Jaded Iris

-o0o-

- Chapter 3 -

-o0o-

- A Hand To Hold -

The first thing Allen noticed when he stood up was the difference with the weight. That weight difference wasn't in his body in pure general, nor was it the pressure he felt pushing him down. It was his arm. With the left arm gone he felt like the right side was slowly pulling him down. Awkward and simple, but he knew he would eventually get used to it. The question was... Does he want to get used to it? He felt he was afraid to know, to have another change. Allen just didn't want to adapt to it, but in the back of his mind, he did yearn for the idea-to adjust to it. It was an odd comparison, but he could feel his situation oddly relevant to The Headless Horseman, but instead of being a horseman and headless, Allen was One-Armed Clown. Well, that's what he imagined what they'll call him. Everyone always thought him to be a clown. He was hoping that they would call him a One-Armed Clown, because he knew it could get much worse. So he tried not to think about it.

Taking a step forward, he felt many muscles in his legs and thigh strain and stretch. It was a very dull sort of pain that you'd feel after getting sick and laying down in bed all day or maybe a few days, but it was much more than that. Allen hadn't been allowed to get out of his bed for about a month and he already missed a good deal of school, but he had Lenalee coming over with he school work. They would converse and read or study together. It was like the only thing he rejoiced about in his life right now! Isn't that sad? Well, the hospital food was free and not half bad. Still, after being released today, Allen wanted nothing more than to sink his teeth into real food and wallow in his sugary sweets. He still wasn't allowed to start school until next week, but that's because he was getting out of the hospital on a Friday. He wished it had been Sunday so he could go tomorrow, but something tells him being enrolled in school may not be that easy right now. He was praying to something that he could stay in the same school.

Taking fastidious steps, Allen wearily walked away from the hospital bed, using that object as support. Reaching the foot of the bed, Allen released the bed, steadying himself, before taking full-stride steps toward the door. He could leave. He was allowed to leave. He signed whatever he was allowed to. Cross was apparently here earlier and signed the release forms and gave them permission to let Allen go. Thank God! Everything had already been prepared. The doctors, the medications, stuff he would have to carry around constantly, when he would have to check up with his doctor, if certain symptoms become known then Allen is to return to the hospital immediately. So on, so forth.

"Whoa, Allen, slow down. You're like, uh, ready to fall over." Lavi said, meeting Allen just outside the door.

Allen smiled weakly. "I really want to get out of here, Lavi. If I have to spend another minute here I will scream."

"Okay, buddy. I understand, but don't push yourself. You've hardly walked since you've been admitted." Said Lavi, ruffling Allen's hair with a laugh. "Come on, don't worry. I'm driving you to Lenalee's, then Yuu will be taking you home. You get to sleep in your own bed tonight!"

"Wonderful!" Allen exclaimed.

"So, uh, are you alright with... riding in a vehicle?" Lavi questioned, nervous.

"I'll be fine. I trust you. Besides, the whole reason for that car accident was... er... I think the nurse said I crashed because of the road was so sleek."

"Thanks man, I appreciate your trust."

Gradually they got closer to the exit, and when they got outside, the cool autumn air welcomed Allen. It was chilly, cold enough for a sweater, but Allen didn't put one on. He just wanted to get out of here, then go see his friends. Outside the hospital. Allen embraced the fulfilling comfort of the autumn breeze, the sweet scent of wind and maple and oak trees nearby. It wasn't nearly as bright as inside the outside with all his white and light blue colors and so his eyes adjusted to the somewhat darker area. He could hear leaves crinkling and the trees tap each other.

"Allen, you ready?" Lavi asked.

The white-haired boy smiled, resisting the urge to holler and run around like a child. He let Lavi guide him to his dark green truck. It was high above the ground though. So Allen struggled to get in the passenger side when he had only one hand to grip the door. He would usually have his other hand hold onto dashboard (if possible) or the seat. This time Lavi had to give him a gentle shove. "Thanks, Lavi."

"Anytime pal." Lavi closed the door and hurried over to the driver seat.

Allen felt this tinge of fear dwelling in his chest, but it was minor. It was like... the same kinda fear you felt when you forgot to do your important homework and you're afraid to get busted by your teacher. So it wasn't that bad. Allen could handle that. With a little more difficult, Allen tries buckling up, which was hard when you didn't have a second hand to hold the buckle in place. It took a few minutes of useless trying and Lavi finally stepped into the scene, buckling the belt for Allen with a small smile. Allen blinked, staring the buckle as the truck began moving. After some time, he looked straight ahead, vacantly. His hand clenched his pants and he gritted his teeth, hoping Lavi wouldn't notice. If he did, he never said anything to Allen about it. That made Allen happy, because he didn't want to talk about it.

Once they arrived, Allen easily unbuckled and moved the seatbelt out of his way, opening the door. Cautiously and a little skittish, Allen stepped down on the truck's foot step, backwards since he had to use his right arm to grab the door. He let his other foot get a nice landing on the step, then he carefully let his feet hit the ground, sighing in relief when he managed to do this on his own. Closing the truck door, he walked around the front and eyed the old dirty white house that was in desperate need for a paint job. A medal fence lined the front of the yard and connected to wooden fences that were just as tall as Allen and they travelled down the side of the yard. There were many trees along the sidewalk and near the road, but the same went for the house's yard in front of them. You had to be careful when you walked through the entrée way to the yard because the branches might poke your eye out. The trees stood tall and blocked people's view of the house , Allen didn't care about these details. This place was close enough to his home. He's been here so many times for so long. This was Lenalee's house.

Lavi and Allen walked on the porch. Lavi opened the screen door and Allen knocked four times on the hardwood door with one rectangular window before he opened the door himself. It was a habit. It started out as a teasing game when he was 12 and Lenalee was 13. They got into an argument about entering the other's houses without warning and so they made up a little sign for each other. It was just a game at first, but it stuck on him. He couldn't open the door without knocking four times.

"Allen!"

He was immediately greeted by Lenalee when he entered. She ran in the room, smiling beautifully and Allen returned the smile effortlessly. With haste, Lenalee came forward, examining Allen from head to toe and back to his head. Both of them were overwhelmed with many emotions to see each other right now.

For Lenalee she was proud of Allen to see him come to her home, pleased to hear those four knocks, and to see him standing in front of her. He wasn't lying down in a bed with IV's or wire poking him. He didn't look half dead! He was smiling and wide awake. His skin was back to the average pale skin he usually bears and his eyes were shining brighter than the stars once again. They weren't dimmed with agony. It seemed to her that when he was at the hospital he was basically dead because you hardly received anything from him. He didn't even eat much. Now-now that would change. Allen was alive. Allen was standing in front of her. He was here with her, in her house. Rejoicing was the only thing she could do.

As for Allen, he could easily relate. One thing was for certain, he was proud of himself to be able to walk around and that he was able to get out of the hospital. He was happy to be at a place he knows well and loves very much, surrounded by people he cared about and the people who had been there for him in his darkest hour last month. What made him extremely happy was to see that smile finally reach Lenalee's eyes. A month she's been offering weak, fragile smiles that were strained and meant to make Allen feel better, but they weren't real and he could tell. That hurt knowing she was forcing a smile. It was hurting him knowing he was hurting her. And, man, she was beautiful! She could be a model. Heh, that'd only make Komui's overprotectiveness worse though. But she should seriously consider it. Besides, Allen would gladly support her and go around with her if she wanted. It wasn't like he ever had much to do with his own life. He had wanted to play music and you can't do much with a piano with five fingers and one hand. Now he had to figure out what else he could do.

"Allen... Oh, Allen!" Lenalee exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Allen's neck, holding him close. "You're alive! You're here! Oh, Allen."

Allen smiled sincerely, burying his face in Lenalee's hair. He could smell her shampoo, showing she had taken a shower only hours ago. He rubbed soothing strokes on her back. "Lenalee... you've known for a month that I was alive. Please don't say something like that, okay?"

"Ri-right. I'm sorry, I'm just so happy to see you." Lenalee whispered, tightening her lock on him. "I... I'm just so..."

"Happy." Allen finished, stroking her hair, moving his hand from her head to her lower back before wrapping his arm around her waist completely to return her hug. "Me, too."

Lavi grinned, leaning his head to the side and waiting to get Lenalee's attention. When she noticed him, he winked, or tried to, and mouthed, 'Tell him!', but she merely blushed, hiding her face in Allen's shoulder. Lavi sighed, eyeing the doorway Lenalee came through. It led to the kitchen and to the back door. Everyone was supposed to be out back waiting for Allen They were having a celebration to welcome Allen back! It was a big party and they were going to have a lot of food. They had to with Allen there after all.

"Come on, Allen! We have something to show you." Lavi said, pointing to the exit. "Enough with the lovey dovey scene and onwards! So Komui don't kill all us men, comprende?"

Allen and Lenalee blushed a little, pulling away from each other, but staying very close. Lavi rolled his eye, gently pushing Allen toward the back door and through the kitchen. Allen's smile broadened and he almost drooled as he looked at the pot on the oven, gasping. "Are you making your stir fry chicken and pork with honeyed rolls?" he asked.

"WIth my super special gravy and sweet candied carrots. Everything homemade, of course!" Lenalee affirmed.

"Yes! When will it be done?!" Allen asked, reminding Lavi of a begging dog at the dinner table. "I mean... Will it be done..? Soon?"

"Yes, soon. You don't get any samples either! last time that happened you nearly ate everyone's portion and we had to order take-out! And you still ate most of that too!"

"... But... it's food. It's delicious! Especially your cooking. Plus I can't help it if I love Italian food. It's amazing."

"It's expensive."

"I know, that's why I come here." Allen beamed, gripping the door handle. "You have the best cooking."

"Aww, thanks Allen, but you're overexaggerating."

"Not at all!"

Lenalee shook her head in disagreement, but Allen shook his head in return, opening the door, stepping out onto the back patio. At once, a loud cheer erupted, making Allen jump and look ahead. "WELCOME BACK ALLEN!"

Streamers were slovenly put up, connected from one tree to another and to the porch. Lights hung in the air, proving they were going to be here for a long time tonight. Everywhere he looked there was either the people he loved or food and beverages. Confetti was thrown on the porch and Allen laughed as something put some in his head, then Lavi wrapped his arm around Allen's neck, giving him a noogie. Allen laughed still, trying to shove Lavi away with tears of joy in his eyes. He continued to survey the area-balloons scattered everywhere, tables and chairs, more lights above their heads all over (on the porch and in the yard), and so much more, but his eyes were fixated on the real food.

"Tha-thanks everyone! I-I... don't know... what to say."

"Don't cry." Kanda grumbled, gently elbowing Allen since he was still stuck in Lavi's headlock. "I'll leave if you do smalls."

"Oh, shut up, Kanda!" Allen yelled, punching Kanda's shoulder playfully. "You guys didn't have to go through so much trouble for me."

"Yeah right, dude! We had this planned for your arrival! So this is like a double welcome back party. You're out of the hospital, alive and well, walking and smiling, still short and stupid for a nerd, and you're back home after being gone for like, what? Three months! We missed ya all summer! It wasn't fun!" Lavi whined.

"Right. I missed you too." Allen muttered, finally escaping Lavi's headlock and bumping into Miranda. "Sorry!"

"That's al-alright." Miranda whispered. "It's great to see you out of the hospital, Allen. You look so much better."

"Thanks, Miranda! It's nice to see you again."

Allen studied the tables, searching for something had he clutched his growling stomach with a deep crimson blush. That earned a roar of laughter. "Typical Allen!"

"It figures you're hungry." he heard Kanda muttered.

"Don't worry, Jerry and Lenalee prepared enough food for a thousand kings and queens." Komui said, patting Allen's shoulder.

"Fantastic!" Allen whispered, eyes gazing over the tables. "In that case, I'm going to go get me some pie!" And off Allen went, running to the closest table with pumpkin, apple, blueberry, and lemon meringue pie. "I love you guys!"

"It feels like nothing had ever happened." Komui whispered.

"I wish I could say that." Lenalee murmured, walking off the porch. "I wish I could, but I can't."

Lenalee sat down at a table, watching Allen intently as he dug into a hot pumpkin pie and he spread whip cream all over it. Satisfied with the amount of sugary cream, Allen took a big fork and dug right into the pie, scooping it up and taking a bite. She laughed when the whip cream glued itself to his nose and cheeks. He still had confetti in his hair, too, so he looked like a clown. He's jsut missing the red nose. Maybe they could just stick a cherry on top of his head? Nah, he'd probably eat that as well. Still, Allen continued to eat the pie continuously, occasionally bothering with licking the cream off his face. It wasn't long until six pies were missing from the table and Reever pushed Allen away toward the other tables. Allen pouted, still holding the can of whip cream. Even so, he dashed to a table with chips and hamburgers and hot dogs. There was even a platter of barbeque steaks! He grabbed a plate... or four and filled it high with everything. He scanned the area, trying to find somewhere to sit and his white grin widened when he saw Lenalee. He scurried over quickly and sat down beside her.

Lenalee couldn't resist laughing. Allen looked at her, clueless as ever. "What?"

"You're a mess!" Lenalee stated, fishing out the colorful confetti dots and stripes out of his white hair.

"Well, that wasn't my fault there." Allen muttered, eating a salt 'n vinegar chip after saucing it with some chip dip.

Lenalee leaned forward, taking her index finder and wiping off a large amount of whip cream and sticking it in her mouth with a smile. Allen stared at her, chuckling. "Okay, that there was my fault."

"I know. I saw you overuse the can of whip cream."

Allen took a napkin and cleaned his face. It was still going to be sticky, but he'll take care of that later. Right now he was intent on staring at Lenalee as she teased him about being an unusually messy eater tonight. He couldn't help it. He's starving! "Do I still have some on my face?" he asked.

Lenalee rolled her eyes, picking up a napkin and scooting closer to Allen. She wiped the whip cream off his nose and the left cheek, folding the paper, then cleaning his chin and the corner of his mouth. "You look like you tried shaving... and you did a terrible job applying the shaving cream. By the way, I wouldn't eat that. Shaving cream isn't meant to be eaten."

"Oh, funny, funny. Hardy har har. That was hilarious." Allen mumbled sarcastically, wincing as Lenalee scrubbed his face with the napkin really hard. "Hey, watch it!"

"I'm only trying to make you look like a human being, not the abominable snowman."

"Oh, that one was rich!" Allen muttered, playfully pinching her shoulder.

"Ow! What was that for?" Lenalee rubbed her shoulder, pointing her finger at him. "Don't be bitter! I'll make sure you'll be the last to eat the stir fry pork and chicken tonight if you keep that up."

"What?" Allen's eyes widen and his jaw dropped. "That's unfair!"

"That's life. Get used to it."

Allen pressed his lips together tightly, narrowing his eyes. The first sign of his pouting session. Truly, Allen was still a child, but that's why Lenalee loved him so much. He was mature and at the same time, he could be childish. It was cute. Really, really cute.

Lenalee put the napkin down on the table, patting Allen's head. "That wasn't bad, now was it?"

"It kept me from eating my food."

"Oh, stuff it."

"That's what I was trying to do." Allen retorted, taking a bite of is cheeseburger. "So how's school been?"

"You know..."

Allen blinked, tilting his head to the side. "Frankly I don't. We only talked about the lessons, not about school. I mean, you sit with Lavi and Kanda at lunch, right?"

"Yeah... But it's been... It's not the same without you there, Allen. Kanda and Lavi haven't been arguing as much since you were... since your accident. That's not a good sign. So... we're stoked to see you up and walking. I was really worried... that while I was in school you would... something would... I thought something was going to happen. I was so afraid we were going to..." Lenalee rubbed her eyes, trying so hard not to cry. She buried her head in her arms on the table, forcing down a few sobs. "I was so scared."

Allen stood up, then knelt beside Lenalee's chair. He didn't know what to say to comfort her this time. All he could do was put his hand on her back. He didn't want to see her cry, and trust him when he says he wanted to cry himself, but he had some dignity not to... Perhaps it wasn't that. It was his stupid pride and ignorance that kept him from crying. Maybe he was afraid to cry. He had been scared to death since his accident that something would happen and there were no words he could say that could comfort Lenalee, because he had none to comfort himself. Soothing words and nothingness isn't going to help in a situation like this. He knows. He's tried and others have too.

"Lenalee, I was scared." Allen murmured, laying his head against her arm. "I still am. But I can smile and move on because I have wonderful friends... I have the best family in the world. I can't pretend nothing happened. The scars are still there, my arm isn't coming back, and I'm not living a dream. It's all real. I fear what might happen to me. I fear another car accident. I fear dying and I fear losing you or Lavi or Kanda. You have your permit and you'll be getting your license soon. Lavi and Kanda both have a license, though Lavi is the only one with a car. I'm afraid to see or hear you guys have an accident like me. I was stupid. I shouldn't have gone. I shouldn't have left without someone with me!"

Lenalee stared at Allen. He was shaking, but he forced a smile. In his eyes there was pain and fear, but tenderness. He squeezed her hand. "I made a mistake and I won't make it again. I've paid the consequence and now I'll be more careful." he whispered.

"The accident wasn't your fault! It was the rain and some of the other drivers. It wasn't your fault." Lenalee told him, embracing him again. "It was not your fault."

"I wouldn't know... I can't remember it." Allen pressed his head against her neck.

"Nothing is gonna happen."

Allen put his hand against his chest, where he was impaled. Touching his chest, though, he felt a piece of his memory from that night flash in front of his eyes and the pain seared through that spot, making him whimper. "I'm scared."

"It's okay. You'll be fine, Allen. You're a strong guy. You can get through this and I will be right there with you like I always have. We'll all be here for you. You're not alone. So don't worry." Lenalee gentle caressed Allen's cheek, making him look at her. "We're all scared, but we have to believe the worst has passed. We will make sure you take care of yourself and we'll work through this together. Lavi is here for you. Kanda couldn't refuse you as you are. You know you're always welcomed here. I'm sure Cross is worried as well."

Allen scoffed "He didn't even visit me."

"No, he did. He sat outside your room the whole time." Lenalee corrected, sighing. "The worst has passed. It has. You've healed and though the scars remain, you are still here. The fear Allen, that's good. It's telling you that you are alive."

Allen nodded, gulping. "But... No, you're right. I'll get through this and I know I won't be alone." Allen stood up, pulling his chair closer and he sat back down. "I'd be stupid to think I'm alone after all this time."

Lenalee stared into Allen's eyes, her hand still on his cheek. Yes, there was fear, in both of their eyes, but there was also warmth and depth. There was life. She hadn't known up til now just how easily a life could be taken. Allen had died and he came back. She won't lose him again. Not until they're in their eighties or something. At the right time. Not now. Definitely not now. He had lost his life, but for some reason he gained it back. For whatever reason this miracle happened, I'm glad it did. We all are...

"Hey, Lenalee?" Allen said softly, leaning forward.

"Ye-yeah?"

Allen's grinned turned into one of mirth as his thumb brushed over her lips. "You're not supposed to be shaving on your face. You're a girl."

Lenalee blushed, not because of his joke, but because of his closeness. Thank God Komui wasn't paying attention. Then she gently punched Allen. He only laughed, eating the whip cream. "Girls get facial hair sometimes. There's a few girls that have sideburns because their hair grows a lot or some have hairs right above their lips and they have to pluck it. Others start growing a unibrow and they pluck those hairs too. Some are even unfortunate enough to have hairy arms or worse! Their stomach can get a little hairy. Sure it's smooth, but the hair is a little more noticable, cause we all know we have hair everywhere on our body, but there are some family genes that-"

"Are you saying your stomach is slightly hairy, just enough to see the strands?" Allen mumbled, gazing at her belly.

"N-no! I'm just saying the facts! I wasn't saying... Oh... Be quiet." Lenalee felt really warm.

Allen leaned forward again, studying Lenalee's face. "Yeah, your have some evident hair between both your brows and you are starting to grow a woman mustache. You need to borrow some tweezers?"

"Are you serious?" Lenalee asked, burying her face in her hands. "I knew I had to pluck my eyebrows and I thought I got those hairs above my lips. Damn family genes! I had genetics!"

Allen patted her shoulder. "There, there, Lenalee." He kissed her hand, then leaned in close enough so his lips barely missed touching her ear. "I was joking, but it's nice to know about your genetics problem. But hey, none of us are perfect."

Lenalee's eyes widened, then slanted. She glared at Allen angrily, pinching his cheeks. "Allen Walker!" she hissed, smirking when he whined. "That is not funny! You do not joke about that to girls! If you even see something like that you don't even mention a damn thing!"

"Ow, ow, ow, ow! Lenalee, let go! I-I'm sor-rry! Ow. Ow. Ow. OW! Lenalee!" Allen whined, doing his best to make her let go, but she had an iron grip. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I won't do it again. I promise!"

Lenalee released Allen's sensitive cheeks, letting his rub away the soreness with a firm frown. Maybe Komui was half right. It didn't feel like anything happened, but you knew what happened, yet you are moving on with all your might. But now she felt guilty! But he looked real cute with his cheeks all pink and he wasn't even blushing.

The only problem now, Lenalee thought, is... How am I supposed to tell Allen I love him?

I'm sorry I haven't updated this story in a few weeks. I understand some might be worried or angry because of that, but don't worry, I will finish this story. I was just focusing on school and my other stories. Pure Colors is getting really in-depth and far, I'm trying to make sure i don't overdo things. But I promise to update this story as soon as possible. I just can't say when. It could be later on today or a week from now. But it will be updated. Promise.

I hope you all enjoyed this.