Disclaimer: Don't think they'd let me write this sort of thing if I did.
What If…?
Warning: M Rated content throughout this chapter
Recap from Chapter 4:
"Kate, are you sure about this…?" Castle asks, already reaching for her.
And she's not sure if he means the forthcoming takedown or what they're about to commit to. All she does know is that it's long past time, and she is so certain. She is so very certain.
"Shhh," she grins, dropping her phone onto the floor with a dull clatter, and then leaning over him, until he has to support her with his arms.
"Never been more sure of anything," she whispers against his cheek, before kissing him again with a complete unleashing of passion this time, winding her arms up around his neck, as they both moan out in pleasure when their aching bodies collide.
Chapter 5: Pursue Your Ambitions & Sing
They kiss for what could be minutes or just mere seconds, it feels so unspeakably intense, both breathing heavily through their noses, neither of them having any inclination or enough self-control left to pull away, captured by the heat and desperate abandonment to the moment.
Castle's hands roam over Kate's back, up and down, fingers exploring every inch of her from her shoulders to the small of her back; kneading, gripping, stroking, cradling, transcribing, while his body moves feverishly under hers.
He breaks them apart finally, moving his mouth from her swollen lips to her neck, grazing her jaw on the way past, panting. Kate arches her back in surprise at the electrifying sensation of his hot, wet mouth open on the smooth slope of her throat, the rasp of his tongue over her skin. But arching into him only brings their lower bodies into deeper contact, and she feels him startle when her pubic bone presses against his growing arousal and his fingers contract fiercely around her upper arms, stilling her.
It's enough to bring them both back to the room and the moment they're in, breaking the spell of transcending lust for a second.
Castle blinks up at her, a shocked expression on his face, and Kate drops her head onto his shoulder, breathing heavily.
"Are you sure that thing is off?" he asks, warily flicking his eyes to the spot on the floor where her cell phone landed beneath the coffee table.
"We're alone," she reassures him, turning her head until it's lying on the center of his chest, tucked underneath his chin, and she can listen to the galloping beat of his heart.
"So…Espo's really gone?" he asks, each puff of air ruffling her hair.
"Do you want to stop? Maybe wait until he can join us?" she teases, smiling into the soft cotton of his shirt, feeling his thumb rubbing up and down her spine without his permission she's sure.
"No!" he stutters in a tone of panic, as if he's five and she means to confiscate his favorite toy.
"Well, then. Ignore my phone," she chides, turning his jaw away, leaning the flat of her hands on his chest and then resting her chin on top so that she's looking up at him, their bodies fully aligned.
The heat between them is incredible, radiating up in waves, warming Kate's face and chest. The buttons on their Henleys rattle and clash with every significant movement of their bodies, breaking the stillness in the empty loft.
"I…I just want to make sure that you know what you're doing," he blurts, mentally slapping himself for all the anxious garbage that keeps popping out of his mouth tonight.
Four years, idiot, he reminds himself. What the hell are you questioning this for now?
"Do I look as if I don't know what I'm doing?" Kate asks coyly, slithering her body up over his to make her point, applying pressure in all the right places, until he groans out loud when she flicks her tongue over his earlobe, and then sucks it into her mouth, nipping the tender flesh with her teeth to make her point.
His hands freeze on her waist, preventing her from moving any further. She could feel with that last maneuver, with the twist of her hips as she slid up over him, that she is so turned on, as if she was unaware before. But she is just so goddam wet for him, so ready, that this first time is not going to last very long unless she tamps down the arousal that's making her ache all over.
Her body is throbbing in places she's pretty sure it has never throbbed before. He smells so good, so familiar, that there is no strangeness being this close to him, other than the intimacy of the position they finally find themselves in, no cuffs or confined trunk space to disguise their intent this time.
This is not like being with the handful of other men she has previously enjoyed 'first times' with; when their bodies were completely unfamiliar, their smell new and confusing, their rhythm out of sync, their touch a completely alien thing. There is no guarantee this will be any less awkward, as they transition from partners and friends to lovers, but they have an amazing head start; four years of pent up passion and denied lust to let go, an intimate knowledge of one another they both barely comprehend the scale of, and right now, that's all Kate can think about.
"No, you seem pretty clear on what you're doing," he agrees tightly, swallowing hard, as he risks letting his lower lip gently graze along her jaw while he still cradles her carefully.
But she can sense that he's holding himself back.
"Castle," she whispers, capturing his lips with hers once more, moaning loudly into the silence of the loft when his tongue pushes roughly into her mouth and he grasps the back of her head, fingertips massaging her tingling scalp when he lets himself off the leash for a second or two.
But he pulls away again, breathing heavily, and it's confusing her, the need she can clearly see in his eyes, feel in him, has known about for months, and this self-restraint he's instigating now that they're so close.
"Kate, are you sure about this?" he pants, frowning, a pained expression on his face when she looks at him, barely managing to focus on the question and stop her body from writhing against his.
"Castle, stop asking me if I'm sure," she laughs giddily, hiccupping when a revelation strikes. "Are you…d-do you have doubts?" she asks, as if this might be an actual possibility, as a mental sinkhole opens up around her and her own insecurity comes flooding to the surface.
"No! No way," he shakes his head. "But you are…sure, I mean?"
Kate giggles with relief this time, letting herself rest completely on top of him, dropping her forehead onto his shoulder, then pressing a quick kiss to his neck.
"I told you already. So, stop asking me and let's…"
She leaves her suggestion hanging in the small amount of space between them, willing him to pick it up and run with it. She hates that it's her fault he's being this timid, this restrained.
"Let's…?" he teases, turning his head to the side so that he can kiss her temple and press his nose against her cheek, absorbing the heady scent of her.
"I want this, Castle," she promises. "You. I want you," she says urgently, moving against him again to let him feel just how much she needs him, slipping her thumb under the waist of his sweat pants and stroking the smooth skin at his back.
She can feel his need too, very obviously pressing against her inner thigh, and in the heavy, racing thud of his heart.
Her phone chimes suddenly, and he jumps in fright, staring down at the illuminate screen as if he expects to see Captain Gates on FaceTime, staring up at them.
"Relax. It'll just be Espo texting Cristobal's address," she soothes, pressing his shoulders back down against the couch. "Relax."
"Kate, we only have a few hours until we have to…"
But Kate cuts his protest off.
"Unless you're trying to tell me you have some sexual superpower I've never heard of, I think the best part of five hours is going to be just fine…for our first time," she adds mischievously.
She's smirking at him, hovering her face close to his, waiting on his response, and he can see a new light in her eyes and that teasing humor he loves. Why the hell is he holding himself back from this?
"Right," he says, trying to sit up with Kate Beckett plastered over his body and an erection so obvious it's embarrassing. And why the hell did he think putting on sweat pants was such a good idea?
"But, if you want to wait…?" Kate suggests, trying to work out why that could possible be a good idea, but giving him the benefit of the doubt.
"No. I…I don't even think I could," he confesses, letting himself look at her again, bashful and apologetic and so obviously aroused by her, before he buries his shamed face in her neck.
She nods in relief, stroking the back of his head, reveling in this chance to finally run her fingers through his hair and hold him close to her.
"I am so glad you said that. Me either," she laughs shakily, covering her mouth with her hand, eyes shining brightly.
"But, hey, we didn't wait four years for this to end up make out on my couch like a couple of teenagers," he says, running his hands up over her sides, feeling the jut of every rib beneath Alexis' thin shirt.
And shit, he just remembered that she's wearing his daughter's clothes. Not cool. Stop thinking about that.
"This palace got a bedroom?" Kate suggests teasingly, brushing her lips over his, letting her warm breath puff intimately over his cheek.
"Please? Yes, bedroom," he repeats, kissing her soundly, before allowing her to tug him up off the couch after her.
She takes his hand, and he lets her lead him across his own living room and then through the door to his bedroom.
Once they're inside, she lets go, and he watches her from near the door as she surveys his bedroom, taking in her new surroundings: Richard Castle's inner sanctum. She looks back over her shoulder after less than thirty seconds, seeking him out, missing him already, needing to have him close tonight.
She holds out her hand to him again, and he comes over to join her.
"You okay?" he murmurs quietly, thankful he left one lamp on to save on some blind fumbling in the dark.
"Never better. How about you?" she asks, wrapping her arms around his waist, so grateful when he does the same for her.
"Confused," he admits, unable to hide from her anymore.
"Why confused? I thought you wanted this too?"
She's not panicking anymore, just wants to know him, to understand what he's thinking so that they do this properly.
"Kate, you have no idea. No idea how much I want this," he whispers, clinging to her.
"So, why the holding back? What's stopping you?"
"You are," he groans, rubbing his hands up and down her arms, and forcing himself away a little.
"Me?"
"God, yes. If I mess this up, Kate, if I…"
"Castle, just stop," she whispers, halting him with a gentle kiss. "You're not going to mess anything up. We have waited, we've been too careful with one another for too long. So you're not going to mess this up because, correct me if I'm wrong here, but we both want this just as badly. Partners," she says, moving in closer to kiss the exposed skin on his chest where his shirt is lying open, licking the soft hollow below his throat, tasting him for the first time.
This seems to be the key, the magic password, the gesture that counts. And when he kisses her again, it's full of passion, but also grateful, and Rick Castle really knows how to do grateful.
He finally begins to take more control. He sweeps his thumbs under the hem of her shirt, sighing when he touches the bare expanse of warm skin at her back, and then he decides that this has to go first. So he tugs the shirt up and over her head in one smooth motion, and then he drops it on a nearby chair.
Kate gives him all the latitude he needs to look at her, to admire her, running her hands up and down his arms as he takes his time, grazing every inch of her neck, her shoulders, chest and stomach with his heated, observant, hungry, writer's gaze; memorizing all of her.
"You are even more beautiful than I imagined," he tells her, kissing her tenderly at the juncture of her shoulder and her neck, warm fingers stroking her back.
Kate watches his eyes cloud briefly when he finally brings himself to look at her scar. She reaches back to unfasten the clasp on her bra, shrugging her arms out of the straps, and then letting it fall to the floor so that there is nothing left to obscure his view.
Then she takes his hand and guides it towards her, touches his fingertips to the small, shiny, pink circle between her breasts, and then leaves them there to explore, giving him permission, letting him know that she's made peace with this damaged part of her now, and that it holds no shame for her and should hold no fear for him.
They both know what this mark has meant for them. The good and bad things that came out of it: his declaration of love the most perfect, her self-inflicted seclusion the most damaging besides the hot metal itself that ripped through her heart and almost killed their prospects for good.
He seems to be in awe of her, circling his thumb gently over the repaired skin, as if touching it will heal all that has happened to them, or reveal even more secrets they have yet to share; a magic portal.
"So, so beautiful," he murmurs, eyes shining with pain, until she crushes her chest against his, whispering, "Enough now," in his ear, kissing his jaw while he holds her tightly. "Enough. We've moved past that now."
Kate needs him to stop being so careful, she needs to see the lust back in his eyes to feel like the woman she knows only he can turn her into. So she mirrors him, lifting his shirt over his head with no further ceremony, uttering a strangled, uncensored, "Fuck!" when she witnesses his body up close for the first time.
Castle's neck flushes with pleasure when he sees how turned on this makes her, how she instantly responds to the sight of his body; her nipples puckering, her cheeks flushed, eyes wide and bright, and he feels a renewed pressure down below as his erection reasserts itself fiercely.
Kate wets her lips and runs her hands across his shoulders, raking her eyes over his chest, fingertips delicately tracing the outline of his pecs, the flat plane of his stomach and the smooth tan of his skin. So much bare skin. She runs her hands down over his arms, breathing in sharply when she feels the firm swell of his biceps under her palms. God this man. What the hell was she thinking keeping this underwraps for so long?
She glances up at him quickly, flicking her eyes, to find him watching her, looking slightly amused.
"Eager, detective?" he smirks, clearly getting his footing back a little.
Kate doesn't even care that he knows, that he can see what his body is doing to her. He'll probably tease her later, but if he doesn't do something soon, they're both going to burst into flames.
"After four years?" she says, arching her eyebrow, while she runs her fingers around behind his back, dipping under the waistband of his sweatpants. "Figure I'm due."
"Hey, no complaints from me."
"Good. Then you won't mind if I take these off?"
He doesn't reply, just watches her begin to push his pants down over his hips, and as she goes to bend, he catches her elbow and pulls her up against him, capturing her lips for a greedy kiss. He shimmies out of the pants by himself, kicking them off while he ravages her throat with his teeth and tongue.
He's actually completely naked now, but Kate doesn't appreciate this until she runs her hands down over the high swell of his ass, and realizes with a jolting thrill that he wasn't wearing any underwear.
"Commando?" she chokes, pulling away to look down at him, and Castle laughs, stunned by how little she's hiding her interest in his body after years of trying to kill his ego at every turn.
He looks stunning, she thinks, muscular, tan, his skin so smooth, and then she stares heatedly at the thick, almost brutal looking erection that's pressing against his stomach, bobbing slightly between them.
She lets her eyes drift slowly back up his naked torso until she finds his face again, waiting for her with that beautiful smirk on his face, that crazy, love-filled light in his eyes.
"Take me to bed?" she asks quietly, leading him by the hand before he can even answer her.
She starts to remove her own jeans, working the button loose and then quickly skimming them down over her hips and thighs until she's standing next to his bed in only her underwear.
He gently turns her by the shoulders so that her back is to the mattress. They tangle fingers, their arms hanging loosely by their sides, watching each other's faces intently. Kate's eyes actually drift shut at the merest sensation of his skin touching hers, electricity sparking from their fingertips and running around inside her like St Elmo's Fire.
They begin to touch one another, to explore, fingers trailing carefully over flushed flesh, mapping dips and curves, finding freckles, moles, muscle and bone that has lain hidden for years beneath a screening layer of clothing. It's slow and deliberate, silent and intense, and so erotic that Kate's eyes close again from sheer sensory overload and the heady, dizzying effect of feeling Castle's naked body beneath her hands for the very first time.
His mouth, tenderly exploring her right breast, brings her round, and she slides her hand across his back, holding him close to her while she watches him lick slowly around one puckered nipple and then suck it fully into his mouth. The raw moan he utters against her swollen breast tissue sends a sharp ache shooting to her core, and she has to grip his arm to steady herself.
He repeats the worship of her left breast with the same dedication, reverence, and care, sucking on her tender, darkened areola while he rolls her stiffened, damp, right nipple between his fingers, smiling wickedly when she drops her head to his shoulder in an effort to hold herself together.
When he breaks away to look at her this time, she sees a change in his eyes, as if a decision has been made, as if he has finally decided that it's time. And she couldn't agree more.
Wordlessly, she drops her own underwear to the floor, so that they are now both naked, and then she eases herself back onto the bed after throwing back the comforter.
She stares at the glistening tip of his erection, transfixed, until Castle kisses her forehead, sliding his hand up her thigh from her knee to her hip, watching the passage of his own fingers as they travel over her skin. He lightly nudges her thighs apart with his knee, and then gently presses her down onto the mattress by her shoulders, placing a feather-light line of kisses up along her neck that has her writhing in sweet ecstasy. She lets her thighs fall further apart, so eager to feel him, fingers gripping the sheets in anticipation.
He steps away for a second, and then she can hear him opening the nightstand drawer and the faint rustle of foil when he withdraws a condom from inside.
"We don't have to use that," she whispers, reaching for his hand and drawing him back towards her.
"You sure?"
Kate nods wordlessly. She slides one hand around behind his ass to bring him closer, stroking up and over his rock-hard buttocks for a few seconds while he stands there staring down at her naked body, definitely not getting used to this sight any time soon.
Finally she wraps her fingers around his wrist and tugs him right to the edge of the bed so that his knees hit the mattress and he's standing between her legs, and then she nods at him again.
Castle leans over her, resting one hand just above her right shoulder, and she lies back on his sheets, slender body unfurling, calling to him. He slips his hand under the back of her left knee and then slides it all the way up the back of her thigh until he's cradling her buttock, and then he lifts her further onto the bed, moving over her at the same time until he can kneel between her legs.
Kate clings to his shoulder and upper arm, almost climbing his body, arching her hips when he cradles her in one large hand until they can settle together on the middle of the mattress. She wraps one arm around his neck, desperate to feel his naked flesh against her own skin, desperate for the weight of his body to pin her down, desperate to feel him inside her now, now, now.
"Castle," she pants, taking her tongue out of his mouth just long enough to wrap her hand around his erection.
He completely fills her palm; heavy, his thick, wide girth, and so hard it sends a buzz of pain through her lower abdomen as she anticipates finally having him.
He closes his eyes in fierce concentration when Kate sweeps her thumb over the silky tip of his arousal, smearing his juice all around, and when she slides her hand down the length of his shaft, he grunts and then grabs hold of her wrist to make her stop.
She can see from the tortured look on his face that he's as turned on as she is, and neither of them are going to last through much more foreplay this first time.
"Now," she whispers, so that he opens his eyes to look at her. "Castle, now," she repeats, guiding him towards her entrance.
He slips his fingers between her folds, cursing when he feels how wet she is, the evidence of her aroused state coating his fingers when he strokes her silky flesh, and Kate's eyes roll back in her head and she arches completely off the mattress, ecstatic at finally having him touch her like this. And it feels so unbelievably good, so right.
"Please?" she keens, reaching for him again. "Castle, please? I need you inside me," she begs, as he dares to tease her with the dip of first one finger and then two, pushing them slowly inside her and twisting in exquisite torture.
"Oh god," she groans along with him, tightening her muscles around his fingers and beginning to rock her hips uncontrollably against his hand. "Mmm, don't," she begs, her mouth going dry with the effort of holding back.
If he touches her clitoris, she know's it's going to be over far to soon.
Castle can already feel the throb of her aroused body at her entrance, how wet and swollen she is, and it turns him on so much that, foreplay be damned, he needs this too. So he carefully withdraws his fingers, and she cries out, gripping his arm fiercely to hold herself away from the precipice she's teetering on when his fingers slide out of her. Then he nudges her entrance with the thick, hot tip of his erection, watching her face as he succumbs to the ecstasy of finally being able to enter her.
Kate sucks in a breath, rising up to watch him, transfixed by the sight of him sliding into her, forcing his way in to fill her up completely.
She falls back onto the bed, letting out a strangled sigh of "Oh God", as her body stretches and adjusts to the size of him, pulsating around the hard length of his shaft.
It's been a long, dry spell for Kate. She hasn't been with anyone since she split up with Josh a year ago, and she knows this isn't going to last long. She feels tight and desperate, so worked up and excited by this point, after all the nerves and the teasing and the effects of lying next to him on the couch all night, pretending to watch a movie when she'd much rather have been lying naked in his bed doing this.
She forces herself to stay still for as long as she can, enjoying the sensation of Richard Castle's body joined with hers in the most intimate way possible. But before long she has to move, needs to feel the delicious friction of him sliding in and out of her before she loses control of herself completely.
Castle is watching her carefully through his own haze of lust. As soon as Kate opens her legs wider and begins to rock against him, her fingers pressing into his back, he takes her lead and begins to move with her, gently at first, a long slide in, and then a long slow withdrawal which seems to tease every tingling nerve between them, drawing moans from their lips that fill up the empty, silent bedroom.
Kate hooks her right leg behind his, running her toes up the back of his calf muscle and then up along his thigh, until she settles her ankle in the small of his back, completely opening herself up to him.
He slides a hand under her, dropping his head down to suckle her left breast, holding himself up on one strong arm, cursing when her teeth nip at his shoulder, pain shooting through him like lightening, before she sucks and soothes the tender spot with her lips and tongue.
His body is on fire, so aware of hers, almost overcome with everything that this means for them.
"Fuck, Kate, you feel sensational," he hisses, thrusting into her harder this time, driving his hips deep, up and into hers.
"More," she urges, arching her body against him, letting out a guttural moan in the back of her throat when the head of his erection nudges as deeply as it can go, stealing the air from her lungs as she clings onto him.
They begin to move faster, more urgency to every thrust, their breaths coming in sharp, burning pants, as the rhythm builds, and they both get closer to tipping over the edge.
"I'm so close," Kate warns him, digging her nails into his buttocks. "So…oh fuck, Castle" she cries, barely hanging on.
"Me too," he reassures her, taking in a deep breath through his nose and closing his eyes tightly, thrusting harder and deeper, trying to hold back for her sake.
"Oh god," Kate screams, biting the tendon at the top of his shoulder, "Castle, I'm gonna come. Fuck me. Fuck me harder?" she pleads, kissing him again, her mouth opening wide as he devastates her with the repeated thrust of his tongue.
He does exactly as she asks, bucking into her, messily eventually, as he wraps his arms tightly around her, holding her against him until they both cry out, falling together. She shudders in his arms, and he feels a flood of relief and joy to be experiencing this with her, finally.
The sheer need on her face, the ecstasy he realizes he's bringing her closer and closer to, and her command to fuck her, all send him over the edge into perfect oblivion, and all he can think as he comes inside her is 'we have to do that again, soon, and then never ever stop'.
It's a cliché, but Kate does see stars when her orgasm hits. Her body trembles around his, strong tremors that flutter and shake her, sending her somewhere else for what seems like whole minutes, until her body goes limp.
When she comes round, Castle is draped over her, holding himself slightly off the bed to stop his whole weight from pressing down on her. He's kissing the smooth skin of her shoulder tenderly, and then he lays his head on her chest for a second or two, listening to the racing rhythm of her heart as they both come down from their high.
Then all too soon, he drops a quick kiss to her scar and begins to move off her.
"No," complains Kate, in a moment of unguarded, post-coital honesty, which she knows she'll pay for later. But for now, her defenses are low, and she has an urge to keep telling him how she needs him, all the ways.
"I'm going to crush you, Kate," he chuckles, feeling their sweat slicked bodies slide over one another when he tries to get up again.
"Stay," she asks him again, more coherent this time. "Just for a minute. Please?"
He relaxes slightly, kissing her cheek. "Okay. But just for a minute. You need to sleep."
She cracks one eye open to look at him, a smile breaking out across her face.
"Sleep?" she laughs, shaking them both with the force of it. "You might sleep, I get that, male thing and everything. But there is no way I'm sleeping tonight after that," Kate warns him, arching into him once more, tightening around him while he's still inside her. "I'm way too wired."
"Oh, jeez. I've awoken the beast," he chuckles, rolling off her this time, until they're lying side by side in bed, and Kate is moaning in complaint at the loss of his body on top of hers.
She reaches for his hand, linking their fingers together, and they lie this way in the near dark for a couple of minutes, not speaking. Then she rolls onto her side and leans up on one elbow so that she can watch him, asleep or awake, she doesn't care, she just has to be able to look at him, to be able to see what they've finally achieved after all this time.
"You're really not going to sleep, are you?" he grins, quickly checking the clock on his nightstand.
They have an hour and a half before they have to get up and get ready to go to the address Esposito sent them.
"I'm too excited," she whispers, smiling like a small child expecting a visit from Santa.
"You're adorable is what you are," says Castle, rolling over to kiss her, sliding his hand behind her neck and his knee between her thighs, stroking his tongue against hers until she's groaning again and reaching for him.
They give up on sleep after round two: a slow, sensual, protracted affair that curls Kate's toes and leaves the biggest, 'I've just had the best sex of my life' grin on her face.
"We have a little under an hour, Kate," Castle warns her, whispering into her hair, as they lie together, resting.
"Shower then coffee?" she suggests, turning in his arms so that she can see his face again, needing to see him all the time tonight to convince herself that they are actually in this now.
He kisses her cheek and presses his forehead to hers, eyes blurring on the soft lines of her face.
"You start the shower and I'll come in and join you, if I may? I'll go put the coffee on."
"More the merrier," she grins, kissing him back, her face so relaxed and glowing, even in the meager light from one small lamp.
"Are you sure you're not drunk?" he teases, poking her in the side until she squeaks and tries to squirm away from him. "No, come back here," he protests, wrapping his arms around her waist and easily dragging her across the sheets, laughing, until her back collides with his chest.
"I am in complete control of my faculties," she declares, snuggling back against him. "Even if can't get this ridiculous grin off my face. Now, go make my coffee, Castle," she demands, pushing him out of bed.
Once he's gone, after she watches the retreat of his amazing, naked body from the bedroom, she lies back against the mattress and stretches like a cat until her muscles cramp and she relaxes completely again, exhausted.
They have finally made it, she thinks, grabbing hold of a pillow and burying her face into it's downy depths to muffle the squeal that she can't keep inside anymore, as she beats her heels against the sheets in sheer delight.
A/N: I know this took me a while to update and I'm sorry. It will not be to everyone's taste, I'm sure. But CastleCrazie, I hope this was up to your standards at least, since you've been begging forever. One chapter to go, I think. Would be good to hear from you. I'll just be hiding…over there. Liv