Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 29: Pretty Green Eyes"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Ruth for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi, Yupita and Jennifer for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...

'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney

"Pretty green eyes,
So full of wonder and despair
It's all right to cry
For I'll be there to wipe your tears
And in your arms
Together we're in paradise,
And it's so nice,
You'll never have to be alone"
(Ultrabeat - "Pretty Green Eyes")

Subaru was exhausted. The earthquake had made their shopping trip shorter but, apart from that... Subaru couldn't think of it without feeling sick and guilty. He didn't understand why. He'd been in the middle of Nakano's earthquake and had seen the one in Ikebukuro and had felt miserable at witnessing the destruction it had caused but now... now it had been almost unbearable as if he should have done something, as if it was all his fault, as if all that death around him hurt hundreds times more. He tried to deal with it, force himself not to think of it, to think of something else, anything else. It wasn't that easy but he was trying, attempting to focus his thoughts on the other events of the day and forget that one.

He'd been impressed to discover that even if Sumeragi-san and Seishiro-san couldn't stand each other they had, surprisingly, quite a lot in common. For example they wasted a lot of time over choosing clothes, even if their tastes were completely different.

Seishiro-san liked them expensive and elegant, Sumeragi-san original and extravagant. Subaru, who liked them practical and monochromatic didn't exactly have the best time with the two of them. He should have dumped them and he had felt tempted to do just that, to escape from them, to shout his frustration at the world but instead he had borne the increasing sickness and headache patiently, unable to leave Seishiro-san or Sumeragi-san alone and unwilling to hurt their feelings. Mercifully Seishiro-san seemed to get the hint that it wasn't a good day to try to instil some fashion sense into Subaru and he stopped trying to push him to pick this or that and simply went searching for what he knew Subaru would like. Sumeragi-san found it a bit harder to deal with Subaru's fashion sense or lack thereof but, in the end, she surrendered too.

Once back at... 'home' Subaru lay down on the bed he'd been given, finding it hard to stand up straight any further. Yet, despite his distress he couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with Seishiro-san. The man had been attentive to each of his movements all day, giving in to Subaru's wishes a lot faster than usual and Subaru had constantly felt supervised as if he was a child again. It was normal for Seishiro-san to keep an eye on him but not to that extent. And Seishiro-san had been gentler, gentler than usual as if he envisioned him as something frail and was worried he could break.

Subaru feared that Seishiro-san wasn't that far from the truth. In all his life he had never felt so bad, so messed up, so weak, so... hypersensitive... so... confused... He only wished he could curl up in a corner, or even better in Seishiro-san's arms, and sleep, sleep and forget everything. Only he knew that, if he were to sleep, he would only have nightmares so that wasn't an option he could truly consider.

"How do you feel?" Seishiro-san asked him, brushing his hair gently, reminding Subaru of all the times when he had had a fever and Seishiro-san had taken care of him, sitting next to him for hours, fussing over him until Subaru was back to health. Seishiro-san had never claimed to love him... but Subaru had always been his favourite toy and no one, not even sickness, had the right to intrude between them.

They were alone in the room. Somehow Seishiro-san had persuaded Sumeragi-san to stay out of their bedroom. Subaru liked Sumeragi-san, liked her in an odd way he didn't quite understand and that was completely different from the way he liked and had always liked Seishiro-san. It was as if they had some sort of bond he couldn't explain to himself and maybe they had since they were related. However, when she was in the same room with Seishiro-san, he felt the odd urge to strangle them both. Well, no, not exactly, he wasn't the type to resort to violence, but their arguing made him wish he could scream, and the creepiest thing was that they addressed each other in that odd, friendly way and seemed to have fun insulting each other...

"Subaru-kun... how do you feel?" Seishiro-san asked him again and Subaru realized he had spaced out and had no idea how. Before he had never spaced out when Seishiro-san was waiting for an answer. He frowned as he considered what answer he should give. What exactly did the man want to hear? He didn't know anymore and secretly it bothered him that he couldn't simply tell the truth. He just wanted... to spill everything to him but that wasn't how things had been between them. Subaru had never lied to him but he had always been careful to never give him an answer that would have displeased him.

"Subaru-kun. Honestly. How do you feel?" the man asked as if reading his thoughts. Subaru looked up at him, chewing his lower lip nervously before finally answering.

"Horrible," he admitted, hoping it was the right answer.

"You know, you should try to eat something," Seishiro-san suggested. Yes, he knew. This time he wasn't going to. He felt bad enough. He had already thrown up twice, once after breakfast and once after the lunch they had while they were out. He didn't need a third time, he thought bitterly.

"I guess... your sister would blame me for this... since it's kind of my... my spell's fault if you feel bad..." Seishiro-san said uneasily, looking elsewhere. Honest apologies had never been his thing. H didn't like the idea of being wrong and automatically refused it, putting all the blame on the most convenient option. If he was admitting some responsibility for Subaru's state... that had to mean he was rather worried.

"What?" Subaru asked weakly, looking at him numbly. He wasn't sure he had understood him correctly. Maybe Seishiro-san didn't want to take responsibility... just complain about how Sumeragi-san seemed to accuse him of everything that was wrong with Subaru.

"I think that's the side effect of you breaking my spell..." the man admitted, a childish, guilty expression on his face.

"A side effect? I don't understand..." Subaru admitted, feeling confused as he tried to mull over Seishiro-san's words. Sakanagi? But the Sakanagi should have hit him by long and be gone by quite a good time.

"That spell numbs a person's feelings in order to exercise better control. Any kind of feeling," Seishiro-san explained patiently, continuing to caress Subaru's hair. "Remember how you felt when you started living with me?" Subaru tried to think back. In his tired, stressed state it wasn't exactly easy. However he remembered the odd sensation of... not feeling enough, of the world being too cold, its colours too weak, its sounds too muffled, its palpability too fleeting, its taste too bland as if... all of a sudden, his senses were failing him somehow. Nothing had seemed real enough back then, nothing except for Seishiro-san. He had clung to him like the scared child he was, refusing to leave him unless ordered to. If Seishiro-san left him he just felt miserable to the point of feeling sick. To the point of wishing to die. With time he had stopped paying attention to his lack of perception. With time that had become the aspect the world had to have. Now... the situation was reversed. The world was too real and now it wasn't simply scary. Now it hurt. Now it was too much. He didn't like it.(1)

"I see..." he whispered.

"Subaru-kun... I'm sorry..." Seishiro-san said and he seemed honest only Subaru had no idea what he was apologising for and he realized he disliked that uncertainty. It wasn't as if he had liked not knowing what Seishiro-san wanted before; it was simply that before his feelings over it had seemed unimportant. Now he still believed they were unimportant but they were too strong for him to ignore and that hurt too. He whimpered, feeling his headache getting worse. Somehow he ended up laying his head on Seishiro-san's leg as the man sat next to him, still stroking his hair gently. Subaru liked that. He liked it when there were just the two of them. If only they could stay like that forever...

"It'll get better, Subaru-kun," Seishiro-san said encouragingly in a low tone, mindful of his headache. "It's just a matter of getting used to all this again and finding your balance. In the meantime we'll be careful so all this won't over-stress you," Seishiro-san continued in a soothing tone. Then there was a long silent pause. "Subaru-kun..." the man continued in the end. "Why don't you come have a bath with me? You liked having baths before, more than having showers. It'll be like when you were a kid. I won't... bug you, Subaru-kun... I promise..." There was something pleading in the man's voice and Subaru-kun wanted so badly to give in and give him what he wanted, only... a bath... a bath... a bath... Being naked... Trapped... Wrists pinned... Pain... And that voice saying those things to him as he squeezed his eyes shut because he didn't want to see, he didn't want to see those features on a person who wasn't...

He cringed and pressed closer against Seishiro-san.

"I... I don't know if I can... I... I'm sorry, Seishiro-san I... I..." He buried his head against the man's leg, trying to not start crying again. He had no idea why he was so... emotional either. Was that also a post reaction to the broken spell?

"It'll be okay, Subaru-kun. I'll take good care of you. It'll be okay..." Seishiro-san murmured soothingly and he wished he could believe it...

In the end Subaru-kun had a bath with Seishiro. รจ It had been an awkward matter and the younger man had trembled the whole time, his teeth clattering no matter how badly Subaru-kun tried to stop them. Seishiro had no idea how he had managed to convince him or why Subaru-kun had finally agreed to it. Seishiro had been tremendously gentle and careful with him, and tremendously controlled. Subaru-kun was so damn tempting when he looked so vulnerable... and it had been so long since their last time... However, if he wanted Subaru-kun to keep wishing to remain with him, he had to remember that mostly depended on Subaru-kun being able to trust him, and forcing him to do something he didn't want definitely wouldn't help. Only... it was hard to understand what Subaru-kun wanted. Seishiro believed not even Subaru-kun knew for sure.

'No, I... All I want... is to stay with you... but beyond that... it's all confused... and I don't understand... and it hurts... and my head hurts... and I hate here... and... and I don't want to leave you... and I don't want to go back to my family... and I don't know what I want anymore... I just... don't understand... and I don't know what to do and... Seishiro-san... don't send me away... don't leave me in their hands...'

Well... as long as Subaru-kun's main wish was to stay with him, Seishiro thought as he gently dried Subaru-kun's hair with a towel, he was pretty happy to help the boy fulfil it. Subaru-kun was still, patiently submitting to Seishiro's care, wearing the new pyjamas they had bought that day and that looked so damn good on him, even if Seishiro knew the boy would look even better without them... He forcefully dismissed that thought. He had no idea if Subaru-kun found all his attention pleasing or not. He frowned and decided that direct approach was the best way.

"Does it bother you?" he asked.

"What?" the boy replied.

"Me drying your hair," he clarified. He was pretty sure it would have bothered Subaru-kun to know he had been having not exactly pure thoughts on him but as long as the boy didn't know no harm was done, was it? Subaru-kun shook his head.

"I'm used to it," he replied simply which wasn't really encouraging because it didn't necessary mean he liked it. "Besides..." the boy added softly, blushing slightly. "You're being gentle." Seishiro wrapped his arms around Subaru-kun's form, pressing them close. Subaru-kun's arms wrapped around him automatically and Seishiro caught his chance to press a gentle kiss against the boy's forehead.

"I'll never allow someone to hurt you again, Subaru-kun, I promise. You're my most precious possession. This time I'll keep you safe," he whispered into Subaru-kun's ear, hoping that was what Subaru-kun needed to hear. The boy didn't reply, merely squirmed closer. Seishiro proceeded to warily trail kisses slowly on the boy's cheek careful to not upset him. He didn't want to upset Subaru-kun, he merely... needed him. He needed him so badly... Subaru-kun submitted docile to the kisses, to the gentle touches but he froze immediately when Seishiro tried to slide his hand under his pyjama shirt. Their gazes met and then Subaru-kun lowered his, ashamed. Seishiro felt like groaning. That had already happened once; he really didn't need a re-edition. He had hoped that a bath together would help the boy to understand he didn't have bad intentions but evidently it wasn't that simple. He held the boy close.

"Subaru-kun... you know I would never hurt you, don't you?" Subaru-kun didn't answer immediately and that made Seishiro tense. Could the boy believe that he would... No, Subaru-kun had to know that he would never...

"I know you would never hurt me on purpose..." the boy said in the end.

'On purpose'.

Did it mean he had hurt Subaru-kun? Hurt him without being aware of it? Well, of course the boy thought so, he had put him under a spell and kidnapped him, after all. He could silence Hokuto-chan over this, not Subaru-kun.

"I only wanted to keep you. It was just that," he murmured slowly, caressing Subaru-kun's hair. Somehow it was... displeasing, almost painful to know he had hurt Subaru-kun. He didn't understand why. He didn't really regret putting the boy under a spell since he believed there was no other way to have him, he merely regretted... hurting him in doing so. It was scary also. He didn't want to lose Subaru-kun but people normally didn't want to stay with a person that had caused them pain. He... Subaru-kun clung to him and that somehow made things better.

"Seishiro-san... what are you saying? I wanted to stay with you, don't you remember?" the boy asked, confusion in his voice.

"Subaru-kun... then... what went wrong?" he asked, confused as well. If Subaru-kun wasn't holding against him the spell that had trapped him and that was still upsetting him, then what did he mean? When had he hurt Subaru-kun without being aware of it? He had always been so careful with the boy...

"I don't want you to leave me. I don't. It might be egoistic but I don't want it. I don't. I..." Subaru trailed off, unwilling to express his thoughts, his eyes darkening. 'I don't think I'll be able to let you do this now. I don't think I would be able to let you go. Before... it would have simply killed me. Now... I won't be able to let you leave. I'll never allow Kamui and his obsession for fulfilling Wishes to take you away from me. This is a sick, possessive kind of love... and I'm really sorry about it Seishiro-san... but I can't help it... I want you to stay with me... and I won't let you go... I'm not able to...'

"Subaru-kun. Be as egoistic as you want to be. I don't want you to leave me either and I promise I won't let you out of my sight ever again. I promise," he whispered. He didn't mind Subaru-kun being egoistic over that at all. He shared the same feeling with the boy. However he had no idea what he was encouraging Subaru-kun to do or how he wouldn't be able to keep that promise. He only cared for Subaru-kun, for the way the boy let him resume trailing kisses on his cheek. Maybe it was still too early for Subaru-kun to have sex with him but apparently, as long as he was careful and gentle, cuddling and kissing were allowed and he planned to enjoy this fully.

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. Seishiro's spell had numbed Subaru's perception. Now that the spell is broken Subaru's perception is returned to a normal level... only Subaru isn't used to this. He feels oversensitive and this causes him to feel very sick.

JJ's Extra Notes:
As you can see Seishiro and Subaru are adjusting to their new situation and Seishiro has decided the best course of action is to be more agreeable and gentle. And he's also beginning to realize the consequences of what he did to Subaru. He still has a long way to go.

Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Maboroshi: Illusion
Sakanagi: "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To recipe for insanity: Subaru isn't good at applying at himself what he knows is being done to Kazuki... but there's to say he truly loves Seishiro so he thinks it's okay. And thank you for being so patient with the updates!

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: Yes, wishes are really powerful! And I don't think they will ever learn it.

To Lemonysh: Seishiro can be violent sometimes... :) Subaru's slowly growing into a free person... as much as it's possible for him to be one.... The fight between Fuma and Subaru's coming closer as we speak! And I'm glad you keep reading this fic even when I'm so slow at updating it! Yes, Seishiro and Subaru here are true soulmates... only they don't know it yet...

To Firehedgehog: Glad you like it!

To RoxasIsReal13: Yes, even if slowly we're walking forward. I hope the explanation about why Subaru's 'hyper sensitive' will please you! And I'm glad you like this fic!

To Francesca Akira89: I hope this chap will make up for the fact the revious was short... Well, the story follows the manga... more or less... so I had to devote a part of it to Karen and Nataku... or future developments be stay unclear... and Seishiro's very jealous no matter who's facing...

To Kyou-chan2: (Blush) Thank you for your beautiful review! Since their relationship is so twisted I've been trying to follow the point of view of the both of them carefully so that readers could understand that, despite everything, they love each other. Subaru needs to return to be a person with an independent will. Only in this way his decisions will truly matter... even if he still has a long way to do...

To the youngest was the mostloved: Don't worry, the relationship with Hokuto will slowly improve! I'm glad you like this fic!

To Sessho: Slowly all the characters will get their own space since the plot will continue to differ from the original storyline. Some funny moments are required... even if Subaru wouldn't really agree with me! And yes, Seishiro's hopelessly jealous.

To Anna: I've updated!

To kingleby: Please, feel free to review each time you want! You didn't sound stupid at all, don't worry! And I'm very happy to know you like how I characterized them!

To seregilrocks: And I'm truly happy you like how I portray the boys! The update is here, I hope it was worth the long wait!

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Send me your comments!