I'm sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn't turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
-Sorry that I loved you by Anthony Neely
Heads turned as he stepped into the dining room. Loki calmly walked past all of the seated avengers to the far end of the long rectangular table. He dropped down into a chair and crossed his legs. He raised a brow at the sudden lull of conversation. "I know that I'm a rarity around here, but I doubt I'm awe-inducing." Loki quipped sarcastically. His mood had taken a rapid plunge ever since he had woken up that morning. If only he could sleep a never-ending sleep. That would be pleasant wouldn't it?
"Mmhmm. Whatever you say." Clint said with a roll of his eyes. Loki watched with amusement as the man violently stabbed his scrambled eggs. Obviously someone wasn't hiding his displeasure. It was reassuring in a way. One less fool like Thor to worry about. Anyone with a scrap of sense would hate him and he knew it. It was unnerving to have someone pretend to worry about him. Yes, pretend. It had to be a glitch in Thor's wiring because even the youngest of children quivered in Loki's presence. He was made of evil and the littlest babe could tell.
Each of them silently turned away and began eating once more. All conversation that had circled around the table ceased until Thor imprudently thought it was time for it to begin again. "It certainly is good fortune that the world has calmed down over these past few weeks." Thor said cheerfully. He seemed to be unperturbed by his self-pronounced brother's denial. Goodness, it seemed to give him more motivation to try and bridge the gap. Thor was so thick-headed at times.
"After one villain leaves, there will always be another to take its place soon enough." Steve replied casually before he halted awkwardly. Loki sniggered quietly. You could practically read every thought that was passing through the man's mind at the moment. Shoot, I just referred to Loki as a villain. But he is a villain isn't he? Gahh, but I can't refer to him as that in front of his face! I can't believe I said that! Loki shook his head slightly. It didn't take a spell to figure it all out.
A look of calm resignation passed across his features. The look startled those around the table that were just waiting for him to snap back with some cocky remark. Instead Loki shocked them all by continuing to eat his eggs. A few moments passed before Loki realized they were still looking at him. "What? Is that not the title you refer to me with? You call a weed a weed because that is what it is, not because that is what it wishes to be called. I find this is hardly different." He waved his fork to the side only to drop it back onto his plate with a clatter. An electric pulse raced up his arm from the gauntlet. The confounded thing thought the movement was a magical summoning!
Loki refused to let any emotion cross his face and instead pulled back from the table. He moved away from the half-eaten eggs and said, "I will retire to my room." As Thor moved to stand up Loki quickly said, "You needn't accompany me. You will be able to find me in any case and I don't doubt you've sit this to electrocute me if I take a step out of the house." At the startled expression that crossed Tony's face, Loki knew he was correct.
The Asgardean snorted and said, "Thought as much. I shall now leave." He walked away from the table and slipped silently out of the door. As soon as he shut the door behind him, he leaned back against the wall with a sigh.
It was so much easier to put up a brave front in front of a crowd. People act in front of audiences, when they are alone the mask falls away and all that is left is true emotion. He ran a tired hand through his hair as he crumpled down next to the wall. His mussed up hair fell forward as he clamped his eyes shut. "Thor, are you sure it's wise to keep him down here? It's not that I don't trust Stark's gear, but I don't know why you can't just keep him back in Asgard."
Loki choked as he heard the voices in the back room. Bruce's voice was surprisingly serious. Normally the man spoke softly because he was afraid of hurting the feelings of others, but now he spoke with such force. Loki almost laughed at how weak he was, responding to the words of others like this. He was reading so deep into so few words and he was actually being affected by it! Hadn't he been the one who only a day ago said that he didn't want to feel sympathy, pity, forgiveness?
" , trust me when I say that there is good in my brother. Bringing him back to Asgard too soon would be detrimental to his mental health." His mental health? Thor did think he was insane after all. Loki's fingers clawed into the carpets and tore up small tufts of fuzz with great fervor. He didn't know why he felt disappointed at this. His mind was a whirling mess and there seemed to be no hope for it to ever order itself.
He had already come to terms with the fact that he was destined to be the villain, but he had always thought that Thor would always trail after him. It was something he had come to assume over the years, but it seemed like that was false. Thor was going to leave him behind as well.
Thor was harder to hate than the rest of the Asgardeans. The two of them were far younger than most of the others and were not around when Bor had cursed Odin. Thor could not be blamed for his ignorance, but all of the others knew. Their thinly veiled hatred was what really tore him apart as a child. In their eyes he would only be the frost giant, but to Thor there were still all of those centuries where his only title was 'brother'.
Even though Loki had rejected Thor countless times, a part of him always expected that Thor would always side with him. He was stupid like that, but it was endearing. It seemed that even Thor's patience was coming to an end.
He let the carpet muffle his steps as he got up and left to the elevator. The elevator doors opened before him and he quietly stepped up into the elevator. The elevator clicked as it passed each floor, but all Loki heard was the sound of Thor's voice. Thor had said there was good in him, but had said he was deteriorating in the next sentence.
What good was there now? There were only two parts to him. The sniveling one of last night that refused to let go of the past and the selfish monster that wanted to see pain. If strength was what Asgard wanted then it would be what they would get. Hadn't the ones to get to Valhalla all been warriors that fought and slaughtered their foes on the battlefield? It seemed as if the only way to get any love would be to fight and fight. Kill and kill. Was that what was honorable in the eyes of Odin?
Loki didn't get it at all. He had done what all the soldiers in Valhalla did. He waged war on humanity like all of the valkyries, but he was a criminal instead. What a joke everything was. A circle of madness that excluded those it deemed to be unworthy for no reason but for the fact that it was the will of Odin. And Thor wondered why he hated Odin?
Loki exited the elevator and quickly made his way into his room. He shut the door before sliding down against it. There was no way to bolt the door, but if he leaned against it perhaps he could keep them out. He covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes tightly. He gritted his teeth as the voices still continued.
Loki, look at your brother. Why can't you be more like him?
Frost giants have long been our mortal foes. For many centuries they have been waging war against Asgard.
Good job, Thor. You defeated twice as many foes as Loki did. This is cause for celebration!
Odin, I think something is wrong with Loki. He skulks around the palace for who knows what reason. He may be up to something.
Loki boy, you are a frost giant.
You're pitiful at times. Weak and scrawny as you are, can't you at least pick up your sword and spar? I expected more Odinsson.
"Shut up!" Loki cried. "Just shut up already... I get it... Just leave me alone." But they never would leave him alone. They would always be there, always taunting, always teasing. They were the soldiers of Valhalla, brave and bold, mocking the fragility of a mind that was slowly breaking apart.
I'm making an update schedule for myself and Words Like Thor's is going to be a biweekly update! Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9PM NST is when I'm going to be posting. (: Can't wait for that to go on.
Also a quick shoutout to a collab that OwlMay and I are working on, Arrow to the Heart. It's a great BlackHawk pairing fic and I'm really excited with how it's going. Totally different mood from this, but I thought I'd mention it anyways.
And lastly, than you so much for subscribing and reading this story! Whether you have an account or not, I'd love to hear from you! Send me a review and tell me what you think. (; Thanks for reading!