euphoric feeling of getting what you want, and the self assuredness that comes with the ability to attract "preys" from the opposite sex. He won't understand where I'm coming from, he won't comprehend my reasons and explanations. His love is only a physical manifestation; a guy like him has never been attached to anyone in his entire life. My reasoning comes from my love for biology and the hunger to scientifically explain even the littlest things we encounter. I don't think we will be able to see eye to eye. Maybe we're just born the way we are; maybe we are hardwired into believing what we believe and acting accordingly. Or maybe the circumstances we encounter are the ones that define us, maybe it's the society we are forced to endure and live in makes us the people we are today. The bottom line is that Edward and I are two completely different people, polar opposites, and I'm sure that the subject of "love" is not going to be an easy one to talk to him about. He wasn't used to girls like me; opinionated, intellectual, simple girls. No, the girls he is used to are loud, beautiful, sexual creatures who live and die for love and all the propaganda it brings with it.
"You're telling me, that you haven't dated anyone? In all you're nineteen years of life, you haven't had a boyfriend, a date?" He asked stupefied, arching his eyebrows at me.
"That's exactly what I'm telling you. I didn't need the immaturity of hormonal teenage boys with hidden agendas and crude thoughts." I replied.
"Have you ever been laid Isabella? Hell, have you ever been kissed before?" He asked.
"First of all, watch your language Edward Cullen. I'm not one of the whores you are used to. And secondly, no, I won't be "getting laid" anytime soon. I'm a virgin and I'm not ashamed of it, on the contrary, I'm proud of it. I… I don't think I'm going to be able to explain this to you." I finally concluded. I can't believe I'm sitting here, discussing this with him. This was something I hadn't shared with another boy before. It wasn't something I was comfortable discussing. But I pushed myself to be open, to share everything with him in order for him to get to know me, and me to get to know him in return. This "bluff" we cooked up is a way out of this mess for the both of us, and in order for it to work, I couldn't let my shyness or ego get in the way of us being able to pull this off.
"Try to explain to this me Isabella, because frankly I'm can't understand where you're coming from. What girl refuses closeness and comfort? What girl spits in the face of protection and someone to wake up for? For us men it's different, everybody knows that. We are less sentimental and more sexual creatures, but even the manliest of men believes in love, relationships and people growing old together. You're telling me that love is bullshit and that relationships are lies?" He asked. "I'm not saying that I don't agree with you. I think it's all bullshit, especially at our young age. But I'm a man, and you're a woman; that's what puzzles me. I've never met another woman like you before." He concluded.
"What cave did you freaking crawl out of? You do realize this is not the Stone Age right? We've discovered fire and the wheel…" I replied mockingly. "Your sexism is a bit comical to be honest, and you're supposed to be an educated man."
"I'm not a sexist Isabella. I fully support women's rights and fair pay and all that bullshit. I'm just saying that you seem to be wired in very different way. It's like you're a man in a woman's body." He replied seriously.
"Now wouldn't that be an anomaly. It is possible that there are women out there who'd agree with me Edward." I replied.
"I want to know what you meant by "you won't be getting laid anytime soon."" Edward said, apparently eager.
"It's… well. I…" I didn't know how exactly I was supposed to explain this to him. He won't get it, I know he won't. "Look Edward, I'm not the type of person who thrives on physical contact. Maybe it's because my parents weren't people who showed many emotions, or maybe it's just the way I am. I got hugged and kissed as a child, but it wasn't often and I didn't enjoy it all that much. I don't like human contact or closeness, and maybe that's why I don't believe in love. I think you got it right when you insinuated that I might be wired incorrectly. When you believe that emotions are only neurotransmitter signals fabricated by your brain, and when you're convinced that you heart is only a muscle; nothing more nothing less, then trying to get close enough to a person in order to…. Ummm have close physical contact with is kind of cringe worthy in my opinion." I said, having no idea if he understood a single word I'm saying.
"So you're telling me you want to die a virgin?" He replied mockingly.
"I'm saying no one knows what going to happen in the future, but for right now, that's who I am and that's the way I think." I said confidently.
"Well, you're one piece of work, I'll give you that." He said.
"Enough about me, we've been talking about me for a while now. It's your turn." I said, trying to change the subject.
"I don't really know what to tell you." Edward replied.
"How about we play twenty questions?" I suggested.
"A game? Really Heaven, how mature of you." He mocked.
"You have any better ideas Dirty?" I replied.
"Fine, let's play." He huffed, sitting up slightly. "Favorite color?" He asked.
"I actually prefer the absence of color, which is black. But a color, I'd have to say purple." I replied.
"Hmmm, interesting. Mine are black and silver. See, we actually have another thing in common." He offered.
"Favorite pass time?" I asked him.
"Like I said before, I like martial arts, I like cars and speed. I like to read, and I play the piano and guitar." He replied.
"Look at you, how versatile! Well for me, I'd have to say reading, and music. I like walking and running too. And I absolutely love swimming. A little TV wouldn't hurt either." I joked
"Yeah, there are a lot of silly programs suitable for you to follow." He joked back.
"If you're talking about the little vampire show with the pretty brunette, then shut up! I love that show." I said.
"I thought you didn't do love." He replied.
"I don't do romantic love; it doesn't mean I don't love my friends and my pa…" I stopped myself there, not wanting to finish my sentence. My parents betrayed me, and nothing hurt me more than betrayal. They hurt in the worst possible way, made me feel cheap and irrelevant. I won't be forgiving them anytime soon.
"Alright, alright…"He said smiling. He seemed to be in a good mood, and that almost made him easier to tolerate. He wasn't that bad after all.
We spent close to three hours in the park, talking and getting to know what makes the other person tick. I learned that Edward was a very good cook, and that he didn't have any favorite food or meals, because he refused to discriminate between the marvelous cuisines and meals out there. I learned that he loved music. I learned that he lived to party and chase tail, but he never got attached and he never said I love you to a girl. I learned that he was a mathematical genius, and that he loves animals.
As we walked down the path leading us back to Edwards little car, I thought about how pessimistic I'd been when I first learned that I had to spend the day with Edward, but as we left, I left a huge weight being lifted off of my shoulders. The knowledge that he wasn't out to hurt or torment me was now firmly embedded in my mind. And he clearly understood that I wasn't going to stand between him and his illustrious lifestyle.
Back in the car, Edward played his funny little game of lets-scare-Bella-out-of-her-mind-with-hellish-speed-and-slightly-crazy-driving. I screamed a bit, he laughed bit, but there was no hard feelings between us.
Ten minutes before reaching the Cullen mansion, I asked an innocent question, not at all expecting its repercussions.
"Edward?" I said
"Hmm?" He hummed distracted.
"Since you're from around here, and know the city better than I do, can you point me in the direction of an area where there's restaurants or clothes shops or something?" I asked
"Why? Do you want to tour the city? Act all touristy and shit?" He replied.
"No, I want to look for a job." I replied innocently.
The car swerved a bit as he looked at me with bewilderment and shock written all over his face. He slowed the car down, and calmly pulled over, shutting the engine when he parked the car on the side of the road.
"Excuse me?" He asked, his voice eerily calm, his eyes sending deadly glares my way.
"I said I wanted to look for a job. Why are you acting so dramatically?" I replied haughtily.
"Do you have any idea to whom you're married Isabella? You're not a normal person any longer, you're a Cullen now and you have to act accordingly. Do you actually believe I'm going to let you work as a waitress in some restaurant? I spend thousands of dollars on every fucking meal, and I'm supposed to be proud of that fact that my wife is waitressing in some run down shit hole in the wall?" he yelled, his temper flaring.
"Look, lower your voice and calm the hell down! I'm not a person you can control Edward, I wasn't asking for your permission. I might be your wife on paper, but in reality I'm broke. I need to work in order to live." I yelled back at him.
"Whatever you want you can ask me for, I have enough money to last five lifetimes. I won't let you go hungry Bella, trust me." He mocked.
"What kind of girl do you take me for?" I replied, seething. "I'm not for sale, and I won't ask you for anything. I'm young, capable and have full functionality of my limbs. I. CAN. WORK."
"So you want to send your father to jail then?"Edward said seemingly bored and uninterested. "By all means, release us both from this fucked up situation."
"No I don't want to send my father to jail!" I replied "Why would you say that?" I was trying to calm myself down, before I reached across the car and strangled the jerk.
"Because you are ruled by the contract little girl, and don't you ever forget it. Remember the part about honoring the Cullen name? About having a certain image and status to uphold? Well, working as a fucking waitress or a store clerk is embarrassing, not only to me but to the entire family. So pull it together, and forget about the damn job! You're gonna have to swallow you pride and accept money from your rich husband. I mean, that's what your father did, that's the little deal he bargained and pleaded for." He said, hissing every word at me, mercilessly.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I yelled. He was talking to me like I was a stupid animal he couldn't wait to slaughter. I thought his days of disrespecting me were over.
"It means that your father cooked up a pretty good deal for you and for himself. You get to leech of your rich husband, and he gets reap the benefits." He replied.
"I just said I wanted a job so I can fend for myself you ignorant son of a bitch!" I yelled, my voice resounding in the little car. "Don't you ever think that for one moment, you can buy me! I'm not for sale. I don't need your money; your fancy house and fancy cars or any other thing you have to offer. It's not my fault you come from a bunch of pompous wanna be bourgeois. "
Edward reached across the car, grabbing me wrist tightly, painfully. I gasped, not expecting him to touch me this way. He tightened his grip even further, shaking me and yanking me forward slightly until we were face to face. His breath wafted across my face and he spat every word in a low, menacing voice. "Do not ever insult my family again Isabella. They are kind and generous people, and you're just some stray who showed up on their doorstep. You better watch yourself and think your words through thoroughly. Do you understand me?" He yelled the last part, causing me to flinch.
Shocked and afraid, I stayed quiet as he let go of my wrist, the latter stinging a little as the blood rushed back thought the previously constricted blood vessels.
He turned the car back on, and sped toward the house. His hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly, it groaned under the pressure. I rubbed my wrist, fighting back my tears. I saw the nice day we spent together being shot to hell; a complete and utter waste of time. We were back to square one; he went back to being the disrespectful asshole I knew him to be, and I went back to being a disappointment.
I not only resented him at that moment, but I also held immeasurable hatred and anger towards him. Edward Cullen was going to pay for what he said and did to me; I promised myself at least that. He flat out called me a whore, a gold digging low life wanting to suck his family's fortunes dry, and by everything Holy, I was going to make him regret every single word.
I felt small, I felt an inch tall. I felt like crying or digging a hole in the fucking dirt and cowering inside. I prided myself for the strength and conviction that a person should stand up for himself whenever he's wronged or slighted, but where was all my strength and courage the moment he threatened me? I acted like a scared, cowardly little puppy.
The car screeched to a halt, and I jumped out before it was even parked. I didn't want to be in his presence anymore than I wanted to cuddle with a tarantula. Running towards the garden, I ran as fast as my feet could carry me. As I reached the edge of the property, I found an opening in the bushes, light streaming through from the other side. Crawling though my little escape aperture, I found myself in the wilderness surrounding the house. I decided to keep on walking. I walked until I felt my feet would bleed, I walked until I felt dizzy and shaky. I walked until I reached a beautiful meadow. I walked to the center of the lush grass, and surrounded my one of God's amazing creations, surrounded by the most beautiful and most vibrantly color wildflowers, I cried…
I cried my heart out, I sobbed out all my frustrations and anger. I sobbed for my weakness, for my insignificance and cowardice. I sobbed until I heard heavy footsteps, rushing towards me with a gust of wind.
AN: I thought I'd try a little cliff hanger this time. Who do think followed Bella to the meadow? Is it Meanward? Or somebody else?
The next chapter is going to be in Edwards POV, we need to find out what pushed him into treating Bella the way he did.
After the next chapter, if the response is still meager, I will terminate my project, with a heavy heart and a whole lot of apologies. Thanks for everyone who took the time to read, review, alert or favorite my story. Thank you very much, and hopefully, with your support, I'll be able to continue on with Dirty and Heavens story… Please try and tell me what you think. Until the next, and hopefully not the last, time.