Title: "Careful With What You Wish" - Chap 23: I'll Take The Rain
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Warning over notes: This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...

'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney

"I knew you when
I loved you then
The summer's young and helpless.

You laid me bare
You marked me there
The promises we made.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain."
(R.E.M. - "I'll Take The Rain")

The place was vast, silent, endless and yet dramatically small. A lone Sakura was standing in the middle of it, high and proud. One of its branch was currently being used as a seat by a teenaged boy wearing a black Gakuseifuku.(1) He was resting on it comfortably, his eyes closed as if he were asleep. Then, for no clear reason, they opened lazily, their golden irises focusing sleepily on the world around him. Distractedly, he noticed an abnormal amount of Sakura petals that gracefully fluttered everywhere. He didn't mind them; on the contrary, he rather liked them. This place was his Maboroshi, after all, and, since he liked Sakura petals, he filled it with them. He had decided long ago they were proper company for him, for the Sakurazukamori, and now he was here, watching them fall from his position on one of the Sakura tree's branches. He knew they were the only company he could have. They, and the corpse of the little girl he had just murdered, and that still had his arm encased in her chest. She was a warm little bundle to hold against himself... even if her warmth wouldn't last for long. He couldn't figure out how this tiny girl could be a threat to Japan at such a young age but, to be honest, he didn't care either. He had merely done his job, merely eradicated the threat. He didn't see why he should worry over his actions further.(2)

He frowned, not quite sure why, sensing something missing yet unable to guess what it was. Nothing was missing, and he needed nothing, anyway. He was perfectly content being here, alone, alone, alone...

Suddenly he realized he wasn't alone in his Maboroshi anymore.

A child had somehow entered his artificial world.

A child was with him.

A beautiful child who looked really adorable in that white Shikifuku.

He spied his guest, feeling a mix of amusement and curiosity, and saw how the child looked up at the tree, unable to see him, and stared at the little boy's beautiful, green eyes, so serious and determined yet filled with a kindness he didn't know people could possess. Then he saw those lovely, small hands moving gracefully as the little boy picked up some Ofuda, placed them around the tree and then tried a spell. He observed intently as those lovely, little hands traced perfect Ketsu-in patterns, as a lovely voice repeated a spell with absolute precision, completely unable to turn his eyes away from the young Onmyouji.

Such a lovely little child...

Predictably, the spell failed and lashed back violently, causing the child to whimper in pain.

How cute, he thought, tilting his head as he continued staring at him.

That child was so cute, so... fascinating... so... charming...

It was... it was amazing how he felt tempted to remain there forever, perfectly content with just observing that child, hidden in between the Sakura's branches, but then something... something went wrong.

Something caught the child's attention, something that revealed his presence.

Red droplets of blood dripped from the broken corpse he was holding and fell to the ground with the Sakura petals. The little boy noticed when they fell on the pale skin of his adorable hands and, automatically, looked up again, managing to look past the illusory branches that were supposed to hide him from the child's gaze, and, as he had seen the child, the child finally saw him. Their gazes met, emerald eyes staring into his golden ones, soft, red lips opening in surprise as more droplets of the dead girl's blood dripped on the child, staining his pure, white skin, tainting it and... and... he frowned, displeased at that, then freed himself from the corpse he was still 'holding', causing it to fall gracelessly to the ground, then he jumped down from the branch.

It all happened in a matter of seconds, really.

As soon as his feet touched the ground the child tried to back away, to escape, but he wasn't fast enough and the teenager managed to grab his arm, stopping the little boy's attempt to leave that place, to leave him. Then... then they stared at each other in silence again, as if mesmerized while time seemed to freeze around them.(3)

"It's the first time someone's seen me kill..." the teen admitted, finally breaking that silence that was starting to become oppressive. "Well... What should I do with you?" he asked, with the amused smile of a young boy that had just got a new toy. The child didn't reply, just stared at him, tense in his hold even if he wasn't trying to escape anymore. "Are you scared of me?" he asked in a gentler tone, his hold loosening slightly so that it wouldn't be painful and wouldn't risk bruising what looked like delicate skin.

"I... don't know..." the little boy stammered hesitantly. Somehow he wasn't. He knew he should be, but he wasn't. Somehow it felt right to be with this strange teenager, as if he was supposed to be with him, as if this was his place, even if that teenager had just killed a little girl. There was something in that teenager... something that pulled at him, making him wish he were free to remain close to him, however... He turned to look at the body the teenager had discarded, the corpse of a little girl around his age, a pretty, little girl in a cute dress that would never have the chance to return to her... 'place' wherever that was.

"Was it you? The one who hurt her?" he asked, his voice laced with pain and distress. He knew the answer even before asking the question, yet he did it anyway, hoping against hope that he could be wrong.

"Sure, it was me," the teenager replied carelessly, as if for him to hurt a little girl was an everyday occurrence, as if to him it meant nothing, as if he could see nothing wrong in that.

In fact the teen hadn't hesitated a single second in replying to the child's question, unable to see the point in denying that obvious truth, really. His golden eyes were studying the child curiously as if he were another child who had just found a weird object, one he didn't quite know how to use. He felt intrigued when he noticed the child's expression saddening at his reply.

"But... but... why did you hurt her?" the little boy asked him quietly. He couldn't understand. Why hurt a little girl? Why? The teenager shrugged. The little dead girl didn't interest him anymore, and he didn't see why they should waste their time over her.

"She was a threat to Japan," he replied absently as though that could justify such a gruesome death. The child blinked as he stared at the girl's corpse. Such a little girl? It sounded so unbelievable...

"How?" he asked in almost a whisper.

"I don't really know. It's not like I care," the teenager admitted, not understanding why they were having that conversation and not liking how he was feeling... ignored by the child. Why all those questions about the corpse? Wasn't he much more interesting than it? Why wasn't the child asking about him?

The child continued staring at the little girl, tears slowly filling his eyes. Even if the teenager didn't care about her, he did and he felt honest pain for her fate. "Poor girl..." he murmured softly. The teenager seemed confused by his behaviour.

"Why do you care?" he asked. "You don't know her, and, since she was a threat to Japan, it's better for you too that she's dead. Japan is like..." he paused, searching for the words that could explain his actions to such a young child, not really knowing why he felt the need to justify them. "Japan is like Sakura trees. You know the legend, don't you? Sakura trees feed on the bodies buried under them, drinking the blood of the corpses until their blossoms turn pink, and in the same way Japan feeds on the people I murder, drinking their power to increase its own. Japan and Sakura trees are the same. Both are nourished on the blood of the dead, both need it to remain as beautiful as you see them."

"But the people... the people who're sacrificed for this... they..." the child began hesitantly. "They don't want to die... They suffer, and the people they leave behind suffer even more because now they're alone. Nobody should be left alone," he continued, encouraged by the fact that the teenager hadn't tried to stop him but was listening to his words with an attention and a patience no one had shown him before. "Wouldn't you feel sad if you were forced to leave someone you love all alone? Wouldn't you feel sad if someone who cares for were to leave you alone?" he reasoned.

The teen stared at him, remembering his mother's words.

'You have nothing to fear about death, right? That's because you have nothing precious, nothing you would regret losing. You have nothing that would be painful if you left in this world.'(4)

He frowned in annoyance at the memory that he found somewhat unpleasant, then shrugged, dismissing it. It didn't really matter if he had no one, did it?

"Sorry, kid, but there's no one I care for and no one cares for me. Death doesn't really matter to me," he admitted in what was supposed to be careless tone. The child stared at him, studying him carefully, then raised one of his little hands and gently touched the teen's cheek in a hesitant caress, startling him.

"I'm sorry..." the little boy murmured softly and his little hand felt so warm and soft against his cheek, so very nice...

"Why?" he asked, frowning in confusion, not attempting to escape to the contact. Why should the little kid be sorry? Why? What reason could he have?

"Because you're alone. Nobody should be alone," the child explained.

The teen blinked. Alone. Was he really? Did it matter? Did he care? Yet that gentle, little hand on his cheek felt so nice... he had never felt anything like that before... never... not even when his mother had touched him... a sensation so good, so sweet... he didn't want to give that feeling up. He studied the child carefully. A spirit the opposite of his: gentle, pure and sincere. A spirit that, he was sure, would remain pure even when the child became an adult. The teen didn't think himself capable of love, but this child would be capable of loving him anyway, loving a cold hearted murder that deserved no love or care. He liked the idea of being loved, of having someone who would care for him. He liked the kid, liked him as he had never liked anything else, not even chocolate cake. He liked the child, and what he liked he got. No matter what. What he liked he kept. Forever. Or at least until he stopped liking it. As soon as he made his decision he smirked down at the kid.

"Then stay with me," he said simply, as if he couldn't see anything wrong in his request, as if he thought it would require no effort from the child to accomplish it. At his words it was the child's turn to look startled.

"But Obaachan... and Hokuto-chan..." he murmured, realizing immediately that, despite the fact he wanted to be with the teen and try to ease his loneliness, he couldn't abandon the people who cared for him, not without causing them pain. He hated the idea of causing them pain, of hurting them for his selfish wish to be with the teen.

"You don't want them to be sad because you're dead, do you?" the teen asked him, tilting his head slightly, his innocent tone a complete contrast to the words he said. "If you stay with me, I won't have to kill you, and therefore they won't be sad," the teen continued as if he could see nothing wrong in his reasoning. "Or do you think death would be better than staying with me?" he asked darkly, feeling a foreign emotion grow inside him at the idea the child might prefer death to a life with him. No, his mind stated firmly. The child wouldn't die this day. His. The child would be his, the child should be his whether the child liked it or not. He wouldn't let the child go.

The child studied the teen's golden eyes, considering. To his young, innocent mind it seemed that if someone were to come up with such a request, they must be feeling really lonely and he... he didn't think it was fair to leave the teenager feeling alone. He knew loneliness, he felt it everyday. He felt lonely because he was different, because people had expectations of him that seemed too high for him to fulfil, because he was a child in a world of adults, because he tried to behave like an adult in a world of children, because he was too good at Onmyoujutsu, because he wasn't good enough at Onmyoujutsu. Everyone wanted something different from him, and what he was, what he accomplished, was never enough, never right and he knew it. This teenager... this teenager was lonely like him. And this teenager wanted him, needed him, just him, not an Onmyouji, not an Ichizoku no Chou, not an heir, not a dress up doll, not a diligent student, just... him. His company. He needed him. Maybe the teenager needed him even more than Obaachan, Hokuto-chan or his whole Ichimon. Maybe he also needed the teenager more than he needed Obaachan, Hokuto-chan and his Ichimon.

"I'll stay with you. I promise," he agreed in a firm tone, nodded, and, had the teen known him, he would have known the child wouldn't have been capable of taking back those words. Ever. But the teenager didn't know him, and just felt surprised at how easily and calmly the kid had agreed. However, he didn't dwell on it much and his surprised expression turned into a satisfied smile.

"Good. Then what's your name, kid?" he asked.

"Subaru. Sumeragi Subaru," the little boy replied quietly. He knew he would miss Hokuto-chan, Obaachan and the others. He knew that, but it didn't seem polite or gentle to said so to the lonely teenager who seemed to have no one else but Subaru, so he kept his pain to himself.

"Sumeragi, eh? That'll make this even more interesting," the teenager commented, pulling him closer. Subaru let him, docile. "Well, Subaru-kun, since you agreed on your own to stay with me I'll make you a gift," the teenager announced.

"A gift?" he repeated, surprised.

"A gift. Well, two gifts actually. One gift to keep you happy, and one gift to keep you mine. You think you'll miss your family, don't you?" the teenager asked. Subaru looked at him surprised, then nodded shyly. That teenager had understood his feelings even if he hadn't voiced them. No one else, except Hokuto-chan sometimes, had ever guessed his feelings or bothered trying to. It felt... nice to have someone who understood him. "Then I'll put a spell on you, a spell that will bind you as mine, that will mark you as mine, and another one that will keep you from being sad for your family's absence. I shouldn't let anyone be close to me, but... I'll make an exception for you, and, in order to do so, I'll put a mark on you that will identify you as mine and mine only, that will make you obedient to me and me only. My first gift to you. And, since from now on you're my most precious possession, I won't allow you to be sad. Ever. I'll always make you happy, Subaru-kun, and you'll love me for it. Me and only me. There will be space for no one else in your heart. That's why you won't remember anyone but me. That's what my second gift will be. Forgetfulness."

Subaru blinked, not understanding what the other was saying, but it was too late already to protest or ask questions. The teenager pulled his small hands toward himself and then kissed their back gently, first one and then the other. As soon as the teenager's lips touched his skin he felt something, an intense pain hitting him, making his hands burn, as a spell wrapped all around his mind, causing him to slip into numb darkness and, at the same time, into the waiting arms of the other, arms that held him gently and yet possessively, as if wishing to preclude the unconscious boy from any possible avenue of escape.

Later, much later, when Subaru awoke again, he had no recollection of his past or of who he was, and star shaped marks were now printed on the back of his hands, identifying him as the Sakurazukamori's property.(5) When Subaru awoke again he was in a warm bed, a teenager, whose name was Sakurazuka Seishiro-san, holding one marked hand gently in his and looking like he planned to never let it go. When Subaru awoke again his first thought was that he wasn't alone, and even though he didn't remember his identity or his past, it didn't matter because he knew with absolute clarity that he belonged to that teenager, to Seishiro-san. He was his. And Seishiro-san would never leave him alone. And he would never leave Seishiro-san alone. And that... was all that mattered.

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. Yes, I know that in the 'Tokyo Babylon' manga and OAV Seishiro's Gakuseifuku seems grey and not black. In the 'X' manga and anime is black. I favoured black so I chose to follow the 'X' colouring.

2. The Sakurazukamori kills for Japan's well being. Due to this I assume the little girl somehow represented a threat for Japan. In the 'Tokyo Babylon 1999' drama cd Seishiro had to kill other kids whose powers, in the future, would be a threat for Japan.

3. In the original meeting Seishiro put Subaru under a sleeping spell. This however is an alternate universe so things went differently.

4. That's what Setsuka said to Seishiro in the 'X' drama cd.

5. I know, I know, the marks should identify Subaru as the Sakurazukamori's prey but, prey or not, they mean he's Seishiro's property so I think the definition can still be considered acceptable. Oh and I know the marks apparently never controlled Subaru's will. Actually the spells Seishiro used are three, the one that marks Subaru, the one that controls his will and the one that makes him forget. Since the spells had been performed together you can consider them as a single spell with three parts or just three spells.

JJ's Extra Notes:
Yes, this is supposed to be the first meeting between Subaru and Seishiro as it happened in this fic. Originally it was also supposed to be Subaru and Seishiro's dream, a dream in which they would remember it. Now... I let it to your interpretation. You can also consider it a side story or a flashback.
As for why things went this way... in 'Tokyo Babylon' and 'X' Subaru is told that loneliness causes people to do bad things and to be sad and it's rather obvious both Subaru and Seishiro feel lonely. Had Subaru known sooner that Seishiro was alone... I think he would have tried to do something. I also think that, for Subaru, Seishiro is the only one who could feel his loneliness. As for Seishiro... I don't know if he's aware he feels alone... but should he catch a tiny glimpse of the idea... and of the fact Subaru is the only one who can make him feel 'not alone'... I don't think he would have let Subaru go. Besides Subaru is such an obedient, adorable little boy I doubt it would be a problem to raise him...

Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
Gakuseifuku: Student Uniform
Ichimon: "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"
Ichizoku no Chou: "Family Head"
Ketsu-in: "Mudra". Special ritual gestures formed by knotting the fingers in various complex patterns
Maboroshi: Illusion
Obaachan: "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"
Ofuda: Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyouji: "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakura: "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Shikifuku: Ceremonial Robe

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To 0ri: Yes, the boys are rather disturbing in their relation... Seishiro knows what had happened to Subaru... Hokuto had inadvertitely told him when she thought he was the one who had hurt Subaru... and trust me he's not happy with wht had been done to his Subaru...

To Raebef: Glad you like! Yes, poor Subaru is very clingy. Being raised by Seishiro made him clingier than he was and, after what had happened...

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: Glad you like!

To haru: Fuma is back to the Chi no Ryu's Headquarters...

To Miss Midori: It's odd how they can be considered in a disturbing relation (they depend too much one from the other and they have this weird sibling relation since Seishiro also raised Subaru...) and yet they manage to be adorable... (or maybe it's just I'm weird...) Well, before Seishiro will UNDERSTAND he loves Subaru many things are going to happen... Do I have to mention a certain bridge?

To Hatori Soma: Glad to see you've an account! Don't worry, I rarely log too! Hokuto will have a nice talk with Seishiro... and the two will begin an odd relation even if they would never get along as they did in TB. (Seishiro's too jealous, Hokuto fears he wants to kidnap Subaru again...)

To ryuu: Banned from computer? Horrible! Sorry for the long waiting but I've been on holiday and away from net connection so...

To krol yuki: (Blushes) I'm glad to know you like it so much!

To Gray Wings: Thank you to you for your kind review! For a while it'll be hard to part S&S!

To Xelena: You mean he has to suffer because he's too lucky? LOL Well, you're right. He has the best boy in the world who loves him desperately. World wouldn't be fair if he doesn't have to suffer a bit...

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!