Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...
"Why you wanna tell me how to live my life?
Who are you to tell me if it's black or white?
Momma, can you help me try to understand
Is innocence the difference 'tween a boy and a man?
My daddy lived a lie, that's just the price he paid
Sacrificed his life just slaving away
Subaru kept his eyes closed as he leant on Seishiro-san, enjoying the man's presence against himself. He had learned early in his childhood that when Seishiro-san was next to him, nothing wrong would happen. However... something wrong had already happened and he couldn't chase that memory away despite all his attempts to push it in the darkest corner of his mind. Being held down, being touched, being hurt, being violated and submitting passively to it all because... because he believed it was Seishiro-san's Wish... and Seishiro-san's Wishes should always be fulfilled, no matter how he would feel afterward... To discover it wasn't Seishiro-san's Wish at all... that he had gone through all that when he wasn't supposed to, when Seishiro-san didn't want him to, when Seishiro-san would end up hating him for that... Maybe more than Subaru hated himself for that... He made a tiny whimpering sound and pressed himself even more against Seishiro-san, trying to ignore it, trying to ignore how, just remembering, was making him feel sick. He suppressed a sigh when he felt Seishiro-san's hand caressing his hair soothingly and tried to force back his rising sense of nausea and a strong wish to begin to cry as if there was no tomorrow. He had never wanted to be a cause of trouble for the man, but he didn't know how to handle this situation anymore. Something inside of himself had broken and it was only thanks to Seishiro-san's presence he was managing to keep the fragments together. He felt Seishiro-san pulling him even closer. Seishiro-san was warm. So warm... and he was the only one allowed to enjoy that warmth... to be shielded by it... he gazed up at the man and mentally prayed that they would never be parted again... because he wouldn't survive it...
While Sumeragi-chan prepared the tea Seishiro noticed that another Ten no Ryu had come downstairs. She was a serious looking, silent girl that, no doubt, was the one Arisugawa-kun had been referring as 'Neechan'. Seishiro, after giving her a once-over just to make sure she couldn't be a threat, busied himself studying Subaru-kun, trying to understand why the boy was unwell. Yes, it could be the result of the boy's previous ordeal, the effect of a combined lack of sleep and food, but somehow... it seemed different. Lingering Sakanagi? Doubtful. That from breaking the spell should have dissipated long ago. The spell Subaru-kun used the day before wouldn't affect the boy so badly. Subaru-kun had never been that healthy, but also he had never been that frail either. He looked so weak and pale right then that it seemed the lightest breeze would shatter him. And Subaru had complained about not feeling well when usually it took lot of careful prodding before Subaru-kun would be capable of admitting he wasn't fine.
Could it be a combined effect of all of that?
Maybe, but Subaru-kun had got food and sleep and so he should be feeling better; instead he looked as if he felt worse. He didn't have such a strong headache when he woke up... and he hadn't been so pale either, while now he looked as if all his energy had been depleted.
He was still pondering Subaru-kun's state, administering careful, gentle petting, when Sumeragi-chan came back with the tea, interrupting his thoughts. He wasn't really happy to have her doing anything for Subaru-kun; before no one but him had been allowed to do anything for the boy, but Subaru-kun seemed to have a weak spot for her and he didn't want to upset him right then, not while Subaru-kun was feeling so sick. If Sumeragi-chan continued to grow as a threat he could deal with her later.
Subaru-kun hesitantly accepted the cup she offered, his hands trembling minutely. Seishiro eyed him carefully, automatically helping him to steady the cup. Subaru-kun sipped the tea slowly, warily, as if even getting it down was an effort. Seishiro was surprised when the girl wordlessly pushed in his direction another cup of tea. He felt everyone's eyes on him as his own settled warily on the cup, and he was tempted to ask if it was poisoned. He refrained merely because he guessed that, as he would prefer to not murder Subaru-kun's sister in front of him, in the same way she likely wouldn't try to murder him in front of Subaru-kun. So, if there was no poison in the cup... was it a peace offer? Hum... more likely a truce offer, but a truce could be useful at the moment. Plus, Subaru-kun was eyeing him curiously, so, maybe, showing good will in being nice with Subaru-kun's sister could help the boy to feel reassured somehow. Determinedly, Seishiro took the cup in hand and drank from it as if it was medicine he had to swallow. He felt slightly annoyed at noticing her tea was better than his.
"That's good," he admitted, trying to not sound as reluctant as he felt at praising the girl's tea, and Subaru-kun nodded in agreement to his words. Sumeragi-chan smiled brightly at him, a fake smile with no doubt, and sat next to them (even if she had the good sense to not get too close to Subaru-kun) and started talking to Seishiro casually, as if he was an ordinary guest, about... small things, like when she learned to make tea or other personal yet still unimportant things. Seishiro didn't need to be a genius to understand that, even if the girl was addressing him, the one she was trying to talk to was Subaru-kun, who listened attentively but apparently didn't feel up replying. After finishing his tea, he returned to leaning limply against Seishiro. Seishiro kept up the conversation for him and, after a while, Subaru-kun seemed to feel marginally better... at least he looked a bit stronger and more alert.
Somehow the conversation turned to the fact that Seishiro should go buy some new clothes, since the ones he had weren't exactly in good shape, and clothes for Subaru-kun as well since those also were a mess after he had slept in them; they were still the same clothes the boy had worn since before the mess started. Sumeragi-chan pointed out Subaru-kun had clothes; she had brought them to him. The idea didn't please Seishiro; no one, apart from him, was allowed to buy things for Subaru-kun, but, before he could comment, Subaru-kun spoke up for the first time.
"Those clothes aren't mine," the boy said simply without looking at them.
"Subaru-kun?" Seishiro called but the boy didn't reply, just snuggled closer as if he were finding the idea of those clothes being associated to him deeply disturbing.
"Sure they're yours, Subaru, I've bought them for you, they're yours now," Sumeragi-chan told him in the gentlest and most persuasive tone she could muster.
"They're not," Subaru-kun insisted stubbornly, frowning slightly, and while Subaru had always been firm in his ideas, that... childish stubbornness was a side of him Seishiro didn't know yet. Even if Subaru rarely changed his mind he had always been so prone to give in before in fear to disappoint others...
"But, Subaru... why?" the girl protested, sounding hurt. Subaru-kun glanced at her and looked he was feeling guilty but... he didn't change his mind.
"They're not mine..." he repeated in a softer tone. "They're not," he said again, looking at Seishiro as if asking for support.
"Well, if you don't like them you don't have to use them..." Seishiro began, ready to agree to reject Hokuto-chan's clothes. He really didn't like the idea of Subaru-kun wearing something someone else had bought.
"It's not that... it's just... they're not..." Subaru-kun insisted, looking at Seishiro as if Seishiro should understand why, but Seishiro didn't. However he saw no way to push Subaru-kun to elaborate further, nor could Sumeragi-chan make him understand that, since they were a gift, they were his now. It was then that Arisugawa-kun suggested the most insane thing ever heard before: to have Seishiro and Sumeragi-chan go together with Subaru-kun to get him new clothes.
Sorata said that he was sure that between the two of them they would manage to get something that would please Subaru-san, but in truth he wanted to push them to try to find some sort of agreement. In his opinion that was the best thing he could do to help Subaru-san, since they were probably the two most important people in his life, and the young man probably wouldn't be happy if they ended up ripping each other's throats out in an argument over who knew Subaru-san best, or something equally silly. Plus he had the feeling that, if Subaru-san didn't want to accept the fact that the clothes were his, it was because they didn't come from Sakurazuka-san and that, in refusing them, he was trying to tell the man how special he was for Subaru-san... but that Subaru-san just didn't know how to express it better. Subaru-san probably hadn't been much of a talker even before this mess had started.
However, Sakurazuka-san and Hokuto-chan's eyes went so wide at the mere suggestion that their eyeballs might have popped out.
"I believed the Ten no Ryu's duty was to try to avoid the end of the world, not to encourage it," Subaru-san commented quietly. Hokuto-chan and Sakurazuka-san looked at him, confused. Evidently neither of them expected him to display a half pessimistic, half sarcastic side, even if, from Subaru-san's expression you wouldn't have said he was being sarcastic or pessimistic, merely realistic. And that it pained him that that was how things were.
"Come on, Subaru-kun, you know I can be a perfect gentleman when I really have to," Sakurazuka-san commented in a hurt tone, clearly implying he wasn't looking forward to being a perfect gentleman with Hokuto-chan. Probably the hurt tone was faked, but there seemed to be some honest dismay in his voice as well. Subaru-san gave him a dubious look.
"Sure, Subaru, how can you think a pretty girl like me would go looking for a scuffle with... him?" Hokuto-chan asked with a sweet smile. Sorata would have groaned. Evidently she hadn't planned to use simply 'him' to refer to Sakurazuka-san but corrected herself just in time, even if the way she said 'him' gave away her not too nice opinion of Sakurazuka-san. Subaru-san turned his eyes on Sorata.
"What did I tell you?" he said simply before lowering his gaze.
Hokuto-chan and Sakurazuka-san complained simultaneously.
"Give them a chance, Subaru-san," Sorata said encouragingly. He knew Neechan also was looking at him as if he'd gone completely insane, but he pretended to not notice. If they wanted Subaru-san to have any chance at being happy then they had to make sure Sakurazuka-san and Hokuto-chan would be as friendly as was humanly possible.
"Who should give a chance to whom?" Kamui asked, entering in the room slowly. He was still in bad shape after his meeting with Fuma but seemed stubbornly determined to go to school anyway.
"Subaru-san should go to buy clothes with Sakurazuka-san and Hokuto-chan!" Sorata explained cheerfully, as if he could see nothing wrong in his plan.
"Sorata, I didn't know you started working for the Chi no Ryu as well..." Kamui replied, shaking his head, even if a smile tugged the corner of his lips.
"Kamui! That's not fair!" Sorata complained immediately. Hokuto-chan suppressed a quiet giggle. Sakurazuka-san merely stared at Kamui, pulling Subaru-san even closer to himself as if to protect him... or maybe assert his ownership of him. He must have noticed that Kamui and Subaru-san's gazes had crossed for a second. Too bad Kamui didn't seem to notice the man's possessive behaviour, and smiled gently at Subaru-san, asking him how he was feeling, a bit of anxiety in his voice. Sorata knew that, so far, Kamui was the only one who had managed to establish... anything resembling a bond with the younger Sumeragi, but he didn't judge it smart to show it in the face of Sakurazuka-san. The man might tolerate a sister, but he surely wouldn't be as indulgent with someone he had immediately perceived as a love rival. Subaru-san, however, didn't immediately answer Kamui's question, merely studied the boy in silence.
"I'm... better than you I guess..." he said softly as soon as he had finished his scrutiny. "Are you going to school because you promised to Segawa-kun to not make him worry?" he added, almost tentatively.(1) Kamui smiled, unaware that all the attention from Subaru-san got him a very jealous gaze from Sakurazuka-san and a melancholic one from Hokuto-chan.
"Yes. You were listening then?" the boy asked. Whenever Kamui had felt well and had free time he had spent it talking to Subaru-san. As far as Sorata knew Subaru-san had never answered him, but, apparently, Kamui had been content with that and everyone had hoped it would be therapeutic for Subaru-san as well.
"I listened to you," Subaru answered simply. Kamui couldn't know, but Subaru had spent a great part of his life listening. A good part of the life he didn't remember listening to his grandmother and his sister, and all the one he did remember just listening to Seishiro-san. He was used to listening to people, and he was way better at that than speaking his own mind.
"Sorry, I wasn't sure. You never answered," Kamui replied, lowering his head in embarrassment.
"You never seemed to expect an answer," Subaru explained, automatically snuggling against Seishiro-san as if afraid he'd done something wrong and seeking protection. "Or need one." There was no reproach in his voice. He didn't mind if people didn't want his opinion; he was used to it. Seishiro-san never really needed his opinion. Besides, he hadn't felt like talking to Kamui back then. What could he have said to Kamui that would have made him feel better in a moment in which Subaru had felt so bad he wouldn't have minded if he'd dropped dead?
He felt Seishiro-san's hold around him tightening and looked at him questioningly. There was worry and something close to regret in the man's eyes and Subaru felt confused. Had he said something wrong? Seishiro-san just caressed his hair gently and Subaru felt even more confused. Understanding Seishiro-san had never been easy, but he saw regret in his eyes so rarely that he really didn't know how to react to it. His headache, which had returned full force, wasn't helping. Keeping up the conversation with Kamui, as short as it had been, had been tiring.
"Well, do you want to go shopping with those two?" Kamui asked and Subaru blinked, confused. Was he the one who had to choose? He'd made choices before, but never over something he knew Seishiro-san absolutely didn't want to do. He didn't want to displease Seishiro-san. However... he was reluctant to displease Sumeragi-san too... And he didn't like to have everyone's eyes on him...
"We'll behave, Subaru-kun," Seishiro-san said softly to him, a serious expression on his face, and Subaru couldn't really understand what was going in the man's mind. Subaru blinked. He knew Seishiro-san didn't want this, so why was he agreeing to this?
"Sure. We'll be really nice to each other," Sumeragi-san said cheerfully, and he made a startled gasp when he felt her touching his arm, instinctively squirming against Seishiro-san. She hurried to apologize to him, an amazingly sad look in her eyes, and he felt guilty. What was he supposed to do? He was the one who had to make the choice...
"I..." He closed his eyes. "If everyone is fine with this, I'm fine as well," he said in the end. Something determined settled in his expression then. "But I'm not up to listening to you two argue again like before," he stated and there was a pained note in his voice as his headache seemed to throb even more at the mere thought of the two of them arguing. "If you'll do, I... I'll dump you where you are." He had no idea why he said that. Never before he had felt capable of dumping Seishiro-san somewhere. Now there was something inside him, a will that was claiming his need to be acknowledged. He wanted to be with Seishiro-san. He wanted to be with him more than anything else, but... but he wanted to do so by his rules, even if he didn't understand why yet. Was that egoism? He had no idea. He felt tired, and very, very nauseous. He stood, ignoring Seishiro-san and Sumeragi-san's promises of good behaviour and went straight to the bathroom where he threw up, then slumped on the floor, energy spent. He knew it had been a bad idea to try to eat. He noticed vaguely Seishiro-san joining him, supporting him and picking him up, and Sumeragi-san making him drink something... water maybe? He had no idea... his world was getting darker and he found it hard to remain awake. Numbly, he realized he was being carried, moved, and then he was placed down on a bed... likely his, and... and a wet cloth was rested on his forehead, probably by Sumeragi-san. Subaru tried to stand, mumbling that if they had to go shopping they'd best go now, but he was pushed down gently and assured they could wait until he felt better. Then he had the odd sensation of having both his hands held, one by Seishiro-san and the other by Sumeragi-san, and then... nothing except an odd sense of peace, as if he had finally found his home.
JJ's Notes:
1. After the earthquake at Ikebukuro Kamui said to Segawa Keiichi they would be friends.
JJ's Extra Notes:
Subaru's behaviour is odd and out of scale on purpose. It'll stabilize soon, don't worry.
Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Maboroshi: Illusion
Neechan: "Sister" or "Older Girl"
Sakanagi: "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven
Replies to reviews:
To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!
I apologize for posting this chapter so late but sadly, real life takes precedence over writing fics and just telling me to update won't solve things... while a review can be a bit more encouraging.
To ryuu: Glad you like it. I like to have the boys interacting...
To Momo714: Sei-chan and Hokuto-chan will find a way to get along... kinda...
To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: Seishiro considers Subaru to be his own property and his biggest treasure. He has no clear idea why but, with Subaru's disappearance he had learnt he doesn't cope well with his absence so he's even more obsessed in protecting him from everything.
To Francesca Akira89: Purtroppo quei due sono fatti cos? Sono molto simili in un certo senso.
To Hatori Soma: Obviously it isn't finished! We've still a lot to come!
To 0ri: Hokuto still has to learn Seishiro's not devil incarnate. All she knew about him was he was a murderer and her brother's kidnapper and she feared he was also his abuser. With such premises everyone would like to keep him as far as possible from his brother... she'll learn he's not so bad... slowly.
To rain angst: Subaru will need lot of time and attentions to get better... and when he'll do, since he's Subaru, he'll get head down into troubles... but yes he's very clingy toward Seishiro.
To rain angst: Subaru's making progresses... and yes, Seishiro and Hokuto will find a way to interact... kind of. I'm glad you love this!
To Lemonysh: I'm glad you like this story and I'm sorry it took so long to update. This is planned to be long... maybe you'll feel better if you don't know how much long... but it'll follow the 'X' storyline more or less so you can calculate at which point we are... slowly the other chara will have more space. I've decided to move on them the scene only when there are differences between what happens in this fic and what happened in the manga so, the more this storyline differs from the manga, the more they'll have space.
To krad: Obsessing over Subaru is Seishiro's way to be sweet!
To Sai.: Happy to hear you like it. Here there's the update.
To Diabounda: Honestly I hadn't thought at making sidestories for CWWYW but, if people's interested, I might consider it. I'm really glad you like this story!
Send me your comments!