Title: "Careful With What You Wish" - Chap 22: Time Of Your Life
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Warning over notes: This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...

'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney

"Another turning point; a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist; directs you where to go.
So make the best of this task and don't ask why.
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life."
(Green Day - "Time Of Your Life")

It took quite while to reach the Ten no Ryu's western-looking and rather large residence in CLAMP Gakuen(1) and, when they reached the place, Seishiro didn't really pay much attention to it. Actually, he didn't care about it at all. He was completely worn out and all he wanted was to be left alone with his Subaru-kun, snuggle against him and kiss him and caress him and make sure the boy was really there with him in any way he could. He shouldn't have left him alone. He would never do it again.

Once inside the Ten no Ryu's residence all Seishiro did was ask where was Subaru-kun's room was and, once he got his answer, he went right there, carrying Subaru-kun who was still clinging to him with all the neediness and cuteness only a child should posses, then he closed them both inside (likely to the great disappointment of Sumeragi-chan, who seemed to not be fond of the idea of them being alone together, and began yelling obscenities at him while the Ten no Ryu tried to calm her down) and set Subaru-kun down on his feet. The boy continued to hold onto him, leaning on him, refusing to let go, as if Seishiro was the only thing that could sustain him. Seishiro just stood there with him, right in front of the door, just hugging Subaru-kun back, holding him close, stroking his hair, clinging to him, feeling his presence in his arms, the boy's body pressed against his. Subaru-kun was still sobbing like a little child, sniffling and hiccupping, and he didn't seem to plan to stop anytime soon, and so Seishiro continued repeating to him over and over whatever he could think of that would reassure him, not quite sure if he was making any sense but knowing that Subaru-kun, in that state, was likely not going to pay any attention to the words he was saying, but merely to his presence and the tone of his voice.

His Subaru-kun...

Finally his Subaru-kun was with him again...

His Subaru-kun.

His precious, little Subaru-kun...

His Subaru-kun, his most favourite possession, his... his Subaru-kun. His.

They would never be parted again. Never. Never, never,nevernever...

He kissed the top of the boy's head, then moved to his temple, then slowly, gently, he moved lower, brushing Subaru-kun's cheek with almost feather lightness as his fingers caressed and rubbed Subaru-kun's shoulders. He savoured each touch, each kiss as if trying to make sure the boy was real, as if this was a completely new experience for him, trying to file each of them in his memory, to imprint the perfection of that moment so that he would never forget it, so that it would always be with him, so that he wouldn't feel anymore that maddening and inexplicable longing he had felt when Subaru-kun hadn't been around... Because he had missed this... he had missed... this... so much... so much... he had... missed... this... no, not this... he had missed... so much... he had missed... missed...

"So much... I missed... you... so much... so much..." he whispered in Subaru-kun's ear over and over, as if that was the only thing that mattered, that he could think of in that moment. He had missed the boy. As absurd and unreasonable as it was to miss a possession so desperately, he had missed Subaru-kun. Madly. And he was so infinitely glad he had him back...

Subaru didn't reply to Seishiro-san's declaration, he merely buried his face against Seishiro-san's shoulder, nuzzling against him and clinging to him as if his life depended on it, mumbling Seishiro-san's name between his sobs continuously, like a mantra, as if that was the only thing that made sense in his broken world, finally expressing the desperation he had kept bottled inside himself and that had been tearing him apart from the inside since that day, the day in which... in which... He clung to Seishiro-san even tighter at the memory, fearing the man would disappear from his grip, fearing it was all just a dream and that, when he woke up, he would find himself holding an anonymous pillow instead of the only person that mattered in his life. He was too desperate and too worn out to think rationally, and all he was aware of, at first, was how badly he needed Seishiro-san, and how deadly scared he was to be without him. It didn't matter that he was holding the man as tightly as humanly possible, it didn't matter that Seishiro-san was doing the same, it didn't matter that the man was telling him soothing words, assuring him he wouldn't leave over and over and repeating how badly he had missed him as well; Subaru was too desperate and hysteric to understand any of it. He really couldn't do anything more than cling to the man, cry and call for him, desperately hoping that would suffice and fearing it would not.

In the end his tiredness and Seishiro-san's attentions seemed to finally calm him, to soothe him, to relax him a bit, bringing him back to a familiar pattern, a pattern he knew to be safe, a pattern he loved and needed desperately, a pattern in which Seishiro-san would hold him and take care of him and make sure that everything would go well, and Subaru wouldn't have to worry about messing up or being left alone. Subaru needed it so much... He needed the man to be here, with him, holding him, caressing him, kissing him, murmuring reassuring words over and over as he had always done every time Subaru had a nightmare or had felt sick or had... simply needed it. Seishiro-san had always been the focal point of Subaru's whole world, his anchor to sanity, his only truth and reassurance. When Seishiro-san was with him he was safe, nothing would go wrong, Seishiro-san would take care of everything, because deep down Subaru knew, Subaru was sure that, while he was completely useless and unable to do anything even remotely useful, Seishiro-san knew how to do everything right, how to handle everything, and all Subaru wanted was to be with him, protect him, be of some use to him so he could be allowed to stay with him. Slowly, as Seishiro-san continued to comfort him, reassuring him he was there and wouldn't leave no matter what, Subaru's sobs subsided and he began to enjoy what Seishiro-san was doing to him, almost searching for it in a childish, needy manner, as he offered his neck to Seishiro-san's lips and snuggled closer, seeking contact and comfort, making soft whimpering sounds in which his pain mingled with the physical pleasure of the act. They had never been good at talking to each other, and so they had always relied mostly physical contact to communicate. A hug, a kiss, a caress, an embrace for Subaru had always been unspoken messages he roughly translated with 'I'm here', 'It's okay', 'I'll take care of you', 'I'll protect you'...

As Subaru-kun began relaxing in his arms Seishiro moved to kiss him even lower, slowly but steadily, he too needing desperately close contact with the boy, the reassurance Subaru-kun was really there, in his arms, and not some illusion his mind conjured up. He hooked his fingers in the collar of Subaru-kun's shirt in order to move it out of his way and expose a bit of the boy's shoulder, just some more skin he would kiss with something akin to... to a feeling too intense for him to recognize and label, when Subaru-kun moved away from him roughly. The boy didn't go far, not really, Seishiro's other arm was still circling his waist, holding him close, but that rejection had hurt and... and...

He looked at the boy with a hurt, confused expression and stared at Subaru-kun's wide, frightened eyes for a full second, before those eyes filled with new tears and lowered in shame as the boy began trembling again, panting so much he seemed to struggle to breathe, his arms leaving Seishiro to wrap around himself protectively, shoulders hunched as if he wished to curl in a tight ball and disappear.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Subaru-kun began repeating, apparently on the verge of a nervous breakdown or an hysteric crisis, shaking so hard his teeth rattled and abruptly reminding Seishiro what had been done to him by Kamui, forcing him to witness the extent of the damage. His Subaru-kun... His Subaru-kun... So... So desperately scared... How had dared Kamui to touch him with his dirty hands? To ruin the simple perfection that Subaru-kun was like that? He... He... He took a large breath and forced himself to calm down as he pulled the boy back against his chest, rubbing his back reassuringly with one arm while the other held the boy close.

"Subaru-kun, calm down," he told him gently, soothingly, doing his best to sound reassuring and comforting. "It's okay, Subaru-kun, I didn't mean to push you, it's okay, calm down, I'm not angry with you. It's okay, none of this is your fault, it's okay, I'll protect you from now on, Subaru-kun, I swear, you don't have to worry anymore..." he repeated over and over.

Subaru-kun had tensed at first when he had touched him and even if he had let Seishiro hug him, if one were to ignore his shaking he had remained still and stiff in Seishiro's arms, then... then the boy had slowly relaxed again and had returned clinging to him, at first hesitantly then back in that tight desperate manner he had used before. He was sobbing again, but at least his trembling was calming down and he didn't look so scared anymore just... desperate.

Seishiro kissed the boy's temple comfortingly. To return to how their life had been before... before that 'incident'... was going to need time, more time that Seishiro had expected. No, if he had to be honest, he hadn't expected it to need time. He wanted his old life back and, as soon as he got Subaru-kun back in his arms again he had expected he would have it. He'd been an idiot, he admitted privately to himself; he hadn't considered that what had been done to Subaru-kun by the Chi no Ryu's Kamui could have more consequences than just some scratches, and that he had to be very careful with the boy if he didn't want to make things worse. No, from now on he would do better to handle Subaru-kun with much more care than before, lots and lots of it, and never let anyone else get close to him again. No, from now on, no one would even be able to so much as brush against his Subaru-kun ever again. No one but he knew how to handle the boy, and no one but he would be allowed to come close to him. Subaru-kun was too precious to let him be damaged further by some idiot who didn't knew how to handle him.

"You need rest, Subaru-kun," he stated gently, turning Subaru-kun's face so that the boy would look at him. The boy's eyes were circled with dark rings and filled with tears but underneath there was a spark of liveliness and this for Seishiro was enough. "Subaru-kun, you look absolutely worn out. When was the last time you slept a little?" he asked, smiling fondly at those needy, green eyes that looked so much like those of a child.

Subaru-kun merely stared at him without replying, then lowered his head as if ashamed, as if he believed he had disappointed Seishiro and that the man was reproaching him. Subaru-kun had always made such a big deal of not disappointing Seishiro's expectations that Seishiro knew very well a simple harsh word would break him and had always refrained from using them. He knew that every time the boy did something displeasing a tiny comment would be enough to get him back in line, followed by a lot of cuddling and fussing to assure him Seishiro wasn't angry with him anymore. Subaru-kun had never dealt well with the idea he might have angered Seishiro. Besides, Subaru-kun had always been such an obedient, good boy... His Subaru-kun had always been such a perfect boy...

"It's okay, Subaru-kun," he hurried to reassure, kissing the boy's forehead, enjoying the tiny needy sound that escaped from Subaru-kun's lips. "Don't worry, I didn't get much sleep either in the past few days and I likely look horrible too. I guess that makes a pair of us, doesn't it?" he asked. Subaru-kun merely snuggled closer, without replying, like a puppy in search of affection. Adorable. Seishiro caressed his dark hair affectionately. He was sure it would be worth it. It would be worth waiting for Subaru-kun to be ready to get back into their old life, it would be worth taking care of him and with him to an even greater extent. Subaru-kun was worth it and much more. Now that Seishiro had him back he didn't plan to lose the boy ever again. Subaru-kun would stay with him forever, he would spend the rest of his life with him, never leaving him, never. There was no hurry. Soon they would be back to the way they were before. He only had to be a bit patient and give the boy time and care... He felt Subaru-kun gasp as he picked him up in his arms again and carried him to the large bed that was in the room. Carefully, he set Subaru-kun down to sit on it, then knelt in front of him to remove the boy's boots as he had done so many times when Subaru-kun was still a child. It was strangely odd to do it in a bedroom and not in their Genkan. It was weird how the Ten no Ryu could live in a western house in which shoes weren't left at the entrance.(2) Oh well, he could live with it. Subaru-kun merely stared at him as he removed the boots from the boy's feet, saying nothing, doing nothing, just... staring, as if afraid he might mess up should he move or say something. Once done, Seishiro freed himself of his own shoes, which he set neatly to the room's entrance with Subaru-kun's boots, of his jacket and his tie that were placed on a chair, and sat near Subaru-kun, who, in the meantime, had curled up on himself. Seishiro studied their situation. The bed seemed comfortable and was definitely spacious enough for the two of them. Not that they would take up that much space normally. They had shared smaller spaces and felt perfectly comfortable with it. Now the problem was: would Subaru-kun be willing to share it with him?

Normally there wouldn't have been any question but after the last developments he knew better than to take it for granted.

He observed the boy carefully. Subaru-kun was still staring at him in silence, curled up on himself like a tiny child, arms wrapped around his knees. Thank Kami-sama he wasn't crying anymore, and Seishiro decided to consider that a good sign. He wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulders pulling Subaru-kun against himself. The boy allowed him, docile, and Seishiro sighed in contentment as he felt the boy's weight settle against him and nuzzled the youth slightly. It felt so good to have Subaru-kun there, in his arms, against his chest...

"I have really missed you, Subaru-kun," he admitted in a very honest tone, realizing with some surprise he meant each world. He wasn't used missing something that much. Actually he wasn't used to missing anything. He wasn't the type that let himself miss things and, if he REALLY couldn't find a way to get what he wanted, he would, at best, feel annoyed. He didn't understand how it had been possible for him to miss Subaru-kun SO MUCH, so much that he hadn't been able to think of anything else but how bad he had missed him, but he had and there was no point in discussing it. Seishiro didn't like to dwell on things he didn't understand, especially when he was sure the problem would never arise again. He and Subaru-kun would NEVER be parted again. NEVER. He sighed again as he nuzzled against the boy, gently caressing Subaru-kun's dark hair. He was confused. And tired. Very tired. Completely worn out, really, as if he'd gone through too much and he didn't quite understand the feeling because, even if he had been working a lot recently, this exhaustion was really inordinate. At least Subaru-kun was there, snuggling against him, and that was giving him an odd sense of peace and rightness despite his confusion and tiredness.

"Subaru-kun, how about curling up on this bed and trying to get some sleep? Everything will look better after we have had some sleep," he asked, feeling slightly annoyed by how the tiredness in his voice was honest. He hated to show weakness, but since there was only Subaru-kun in the room with him... well he could deal with it. Subaru-kun would never use his weakness against him, he just knew it. Subaru-kun, however, didn't reply immediately. Then...

"I'm okay, I don't need to sleep, Seishiro-san," the boy murmured in a tone even more tired than Seishiro's. Seishiro groaned. He had heard those words from the boy on more than one occasion before so knew what they really meant. They were a lie, Seishiro knew it very well, but he also knew Subaru didn't perceive them as such. Subaru was firmly sure he was always okay, even when he obviously was not, and, as for saying he didn't need to sleep... He turned Subaru-kun's face toward him gently.

"Let me guess: you don't want to sleep because you had nightmares, didn't you?" he asked, smiling fondly as Subaru-kun turned his face away, proving Seishiro right. As cute and childish as it was that Subaru-kun still might be scared by nightmares, it was highly unproductive. Since nightmares unfailingly woke Subaru-kun up and made him feel even worse than when he'd gone to sleep, and making it hard for him to resume his sleep, Subaru was persuaded he could be spared it by not sleeping at all. Seishiro's many talks about him needing sleep had never been interiorised. Subaru-kun had always obeyed him, but apparently he had always considered Seishiro's words on the subject a joke or something similar, and, unless Seishiro would be there to hold him, he would diligently go to bed and do everything he could to stay awake or so it seemed to Seishiro. Actually, Subaru was simply so very scared by his nightmares that his fear caused him to unconsciously oppose to his instinct to obey Seishiro-san, making it hard for him to fall asleep unless the man's reassuring presence was with him, holding him and keeping him safe. "I'll be here, Subaru-kun," Seishiro-san stated, caressing Subaru's hair soothingly. "Maybe I can't chase your nightmares away but I won't leave you alone, you know that, don't you? I'll be here. I'll hold you and keep you safe so they'll only remain what they are: stupid nightmares, nothing worth worrying about."

At first Subaru-kun simply stared at him, then...

"You... you promise?" he asked in such a childish, adorable manner Seishiro couldn't help but bend down to kiss his forehead as he had always done when Subaru-kun had been a child in need of reassurance. As he still did when the boy needed reassurance. Really, the dynamics between the two of them hadn't changed that much.

"I swear it. Let's lay down, okay?" Seishiro suggested. Subaru-kun let himself to be pushed down, then Seishiro lay next to him and wrapped them both in the covers. Neither of them actually worried about the fact that they weren't wearing pyjamas or that their clothes would be a mess once they woke up. They were together again. It was all that mattered. The second they were under the covers Subaru-kun curled against Seishiro, safely hidden in the man's arms as they hugged each other, and neither of the two would have been able to say who was the first to reach for the other. They just clung to each other tightly. This time they wouldn't be divided. Shortly after they were both asleep, both lost in the same dream, a dream of a time long ago, a dream about a promise, a promise that decided their destiny.

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. Actually I'm not sure the house in which Kamui and the others resides is inside CLAMP Gakuen.

2. Normally in Japanese houses shoes are left at the entrance. However I've spotted Ten no Ryu wearing them inside the house... since the house is western looking I've assumed they don't follow the Japanese tradition of leaving them at the entrance.

JJ's Extra Notes:
Yes, I know, Subaru is tremendously whiny and clingy in this chapter. As I've said in the previous chapter he had gone thought a very bad experience. Just having Seishiro back didn't magically fix things.
Seishiro instead is mostly back to himself now that he has Subaru back. As for why Subaru's scared by nightmares so much... remember that the dreams of who has high spiritual powers like Subaru can be prophetic... so he's right at being scared by them...

Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
-sama: "Lord" or "Lady"
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Gakuen: Campus
Genkan: Entry hall
Kami: God
Maboroshi: Illusion
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To Raebef: Seishiro's not the type who would worry about others... even if Sumeragi-chan would like to steal Subaru from him anyway... she's not completely persuaded Seishiro hadn't hurt Subaru... she still has to learn to know him...

To Jenniyah: Yep, Seishiro's going to reside a bit in the Ten no Ryu's house... It'll be more awkward for the Ten no Ryu than for him... He really doesn't mind them much... as long as they stay away from Subaru...

To Gray Wings: Fuma would like to point out he merely fulfilled their wishes... I would like to tell me my opinion about the way he chose but... well, that's dark Kamui for you. Trust me, your story is lovely and I can't wait to read a new chapter!

To scelerus animus: I'm glad you do!

To Miss Midori: S&S in this fic don't know how to be one without the other... you'll see that every time they're parted they're miserable... I'm happy to hear you like the chapter!

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: Seishiro's starting to learn which are the real priorities in his life (in other words Subaru). It'll be a slow process but he'll grow up in the end! I'm very delighted when you compliment my work also!

To Sessho: I'm glad you like how the characters are portraied. Poor Hokuto got a bad role... she needs to learn to know Seishiro before she'll be willing to trust Subaru with him.

To Hatori Soma: I'm glad you like this fic. However I'm really sorry but for various reasons I don't have a 'warning update' list. If I can give you a suggestion why don't you try getting an account at Whoever has an account can ask to to be warned about updates over fics...

To Misoka Mine: (blush) S&S&H will have quite a bit of problems in dealing with each other... actually Seishiro & Hokuto will have problems with sharing Subaru... poor Subaru will have to deal with the both of them which won't be an easy task...

To Shikakutenri: (blush very red) Hokuto will have to learn to know Seishiro and to get over to years of worry for Subaru and hate for the Sakurazukamori who stole him from her... As soon as she will understand Seishiro's good for Subaru and that he's not the type who would hurt or abuse her brother she'll stop trying to tear them apart.

To shuu: I'm glad you like it! Here it's the next chap!

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!