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7. You fantasize about them.

"I've got more wit,

A better kiss,

A hotter touch,

A better fuck,

Than any [girl] you'll ever meet,

Sweetie you had me."

-Panic! At The Disco_Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off.

As Roxas stood against the wall, the crowd of sweaty and intoxicated teenagers surrounding him, he couldn't help but feel the biggest sense of ironic déjà vu.

Sad, pathetic déjà vu.

The only difference being that this time, the girl that was dancing up against Axel wasn't going to disappear when the song was over. No, the girl dancing up against Axel was a permanent fixture in their lives now.

Roxas sighed and took a drink from the red plastic cup in his hand. He winced when the alcohol burned a path down his throat to settle in the pit of his stomach, coiling around his internal organs on its way.

"Hey there."

"Hi, Pence." Roxas replied, not even bothering to tear his gaze away from Axel and Naminé. He didn't have to, he knew his friends well enough to recognize them by their voices, even in a busy and noise filled room. And his friends knew him well enough to not question why he was staring at the couple on the dance floor with such intense disdain.

Naminé was a parasite in Roxas's eyes. An annoying leech that seemed to appear whenever Roxas finally managed to get Axel to talk about their friendship. And getting Axel to talk about his emotions was a feat. A feat that normally involved hours of gaming and sometimes a few drinks of an alcoholic nature. But every time that he succeeded, Naminé would burst into Axel's apartment in a cloud of girly perfume and white attire.

"What's up with all that white anyway?"

Pence looked at Roxas in slight confusion, but he was almost completely sober so, after following Roxas's gaze and settling on the white clad figure that was Naminé, he shrugged.

"I guess she likes to wear white."

"Does she think that it makes her look angelic or something? Is she trying to compensate for something?" Roxas asked, not really paying attention to Pence's replies and choosing to alternate between glares aimed in the girl's direction and sips of his drink. The childish annoyance in his voice made Pence chuckle before he replied to the blonde's questions.

"Even though I doubt that you're listening to me...why does she bother you so much? She's a really nice person, Roxas."

"Yeah. But she has Axel."

There was an awkward silence after that in which Roxas mentally kicked himself for being so vulnerable and Pence tried to think of something comforting to say.

He drew a blank.

Olette was normally the one who knew what to say, who knew how to diffuse an emotional situation with a well phrased sentence of sympathy or tactful humour that made everyone relax and fall into easy chatter once again. Pence even made her write the messages on the birthday cards that he bought for his parents. The girl was a walking Hallmark Card archive.

"I... don't really know what to say right now." He said, looking over at Roxas and tugging at the headband that he always wore.

Roxas shrugged.

"Then don't say anything."

They stood in comfortable silence, letting the music distract them from their individual thoughts and bobbing their heads to the beat. The music wasn't anything amazing, just some commercial shit that was easy to dance to and kept the crowd entertained.

It was strange; these people danced together, sometimes made out and told each other their biggest secrets. But it was all under the influence of alcohol, or whatever other substance they could get their hands on. And then, they see each other at school, or college, and don't exchange more than a simple 'hey, there'."

The human psyche was a strange thing.

"Mind if I have a sip?"

Roxas shrugged, handing his cup over to Pence who took a sip before grimacing at the liquid that was swirling around in the cheap plastic cup.

"What is this, anyway?"

Roxas shrugged again, the action seeming to be the only thing that his mind was capable of telling his body to do.

"No idea. I stopped caring about three cups ago."

"Rox..."

"No Pence. I am not suicidal, nor am I trying to drink myself into a coma. I'm fine, okay?"

Roxas took back his cup and, with a practised motion, threw his head back and downed whatever was left in it.

"I'm going to get a refill. You can go and report back to 'lette that I am FINE."

XxXx

Roxas wasn't fine.

No, Roxas stopped being fine a few days ago when he had woken up, his shirt clinging to him with his own sweat and his pants clinging to his legs with... something that wasn't sweat, after a detailed (dear fuck, it was detailed) sex dream. Now that alone wouldn't be cause for concern, he was a teenage boy after all, and teenage boys have hormones.

No, the thing that really fucked with Roxas was the fact that it was Axel invaded his dreams. It was Axel who kissed him passionately, and made him scream in ecstasy in his lust fuelled dream. At least... the idea had disturbed him in the beginning. But after a few dreams of a similar nature, in which the sex just got more realistic until Roxas could swear that he could still, hear Axel's breath in his ear... The guilt was pushed to the back of his mind and the dreams soon turned into fantasies.

They weren't all sex related though, sometimes Roxas just lay in bed and imagined what it would be like to just kiss Axel again, or what it would be like to wake up in the same bed as the red head after a night of talking. And then he would remember that Axel had Naminé to do that with and instead of the warm, cozy feeling that had covered him before, he was left with self loathing.

Self loathing over the fact that he wanted Axel so much yet Axel just saw him as a friend.

Roxas was driving himself insane.

Insane and desperate.

And that desperation grew as he watched Axel wrap his arms around Naminé, swaying to the beat of the music as his hands trailed over her fragile, feminine body.

"Ex-girlfriend?"

Roxas started out of his intense staring session and looked to his side where a brown haired boy was leaning against the punch table. Roxas had even forgotten that he was standing at the snacks and drinks table, his hand clutching at a cup filled with punch that had more alcohol in it than actual punch. His eyes gazed over at the boy quickly, taking in his dark blue jeans and unconsciously taking in the way that his white shirt clung to his upper body.

"What? No, I hate that chick." Roxas huffed, bringing up his cup to take a quick sip. He tried not to notice the lingering glances that the guy was giving him.

White, even teeth were revealed as the stranger's lips curved into a smile.

"Ex-boyfriend then?" he ventured, watching Roxas carefully for his reaction.

Roxas paused, his eyes lingering on Axel before he turned to address the boy. "No, not an ex. He's my best friend." A gentle smile played on his lips, the alcohol buzz making it seem like a good idea to be talking to this stranger.

The boy nodded and there was a silence as they stood at the table, dozens of their peers dancing around them.

"You like him as more than a friend, right?"

Roxas nodded, not even caring that he was so obvious that even a stranger could tell.

"And he likes you just as a friend?"

Roxas nodded once more and there was a short silence as the unknown boy seemed to be contemplating something, his brows furrowed in thought.

"Hey, wanna make out?"

Roxas almost exhaled fruit punch.

"What?! Dude, I don't even know your name."

The stranger shrugged, a sheepish smile adorning his features.

"Exactly. You don't know me, I don't know you. Let's make out."

He turned and started walking towards the staircase. The bedrooms were upstairs.

And for some reason, Roxas followed.

XxXx

They were lying on Demyx's bed, shirtless and breathless. Even though they had spent the good part of the past hour making out, there was still a space between them on the bed that reminded Roxas of the fact that they were strangers to each other. Music from the party downstairs caused the floor to vibrate slightly.

"I still don't know your name." He said, his hand rubbing at a hickey on his neck. The sensitive skin reminding him that he had just made out with a boy.

"What's your friend's name, the one that you like?" the still nameless boy asked, rolling over to his side so that he could look at Roxas as he spoke.

"Axel."

"Then call me Axel." He answered, the tone in his voice making it sound simpler than it actually was.

Roxas winced, running his hands through his own hair.

"That would be too weird. Can't you just give me your name?"

"What's it matter? We're both just using each other anyway."

"What if I wanted to see you again?"

The boy smiled.

"You don't."

There was a silence.

"You are the second guy that I have ever made out with."

"Shit, really?"

"Yup."

"So, are you just a prude, or did you just recently find out that you're gay?"

And there it was. The word that Roxas had been trying to avoid saying for weeks in his head to himself.

Gay.

He didn't have a problem with it. If he liked guys or girls, it wasn't really a big issue to him. And he never had cared what others had thought of him in the first place, so it's not like that word bothered him because he was ashamed of what he was or something. But it did make the whole situation more real when the word was said out loud.

He exhaled.

"Recently found out."

"Cool man. The club welcomes you."

Roxas chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Do I get a club jacket?"

The stranger, whose lips had covered his own only minutes ago, grinned at him. "Yes, you do. Rainbow coloured of course. "

Roxas laughed.

XxXx

The rest of the night passed without any major events. There were a few fights when the alcohol made some think that they were invincible, a few people decided that the cold weather wasn't enough to keep them out of the pool, and Roxas had played a stupid game of truth and dare with his friends.

The dares were lightweight things such as 'sing I'm a little teapot with actions.' Or 'serenade someone in the room.' And the truths were mainly things chosen to make people admit to awkward and uncomfortable things.

Roxas had decided after a few rounds that he was too tired to continue the game so right now he was seated on one of the couches in the lounge that wasn't occupied by a couple who were in the process of trying to devour the other's face.

Public displays of affection were so over rated and tacky.

He lay down on the free couch, covering his eyes with his arms in an attempt to drown out his surroundings. A sigh escaped his lips when he remembered the mysterious, brown haired guy who had basically disappeared once they had left the room. He knew that it was meant to be a quick hook up, but he couldn't help but feel a little used as he rubbed at his hickey.

"Hey Roxy! I've been looking for you, bro... Hey, what's that?"

Roxas opened his eyes to bright green ones that were currently glued to his neck.

"Er... It's just a hickey, Axel."

The red head frowned.

"Where'd you get a hickey from?"

Roxas shrugged. Sitting up and hugging his legs to himself so that his friend could sit on the couch as well.

"Doesn't matter. Where's your girlfriend?"

Axel flopped onto the couch, his long legs stretched out in front of him and his arms crossed. Roxas turned on the couch so that his back was resting on the arm rest, and his front was facing Axel.

"Naminé went home. She has an important class tomorrow that she doesn't want to be half asleep for."

"Aww, so poor Axel is all alo- are you pouting?" Roxas raised a golden eyebrow in curiosity at the expression that his best friend was wearing.

"Maybe." Axel answered, the pout deepening as he pushed his bottom lip out further and sank deeper into the couch.

"'cause your girl isn't here to cuddle with you?"

"Nope. 'Cause you won't tell me where that hickey came from."

Roxas placed his hand over the bruise protectively, a frown marring his features, "Why do you care?"

"I don't like the idea of someone giving you hickeys." Axel answered his voice low but sharp.

"I didn't realise that I had to get your permission whenever I wanted to make out with someone." Roxas shot back, his eyes hardening. This conversation was absurd! Roxas had never questioned Axel whenever he had come back from fuck knows where with his female conquests before Naminé had come into the picture. He didn't care and didn't want to know where the hickeys that sometimes adorned his neck were from, and he didn't want to know if they were only on his neck.

"You don't have to get my effing permission! Just stop being so freaking immature and tell me!"

"Fuck you, I won't. Just how drunk are you anyway?" Roxas hadn't been looking at his friend when he had asked the last question, so he couldn't be held responsible for the very feminine yelp that escaped his lips when a very angry, and slightly tipsy, red head tackled him and caused the both of them to fall off the couch.

Roxas landed on his back, his eyes widening when he felt his hands being pinned to his side by strong hands. Axel leaned in closer so that his breath was spilling over Roxas's cheeks. He probably did it to be more intimidating but it just made Roxas blush with the sheer close proximity of it all.

"Tell me who gave you that hickey, or I will tickle the fuck out of you." Axel growled.

Roxas couldn't help it. He knew that Axel was being deadly serious by the fact that there was no smile on his face but the idea of being tickled being the only threat that the red head had was enough to make him laugh out loud. Axel's eyes widened slightly with surprise when he figured out that the blonde beneath him was laughing at him. A feral grin played on his lips as he brought Roxas's hands up so that he could pin them both above the blonde's head where they could be controlled with just one of his hands. This was done without much resistance as Roxas was weak with laughter by this point.

"Oh, so you think that it's funny?"

Roxas stopped his laughter almost immediately when he saw Axel flex his fingers.

"Axel... no, don't do it!" Roxas cried out desperately.

Axel leaned in closer, the grin on his face growing, "And why shouldn't I?"

Axel's lips were really close to Roxas's own. Roxas felt his mind being clouded with lust and his judgement being clouded with all the alcohol that he had consumed and before he could question it, he had reached up to close that gap between Axel and himself. His lips brushed against Axel's, gentle and so fleeting that it could have been seen as a mistake by anyone else watching the exchange.

Axel's eyes widened and his body tensed over Roxas's.

"Shit... Fuck. Axel... I'm sorry." Roxas cried out desperately, waiting for a punch or some kind of verbal abuse from the temporarily stunned red head that still had his hands in a vice like grip. Roxas winced when the grip became painful. "Axel... Could you maybe let go of my hands?"

There was a long pause in which Axel gave no indication of having heard Roxas speak, but eventually he let go and climbed off the blonde. Roxas scurried away from Axel, leaning his back against the couch and hugging his knees to his chest. He couldn't believe his own stupidity, why would he do that after all the drama that the last kiss had caused? Why would he want to destroy his friendship with Axel?

Why was he so fucking weak?

Roxas looked up when he felt Axel's presence in front of him, the red head wore a blank expression and he had an arm stretched out for Roxas to take. Roxas frowned and got up on his own, Axel's strange behaviour starting to worry him.

Axel looked him in the eyes, and Roxas didn't know what he saw in those venom green eyes. But he felt his body relax when Axel sent him a gentle smile and a warm hand grasped his own, leading him away from the party that consisted of a few people who were too wasted to drive home that night.

XxXx

Roxas stood in Demyx's room and waited patiently while Axel locked the door, his drunken state making the task more complicated than it actually was. He assumed that Axel brought him up here so that they could finally talk about all the stuff that had happened recently, like the red head had promised that they would that day on the clock tower. He smiled when Axel turned around to look at him, but that smile soon slipped off his lips when he was pushed against the now locked door.

"The hell?!" Roxas cried, struggling against the grip that Axel had on his arms. His hands grasped at Axel's upper arms, his fingers digging into the flesh there out of shock. Roxas searched his friends face for any kind of explanation as to why he was pressed up against the door with Axel just centimetres away from himself, but the familiar green eyes were unreadable. Suddenly, Axel smiled.

"Hey there, Roxy." And then he nuzzled his face to Roxas's neck, each breath that he exhaled warmed the blonde's neck and caused his stomach to tie into violent knots. The grip on his arms relaxed and Roxas shakily brought his hands up to rest on Axel's shoulders, linking them behind his neck.

"A-Axel... What're you doing?" Roxas ventured, his breath hitching when lips closed around the skin on his neck, a tongue flicking out to tease the skin occasionally. He had to bite back a moan when he felt Axel's teeth graze against his now sensitive skin.

"Whoever gave you that stupid hickey doesn't deserve you Roxy," Axel mumbled against his skin, finally looking up from his exploits to smile at Roxas, "you're mine. You always have been."

Roxas swallowed, knowing that there was something very wrong with this picture but the distraction of Axel's lips, and the general feeling of perfection that he felt at the moment made it hard to think of anything but the fact that he really, really wanted to kiss Axel.

His breath had turned into short pants, and his fingers tangled themselves into red, silky hair, raking through them as he tried to clear whatever thoughts his mind could process. Roxas gasped when Axel started placing wet kisses along his jaw, stopping just at the corner of his lips. A hand went out to brush his blonde hair from his fac-

Blonde.

And suddenly, it all crashed onto him, a giant wave of guilt. Choking him with the reality of what they were doing in Demyx's room, out of breath and tasting of alcohol.

"Axel... you're dating Naminé. This is wrong." Roxas placed his hands on Axel's shoulder, and even though he knew that he should have pushed him away at that stage, walked away from him and act as though nothing happened. He knew that he should have done the right thing.

But he couldn't.

So he waited. He stood there and he waited for Axel to say something, anything that would make the situation okay.

Axel sighed and rested his forehead against Roxas's own, and his hands pulled down the hands that were clutching at his shoulders so that he could interweave their fingers.

"I don't like her like I like you, Roxas. Don't you get it? I like you so much it hurts." He said his voice confident in the words that he was speaking.

"So, you'll break up with her for me?"

Axel winced, and his hands clutched tighter at Roxas's, "Roxas... you're still a guy. And... I don't know if I'm ready to accept that yet." He forced out, every word escaping from his mouth almost as if it caused him physical pain.

Roxas knew that those words should have hurt him, the fact that Axel didn't want to break up with Naminé because he wouldn't accept that he obviously liked someone of the same gender should have angered him, it should have been enough to make him push the red head away from him, it should have been enough to make him leave that room.

But Roxas stayed, a strange feeling of absolute calm washing over him as he stood there.

"So, what do you want to do?" He whispered, untangling his hand to cup at Axel's cheek, the tender motion making Axel sigh. After a quiet moment Axel finally answered.

"Let's have an affair." He whispered back, leaning in closer so that the immoral words were breathed out over Roxas's lips.

Roxas smiled, and completed the sin by taking the final step and closing his lips over Axel's, hating the fact that something that felt like absolute perfection to him was so very wrong. And, as Axel's tongue licked along the seam of his lips, making him gasp before his lips parted to allow Axel entry, Roxas tried hard to not think of platinum blonde hair. He tried to dismiss the sound of that feminine voice from his mind as Axel's hands trailed down his back and into the material of his shirt, pulling it off along with his own so that all that Roxas could think of was the feeling of skin burning against his own. And he tried really hard to not let the sharp twang of alcohol present on Axel's tongue register in his mind when the red head kissed him deeply, hands beginning to work at the buttons of his pants.

'Let's have an affair.'

Affair.

If that's what he had to be in order to have Axel, then so be it.

Right.

So there we have it...the seventh chapter. I really don't like this one, so I'd like to know what you guys think of it. It was just very...meh to me. I think it was all the dialogue and stuff.

On another note, I start exams in about a week. The last set of exams that I write in high school. Am I scared?

Well, hell yeah.

Now, time for the names of the people that rock so hard it should be outlawed.

Thank you to InkDrippingRose, poisonedmelody, Uqluiorra12345, mudkipluvr4ever, moka nee-chan, fallenofthedark, ReliveTheGreat, lovelyxpeach, sakurasapprentice7, and TailsTheFox1996.

I apologise if any of your names have been misspelled. I don't have to convenience of copy-paste at the moment.

Also, thank you to anyone who has favourited, alerted, or just read this story.

The next update will come...sometime. I actually have no idea when I'll get a chance to work on it, but I'll make a plan to work on it when I have study leave.

Cheers, guys :D