Once again thank you for the reviews! And thanks to all the die-hard Calzona fans for giving this a chance ;) This chapter is actually a little longer than I intended it to be, but as I have recently discovered, this writing lark is pretty damn addicting, hence the quick update! :) So I hope you like!
I own nothing. Cry me a river.
Addison pressed the button for a third time, tapping her foot impatiently, waiting for the elevator.
I wonder who's doing it in there. She thought sardonically to herself, smirking at the aphrodisiac qualities the things seemed to possess. It was known full well around the hospital that, apart from the on-call rooms, the elevators were the place to go. Even the interns had been caught 'frolicking' in there by herself or, if they were less fortunate – an extremely unimpressed Miranda Bailey.
She smiled briefly as she thought about her and Derek's kisses in there, at the time they were the first of many. They were so, so in love. Now it felt like an eternity ago. Her heart clenched painfully as she realised she couldn't even remember the last time he had kissed her. No longer knew what it was like to feel his lips.
She shook her head as if to shake out the depressing thoughts as the elevator finally arrived and the door pinged open, emitting the sounds of playful giggling as it did. As if by some hellish coincidence, there stood Meredith and Derek, their smiles rapidly fading as they both looked up, and the uncomfortable silence that settled was a definite indicator that she had clearly interrupted a happy moment. The three continued to stand there awkwardly, and Derek looked away.
"Going down?" He cleared his throat, moving aside to let her in. She resisted the childish urge to reply 'What is – our marriage?' and briefly considered taking the stairs. But her legs decided otherwise, and moved of their own accord into the small space, where she stood next to a very uncomfortable Meredith. She gave her a sideways smile that didn't reach her eyes. To which Meredith responded in kind. It was an false attempt from the both of them at being civil and polite. Derek on the other hand was keeping his distance, positioning himself right on the other side of the machine. She was closer to Meredith Grey now than she was her own husband. The thought made her hug the folders she was carrying tightly to her chest, before mentally scolding herself.
Stop reading into things too much.
She took a deep breath, twisted her expression up to appear relaxed and nonchalant, and spoke to the elevator doors. "So umm, a few of us are going to Joe's tonight with Dr Robbins, thought it would be nice to introduce her and all. Are you coming?" She turned her head to look at Derek. Who stared back at her, face completely blank.
"No, not tonight. I'm going to work on the house."
Like you do every night, figures.
"Oh okay" she said breezily, "No bother. Uhh Meredith?"
The blonde, who had been staring very hard at the fascinating array of floor buttons up until now, looked up in shock at the invitation. Her mouth formed a "Whu" shape as she began to protest, before the box pinged, the doors slid open and Derek walked out.
"Oh I would, but I've... I've got rounds, and it's late and.. But thank.. you?" She faltered, clearly taken by surprise. Addison almost felt guilty for putting the poor girl on the spot. She often thought that if they didn't have the Derek connection, they might well have been friends.
She looked at Derek as Meredith excused herself from the elevator, quietly walking away.
"Some other time." He said, one side of his mouth pulling up into what she could only guess was supposed to be a smile, before he turned and followed the other woman down the corridor.
Addison kept up the blasé act,
"Oh sure! Some other time then! See you later!" she called cheerfully to their retreating backs, before the doors closed on her again and she felt the sting of fresh tears well up in her eyes. She squeezed them shut and dropped her head, pinching the bridge of her nose.
Do NOT cry in public Addie. Not again.
She inhaled sharply and sniffed, opening her eyes and setting her mouth in a grim line. She just needed to get to Joe's, and it'd be fine. Alcohol. That's what she needed. Lots of it.
Arizona fiddled with her hands as they walked, twisting the ring on her middle finger round and round, at a loss as to why she suddenly felt like a sweaty actor waiting for the curtain to rise.
"What's up?" Teddy asked, not taking her eyes off the path ahead. It was a cool night and she wanted to pick up the pace, but her friend appeared to be dawdling at every given opportunity.
"Huh? Nothing. How much further is it?"
"It's right there, see?" She pointed to the cosy looking building across the road.
"Oh! Wow that was quick! ...Okay." She took a deep breath. "Okayyyy" She exhaled the word loudly, rubbing her hands together briskly. Teddy halted in her tracks and turned to look at her.
"Ok really, what's wrong? Why are you acting so nervous? If you don't wanna go, just say."
Arizona bit her lip. "No I do, I really do it's just.. Teddy, do I look okay?" She asked, gesturing down at her ensemble and glancing back up expectantly.
Teddy frowned. "Since when have you given a damn about whether you... Oh." Realisation dawned and her frown slowly turned into raised eyebrows as she clocked what was going on. "Ohhhh."
"What?"
"This is about Addison isn't it?"
Arizona bit her lip, knowing full well she wouldn't be able to lie to Teddy. "Maybe." she muttered, hugging herself in defence. "Maybe not."
Teddy raised one sceptical eyebrow, and sighed, eyes turned up to the night sky. "Okay.." she clapped her hands together in front of her as if in prayer, and rested her chin on them while she debated what to say.
"Arizona." She slapped her hands back down on her own hips. "I've said it before and I'll say it again." She grasped Arizona's shoulders so they were face to face.
"You are fighting a losing battle. She doesn't play for your team."
"But that's just it though! Maybe she does!" Arizona interrupted earnestly, her blue eyes shining brightly "Today in the canteen, she kept looking at me! I mean at first I thought I was imagining things, but she honestly was staring! And when I caught her, she went all flustered and embarrassed, she was blushing – Addison was blushing!" She said, wringing her hands to emphasize the last part, as if it would make Teddy understand more.
"So?" Teddy replied, mouth agape. "I'd blush if I kept making eye contact with someone I barely know!"
Arizona huffed, she wasn't getting it. "Forget it, just.. Let's just go have a drink." She began to walk on towards the bar.
"Arizona I'm not going to watch you go in there and hurt yourself." Teddy's height advantage allowed her to catch up easily.
"Then tell Joe to remove any sharp objects from my reach."
Teddy rolled her eyes.
"Very funny. But seriously, I see enough broken hearts in the OR as it is, I don't wanna have to fix any in my personal life too."
Arizona laughed out loud. "Smart reference there, how long have you been planning that one?" she teased.
"What? I'm a funny girl." Replied Teddy. They had reached the door to the bar.
"Now come on." She threw an arm round her best friends shoulder. "Let's go see your little hotty and co."
Addison felt the shot run down her throat, enjoying the burning feeling it spread back up to her mouth. She slammed the glass down on the bar as Joe looked on, concern clear in his kind eyes.
"Same again Joe!." She called out, throwing dollar bills in front of her. Callie took a break from whispering in Hahn's ear to assess the many empty glasses that already cluttered the small space of the bar Addison was occupying.
"Addie, you should slow down, how many is that now?"
"As many as I want." She slurred. "Because I. Am. A woman." She declared, shaking her fist violently at the air, apparently directed at anyone. "a full, grown, WOMAN."
"Oh thank god, cos we feared the rumours were true." Erica replied dryly from behind Callie. Her girlfriend laughed, before pointing across the room excitedly.
"Hey! They made it! GUYS WE'RE HERE! WE'RE OVER HERE!" She bellowed, making half the tables look round wide eyed. Kepner fell off her stool.
Callie didn't notice, and was waving frantically at the two women, looking like a distressed sailor stuck at sea.
"Um, hun?" Erica tugged on her sleeve. "I think you might have had a tiny bit too much too, what say we get some water huh?"
Callie made a noise, dismissing the idea, and made her way over to Addison and Teddy, crushing them both in a giant bear hug, and giving them each a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "I'm so glad you're here!" She beamed. "Join us in our alcohol place!" She giggled. "I like to break bones!" Teddy laughed at the drunken mess in front of her. At that point Erica reached them, sipping a glass of red, she stuck her free hand out to keep Callie balanced, and hoisted the giggling woman back to her feet.
"Told you you shouldn't have been late." She groaned at Teddy and Arizona. "Clearly I'm the only one here with a decent ability to consume a drink. My girlfriend is sailing dangerously close to face-planting the floor after only a few, and on the other end of the spectrum we've got Montgomery the friggin' camel over there, who can't seem to get enough liquids down her!" She jerked her thumb over her shoulder at Addison, who's glass collection had increased rather impressively, and she was now sprawled across the bar on her belly, attempting to wrestle a drink out of Joe's hands.
"Good luck." Erica snorted, but her face quickly changed to shock as she went stumbling back into a table as Callie flopped on top of her.
Teddy immediately pulled out her Iphone, laughing and aiming the camera at the pair as they attempted – not very succesfully – to regain their balance.
Arizona chose that moment to slip away to the bar, perching next to the dazed redhead who's brow was pulled into a deep frown of confusion at the bar in front of her.
"My drink.." She mumbled. "My drink was here.. Right here! Where'd it go?"
Arizona giggled, leaning over, she placed a tentative hand on the red heads shoulder.
"Addison? Addison look at me."
Addison's head rolled over to face her, her eyes cloudy, mouth hanging open slightly.
"It's me, Arizona, listen Addison, I want you to drink this water okay?" She signalled to Joe, who had a pint of it at the ready. She placed it in front of Addison.
"Go on, big sip!"
It took a few seconds for Addison's fuzzy brain to process this before she showed any signs of life. Eventually though, she got it, and the corners of her mouth pulled back into a huge, wide open smile.
"Arizona." She said, taking the water. "Youuuuu came! You came out! Yay!" She laughed deleriously.
I wish you would come out. Arizona thought as she helped Addison bring the glass to her lips. For a few moments, Addison chugged down the water, and Arizona was content to simply watch her. Finishing the beverage, Addison showed Arizona that empty glass, a enormous grin plastered on her face indicating she was clearly proud with her achievement.
Arizona couldn't help but smile at her. Callie was right, she's a cute drunk.
"Well done!" She patted her on the back, before signalling to Joe for another recovery pint.
Teddy watched from afar. Sprawled on the battered leather couch – her favourite spot in the bar – she sipped her vodka and coke curiously, surprised that Arizona hadn't gone for it yet. She was usually pretty fast when it came to getting her women, and they'd be off within ten minutes in search of a suitable place to conclude their evening. But as of yet, no such thing had happened. Teddy had watched Arizona somehow manage to get pint after pint of water down Addison's throat – something she clearly needed – and still showing no signs of making her move. She continued to watch as she waited for the buzz of her phone that signalled Henry to be on his way. She had called him in on a rescue mission, as Erica's 'ability to handle her drink' had not lasted much longer, and currently her and Callie were intertwined next to Teddy, gazing into each others eyes and taking it in turns to have mini emotional break downs over how much they loved each other.
Teddy quickly replied to a text from Hunt, and when she looked back up she could see a vast improvement in a sobering Addison. Sat up relatively straight now, she appeared able to hold her balance, and her mouth was moving in a regular motion – thus Teddy guessed she had regained her ability to actually string a proper sentence together.
"..And that's why, my husband doesn't want me. Its her he wants, alllll her, Meredith... Meredith, Meredith Greyyyyy. Perfect Meredith. Meredith fucking Grey." Addison finished her rant, turning her mournful eyes up at Arizona, waiting for her input.
It was true she had sobered up a great deal, though not completely, she still had a long way to go, the shots were still swimming in her head, and she had reached the 'emotionally honest' stage. Arizona usually despised this stage, girls cried and boys got aggressive, and everything sucked at that point. Tonight however she found herself captivated by this woman and her emotional toils. She was amazed at how strong she still was beneath it all. Realising she was still expected to answer, she opted for the generic "What a bastard!" Line she knew would never fail.
Addisons face contorted for a moment, but then her eyes narrowed and instead she smiled, convinced. "yeah... YEAH! What a bastard!" She thumped the bar with her fist. "You're right.. I'm not the problem! And I'm still desirable right?" She said, suddenly turning anxious and unsure of herself, she gazed at Arizona intently. "Right?"
Arizona gave a sad smile. "You are desirable yeah."
More than you know.
"Oh.. WOOOWWW!" She exclaimed, slapping a hand to her head. Knocking several glasses over as she did. "How selfish! How.. Rude! ALL I've done is talk about me! What. About. You? What's your story? Any Ex's I need to kick the asses of?" She punched her hand, keeping her face drunkenly serious.
Arizona laughed. "Well.." Should she be honest? What if it scared her? Then again, she was still pretty smashed.
Oh what the hell.
"I have this one ex recently, she was pretty clingy.. A real bunny boiler, it was.. Messy.. And would you believe I still get Christmas Birthday and Easter cards from her?" She shook her head.
"She? You're gay?" Addison asked, and Arizona was pleased to discover that the look on her face wasn't one of disgust, or discomfort, but rather of innocent curiosity. She nodded, and sipped her diet coke for something to do.
Addison scrunched her face up whilst she pondered this, then, a deep throated chuckle began building from her stomach, and she threw her head back as it erupted into a full blown laughing attack, which continued for the next 5 minutes, while Arizona watched in bewildered amusement, the sound of Addison's laughter provoking her own. It was a wonderful sound.
"What?" She chuckled. "What's so funny?"
Addison took a moment to compose herself, then began to talk, in between fits of giggles.
"It's just that, a while ago when I had that whole thing with Marrrrkkk and then I met Saaaam and now there's Derrekkk" She began, emphasizing each name as she pulled the little empty shot glasses towards her, which Arizona guessed were supposed to represent these men. "And each time there's been some massive drama or it's never ever worked out and blah blah blah you get the jist, so anyway, Callie says to me.. She says, Addison? Why don't you try women?" She spluttered into another giggle attack at this news, but Arizona's ears had pricked up, and she was paying very close attention to this drunken ramble, silently pleading it was going somewhere.
"And anyway, I was like... MAYBE that's why it never works out? Maybe I'm supposed to be a lesbian! And I never thought about it til you just said that! But maybe she's right you know? – maybe it is better on the other team! And hey ho - you're living proof of it! Look! There's Callie all happy in her relationship and having the time of her life, here's you sitting here all amazing and beautiful, and here's me, depressed old hag in a bar, with a husband who doesn't give a damn and a shitty, shitty life! Ha!" She gave a wide smile, completely unaware of the effect her words had just had on the blonde, and went back to happily playing with her shot glasses, whilst Arizona searched her brain desperately for what to say next.
She was interrupted though as a hand landed on her shoulder.
"I have got to get out of here." Teddy pulled Arizona off the bar stool and spun her round to face the scene at the other end of the room. Callie and Erica stood, desperately cupping each others faces, both bawling their eyes out.
"You don't.. under..STAND!" Callie wailed at her. "I love you - more than anything! I love you more than.. More than a hip replacement!"
"And I love you.. I love you MORE THAN HEARTS!" Erica cried back at her before choking with emotion, and they proceeded to hold each other while they howled.
Henry stood next to them looking rather frightened, keys in hand, his eyes pleading desperately across the bar to Teddy. "Going now." He mouthed.
"I'll call a cab" Joe offered, phone pressed to his ear.
"Hey Teddy.. Teddy! TEDDY! Look! Guess who I am!" Addison held one of the shot glasses up, and her voice turned ten tones deeper. "Oh hey guess what I'm a massive hunk and I sleep with everyone, no nurse is safe around me and my locator missile penis" She shook her hand, making the glass move as she spoke. "I'm Mark? Get it?" She roared with laughter as she turned back to the glasses, getting ready to do her next impression.
"Yeah we're leaving." Teddy said, rolling her eyes. She turned to Arizona. "Grab Addie and follow me." She turned and strode off, Arizona took hold of Addison's hand as she got off the bar stool, pulling her along behind her as she tried to catch Teddy. She could get used to the feel of Addison's had in her own.
They exited the bar and the fresh, crisp night air was a relief to all of them. Teddy took charge.
"Okay there's four seats in Henry's car, who wants?"
"Shotgun!" Callie called out, dragging her girlfriend with her.
"I'll take Addison home in the cab." Arizona volunteered.
Teddy eyed her suspiciously, Arizona looked her square in the eyes, her expression honest.
"Alright.." She decided to let it go this time, remembering Arizona's behaviour at the bar, and only hoped it continued and she wouldn't have to worry about her friend doing something stupid. "Well take care of yourselves, see you tomorrow. Ugh.. Bright and early." She closed her eyes at the horrifying thought. Before getting into the car. Just as it pulled away, the cab arrived.
"Come on you." Arizona pulled Addison in and directed the driver to her trailer. Telling him to park as close as possible. He grumbled, but agreed.
"Wow." Arizona surveyed the amazing view from the trailers location as Addison fumbled with her keys.
"Hey." She suddenly thought. "Where's your husband? Wont he be asleep?"
"Derek? He's at the house." Addison replied, and made a noise that sounded like 'pah' before finally letting herself in. Puzzled, but deciding not to question it further – Arizona followed her into the small space.
Addison seemed to physically wilt again once inside it, kicking her shoes off, she crawled into bed and laid on her back, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"Alright, you go to bed, I'm gunna make you one last glass of water and leave it right here.." She walked over to where Addison lay, placing the glass on the bedside cabinet.
"You make sure that gets drunk okay? I'm gunna lock up for you, and-"
"-Arizona?"
she felt a hand grab her own, and gasped slightly at the tingle that shot up her arm as a result of the touch.
"Yeah?"
"What if I end up alone?"
Arizona felt her heart rip slightly as she felt the pain in the words. She gulped, and looked down, searching Addison's grey eyes with her own bright blues.
"Listen to me. You are not going to end up alone okay? You're amazing, and you're beautiful, and someday, somebody is going to come along and realise that, okay? I mean it. You just make sure it's someone good enough."
She smiled fondly at her, and went to pull away.
"Kiss me."
Arizona froze.
"What?"
"What I said in the bar.. What if it's true? What if I am gay? What if it's not a man I should be with – what if it's actually with a woman that I'll find love? I'm asking you as a favour. Please, kiss me so I'll know."
Arizona looked at her, and she fell quiet, waiting. The quiet stretched on for what seemed like forever, only the sound of their shallow breathing, and the crickets singing outside filled the silence. Finally, Arizona's eyes darkened in resolve, and she leaned in.
Addison swallowed, and her breathing hitched in excitement as she recognised that all familiar clenching in her stomach, but in her drunken state she still couldn't put her finger on exactly what that feeling was.
Arizona's face hovered inches above her own, and she went to wrap her arms around the blonde, but was surprised to find Arizona moved her face to the left, and instead planted a soft, tender kiss on Addison's cheek. She lent back so she was sat over Addison, who looked at her, her frown asking the question. Arizona brushed a stray lock of hair from Addison's face, her eyes warm and a soft smile on her lips.
"Addie, I can't kiss you. Not like this, you don't know what you want, you're upset and you're hurting. You have been for a long time. And right now I don't want to cause any more confusion or pain for you. It's not fair, and I'd be taking advantage."
Arizona stared down at her, pleading with her eyes for her to understand.
Addison didn't say anything for a while, but then she smiled.
"You called me Addie."
Arizona broke into a grin, and she stood up.
"I did, guess that makes us friends." She made her way towards the trailer door. Opening it, she took one last look back.
"Goodnight, Addie." she smiled, Addison mirrored it.
"Goodnight Arizona."
She pulled the door up after her, hearing the voice float out again just as it clicked shut.
"Tease."
She laughed out loud as she walked away from the trailer, and took a moment to look once more at the beautiful view. She inhaled deeply, and let it all flow out in one big, audible sigh.
"Oh Addison Forbes Montgomery." She said out loud, eyes shining through the night sky. "What are you doing to me?"
Thoughts? :)