Chapter 11: Sunday I'll Be Gone

Everybody lies, right? That was what she told herself as she tried to think of what to say. Joanna paced the cabin floor, trying to think. How could she have been so stupid? This was a married man! A happily married man! He was also her doctor!

There wasn't any time to think about that. Right now, she had to figure out what was going to happen next. She would have to see him sooner or later, unfortunately, that was inevitable. Oddly enough though, part of her wanted to see him. She just needed to know how he really felt about that tiny little kiss.

Joanna closed her eyes and sighed, scolding herself as she took a seat on her bed. She was acting like a silly little school girl. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself. They were both adults right? And it was just a kiss. Adults kiss just to say hi to each other. This isn't middle school.

"Ms. Richardson?" Bob called as he knocked on the door.

Joanna looked towards the door, stunned for a moment, not sure if she really wanted to talk to him yet.

"I, I just wanted to make sure you were okay!" he assured her.

Joanna sighed, allowing herself to try and relax. "You can come in," she reluctantly responded. She had to get this over with sooner or later.

Bob entered into the cabin and carefully closed the door behind him. "A, about what, what uh, happened back there," he began. He himself was a bit surprised. Sure, he caught onto the fact that she had feelings for him, but the kiss? He just could not see her doing something like that.

"I'm sorry!" she blurted out, getting back to her feet. "I don't know what happened, I just, had to try it. It was like, I had one last chance and I'm not going to see you again and I just didn't think," she cried as she paced to the other side of the room.

"It, it's fine. Really. It, it was just a kiss, barely even that," he reassured her, trying to help her be less embarrassed.

Joanna sighed, stopping with her back to him. "I just feel so stupid," she told him. "I mean, I know you're married and I know that what I did was bad, I just," she began and then turned to face him. Her cheeks were slightly red. "I don't know."

Bob sighed. This was one of the first times where he really didn't know what to say to her. He knew what her problem was – it was him. He was the reason that she wasn't going out with anyone else and he was the reason that she felt uncomfortable in the group for a while. He also felt like he was breaking her heart, and he really did not want to do that to her. "You, you had feelings that you knew you couldn't act on, so, so you tried to repress them. You can't just do that, those feelings have to be expressed sooner or later. In your case, they finally decided to come to surface," he explained.

"Are you saying that I should have acted on them earlier?" she implored, surprised by this statement.

"No," he answered. "I'm saying that you should have told me earlier instead of trying so hard to hide your feelings," he clarified.

Joanna sighed, taking her seat back on the bed. Right now she just wanted to run away, get away from him and everything else. Then again, this was her fault. She was the one who let things get this out of hand. She should have left the group earlier when she first noticed her feelings. "I'm sorry," she apologized, ignoring the fact that she had already done so.

Bob allowed the silence to fall between them. He wanted to give her the chance to calm down and think. She was confused and embarrassed and he could not force her to talk.

Joanna blankly stared down towards the ground, making sure to not look up to Bob. "I guess this means I really have to find another doctor now doesn't it." It was meant to be a question, but turned out to be more of a statement to herself.

"Yes," Bob answered.

Joanna jerked her head to him, looking to him with a hint of surprise and offense.

"N-not because of what just happened. I, I believe that you could control yourself in the future. But uh, but I really do think that uh, that you would be able to be a lot happier if, if you could move on from the feelings you have towards me and find someone that makes you happy," he explained.

Joanna slightly smiled. "Am I the first to have a crush on you?" she questioned.

Bob shook his head. "No. A-actually, a lot of patients develop some sort of feelings. They sometimes mistake those feelings for something deeper. They, they come in and tell you their problems, you, you gain their trust and help them with their problems," he responded.

Joanna nodded in understanding and stood to her feet. "Well, should I just go ahead and leave now? Or wait and leave with everyone else?" she asked, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.

"What ever you want to do," he told her. "You, you can finish the weekend and then just not come to any more sessions or, you can leave now."

Joanna thought about it. Leaving now, there would be more questions. There would be questions no matter what next week in the group, but it would a tad bit less obvious. And she did truly like this group. Maybe just one last night with them. Sure, she could try and keep in contact with them, but she knew that eventually she would be moving. That just seemed like a good idea to her. Maybe try Bob's idea of moving more to a country type area. "I'll stay," she announced.

Ooo

Darryl leaned over and whispered to Larry. "I hope she's okay too," Larry replied as he pulled back from him.

Stephanie sighed as she looked over to Michael from the other side of Elliot. "You know, some people shouldn't complain about not being liked when it's all their fault," she sharply mentioned.

"That's a lot coming from a spoiled brat," Elliot remarked.

"Oh!" Stephanie shrieked. "Michael! Do something! He called me a spoiled brat!" she whined.

Michael looked over to Elliot and nervously laughed. "Do you think that maybe you could possibly apologize to Stephanie?" he shyly requested.

"Do you think you could act like a man for once?" he responded.

Michael sighed and looked over to Stephanie. "Sorry Steph, I tried."

Stephanie shrugged. "At least you tried," she said and then sat back and sighed.

Kirk got up and walked over to the window to see if he could see Joanna and Bob. "I wonder what chased her out of here," he said.

"You probably annoyed her and she's too polite to say anything about it," Elliot informed him.

Kirk just rolled his eyes. "At least I wasn't offered money to stay away from someone," he quipped.

"Do you think she's okay?" Michael questioned, getting the two to stop.

"I don't know, she seemed pretty upset didn't she?" Kirk questioned, sitting down in one of the chairs from the table.

"Were people this concerned about me when I ran out?" Stephanie implored, her interest suddenly sparked.

"Yes," Kirk answered.

"Liar!" Elliot said and then turned to Stephanie. "The suck up was so we told him about the husband you might have getting ready to beat him up."

"Please, if I had a husband, I wouldn't be here right now. I would be off vacationing somewhere using his credit card," she stated.

Michael looked over for a second not sure what to say. That response though, had bothered him a little, making him wonder about what she was after with him. "I don't have that much," he whispered, leaning towards her.

"Don't worry about it," Stephanie responded.

The door opened and Bob came back into the room with Joanna. "Hey look, she's back," Stephanie flatly pointed out to everyone.

"Hi everyone," Joanna said, forcing a smile. It suddenly felt bittersweet to her. This was the last time that she was going to walk into a room and see all these people.

Kirk turned and looked to her. "Be honest, was it me or him that upset you?" he asked, motioning to Elliot.

Joanna shook her head and laughed. "No," she simply replied.

"How, uh, how about we call it a night and then start a new discussion in the morning before we leave?" Bob suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Kirk replied before strolling out of the place.

Ooo

Stephanie walked into the room to see Joanna sitting on her bed, blankly staring forward. "Now come on. We go home tomorrow," Stephanie remarked.

Joanna looked up to her. "I know," she flatly replied.

Stephanie went and sat down on her bed. "Okay," she sighed. "I'll guess I'll give this a shot. What's wrong?"

Joanna looked to her with surprise and softly laughed. "It's nothing," she answered.

Stephanie nodded and went back to her own little "dilemmas" in life. "Do you think that if a man asked me to go see the Omen with him a few days ago is still going to hold me to that offer tomorrow night?" she inquired.

"Did you say yes?"

"Yes, but I got a better offer," Stephanie informed her.

Joanna would have normally said no, but she knew that Michael was the better offer. "I think you should go with the better offer," she answered.

"Good, because I am," she said and then started to get under the covers. "So, why did you run out today?" she casually asked, trying once again to see what was going on with her.

"Just some personal feelings. I don't really know to be honest," Joanna told her. In way, she was right. There was nothing new that she heard at that meeting. She had just been thinking too much. She opened her eyes.

Stephanie nodded. She reached under her pillow and grabbed the picture of Renee. Shyly, she peeked up to see whether or not Joanna had been paying attention to her. It was when she saw Joanna preoccupied with getting ready for bed, she went ahead and quickly planted a soft kiss on the picture.

As she stood there, her back to Stephanie while pulling the covers back, she smiled to herself. She had heard Stephanie kiss something and knew it was the picture. She didn't say anything though. It was a cute little action and she didn't want to ruin it.

Joanna got under the covers and looked over to Stephanie, staring down at the picture. There was something that she had meant to ask her yesterday night. "Do you ever regret any of it?" she asked.

"What? Coming here?" Stephanie flatly inquired, not taking her eyes off the picture.

"No, your marriage with Carl?"

Stephanie looked up to her over the picture, her mouth slightly agape. She didn't know what to say to that. Yes, she wished she hadn't been with Carl, but what about Renee? She didn't regret her. It was a hard question to answer. "Well," she began. "I wish Rini had a different father," she stated, hoping that would suffice as an answer.

Joanna nodded. That was the answer she was slightly afraid to hear. She was hoping that she would tell her she didn't regret the first part of her marriage or something like that. In a way, she needed that small reassurance to go out and try to find a man, other than Bob.

Then again, she didn't say she regretted everything. She did say that she loved Renee. That something, right? The marriage wasn't completely pointless. Then, she remembered that back while they were having their group session, she mentioned that she couldn't be bought anymore, so she did learn something.

Smiling to herself, she thought about the new place that she would look for to live. Tomorrow, she decided, was not only going to be her last day with this group, but her last day in Chicago.