(A/N: Yeah, so...this chapter is really late. It's a celebration of Jasper's birthday, but Jasper's birthday was on November 17th so it's a little late. Sorry, buddy. Jasper, Jo, Kyle, and Kaya are property of SAOSwordArtOnline, previously known as XXKazaXXHanaXX and commonly referred to as "Jo". Bye.)
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
Jasper moaned and stirred his water with his finger. "None of my birthdays are ever happy."
"You're turning fifteen! Isn't that exciting?" Jo squealed.
Jasper shrugged.
"Everyone! Everyone, come downstairs! It's Jasper's birthday!"
Slowly, the room filled with all of Jo's children and she struck up a conductor's pose.
"Alright everyone, I want you to use your worst singing voices, as is Rhyne tradition. Ready, and…BAPPY HILTHDAY TO EWWWW~…"
Jasper buried his face in his hands and tried to ignore the horrible singing of his parents, Kiba, and Chazz, and the random mutters of Kyoya and Sasori. Iori was actually singing the song well against Jo's demands, and Kyle and Kaya made baby noises.
"…TO EWWWWWW~!" Jo finished.
"—YOUUU!" Kiba howled three seconds after everyone else had finished.
Jasper gave one half-hearted clap and fell asleep.
Jo stared at him. "Well…this is officially Jasper's worst birthday, don't you think? He fell asleep right after the song."
"Nah, last year was worse," Chazz said. "Remember? He almost drowned and we saved his life. He hated us for weeks after that."
"Oh yeah. Well, this one was bad too. Anyways, who wants to eat all his cake?"
"Would Jasper even eat cake if we gave it to him?" Sasori asked. "He doesn't seem like a cake kind of person."
"One day I ate a llama," Crow said randomly. "We were staying in some random place and they served llama. I ate it."
"DIE!" Jo ordered.
"…No thanks…"
Jasper suddenly woke up. "You know what? Shut up."
"Nah." Jo shrugged. "Can we eat your cake?"
"I don't care," Jasper sighed.
Jo smiled. "OK. Let's all eat Jasper's cake!"
Together the family pulled Jasper's birthday cake out of the refrigerator and put it on the table. Then Jo cut the cake and everyone got some and ate it, except for Jasper who fell asleep again.
"Presents," Jo announced when everyone had finished. "Someone wake Jasper! He has to open his presents!"
Kyoya nudged the sleeping boy with his elbow. Jasper sat up and slapped him. Kyoya hit his arm. Jasper hit his chest. Kyoya gave up and walked away.
Jo grinned. "OK. This is from me," she told Jasper, handing him a small box. Jasper raised an eyebrow and opened it.
"…water?"
"I got you a box of water! Isn't that exciting?"
Jasper raised an eyebrow. "If I want water I can just get it from the sink."
Jo shrugged. "Well, yeah, but now you have your own personal water," she replied.
Jasper sighed. "Whatever."
"Next!"
Crow dropped a box on the table. "That's from me~."
Jasper sighed again and opened the box. "…This is a picture of you."
"I know!" Crow gasped. "That's, like, the best present ever! Now you can have framed awesomeness on your wall."
Jasper shook his head and moved the box. "Does anyone want to give me something I actually want?" he asked.
Kyoya raised his hand. "I got you a new surfboard," he told his younger brother. "Since your last one broke."
Jasper jumped up and smiled. "Thank you! That's something I can actually use! Now I can go surfing again!"
Kyoya smiled back. "You're welcome, kid."
"Don't call me kid, stupid."
"…Jasper."
"Kyoya."
Jo clapped. "Anyone else have a present for Jasper?"
Kiba gave him a slab of meat, which Jasper didn't care about.
Sasori gave him puppets of the various people he hates, which Jasper delightfully accepted.
Iori sang him a song, which Jasper listened to, and gave him some money, which Jasper didn't really care about.
Chazz gave him a pet cat, which Jasper slept with.
Kyle and Kaya didn't get him anything, which Jasper didn't care about since he didn't care about his birthdays.
Jo smiled at Jasper, sleeping with his new cat and stabbing the puppet of Jo in his sleep. "This was a pretty nice birthday for him," she remarked. "We did pretty good."
Crow nodded. "…well, bye guys."
"Bye everyone."