Title: "Game Over Or Continue - Chap 3: 3rd Level"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA, it probably contains some OOCness and a bit of sappiness, uses Japanese words (the dictionary is at the bottom) and includes some spoilers...
Notes: Based on the idea that there can't be a heaven in Earth but that being with your loved one helps a lot...
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensitive heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews, so please be honest but nice, okay?
Thanks: To Ruth for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
Summary: Poor, mentally unstable Subaru is convinced he's finally been killed off on Judgement Day, when he wakes up again in a hospital and discovers things went radically different from how he remembers them... And when he starts getting used to this new reality weird things start to happen that make him wonder whether it's really him who's having distorted memories or if there's something behind all this...

Subaru's first impression was that he was being cocooned by a strange kind of warm darkness... so very different from the cold and empty and scary void that normally filled his dreams and that always reminded him that the two most important persons in his life had abandoned him.

This darkness was warm... welcoming... safe... and oddly reminded him of the darkness before childbirth, when the infant was kept safe inside his mother's body, loved, protected and expected impatiently. It wasn't a darkness which Subaru should be in since he had no one who would keep him safe as he slept and wait for him to wake up. He would awake again to find out he was alone, his mind reminded him cruelly and yet, as the feeling of a strong hand caressing his cheek gently and a voice calling his name softly (and he knew that voice, he knew it!) pulled him away from the darkness of the sleep and toward wakefulness he...

He opened his eyes sleepily and found himself gazing at smiling golden ones. Unconsciously his lips curled up into a smile. Good, he was still dreaming that beautiful dream, he thought drowsily. He didn't want to wake up from it... he didn't want to wake up from it ever again. Seishiro-san nuzzled against him and Subaru made a tiny moan at the pleasurable feeling, curling closer, then Seishiro-san moved closer as well, close enough to whisper in his ear.

"See? I'm still here, no need to worry," he told to Subaru in an amused tone, but Seishiro-san had already whispered something into Subaru's ear once before, while they were on a bridge and then... then... Subaru's eyes widened and he tensed, clinging to Seishiro-san, memories dawning on him with the strength of a hard blow.

Then, as if he realized something was wrong, Seishiro-san's hold on him loosened and the man moved away a bit, to look at him in confusion. Subaru stared at him, unsure and...

'He seems so real... so very real... but Seishiro-san died... died and he left me alone... alone...'

... And then Subaru raised hesitant fingers towards him. His hand froze in midair, hesitant to touch the man, torn between politeness, shyness and the overwhelming fear to discover he couldn't touch an illusion.

Seishiro-san noticed his movement and took Subaru's hand into his, causing Subaru to wince slightly as he remembered he had done the same thing on Rainbow Bridge and Subaru had to close his eyes as pain and fear grew inside him.(1)

Seishiro frowned. He had understood that something was wrong but he really had no idea what was haunting Subaru. He drew the boy's hand to his lips, kissing Subaru's fingers tenderly, lovingly, worshipfully, trying to convey with that gesture that Subaru had nothing to be scared of, nothing to fear, that he was safe, that he was Seishiro's most precious possession and that Seishiro would never let anything happen to him. He saw Subaru's eyes returning to him, confused yet attentive eyes completely focused on him and smiled, pleased to be the centre of that attention. He'd missed it. He'd missed it more than he had believed it possible to miss anything. Slowly he moved Subaru's hand so he could kiss the boy's palm in the same gentle and ceremonious manner, and then pressed it against his cheek.

"I'm real, Subaru, and I'm here with you, can you feel it? Think of what you remember as a bad dream. It didn't happen," Seishiro-san said so gently, so patiently and Subaru lowered his head, wishing he could cry. He wasn't sure if Seishiro-san was real or not, but he knew he was being a burden, a nuisance, and yet he loved being the object of all that care and kindness so much... he needed it so badly... He felt Seishiro-san sighing and expected the man to express his disappointment in him or to disappear as he always did in his dreams; instead Seishiro-san just hugged him tightly.

"I won't let you out of my sight ever again, Subaru, I promise. No one will ever manage to hurt you again," the man vowed and Subaru leaned into his embrace. Probably it was a lie but it was reassuring anyway and, right then, it was all he needed.

Not much later doctors came to poke at Subaru and question him under the excuse of examining him. Subaru wasn't exactly happy with it. They forced him to untangle from Seishiro-san's embrace and to suffer a long series of exams that Subaru didn't enjoy at all. He didn't like to be touched or watched by someone that wasn't Seishiro-san, he didn't want to interact with people that weren't Seishiro-san. He only wanted Seishiro-san at the moment.

He found it kind of weird to undergo all those exams and the poking and questioning while Seishiro-san was holding his hand, or ruffling his hair, or simply being around, or, as the doctors complained more than once, generally being in their way. It was weird to have Seishiro-san being there for him, not abandoning as he had expected the man would as soon as the doctors had entered the room and Subaru clung to his hand, afraid that letting it go would mean letting Seishiro-san go as well.

Apparently the doctors too could see Seishiro-san and this made Subaru wonder if that meant the man was real after all or just a particularly convincing illusion.

Subaru, however, dealt better with the doctors' presence than with Seishiro-san's.

The doctors didn't manage to get a reaction from him. He didn't, he couldn't care about them, while all that Seishiro-san had to do was look at him and Subaru couldn't think coherently anymore. It was like finding himself being a five year old in the middle of an emotional storm all of sudden. Subaru's mind went blank and he had no idea how to answer the questions coherently and without babbling, all he wanted to do was to cling to Seishiro-san and call him over and over just to make sure he was really there.

He was being childish and stupid, he reproached himself.

Of course that didn't stop him from turning to look for Seishiro-san's presence every second, despite already holding the man's hand, unable to convince himself he was really there.

Once the doctors had finished their torture, Subaru was discharged. Actually they hadn't really wanted to discharge him but Seishiro-san's glare had apparently convinced them it would be healthier for them to do so. Subaru was okay with it. He didn't like being in a hospital and, as long as he could continue being with Seishiro-san, he much preferred to be with the man somewhere else.

Once they were left alone Seishiro-san volunteered to help him change into more proper clothes since all Subaru was wearing at the moment was a pair of pyjamas. Subaru felt a sensation similar to being slapped as he remembered all the times he'd been teased in a similar fashion when he had been younger and the shock was enough to make him decline politely, tactfully yet hurriedly showing the man out of the room, before he ended up doing something embarrassing like crying again like a baby. He wanted to show Seishiro-san he was twenty-five, not five. Not that he was managing too well that day.

As soon as he was alone and began changing he hurried to put something on and ran out of the room as soon as he was barely decent, because, only after he had pushed Seishiro-san out of the door and had taken a couple of large breaths to clear his mind as he had set himself to work, he had realized he couldn't see the man anymore if he wasn't in his same room.

Mercifully Seishiro-san was still there, leaning against a wall, and Subaru, once he got over the irrational fear of having been abandoned, felt like a real idiot for running out with his clothes in such state and just stared at Seishiro-san, without knowing what to do. He hadn't put on his socks and the shirt was half out of his pants, unlatched and reversed. Oh and his hair was probably a mess and he wasn't wearing his shoes. Seishiro-san made no comments about his look, just smiled at him reassuringly and trapped him in an one-armed hug, as if he understood perfectly what was going through Subaru's mind to push him to act like that. Subaru leaned into the hug then, docile, let the man pull him back into his room to help him to put on socks and shoes and to arrange his clothes and hair better. Once done, Seishiro-san covered Subaru with his dark coat, retrieved Subaru's pyjamas and whatever other possession Subaru had in that place, wrapped his arm around Subaru's form and led him towards the hospital's exit and then towards Seishiro-san's car. Subaru said nothing during the whole time behaving as docile as a doll. His last scare had been bad enough to destroy his will for independent action. He didn't want independency, he wanted Seishiro-san. He frowned only once, when they reached the car.

A Subaru.(2)

A green one.

He found it a cruel joke but being with Seishiro-san was worth it. Being with Seishiro-san was worth anything. He didn't comment and, when Seishiro-san opened the door for him, he entered the car silently.

Seishiro eyed Subaru during the whole journey back home feeling rather disconcerted as he wasn't sure what to do with him anymore.

Subaru hadn't wanted to change in front of him, as if again embarrassed by his presence. He was sure that was not a good sign. Subaru had grown out of that kind of shyness long ago, when they started living together. Why was it back?

And Subaru seemed to have something against his car. They had joked about it when Seishiro had bought it, and Subaru had been a delicious mix between flustered and flattered but now Subaru didn't seem to find the thing funny anymore, on the contrary, he had looked almost as... hurt by the fact Seishiro owned that kind of car.

Yet, while the doctors were visiting him Subaru's eyes hadn't left him for a second, his hand clinging to his desperately, and once he had left him alone, Subaru had practically raced out of his room to be back with him.

Subaru still searched and wanted him and only him more than anyone else and that was good.

For a second he wondered what exactly Subaru remembered, what exactly Subaru feared so badly, then dismissed the thought.

It wasn't important.

He had Subaru back. Whatever Subaru remembered wasn't true and didn't matter as long as Subaru was with him. And this time, whoever would dare to come between the two of them, would die. He would make sure of that.

Once they reached their destination Subaru stared at the house, looking unsure, as if he didn't know what to do with it. Seishiro caught himself wondering what exactly Subaru remembered about the Sakurazukamori Hontaku. Subaru hadn't given that address to the hospital staff when they had asked him where he lived. In fact he hadn't given them any address, saying that he lived 'nowhere' and refusing to develop further. He shook his head, dismissing that silly concern. What Subaru remembered wasn't important and, in all likelihood, wasn't true. What really mattered was to get him inside and explain to him how things really were.

"That's your house," Subaru said quietly to Seishiro when Seishiro went next to him. The boy hadn't even attempted to get close to the gate, he was merely staring at the building with that half confused, half pained expression that he had started wearing so often from when he had awaken in the hospital. Seishiro nodded in reply, just staring at him without hurrying him inside, giving him time to move at his own pace. From the look of things Subaru would need a lot of time before getting used again to how things were, and Seishiro feared that, if he pushed him too much, he would only scare him or confuse him further making the situation even more troublesome. Subaru studied the house some more in silence, as if looking for an answer to whatever was puzzling him in the building's structure.

"I thought we were going to my house," he said in the end, still staring at the house.

"We are. You live here," Seishiro replied as nonchalantly as he could. "Don't... don't you remember living here?" he couldn't help but ask and he definitely didn't sound nonchalant as he said it. He wanted to give to Subaru the time to get used to things but he definitely didn't want Subaru to say he didn't remember that house and wanted to go living... Seishiro had no idea where, maybe with his sister or at the Sumeragi-Ke Hontaku in Kyoto or... in some other place. Subaru didn't turn toward him but lowered his gaze, frowning slightly, as if he was concentrating on something. Seishiro wasn't sure if it was something nice or not. He feared it wasn't.

"I remember living here," Subaru said slowly and Seishiro felt himself relaxing at this. "But..." the boy began again turning confused and anxious green eyes toward him. "If I live here then where do you live, Seishiro-san?" he asked and there was something pleading in his tone. Seishiro blinked. Wordlessly Seishiro pointed at the house, trying to sort out his own confusion. Subaru remembered he lived in his house but not that he lived with him? What was that supposed to mean? That his presence in the house had been meaningless?(3)

"Don't you remember we live together?" Seishiro asked him. Subaru shook his head giving him a totally confused look. Seishiro sighed. And Hokuto-chan had dared to say Subaru's memory gaps wouldn't be a problem. Subaru turned his eyes on the house, still not attempting to get inside.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why what?" Seishiro questioned, caught on surprise.

"Why do we live here together?" Subaru clarified, speaking so very slowly as if he had to think of each word before saying it, without looking at him. He seemed like someone who believed he had ended up in the middle of some very absurd situation and was desperately trying to make sense of it.

"Because I asked you and you said 'yes'?" Seishiro offered. He didn't like where the conversation was heading. It was as if Subaru didn't want to live with him anymore but that couldn't be possible, could it?

"But why did you ask?" Subaru insisted, frowning. Seishiro felt confused as well.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," he replied. "It still seems a good idea to me. Don't you too think so?" Subaru turned to look at him.

"I don't understand," he replied simply. Not that Seishiro understood either.

"Don't you want to live with me Subaru?" he asked, deciding to pose the question that mattered the most to him. No point in postponing it, after all. It was better to face a possible 'no' immediately, so he would have more time to convince Subaru of the contrary, but Subaru's reply surprised him.

"I want it more than anything else," the boy said quietly but with the same longing in his voice Seishiro remembered from when he first asked a much younger Subaru the same question and that felt damn good.

"So where's the problem?" he asked, feeling an enormous relief at Subaru's reply and a funny sense of déjà vu. Subaru's gaze lowered again.

"You... you're not supposed to pretend you want to live with me," Subaru whispered quietly. "Or is that another game I don't know about?" Seishiro stared at him, not knowing what to reply.

"Subaru... I'm not pretending or playing some sort of game. I want to live with you," he said firmly in the end. Subaru just shot him a glance that reminded him of a dog that had been beaten too many time to expect something different before turning his eyes away... and it... hurt to see him like that. Subaru didn't look like he believed him, or even wanted to believe him. Subaru looked like someone who had nothing to hope for, whose life had already been irreparably ruined and couldn't be fixed ever again. "Subaru..." he said, slowly raising his hand to caress the boy's cheek. Subaru just stood there, squeezing his eyes shut as if in pain and Seishiro had no idea what to tell him. He had never seen him that desperate. "It's real, Subaru. Remember what I told you? Most of what you remember never happened. Don't worry about it. I figure you'll feel a bit confused for a while but I want you here and I'll keep you safe and you've really nothing to worry about. Everything will go well. Now let's get inside, okay?" he suggested, smiling warmly. Subaru nodded, biting his lower lip. He didn't look convinced, just obedient. Seishiro groaned inwardly but decided to postpone the reassuring to when they were inside the house.

No point in attracting the attention of the few neighbours they had.

He opened the gate, let Subaru get inside and then closed it again but when he started to walk towards the house he felt Subaru's fingers gripping the sleeve of his jacket. He turned to look at him in surprise, the gesture oddly childish and cute. The boy released him immediately, turning his head away in shame and embarrassment. Seishiro however didn't let him remove his hand but grasped it gently with his own instead. Subaru's gaze turned hesitantly on him. Seishiro smiled at him.

"Let's go, Subaru," he said gently. Subaru seemed to relax a tiny bit and nodded slightly before following him, his hand still in Seishiro's.

Once inside the house, Subaru looked around warily. The place was similar to how he remembered it, just with more items and looking more... lived in.

The first time he had set a foot inside that house he had felt as if time had stopped in its track long ago in that place, or better as if he had entered a place that had never been touched by it. Sure, there were some pieces of modern furniture and other things but... it had looked more like a house for spirits than for living beings. Whoever had lived in it... had travelled through there but hadn't left an impression on the place. People there hadn't lived there, just... survived.

Maybe not even that.

It was a hideout, a cage, a place of passage.

An old building that had seen many things, many faces, but had belonged to no one, like an anonymous hotel room and had stared at its guests with impassive, uncaring eyes, knowing they wouldn't remain there for long.(4)

Now... now the house didn't look like that anymore. Now... now it seemed... a home. Someone had lived there, was living there, permanently, and his presence was permeating the house, making it warm, friendly, welcoming.

According to Seishiro-san they were living there.

He and Seishiro-san.

The concept made no sense in his head, it was a thing which he had stopped to hope for before even having the chance to wish for it. It was an impossible thing that couldn't happen.

However he didn't have the time to dwell further on those thoughts because, once Seishiro-san closed the door behind them, he gripped Subaru's arm and pulled the boy back against him. Subaru gasped, startled, then found himself in Seishiro-san's arms, trapped by the tight grip the man had on him and, instinctively, tensed, even if he didn't try to free himself. He didn't care about the possibility of being beaten, he was only afraid of being thrown out, however... Seishiro didn't look like he planned to do that.

"Give me a minute, Subaru. Just a minute," the man whispered in his ear, holding him even tighter, if possible and burying his face against his shoulder. An odd thought went through Subaru's mind. That thing that Seishiro-san was doing to him, it wasn't gripping him, it was... hugging him. Hugging. Him. This was a hug, a tight, affectionate, one might almost say, loving hug, a strong and possessive one, and yet oddly protective and welcoming at the same time. It kind of screamed 'mine and only mine' and yet... yet it wasn't bad. No, not at all. It kind of made him feel as if he... had been missed... and Seishiro-san was glad to have him back.

He didn't remember the last time he'd been hugged.

He sighed and his body relaxed into the embrace, then, hesitantly, he tried to return it, not really sure if he was allowed to do so. Seishiro-san's hold around him tightened as he moved, but the man's stance relaxed as he felt him returning the hug... as if... as if he had been... hoping for this sort of reaction from Subaru.

Subaru closed his eyes.

Good, it was so good to be this close to Seishiro-san, so good to be held by him and holding him back, Subaru mused, resting his weight against the man, leaning into the embrace. So good... too good for words... and he... he never wanted that feeling to end... he never wanted to let him go...

They snuggled against each other, just savouring the closeness that made him feel complete for the first time in years.

"I've missed you," Seishiro-san whispered slowly, his breath tickling Subaru's ear and Subaru for once tried desperately to believe it as he held the man even tighter.

"Seishiro-san..." he whimpered. Seishiro-san just shifted his hold around him, making it more secure, making it even better. He wouldn't have minded remaining like that forever when, abruptly, the phone started ringing.

Seishiro-san seemed to not have heard it... and Subaru felt regret when he pointed out that the phone was ringing... he didn't want their embrace to be interrupted but... but it was Seishiro-san's phone... and it was ringing... and maybe it was an important call for Seishiro-san and...

"Ignore it..." the man suggested. Subaru didn't reply but he didn't move either, looking confused but obediently remaining in his embrace. The phone, however, didn't stop ringing and the more it rang the tenser Subaru seemed to grow. Seishiro frowned, that stupid ringing thing was definitely ruining the mood, then, with a sigh, untangled himself from Subaru, kissed him on his forehead, assured him he would be right back and went to answer to it.

Subaru stared at Seishiro-san as the man left him and went to answer to the phone, not sure of what he should think. The further Seishiro-san walked away from him the more he felt dizzy and cold. His vision began to blur and he ended up leaning against the door.

Unconsciously Subaru wrapped his hands around himself as if trying to hold himself together, afraid that, at the first wrong move, he would break apart.

He'd been hugged.

Seishiro-san had hugged him and hadn't died, Seishiro-san had remained alive despite being so close to Subaru.

Or had he died and Subaru hadn't even noticed he had died as had happened the last time they'd been together, that last time on that bridge and he... he...

Blood... blood was everywhere... his hands sticky and viscous... his scent strong and nauseating... and the bridge was trembling under him and... and everything was fading and...

His legs gave out but, before he could fall with the bridge, he was caught and cradled close to a warm, strong body.

He knew that body, he knew that body's owner. He could feel safe only when he was next to him.

Safe...

"Subaru... Subaru!"

Weakly, Subaru forced his eyes open.

Seishiro-san was there, supporting him, looking at him anxiously.

He wasn't dead.

He was alive.

Subaru blinked, then clung to him.

"Seishiro-san... you're not dead, are you?" he asked Seishiro-san for... well, Subaru didn't remember anymore which time it was. Somehow it seemed always the first time, even if he knew it must have been the last of a long series. Seishiro-san seemed about to sigh but in the end he simply shook his head and gently smiled down at him.

"I'm very much alive, Subaru," the man assured him, taking Subaru's hand into his and resting it on his cheek. "Here, can you feel it? I'm alive and I'm with you. No reason to worry."

Subaru stared at him. The man felt warm under Subaru's fingers. Alive. Subaru wondered if it might be possible that Seishiro-san was really...

"You look exhausted. Let's make you sit down," Seishiro-san suggested as he picked him up in his arms nonchalantly, as if he was used to carrying him around, and carried him to a couch. Once Seishiro-san put him down there Subaru looked around hesitantly, taking note of the changes between what he remembered and how the house was now. That room too was more... lived in than what he remembered.

He couldn't explain exactly how.

Maybe it depended on the fact that there were more objects in it and they weren't all perfectly ordered and covered by a fine layer of dust.

And some of them... perfectly matched Subaru's taste, some of them had belonged to him and he...

"Don't be so nervous, Subaru. That's your house too. You can do whatever you want here," Seishiro reassured him, leaning down on him as he noticed how the boy looked around shyly without daring to touch anything or even moving further from the place where Seishiro had put him.

Subaru looked up at him hesitantly, looking more like a lost child than the twenty-six years old man he was.(5) Seishiro was starting to be sure that whatever Subaru remembered it was hell or something close to it and yet, here he was, still looking up at him and at him only for help, refusing desperately to be parted from him.

This Subaru was still his Subaru and that was good, Seishiro mused as he affectionately ruffled Subaru's hair as he had done many times when Subaru had been a child.

Subaru lowered his gaze feeling embarrassed, believing that Seishiro-san must think him childish for acting like that. He just... didn't know how to behave anymore, what to show anymore, what to believe anymore.

After Hokuto-chan's death he had learned to act cold and detached to put a wall between himself and the world to not get hurt, but then Seishiro-san had died on him, leaving him alone and then Subaru had died too... but Seishiro-san had told him he got it all wrong and no one died and Seishiro-san was acting nice to him and telling him things that Subaru knew couldn't be true and he couldn't understand, all he knew was that he felt so tremendously scared and...

"Who was on the phone?" Subaru forced himself to ask, looking up at him, trying to behave normally, wishing desperately to know how to handle the situation. He needed to hear Seishiro-san talking to him, even if on a trivial matter. He needed the man's attention so badly... Seishiro-san's gaze darkened and Subaru lowered his head immediately. "Ah... hem... if I can ask, I mean, I... I didn't want to pry, I..." he stammered nervously.

"No one," Seishiro-san stated coldly and Subaru cringed at that tone. He had messed up and made the man mad and so Seishiro-san would die on him again and this time without leaving him his eye and Subaru would go insane without Seishiro-san, insane, if he wasn't already and...

"I'm sorry, don't die, I'm sorry, don't die, I'm sorry, don't die," he began repeating, not even realizing he had curled up on himself and was rocking back and forth. He didn't even realize that Seishiro-san had sat next to him or that he was talking to him. He noticed however, when Seishiro-san's arms went around him and dragged him against the man, making him lean against Seishiro-san's chest, pulling him in Seishiro-san's lap, stopping Subaru's rocking motion and shielding him protectively. However he was still so scared it took a while for Subaru to make out Seishiro-san's words.

"... Not going to die, I'm here, Subaru, I'm not going to die, I'm here, I'll stay with you don't worry, I'm not going to die, calm down, I'm here, I'm here..."

When Subaru finally understood what Seishiro was saying all he could do was to cling to him tightly, as tightly as he could, inhaling Seishiro-san's scent, seeking Seishiro-san's warmness, letting himself be lulled by Seishiro-san's words and soothed by Seishiro-san's gentle caresses, until he managed to slow down his racing heart a little.

"Subaru?" the man asked him when Subaru was a little calmer. "You still love me, me and no one else, don't you?" Subaru thought that Seishiro-san's voice sounded weird... because to him it seemed urgent, anxious and oddly childish, as if Seishiro-san could really fear that Subaru might not love him, when Subaru knew perfectly well that Seishiro-san couldn't care less about him or his feelings. He looked up at the man and saw Seishiro-san's golden eyes, both of them and not just one as it had been for such a long time, looking intensely at him, straight at him, without the barrier of the eyeglasses Seishiro-san had worn during 'the year'. Now that he thought of it he hadn't seen Seishiro-san wearing glasses from the moment he had awoken in the hospital. He preferred it this way, to have the man's eyes directly on him without barriers between them.(6)

"I don't think I know how not to love you," he answered Seishiro-san's question honestly. He had tried to not love the man, he had tried desperately and failed miserably. He had come to the conclusion he was born just to love Seishiro-san. Nothing else. Not to be an Onmyouji, not to be the Sumeragi No TouShu, not to be a Ten no Ryu, not to be a Chi no Ryu, not to be the Sakurazukamori. Just to love him. There must be something in his DNA, in his soul that bonded him to the man this badly, so badly he just... couldn't let him go. It was too bad his feelings weren't returned but Subaru already knew he wasn't born to be happy.

He felt Seishiro-san's hug tightening and he found himself liking it.

"Then everything will go well, Subaru, don't worry. I'll always stay with you and take care of everything, I promise. No one will get in between the two of us," the man whispered to him. Subaru wasn't sure if that was good or bad and he had felt the threat in Seishiro-san's voice when he had said that 'no one would get in between the two of them'. However Subaru didn't care. As long as Seishiro-san was alive and with him it didn't matter what could happen to him or to the others.

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. In the manga Subaru's waiting on the bridge, smoking, when someone behind him takes his hand into his, stopping him from taking another drag from his cigarette. Said someone is, of course, Seishiro.

2. As everyone probably knows Subaru is also the name of a Japanese automobile manufacturing division. Seishiro's Subaru is an Impreza, available in 1993, a compact car that substituted the Subaru Leone (for who doesn't remember/know it CLAMP named Subaru's Shikigami Leone in 'Shoten').

3. A month after Seishiro's death we see Subaru is in the garden of the Sakurazukamori Hontaku. I assume Subaru lived there for a while.

4. Despite the place not looking so bad when we see it in 'X' Seishiro's first impression of it on the drama cd was that it was a prison to trap his mother.

5. I know that in 'X' Subaru is twenty-five but who said we're still in 1999?

6. No, I'm not going to imply Seishiro didn't need the eyeglasses... just that he didn't need to wear them so often.

JJ's Extra Notes:
In this chapter the most difficult thing to handle was Subaru. Subaru is slightly insane, seriously depressed and he's finding it very hard to believe his new reality is not going to disappear around him. He's not scared Seishiro might psychically abuse him, his biggest fear is to either wake up or be abandoned again.

Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Hontaku: Main Residence
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyouji: "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Sumeragi no TouShu: Sumeragi's Head
Sumeragi-Ke: Sumeragi Family
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven

Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To Amy Levi: I'm glad you like poor, insane Subaru. The poor boy is in a really messy state...

To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: (blush) Thank you. Surely Subaru's not having a easy life.

To Hatori Soma: Here's a new chapter! So you think that's not a lie:)

To nachan: I'm glad you like this story! I hope the mystery will continue to intrigue you!

To EoEDaD: Well, if it was all happiness and sunshine it won't be much of a plot so yes, Subaru's going to have lot of troubles!

To wraith: I've hidden them in a very secure place... but here there's another!

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!