The next day, I decide to walk to school, needing the cool morning air to clear my head. I arrive at school in just less than half an hour and my typical school day begins. I continue to be ripped on by various people about my sexuality. Some people just won't let it go.

Even when hearing people insult me, Stan or Kenny don't even bother to stand up for me or defend me, like best friends should. Instead, they just lower their heads and continue walking, as if pretending they haven't heard.

It's been happening quite regularly now and I'm getting really sick of it. If they were the ones getting ripped on, I'd definitely stand up for them. Why can't they do the same for me?

At lunch, Stan and Kenny sit with me, leaving Cartman to sit with Butters. I can clearly notice Stan and Kenny acting different. Neither one of them starts a conversation like they usually would. Both their heads are lowered as they eat quietly. Kenny even isn't using his precious lunch time to stare at girls without them realising it.

After another few minutes of silence, I finally can't take it. I bang my balled-up fist on the table loudly, startling both of them.

"Okay, seriously, guys, what's up?" I say, my voice louder than intended. "Why are you guys acting so weird?"

They both glance at each other, seeming surprised, before looking at me again.

"We're not acting weird," Stan says.

I frown. "Yeah you are! Don't deny it! You guys are so quiet and you're not your usual selves."

They say nothing, only serving to anger me more.

"Why won't you answer me?" I shout, glaring at them both.

Stan meets my eyes, keeping eye contact. "Kyle, we're not trying to hurt you, I promise."

I look away, glaring down at the table. "Well then why are you acting so weird around me?" I ask quietly, remaining calm.

Stan goes quiet and averts his eyes, leaving Kenny to answer.

"Well, it's just that… people are starting to say things about me and Stan since we still hang out with you. They're starting to think we're gay too. Honestly, it's just ruining all my chances with the girls," says Kenny, smiling despite the situation.

"And me with Wendy," Stan adds. "Wendy's a really smart girl but eventually, if people keep saying I'm gay, she'll soon believe it and dump me. I don't want that to happen."

I gawk at them, unable to believe what I'm hearing.

"So you're basically telling me you care more about girls than me," I say, eying both of them.

Stan drops his gaze, a look of guilt crossing his face.

"Kyle, don't put it that way. It sounds harsh," Kenny says. "It's not that you're not important to us. It's just that… You just wouldn't understand."

I stare at him, then at Stan, and then back again. "So it's love over friendship, is that it? Or in your case," I look at Kenny, "sex over friendship."

My two 'friends' both stare at me, various emotions running across their faces.

Without another word, I stand up from my seat, shooting both of them a last glare, before walking away, stomping right out of the cafeteria, feeling various pairs of eyes on me but ignoring them all. I just need to get out of here. I feel tears of frustration prick my eyes, only serving to humiliate me even more.

-/-/-/-/-/-

For the rest of the day, I'm alone, literally alone. I'm avoiding Stan and Kenny and they seem to be doing the same.

I have to admit, today was a surprise for me. I know Cartman could hurt me bad but I never thought my two closest friends in the world would also hurt me. They were meant to be there for me when I needed them, but instead they just turned their backs on me, right when I needed them the most.

I should really hate them. I should despise them, but of course I don't. We've been through way too much for me to suddenly hate them so easily. I just wish I meant as much to them as they mean to me. Clearly I don't.

As hard as it will be, I have to avoid the two of them, along with Cartman, for as long as possible. Stan and Kenny were practically asking for me to leave them alone. It was implied.

I've never felt so alone before. I always thought that, no matter what, I'd always have my friends around, to be there for me when I needed them, Stan especially. I guess I was wrong. I'm alone… and I don't like the feeling.

-/-/-/-/-/-

The next week passes slowly. It's probably been the slowest week in history! Well, for me anyway. I've been lonely and miserable and apparently time only goes fast when you're having fun. That explains the slowness.

Stan and Kenny haven't said a word to me or even acknowledged me. And I've done the same with them.

As strange as it is though, despite the fact that Stan and Kenny have been my friends forever and they mean so much to me, my heart still seems to hurt more when I think about Cartman…

It seems pretty selfish, I know. Stan and Kenny, besides the other day, have always been awesome to me and treated me the way friends should.

Cartman, on the other hand, has only ever treated me badly, except for a few rare times. Stan and Kenny deserve to mean more to me than Cartman does. But… I think Cartman might mean more to me…

Is it because I love him that I feel more hurt that he's gone than I feel about Stan and Kenny being gone?

Maybe this is what they meant, well, what Stan meant. Maybe this is why he put Wendy before me. He loves her and so she means more to him than I do.

And Cartman seems to mean more to me than Stan does, as selfish as it sounds. Now that I realise it, I don't hate Stan's decision as much as before. I understand it now.

I'm not sure about Kenny though. He put sex before me, not love…

I suppose it doesn't really matter though. I'm not going back to either of them. They don't want me back anyway.

I just really wish Cartman wasn't such a plotting, scheming, conniving bastard. Then he would still be my 'friend' and I wouldn't be alone. As much as I hate admitting it, I really need Cartman right now… More than I should.

I don't know how to feel anymore. I feel desperate to be near Cartman again, yet I still want Stan and Kenny back.

I feel lonely and confused, as well as hurt. Who knew loneliness could hurt this much?

I also feel sort of… afraid. I'm afraid for the future and what it holds. Will I still be alone? Will I make new friends? Will I finally be happy, or will my sadness remain?

All these questions are for the future but I'm in desperate need of answers. I'm willing to somehow cheat time itself and skip to the future to find the answers I need. Not that I can, of course, but if that opportunity ever arose, I'd jump at it without hesitation.

-/-/-/-/-/-

Another day passes. For the first time in a very long time, I'm actually dreading the thought of school. For the past few days, I've been telling myself that everything's going to be fine and I have nothing to worry about, and so I managed to go to school in almost my normal everyday mood.

But I can't keep lying to myself any longer. I know everything's not going to be okay. I can't tell myself such lies.

And so, I, Kyle Broflovski, the big nerd who loves work and exams, am dreading school…

I walk up again, having no other means of transport besides the bus, and I am not taking the bus.

When I finally get to school, I'm alone again, at my locker, my mouth shut as I have no one to talk to. I feel like such a loser, but there's nothing I can do about it. This is how it is.

My first few classes pass quite fast, as I take my mind off all my worries and problems and concentrate on what the teachers are saying.

But now it's lunch, and I feel sick at the thought of going to the cafeteria. I've managed to avoid the cafeteria for the past week. I just stayed in the boys' bathroom for the entire lunch, but I know I can't keep doing that. I need to go down to the normal eating place, before I throw up at the thought of eating in the bathroom again.

I finish at my locker and slowly inhale a deep breath before forcing myself to go down to the cafeteria, my heart beating slightly faster than normal.

I finally reach the see-through glass door of the cafeteria and walk in nervously, feeling numerous pairs of eyes on me, though I ignore them all.

I spot an empty table and take a seat at it, feeling awkward as people stare at me, whispering to each other about me. I force myself to ignore them and I eat my lunch in silence.

Half of lunch passes and I'm feeling lower than ever. I was wrong. I can't simply just ignore the people who are staring and whispering about me. It's impossible to ignore them when they're all around you, feeling as if fully filling your vision.

I feel like crying. There are tears pricking my eyes and I have to keep blinking to stop them from falling, though it's harder than it sounds.

After a few more minutes, I begin to feel a tight knot form in my throat, adding to my difficulty to keep myself from crying.

Suddenly, when I feel like I just can't take it anymore, someone suddenly appears in the seat opposite me, startling me. I then realise this person is here to ruin my day further.

Cartman. The person whose fault all of this is. Everything that's happening to me now to make me hate my life is all because of him. If he didn't start that stupid rumour, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't be lonely or depressed. I'd be fairly happy.

Cartman ruined it. He ruined everything.

"Kahl, we need to talk," the brunet boy says, studying me closely, his tone serious.

Without a word, I stand up to leave, eager to get away from him, but before I can, Cartman reaches across the table and grabs my arm, slowly walking around the table until he's standing next to me.

"We need to talk," he repeats himself, frowning down at me, a determined tone to his voice.

I reluctantly look up at him, seeing by the look on his face that he won't take no for an answer, not that I'm going to give in.

I try to yank my arm from his grip but he's holding me firmly, his nails digging into my skin painfully. I glare up at him, seeing him swiftly return it.

"Kahl, we need to-" He suddenly goes quiet, confusing me, but when I see him swivel his head around the entire cafeteria and I follow his gaze, I realise nearly everyone in the cafeteria is staring right at us, eavesdropping in the process. I stare wide-eyed while Cartman shoots them all glares before his eyes return to rest on me.

"Come on!" he snaps, dragging me forcefully with him as he begins walking, or stomping rather, out of the cafeteria, many pairs of eyes following us as we leave.

I struggle in Cartman's hold, though only half-heartedly as I want to get out of there too, not that I want to be with Cartman somewhere else though. He continues to forcefully haul me along with him, his firm grip on my arm never loosening, not even slightly.

It's only when Cartman brings me out to the field behind the school does he loosen his grip on my arm. I seize the opportunity to yank it away and glare hatefully up at him, anger bubbling up inside me, temporarily replacing my loneliness and depression.

"Kahl, I need to talk to you," he says for the millionth time, well, the third or fourth time but it feels like the millionth!

"No, you don't," I disagree, turning around and starting to walk away.

He quickly grabs my shoulder firmly and swings me back around until I'm facing him again. He starts to speak but I interrupt.

"You wouldn't talk when I wanted to talk last week so why should I talk when you want to now?" I shout, continuing to glare.

Cartman stares at me, his eyes meeting mine, before exhaling a sigh, lowering his head slightly. "Kahl, I'm sorry for that, alright? I'm sorry I wouldn't talk when you wanted to but I really need to talk to you right now."

I shake my head.

"Kahl, please. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I kicked you out of my house. It was wrong, I know. Just talk to me, will you?" he cries, practically pleading with his eyes.

I groan and start to walk away again, not wanting to look at him anymore. As expected, Cartman stops me again and I'm forced to look in his direction, seeming to have no other choice.

He keeps both his hands on my shoulders, holding them gently, so I could easily shake them off if I wanted to, but for some reason I don't.

He meets my eyes again and our gaze seems to lock for the next few minutes. I see a look of determination and pleading in his eyes and I feel unable to look away.

"Kahl, why won't you forgive me?" Cartman asks softly, surprising me.

Before I get even more lost in his eyes and completely lose myself to him, I force myself to look away, with difficulty, and I take a step back as I stare at the ground, his hands falling from my shoulders.

"I do forgive you, Cartman," I reply quietly, before starting to walk away again. "I do."

This time, instead of grabbing me again, he moves in front of me, blocking my path.

"If you forgive me, why are you still avoiding me?" he asks, frowning.

"I forgive you for those reasons," I answer. "I forgive you for not talking to me when I wanted to and I forgive you for kicking me out of your house. But… the thing you're planning… I could never forgive you for it."

His frown deepens. "Kahl, I still don't know what you're talking about. What plan?"

"I know you're planning to hurt me, to break me, more likely. You want to toy with my emotions and mess with my heart. You somehow found out or realised my stupid fucked-up feelings for you so you tricked me into finding the picture so I'd think you liked me back and then I'd eventually give you my heart, just so you could break it into a million and one pieces," I say, tears now spilling down my cheeks, no matter how hard I try to hold them back.

There's silence for the next few minutes, before Cartman finally speaks. "You're wrong, Kahl," he replies. "I never planned that, or anything, for that matter. I have nothing planned. I'm not going to hurt you."

I can't bear this. I begin to sob uncontrollably, unable to control my pain any longer. How dare he completely deny it when he knows I know everything? He's still trying to break my heart and so he's playing innocent, so that maybe I'll believe him and think I was wrong.

Well, he's wrong for thinking that.

I can't hear any more of his lies. They're already causing my heart to ache. I can't allow him to fully break it.

I turn for the last time and walk away, this time not being stopped by Cartman. I feel empty inside, empty of life. I don't know how much longer I can live like this…

I swear on my life, that I never ever want to see Eric Cartman's face again.

I mean it…

At the very thought, I burst into more floods of tears and I don't even try to hold back the tears that are now freely spilling down my cheeks…

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Sorry if I'm boring you with Kyle's repetitive moaning and stuff. You'll like the next chapter though. I'll try to update soon. :D

Review, please! xxx