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Chapter 11: Hardships

It's amazing how cruel people can be. It's amazing how deceitful life can become.

The kiss between Edward and me took my breath away; not because I enjoyed it, not because I felt satisfaction or pleasure, but because I felt like life had dealt me an agonizing blow and I did nothing to stop or prevent it.

Edward took what was not nor will ever be his, he stole something I cherished.

My very first kiss was stolen, taken forcefully and it was the most horrifying experience of my life. I hated how it felt; I loathed the onslaught of Edward's lips and his unwanted attention and fake affection. I've never been kissed before; however all the propaganda about how you were supposed to feel were a complete load of bullshit. You didn't feel lightheaded or blissful when you were being mugged of something you've been saving for so long.

I wanted to scream and rage and hit and hurt. I wanted him to bleed and suffer. I've never hated anyone as much as I hated Edward at that moment. I've never felt as cheap and hurt as I felt at the onset of his attack.

Elizabeth, that conniving, selfish bitch was basking in the glory of my demise, and I hated her as well.

I ran away from him and hid in the bathroom for the rest of the night. I cried my little heart out and fought to catch my breath. I spoke to God and asked him to justify the pitiless way I was being punished.

Alice came into the bathroom looking for me, asking me to please come out and tell her what had happened. I wiped futilely at my tears and wrenched the door open.

"I don't want to talk about it Alice. But I will tell you one thing; I hope your brother burns in the fiery pits of Hell, and fucking soon!" I said as I stormed passed her and headed for the door.

"Bella, wait!" She yelled as she ran after me. "I have to tell you something…" She said hesitantly.

"What more could there possibly be?" I huffed. I felt a little guilty about speaking to her that way, but I was just too hurt and angry to correct my attitude.

"Elizabeth is visiting. Um… she's staying for a couple of weeks. Esme wanted me to warn you." She said, touching my arm briefly and looking at me apologetically.

"Damn it! Can't I catch a freaking break? What's with that shrew? Is she trying to torture me?" I all but screeched. Leaning against the wall just outside the bathroom, I seriously considered killing her while she slept. No one would miss that wicked witch, I was sure of it.

"I know this is hard Bella, but…." Alice said "I don't know what to say to you, I know you're exasperated right now, but it'll get better. You just have to be strong." She finished.

"Strong?" I asked incredulously. "You tell me how strong you'll be when you're humiliated and belittled, and to top it all off, fucking robbed of something you've treasured for so long. He treated me like a whore Alice!" I said, my voice cracking.

"Bella… what did he do?" She asked worriedly.

"Nothing Alice, forget I said anything. Can I get a ride with you and Jasper? I can't be in a car with him right now." I pleaded.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea Sweets. The press…" She started.

"Screw the press! Screw the lie and the family, screw Elizabeth and Edward too!" I yelled. I was done being a doormat; I don't care what happens, to hell with consequences.

"Okay, calm down honey." She grabbed my hand and squeezed. "We'll figure something out."

"I'm not getting in a car with him. You'll have to kill me first." I said stubbornly.

"Okay, just please calm down. You're kind of hyperventilating, and I have no idea what to do if you pass out. Don't you pass out on me Bella, or I swear to God…" She trailed off a little hysterically.

"I'm not going to pass out, calm down." I said, smiling a bit. She was such a little drama queen.

We heard footsteps heading towards us hurriedly and we tried to compose ourselves, striving to look as normal as possible. As I turned my attention in the direction of the steady rhythm of falling footsteps, a frantic looking Edward came to view, his eyes searching.

"Bella" He breathed "I've been looking everywhere for you." He stepped closer, dragging his feet. "Are you ready to leave?" He asked his voice low and gentle.

"Yea, I'm leaving with Alice and Jasper." I said, my voice venomous.

"Bella… there's no need, I'll take you home." He offered.

"Fuck you, you slithering snake! I'd rather walk." I replied, not caring who might hear.

"Edward." Alice said. "I think it's best if you stay away from her right now, she's in no mood to deal with your bullshit." She looked at him disgustingly.

"I didn't…" He huffed. "Alice, this is between me and my wife, stay out of it." He said angrily.

"Your wife?" I said, before Alice could reply. "I may be your wife on paper you bratty fuck, but in my mind, in my head and soul and freaking essence, I'm your worst god damned enemy."

"Okay, you need to calm the hell down." He hissed.

"And you need to get out of my face before I commit a murder." I replied.

"Heaven…" He breathed again "Take a deep breath and calm down please, you're hyperventilating." He said calmly, stepping towards me.

"Don't come near me." I screamed. "Don't you dare come near me. I swear to God, I'll ruin you!"

He stepped back hurriedly and looked at Alice, his eyes wide and pleading.

"I'm… I won't. I'll stay right here Heaven, just breath." He offered.

"Come on Bella, let's get out of here." Alice said, taking my hand and leading me away from Edward.

I don't remember too much of the ride home, all I can seem to remember is that Alice led me toward a double door different from the one we came in through. I got into Jasper's car, which was waiting for us directly in front of the exit. She must have texted him while I was fighting with Edward, I guessed.

The ride home was quick, and I spent it trying to regulate my breathing and heart rate.

When we reached the house; I hurried upstairs to change out of my dress. I felt weighed down and constricted, I felt like I was about to explode. The first things I took off were the ring and necklace, I felt like they were burning my skin and infecting me with diseases.

It wasn't until I had finished my shower, and was headed towards my couch that Alice's words back at the hotel came to the forefront of my mind. I took a step backwards, my eyes widening.

Elizabeth was here. She was in this house… She was staying for a couple of weeks. Esme wanted to warn me…

Oh my God…

….

….

….

I had to sleep in the same bed with Edward tonight… After everything he's done to me, I had to sleep next to him.

I felt dizzy and nauseous, I felt like I was going to throw up.

I felt to the floor in a heap, surely bruising my knees badly. "It's intentional, isn't it?" I asked, looking up at the sealing. "What have I done to you?" I screamed, demanding answers from God. "Why are you doing this to me?" I cried.

The door flew open and Edward barreled inside, looking startled and on edge.

"Bella?" He said nervously. "Are you okay? What's going…"

He was cut off by the sound of me throwing up on the floor.

"Jesus Christ!" He startled. "What's wrong?" He asked, rushing towards me.

"Stay back." I said hoarsely, not wanting him to see my mess, but most of all I felt like I would crawl out of my skin if I felt him close to me.

"Fuck that! You're sick." He said, kneeling beside me and touching my forehead.

I cringed and shuddered, pins and needles pricking me all over my body.

"Take. Your. Hand. Off. Of. Me." I hissed, leaning away from him.

I tried getting to my feet, wanting to clean up both the mess I had made and myself, but I couldn't manage even that. I was almost halfway up when I lost my balance started falling again.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I waited for the impending blow, crack and snap, but it never happened. Edward had reached for me, wrapped him arms tightly around me and held me up.

"Jesus, Bella be careful." He said gently. "Let's get you to the bathroom."

He bent down intending on carrying me, but I stopped him. Digging my nails into his arm, I yanked at the cage of flesh he'd enclosed me in.

"Let go." I said my voice nonexistent. "I'm fine, let me go."

"Bella just let me help you." He said, tightening his arms.

"I don't want your fucking help!" I hissed. "Let me go."

"That's not going to happen. I'm taking you to the bathroom and then I'll clean up." He explained calmly.

I pushed against his arms again but to no avail, I had zero strength and he was much too strong and determined.

"Stop manhandling me and let me the fuck go! You just take and take and take. I have nothing to give you right now, so get away from me." I screamed.

"Bella, please you need to calm down, I'm trying to help you." He said, frustrated.

"Help me? Is that what you've been doing all night? Helping me? Were you helping me when you insulted me in front of a slut I wouldn't even touch with a ten foot pole? Or how about when you robbed me of the one thing I would have never given you willingly. Were you helping me by not telling me I had to fucking sleep in the same bed with you tonight to appease your bitch of a grandmother? Thanks, I don't want your kind of help." I screamed. "Let go of me, I can help my own damn self."

"You're bleeding." Was his only response. I looked at him angrily, asking God to give me strength not to kill him. He didn't hear a single word I'd said, it was like talking to a damned wall.

"And you're a son of a bitch." I said, rethinking the statement immediately because Esme was one of the best women I have ever met.

"Yeah, you're right." He said smugly. "But I'm a son of a bitch who's going to carry you to the bathroom so you can clean up." He looked down at me, smiling.

I just snapped. I couldn't handle the fact that I've been in hell for the entire night, that I've cried and screamed and threw up and bled because of him, and he was smiling.

I slapped him with the last ounce of strength I had, and then I kept hitting. I hit him of his arms, on his chest and stomach, I even kicked him once or twice but his hold never wavered for one second.

He stood there, taking it all and not even flinching.

"I hate you! I fucking hate you!" I screamed, over and over and over again. I screamed until my voice wouldn't even sound anymore. I screamed until my tears ran dry and my whole body shook.

He stood there, hugging me tighter and whispering gently in my ear. He told me he was sorry, he told me he dint know why he kept hurting me, he said he was very sorry for taking something that was never his. He told me I was the purest thing he's ever seen.

"Let it out, baby. Let it all out." He whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry angel. I didn't mean to hurt you." He said repeatedly.

I hit him until I felt I would collapse, but he stood strong and confident. He held me tightly and I listened to him and let it all out.

When I felt like I was going to pass out, he gently bent down and while caught the backs of my knees tenderly, he then carried me to the bathroom. He gently cleaned my knee and gave my some mouth wash to get the puke taste out of my mouth all the while never saying a single word.

After that he carried me to the bed and set me down gently on the mattress. Kneeling in front of my dangling legs, he looked up at me, his face masked with the softest expression.

"I'm going to make you a promise Bella. And if you believe nothing else, please believe that I am a man of my word. I promise never to hurt you the way I've hurt tonight again. I'm done playing games and staking claims. I'm done pretending like I can't stand you when I know you're an amazing girl. I promise to never kiss you again, not when you don't want me to." He murmured, his voice sounding velvety and oh so soothing.

"I'm sorry we're forced into a bed together tonight, I know that it's upsetting you. I'll stay on my side I promise. If I …. Uh if you wake up with me spooning you or something I give you full permission to slap that shit out of me, deal?" He said jokingly, with a small smile that never reached his eyes.

"Deal…" I whispered, feeling no remorse for what happened a mere five minutes ago. Acting respectfully and caringly towards me doesn't erase all the shit I've had to deal with tonight because of him.

I carefully fixed the sheets and slid under them, catching myself from moaning at the absolute comfort they offered. It may sound corny but it literally felt like sleeping on a cloud. The sheets were concentrated with Edward's smell. They smelled so good, I found myself sniffing the sheet covering me a little more than I should have. I wiggled my toes and got comfortable.

I heard Edward moving around the room, no doubt getting ready for bed. I closed my eyes and prepared to delve into a deep sleep, but a throat being cleared made my eyes fly open.

"Edward?" I asked, for he was just standing close to the bed, his eyes roaming the mattress and landing often on my sprawled out form. I felt nervous; being so close to him, but my exhaustion was more prominent than my nervousness.

"Uhhh, would it be okay with you if I took my shirt off? I can't sleep with a shirt on." He asked, fidgeting.

"It's your bed, I'm the intruder here. Do whatever you want Edward, its fine." I replied.

"You're not intruding; I just want to make sure you're comfortable." He said. "I don't need to add to my mess ups tonight."

"I'm good…" I trailed off, watching with slightly dreamy eyes the sculpted body he was uncovering.

Edward was a very beautiful man, but his body could not be described by the mere word "beauty". It was much more than that. It was manly, and muscled, and defined and hard and absolutely breathtaking. And I had to sleep next to that body tonight.

The body I could deal with, I was more concerned about the rotten personality I've seen thus far, it was his personality that unnerved me. It was the wickedness he possessed that made it hard for me to trust him. It was his hurtful comments and unapologetic attitude that me terrified of ever getting close to him. I haven't seen a good part of Edward's mentality or personality; I've only seen the bad. I've been looking from something redeeming in him, and I think I may have seen one of those redeeming qualities as I hit him relentlessly after my fall; he took his punishment, he let me make him pay for his sin.

I felt him crawl into bed, the mattress shifting under his weight. I felt the body heat radiating off of him attacking my body with arrows of red hot fire. I could hear him breathing softly; I could smell the minty freshness of his exhales. He sprawled his tall form and shifted, searching for the most comfortable position to assume.

"Goodnight Heaven." He whispered, turning on his side, facing me. It seemed he found his comfy position, for he stilled and smiled softly.

I looked at his beautiful face and sighed, wishing he was a nice person so I could reciprocate and be nice in return. I've let out some steam during my outburst, and I felt a lot better, but I still had this uneasy feeling that the worst was yet to come. I had a feeling that Edward was capable of much more hurt, hate, revenge and malice. I had a feeling that he was going to cost me a lot more than some tears and digested food. I had a feeling he was just getting started, and that the promises he made were only words uttered under stress and post trauma.

"Goodnight Trouble." I whispered back.

He smirked that sexy, lazy smirk of his and raised an eyebrow. "Trouble huh?" He said bemusedly.

"That's what you are, isn't it?" I joked back. But in reality, I wasn't joking. Not even a little bit, not at all.

"You have no idea." He winked and turned around to turn out the lights.

We didn't speak after that, and soon enough my breathing slowed and my eyes drooped. Without any form of resistance on my part, I fell into an unbelievably deep slumber.

That night, I wasn't sure if my dreams were nightmares or happy dreams. That night, the heat consumed me and the fire burned me unabashedly from the outside in.

That night was both the best and worst night of my life. Comfort warred with apprehension. Heat and fire warred with icy attitudes. Trust warred with fiery tempers and fighting warred with giving in.

I owed it all to Trouble.

AN: The chapter is little shorter than you are used to, but the shortness was necessary for the plot. (WINK WINK)

I really hope you enjoyed it, and I'm hoping for some constructive feedback. I'm not that delicate, so feel free to rant and rave!

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