AN: I would like to thank each and every person who took the time to read, review, favorite or alert my story. I heard what some of you guys were trying to say; that I should write for myself and not give up even if the response is too little. I'd like to explain myself, if I may. I was NOT going to stop writing this story, I going to stop posting it on FanFiction. You see, it is important that an author writes his words for himself first and foremost, but these words mean nothing if the author does not share them. I'm sharing my words with you because I know your opinion matters, and when you tell me what you like and don't like, you help me a great deal. Hearing from you guys helps me better the plot, and gives me new ideas. As for a certain "guest" who insinuated the I am "immature" and that saying that I was going to stop posting is "Blackmail", I'd like to say that he or she is entitled to his or her opinion. The decision to stop posting was not some sort of plot to blackmail you guys for more reviews, I simply felt rejected, and honestly thought that my story was not that good.

To pmk Kelly, who has been pimping this story of Twitter and Facebook, thank you so much! I love your enthusiasm, and for your sake, and Verity29 and Dollsrme's sake, I WILL CONTINUE WITH THE STORY, you guys have been with me from the very start, and I will not let you down.

I'll keep writing for everyone who's following this story, and I hope I do not disappoint you guys. A long AN I know, but I just needed to tell you guys what I was thinking.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer own Twilight. I'm just narrating Dirty and Heaven's story.

Chapter 8: Chaotic

EPOV

As I saw Bella pull the car door open and jump out before I even stopped the car properly, I felt my heart clench. The horrified look on her face as I gripped her wrist killed me, and when I let go of her wrist and placed my damned hands on the steering wheel, the slight shaking of her hands and the unshed tears that clouded her beautiful eyes made me feel like the biggest jerk to walk this earth.

She ran away from me, tripping and barely righting herself back to a vertical position, she fled the demon she had been locked in a car with for the last thirty minutes. I clenched my eyes shut tightly, berating myself for my horrible behavior.

From the moment I met her, I have been nothing but cruel and absolutely appalling to her. The reasons for my ungodly behavior were slipping away from my fucked up brain. This girl was going to be the death of me… I was certain of it.

When my Grandmother told me about the circumstances that would eventually lead Bella into my life, a month prior to her arrival, I had been absolutely livid. Containing myself from reaching across my parents living room table and ringing Elizabeth's wrinkled neck, had been very hard, and I barely stopped myself from doing it. I screamed and yelled and cursed at her, and it was everything she had expected. She calmly explained that there was no way out of it, that she'd happily take away my money, my lifestyle and everything I worked so hard to accomplish, if I did not do what she wanted.

I did what any idiotic twenty two year old asshole would do; I channeled all my frustration and anger and hatred toward the unsuspecting angel that would eventually become my wife. I hated her, loathed her before I'd even met her. I was, and still am a pathetic son of a bitch.

When I first saw her lying on the squeaky clean floor of my father's office, I did a double take. She was nothing like I had expected.

I had pictured an ugly, stupid, timid little girl who knew nothing about life. I had pictured a weak, abused child who was afraid of voicing out her dim little opinions. But the fiery, opinionated, absolutely gorgeous woman she turned out to be when she woke up took my breath away. I taunted her, insulted her just so I could see how she would react, and Holy mother of God, she did not disappoint. When she took me by the collar of my shirt, dragged to her level, and completely chewed me out for calling her a bitch, I felt my heart do a tiny flutter. My reaction to her scared the shit out of me. So, in that moment, I decided to detest her, to hurt and abuse her emotionally, because if I didn't, I was going to be selling my soul to the Devil, just so I could see that defiant look in her eyes again.

I acted as if I was insulted by her presence, I acted as if she was the ugliest creature I had ever met, when in reality, her beauty was astounding. Her long, chocolate colored hair was magnificent. Her big, expressive and entirely depthless eyes brown were enchanting to say the least. Thick, long curled lashes framed the most innocent and enticing eyes I had ever seen, her eyes reminded me of Bambi, all innocence and sadness and despair. Her cute button nose and pouty pink lips were sin worthy. And don't even get me started of that fuck hot body.

She was short, barely 5'4'' but her legs looked strong and miles long. She had the softest curves giving her body an hour glass shape. She was stunning, and nothing like the stick figures I was used to. She was nothing like the plastic, surgically repaired dolls I hung out with, and I resented her for it. She was the type of girl who had the power to cut my chest wide open and rip my heart out just to stomp on it, and I would have given it to her willingly. God, I would have given her all of me, with a stupid smile on my face. Instead, I decided to hate her, I decided to protect my traitorous heart and keep it locked away.

She was such a lady while meeting my family, all smiles and polite words and an utterly open heart. She was freaked out and nervous, but not once did she show it. She wasn't afraid to question the warm welcome my family gave her; she voiced her thoughts and accepted my mother's words gratefully. She listened intently to every word my family shared with her, laughing gently and capturing my absolute and undeterred attention. She helped my mother with dinner, and sat quietly at the dining room table barely touching her food as my father watched me watch her unapologetically.

I made my escape after dinner; I just couldn't stand looking at her any longer. I went to the library, and played out all my frustrations on the piano, trying with all my might to get her the hell out of my head.

Making her sleep on the floor was a low thing to do, but having her on the bed with me would have caused problems. I was too attracted to her, I was too enchanted. I couldn't have her that close to me, she was already bewitching me with her presence.

I knew she was uncomfortable, and when she told me she knew her father had sold her, when she told she knew I thought of her as whore because of what her father had done, I was ready to fly to Forks and give that asshole the beating of his lifetime. He broke her spirit, and there I was, trying with all my might to finish the job.

God, how cruel I had been the next morning when she woke up and walked timorously into the kitchen. And when Carlisle suggested that I spend the day getting to know her, I almost broke down. How was supposed to spend so much time with her alone, and ignore the pull she already had me?

I played with her in the car on our way to the park. I taunted her with speed and threatened her with death. Hey little screech was adorable, and when she yelled at me to keep my eyes on the road, I barely contained myself from kissing the loving shit out of her.

What the hell was wrong with me? I was the player of all players, I had a different girl on my arm each night, and there I was, acting like a love sick fool because of a girl I barely even knew. I decided to hate her more at that moment. She was not going to break me; I was not going to allow it.

Getting to know her was an experience. She was so beautiful when she talked about her complete lack of faith in love. She shocked the living hell out of me, that girl wasn't like any other girl I've ever met, and I've met and had my fair share of girls, believe me.

She loved the color black, she loved music and walking and nature and absolutely adored animals, just like me. She was so funny and quick witted and smart, she astounded me.

And Jesus how pure she was, figuratively and literally. She was Heaven, and I made her believe she should be damned to Hell.

When she told me she wanted to work, I went crazy. I couldn't have her sullied by the filth of New York. I couldn't have her working some lowly job. I felt slighted that she thought I couldn't take care of her. I was a powerful man, I had more money she could ever image, I had power and influence, and she deemed me a troublesome moron with no idea about life and work and responsibilities. She wanted to waitress for God's sake! What pride that girl had, what pull and magnetism and absolute majesty.

I grabbed her wrist to shake her out of her insanity, and when my skin touched hers, electricity blasted through me like a tornado. Just like outside that car, when her fingers barely touched mine, I was speechless, my brain became absolute mush. I didn't mean to grip her so tightly, but when I touched her I just couldn't let go, I couldn't make myself touch gently, I was afraid she was going to disappear.

Back in the car, I opened my eyes to look toward the garden. I saw her crawling through a little opening in the bushes and I couldn't take in any longer. I had to get inside the house, and have someone follow her. She wouldn't appreciate my presence, not after the way I had treated her.

Sprinting inside the house, I yelled out for Emmet. He came running down the stairs, startled.

"Follow her, get her back Em. She'll hurt herself." I said, frantic.

"What the hell are you talking about Edward? Where's Bella?" He asked, his eyes searching for her. "What did you do?" He yelled at me. I wished he would have hit me, I deserved it. God knows how much I would have deserved it.

"We fought." I simply said. "I hurt her, with my words and actions, and I need you to go after her Emmet. Now!" I urged.

I looked around to find five pairs of eyes looking at me worriedly. Esme was the first one to catch my eye, and her glare was absolutely menacing. I had when idea when exactly they heard me and crowded around Emmet and me, but I looked up and they were all there staring expectantly.

"What do you mean you hurt her?" She demanded. "Did you hit that girl? Because I swear to God…" She trailed off.

I snorted and smirked. "I'm not that much of a bastard mother. I would never hit a woman." I replied.

"Good, because I have a shotgun upstairs that would guarantee you a whole lot of pain if you ever lay your hands on Bella." Jasper said looking so pissed I expected fumes to start coming out of his ears.

"Where is she?" Alice asked in a weak voice, her eyes slightly watering.

"She ran out to the woods, crawled through the opening in the bushes we used to use when we were little." I replied "Em, please…"

Emmet started for the door, planning to go after her, but Esme stopped him, telling him to give a little more time. She then turned on me, fuming and almost trembling from her anger.

"You will watch yourself with her Edward, or I'll be the one who throws you on the God damned streets. Enough with the attitude, enough with the hurtful remarks and cruel behavior. Nothing that's happened is her fault! Stop punishing her for it!" she screamed.

I did nothing but nod, and hang my head. I didn't know what to say to my mother, to any of them. I was a bastard, and they all knew it.

I wanted to go to her, apologize and ask for her forgiveness. But I knew that she'd rather suffer a thousand deaths before seeing my ugly face.

I heard Emmet quietly slipping out of the front door, in search for the girl I'd wronged and verbally abused. I prayed he'd find her, consol her and wrap her in his arms. I prayed that he'd apologize for my actions, tell her he's sorry for what his asinine brother had done to her. That's what I would have done, had I been a better man, a better person.

They were gone for about an hour and half. I spent that time pacing, almost burning a hole in the ground, and begging and bargaining for another chance. I won't hurt her anymore; I'll stay out of her way. I won't be cruel but I'll be indifferent, I promised myself. I couldn't let her get close, not that she'd want to. I knew she would consume me, wholly, until I had nothing left.

I sighed as I heard the front door open then close weekly. I watched from my hiding spot in the library as Emmet led her upstairs and into Alice and Jasper's room. I saw Alice open the door, Rosalie standing quietly behind her, pull Bella into a tight hug, whispering gently in her ear.

I shut my eyes, and for the first time in my adolescent or adult life, I fought back tears of regret and sorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Undeniable Consumption~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BPOV

I cried my heart out, I sobbed out all my frustrations and anger. I sobbed for my weakness, for my insignificance and cowardice. I sobbed until I heard heavy footsteps, rushing towards me with a gust of wind.

I kept my face hidden, not wanting to look up, and let whoever came after me see the humiliation in my eyes. I prayed it wasn't Edward; I didn't want him anywhere near me. It would kill me if he saw my tears.

The footsteps slowed down a little, walking quietly the rest of the way to reach me. A sent of pinewood with a hint of spice reached my nose, and I looked through my fingers to find Emmet quietly folding his giant body next to me on the slightly damp grass.

I breathed a sigh of relief. This giant was a gentle soul, I was glad he was the one who came after me.

Drying my tears with my slightly shaking hands, I looked up at him, smiling weakly. He gave me a dimpled smile in return, and then, he opened his arms and invited me into his embrace. The imposing giant was a cute cuddly teddy bear, and I went into his embrace willingly. Emmet put me at ease, he oozed tranquility and comfort, and for the first time in my life, I just needed somebody to be there for me.

"Come here, little bird, I've got ya…" He said gently as he folded his arms around me.

I gripped his T-shirt as my sobs fought their way back to the surface.

"I have a bastard for a brother, little one." He offered. "He's not the easiest person to be around, but I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you. I know this is all new Bella, I know how hard this is. And even though I have only known you for about two days, I already consider you my sister, and you can count on me. I'll be there for you sweetheart, and I'll keep his ass in line." He shook me gently with his enormous arms, tickling me, attempting to make me laugh. I squeaked a bit, being overly ticklish and wiped my tears away.

Looking up at Emmet's gorgeous face, I found myself wishing Edward was more like him, more like this amazing person with such a big heart.

"I don't know why he has to be such an asshole Emmet. I know this is difficult, but he's acting like I wanted this shit to begin with. I'm a strong person, I know I am, but even the strongest of us has a breaking point. You brother is a dick!" I said immaturely.

Emmet chuckled and looked at me with amusement is his eyes.

"You're going to give him hell Bella, I just know it. Have no mercy, he can take it." He winked and tickled me again.

We spent a while just talking about anything and everything, both of us trying to get my mind off the shit Edward put me through today. I told Emmet about the fight, I told him about my wanting to work and Edwards's violent reaction when I notified him.

"He went about it in a wrong Bella, I completely agree with you on that one. But little one, he's right about one thing, you can't work as a waitress when you're a Cullen. People would start questioning this whole marriage, this whole family." Emmet told me, soothingly.

"What am I supposed to do Emmet? Leech of off your family for the next five years?" I asked

"They are your family now too Bella, please try to understand that. We take care of our own. I know you're a proud person, I know you're gonna hate asking for money, or help. But sooner or later you're gonna have to start making yourself at home. We already consider you one of the family Bella, are you rejecting us or something?" He joked.

"No, not at all, I appreciate your kindness and generosity, believe me I do. But you all have had time to adapt to this whole thing Emmet, I've only known about it for two days. I hated asking my parents for money, how do think I'll feel if I had to ask Edward for money? What if I need school books? Or tampons for God's sake?" I spat Edwards's name, as if it were a curse word.

Emmet chuckled again and ruffled my hair. "It'll all work out Bella, you'll see." He said as he got to feet and pulled up of the ground. "Let's get back to the house; I'm sure the girls are worried sick by now."

We walked slowly back to the house, Emmet whistling an upbeat tune and swinging his hands back and forth. I found myself smiling at his childish antics. He really was a giant teddy bear.

When we reached the house, Emmet led me upstairs to Alice's room. She opened the door as soon as Emmet's knock sounded and pulled me into a tight hug. "I'm gonna kill that asshole." She whispered in my ear.

I smiled and shook my head. "Hell, I'll help you."

We spent the whole afternoon in Alice's bedroom, which was immaculately decorated and absolutely stunning. The entire room was elegant, bathed in an air of comfort. The dominating colors were light blue and beige.

Two walls were light blue, the paint almost looking silk like, and the other two walls were beige with wooden photo frames encasing two of Alice's wedding pictures.

The bed was huge, a blue comforter and beige throw pillows decorating the enormous mattress.

She had a huge walk in closet, and beautiful furniture all around the room. I felt more at home in her room than I did the whole night in Edwards's cold bedroom.

Alice brought snacks, and I gratefully accepted her offering because I was starving. I'd hardly eaten in the last two day, and my stomach was protesting. We didn't go down to the dining room to eat with the rest of the family, opting to stay in our little comfort bubble. Esme brought us some food at around eight. We spent the time talking and laughing at Alice's exuberance, Rose's foul mouth and my clumsiness. We traded stories from our past, told jokes and got to know each other. I had a feeling these girls where going to become two of my closest and dearest friends.

I was dreading the time I had to leave the girls in order to sleep, but as my yawns increased my eyes drooped, I couldn't fight the exhaustion any longer.

"I'm going to go to sleep guys, give Jasper his wife back and all." I said jokingly.

"Oh he'll be fine without me for a little while." Alice giggled. "But you look dead on your feet, so we'll release you for the night. See you tomorrow Bell, goodnight." She said, hugging me.

I hugged Rosalie as well and mumbled my goodnights before stepping out of the room.

I made my way hesitantly to the third floor; I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to deal with his attitude and maliciousness. But I had to walk inside that room and face him if I wanted to get any sleep tonight.

I opened the door quietly, holding my breath and praying that he wouldn't be there. However my prayers went unanswered, for sitting on the edge of the bed with his knees spread and his head between them was Edward. His was fisting his hair and mumbling to himself, but as soon as he heard me come in, he released his hair and got on his feet brusquely.

I couldn't help the flinch that wracked through my body. I was intimidated by him, whether I liked to admit it or not.

His eyes softened, a look of pain flashed across his handsome unwise face. He softened his expression even further, and hesitantly made his way towards me. I was still standing next to the door, seemingly frozen in my place.

"The couch beg thing Esme ordered for you came today, she made the bed for you and said she'll show you how to fold it back up tomorrow." He said, his velvet voice weirdly gentle, nothing like the lions roar he bestowed upon me in the car.

I didn't acknowledge him; I didn't even look at him. I just made my way towards the comfortable looking makeshift bed with the white comforter and black stripped fluffy pillows.

I grabbed my bag, and headed for the bathroom to change. After taking a quick shower and brushing my teeth until my gums nearly bleed, I reemerged from the bathroom and made my way towards my bed again. Edward was pacing in front of his own bed, seemingly agitated and edgy.

"Bella," He breathed as passed by him. I didn't turn around, I kept walking.

I felt him behind me as I fixed the sheets, intending on crawling under the covers and leaving my thoughts of him behind.

"Bella, please look at me. I need to… I need to talk to you." He said

"I have nothing to say to you." I replied with a dead voice. It was useless trying to talk to him; he was too full of himself to listen to a single word.

I started to get on the bed and he gently caught my elbow. The tingle I felt when his skin touched mine made me turn around abruptly and level him with an evil glare. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand shot out and slapped him across the face. As I heard the smack that echoed through the room, the power I'd put behind that single slap shocked me. I had hit him with all the strength I had.

With his head tilled to the right, he closed his eyes and hissed.

"Don't you ever fucking touch me again, do you hear me?" I shouted at him, breathing heavily.

"Listen…" He tried to say, but I cut him off instantly.

"No, you fucking listen. I'm not a God damn rag doll for you to yank and grip any time you please. You lay one finger on me again, and I'm going rip your fucking shoulder right from its socked. Are we clear?" I spat at him, enraged.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you Isabella, I didn't intend on hurting you, believe me. I'm sorry." He said quietly, his head down, his cheek a bloody red color caused by the heat and shock of my slap.

He looked properly chastised.

"Words are cheap, and your words are invaluable. I don't want or need your apologies; I don't want anything from you. Stay the hell away from me, and it will all be good." I said frostily.

He just nodded and retreated towards his own bed. Before he got under the covers, he turned his head and gazed at me intently.

"For what it's worth Bella, I had a great a time getting to know you today. I'm sorry I ruined it." He mumbled so quietly, I barely even heard him.

I didn't say anything back; there was nothing to be said.

The person I spent the day with was someone I would have befriended, someone I would have trusted and maybe even liked. But even the most skilled pretender has to show his true colors every once in a while, and Edward did just that. He wasn't kind or gentle; he wasn't an easy going or a friendly person, at least not with me. He was the guy mothers warned their daughters about, and I needed no further warning.

Too many walls were put up now, and he wasn't ever going to get in.

He didn't deserve to be my friend; he didn't even deserve the effort it takes to consider him an enemy. He was nothing, and that's exactly what he was going to get from me; nothing.

That night, the nightmares returned. Edward played his role well as the consuming monster behind my lids.

That night I locked away my heart, and protected my mind with a fortress of impenetrable walls.

That night, I made one deadly mistake. I neglected to protect my soul from him, and I paid dearly.

He stole my soul with a vengeance of a blood thirsty demon…

AN: I couldn't make you guy wait, and so here's an early update! (It Rhythms :P)

I sincerely hope you enjoyed this little glance into Edwards head, and we'll be having more EPOVS in the near future.

I won't give up on this story, but please don't take away your support.

Please review and tell me if you have any ideas or suggestions. Thank you for reading.