To be honest I was trying to finish this as a 3 shot, but I'm not really sure how that's going to work out. This (and the others that I will write) are completely different from my older work as anyone who has read the other fics have noticed. I've never written anything this short before... We'll see how I feel (and how you feel) by the end of the chapter.
Merlin went to work and avoided Arthur like the plague. Gwen thought it was impossible to do, but somehow Merlin had managed to only communicate through sticky notes, emails, text messages, and memos.
Arthur was getting fed up with it after an hour, he had no idea how he'd managed it for a week. But by Saturday, he was seething and the weather seemed to agree with him. It was a bitterly cold Saturday even for December. Lakes and Ponds were frozen over, the city was iced up, but there was no snow. Arthur supposed he should have been happy about that, but he wasn't, he really wasn't with Merlin avoiding him as successfully as he was... It was annoying to say the least. But he figured out Merlin's tactics early enough that he wasn't going to let this go. They would speak damn it!
He left early with Gwaine and Percival, went home and stayed there. He went to sleep or ignored the calls if Arthur tried to contact him about anything other than work and somehow the other just knew when it was work related and knew when to cut the conversation so as to not stray into anything else. But Arthur had been a King in his first life and all the royal indignation was roiling and all the latent feelings were too. He was furious and he refused to be ignored by his servant, his private, his secretary or personal assistant for a day longer. He absolutely refused to go to sleep knowing that the matter was still unresolved and burning through his consciousness, leaving him horny and angry in the morning. Thus, his Knights came to his aid once more.
It turned out that Merlin was avoiding any social contact for the week Arthur suffered through without seeing the man. Gwaine and Percival were dragging Merlin out of his house that night and unbeknownst to Merlin, Arthur would be there as well. After a week of calming himself, midnight meditations and magic focusing sessions, Merlin felt a little more himself. Well, as much of himself as he could with dozens of other selves crowding at the edges of his own memories.
He'd never had his magic since birth since the first lifetime...He's also never taken this long to remember. Merlin tried not to over speculate what these changes in the string of repeating lives he had, but the rest of him didn't. They said that there was something else coming. Part of him thought it was something worse, maybe something better. The 21st Century Merlin didn't give a flying fuck as to which it was. He was inches away from turning over that letter of resignation that he'd written and going to work for Gaius. Luckily, he wasn't left with enough space to decide with Gwaine calling and demanding that he come out of his mystical cave and have a bit of fun. He'd taken the offer thinking that he'd calmed himself enough, he had a grasp on his emotions, and Arthur wouldn't be there.
They met up at a pub called L'Morte d' Albion on the outskirts of town, nearer to the mysterious Lake of Avalon around which a lot of myths and legends surrounded. Merlin sneered at the eeire mist, hating it and watching the flickering of the midday suns, midnight moons, and dusks over the centuries. Of him dragging Arthur's body there, sitting there, and screaming into the mist.
Come back, damn you! Don't leave me again!
Let me come with you!
He shivered at that last thought, it had been a dark moment for him that he didn't want to think about, even if it was only technically his. He decided that he needed a drink. His alcohol tolerance was terrible, but he didn't really care for drink as much as company. Merlin arrived after the trio were already settled in. He froze when Arthur's blue eyes met his across the pub and managed to clear his throat and march forward bravely. He would not run, he was in control. His breath came in steadily and left just as easy, his heart was calm, his brain was focused... It was only his memories that rioted and his magic that thrashed in agony at the approach. He wanted to do the same, but he had to be firm. Wasn't seeing him again what Merlin had been preparing for?
He wasn't prepared from the temporal echo of Arthur's face covered in soot, dirt, ash, blood, tears... all ending in a sickly blue hue as Merlin set him adrift through the mists of Avalon and waited until his pseudo-death. He snorted inwardly at the thought as he made his way through the bar earning appreciative looks. Destiny, Fate, and the Tripple Goddess had not even bothered to let him die truly. He only outlived all those he'd ever loved and retro-aged into infancy with no recollection of his former life until his 18th birthday.
You are a cruel mistress, aren't you? Apparently, all the fucked up choices he'd have over his lifetimes wasn't enough. They just thought that he deserved more than that pain. He was a kicking bag for the universe.
Arthur's eyes trailed down his body and Merlin felt it like a lick on his spine. His thoughts dispelled. That look was echoed in so many others that Merlin was lost in the momentary time skip and came back to his body standing at the edge of the booth.
"Alright, Merlin! You made it!" Gwaine greeted. "About time too! Drinks just arrived. Good to see you out of your cave."
They were sitting in a booth and with Gwaine and Percival sitting across from one another, Merlin had little choice. Arthur watched him over the rim of his beer froth and was aware of Merlin avoiding his eyes. He couldn't believe it. He'd been burning up the sheets in his dreams, dragging his fingers through dark hair, staring into blue eyes flashing gold with passion and magic. He'd been driving them both to unspeakable heights and screaming in utter ecstasy and desire... Yet the real life version was taking every effort possible not to share leg space with him. It couldn't have been comfortable, Arthur knew and that had pissed him off more than anything. Rather than talking to him, he decided that it was better to cause himself discomfort. He tried his best to be nice about it, but at the point that Merlin was turning aside and sticking his legs out into the aisle, he said screw it to allowing Merlin to come to him. It was time to start pulling, so he grabbed the other's legs with his own, twisting and twining and dragging them back under the table. The minor scuffle was not lost on Gwaine and Percival who stopped their own amiable chat to look at the two. Arthur looked at Merlin over the sip he was taking, pining him in place and Merlin stared into his beer as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. No one moved and even the bar's chatter had seemed to lull into silence in the moment.
"I-" Merlin went quiet at the look Arthur was giving him, daring him to argue and Gwaine gave a low whistle and took a drink.
"Not at all tense is it?" Gwaine asked. Merlin said nothing but Arthur could feel the tension running through his legs, threatening to shake him out of his seat. He downed the rest of the mug with shaky hands and avoiding his eyes.
"Merlin, " Arthur growled. "Merlin."
He didn't and flinched at the sound of that growl. He couldn't.
"Look at me..."
Eyes glanced and then away, Arthur growled again and grabbed his hand, tugging and their eyes met for a moment and there was a flicker of gold and absolute terror. Arthur was caught off guard for a moment, but squeezed his hand imploringly. His expression softened and warmed to something like understanding and love. It made Merlin's heart beat faster, it made him feel sick, it made every part of his throw up their hands in cheers except for the current one, except from Merlin Emrys Ambrosius of the 21st century. He was spiraling out of control and he hated it. He couldn't afford that devotion the other was pulling from him. He'd spent lifetimes dedicated to this man, never asking for anything and never getting anything. Not this time. He would never do it again, even if he had to-
"Merlin..."
His hands jerked away, pulled his legs away and bolted for the door. Gwaine yelled after him. Arthur followed, chasing after him. Gwaine and Percival looked at each other and sighed realizing that this was a moment for those two... Gwaine toasted to the hope that at last Merlin would get his brains screwed out and Arthur would stop looking as if he'd fuck anything that came close enough. He downed the beer and snagged Merlin's untouched one.
"-or kill it." Percival added and Gwaine agreed.
Arthur hadn't realized the lithe thing was so graceful and so fast. If he hadn't played soccer and rugby so much he was fairly sure that he wouldn't be able to keep up with him through the woods and away from the pub. As it was, he wasn't nearly as fast as Merlin barreling through the woods with no regard to anything, blinded by terror and desperation.
"Merlin! Merlin! Where are you going?! MERLIN!"
But Merlin didn't hear him, not because he was out of range, but because he knew where he was going: away. Away from him, away from the endless cycle, away from everything and out of this life. This was it, he was done. He was done being the punching bag, he was done with the splinters... He was going to Avalon whether they wanted to keep him there or not. He broke through the trees, nearly tripping over his legs and dove head first through the ice and sent a flash of magic to rethicken and harden it. He hoped the ice would knock him out on impact, but it wasn't thick enough for that.
"MERLIN!" He could hear through the ice, but everything was cold reaching through him and he was fighting with his magic not to save his life. The battle took up more time than his body thought and he realized hazily that he was sinking and his heartbeat was slowing down... He was cold... and then so hot...then numb. He didn't feel anything. He could hear another splash but it was all so far away and the lights were falling on him. He was going back to Avalon and if they ever tried to kick him out again, he'd given them a lot more than hell.
Arthur heard the splash and ran towards it, his heart thudding, adrenaline rioting in his veins and everything in him screaming: MERLIN!
He dove in with no regard to the icy depths that welcomed him and pricked his eyes, or the fact that there was no longer any sign that Merlin had dove in. He felt the pain of breaking through the ice and was glad he dove in feet first. He opened his eyes against the sting. He needed to see, his body shuddered, but all he saw were flicks of lights shining out like S.O.S. beacons. Golden flecks and bubbles that he stroked towards to feel a solid, thin hand limp in the water. He grabbed it, pulling the body closer to him and kicked off the floor of the lake. Praying that he would be able to find the hole he'd crashed through before it froze over again, or before he was out of time, he stroked towards the surface of semi-lightfast ice. He cursed and cursed again as he was met with resistance, banging on the ice, running out of time. His lungs burned, he saw a flash of scarlet in the water and felt nothing in his hand as he thrusted through water to hit ice.
Move! Move! Move!
The water was too thick, he pulled Merlin up, covering his lips with his own and giving him the last of his air. He didn't know if it did anything, but it made beat at the ice harder, slamming into it and stroking to keep them close the surface.
Cr-Cr- Crack!
A wave of energy rushing through the lake, through him, and his bloody hand broke through icy water into blindingly cold wind. He thrashed it around to clear space for them to break through the ice and stuck his and Merlin's head up through the ice. Arthur grabbed a plate of ice and slid Merlin over it, holding onto the edge of it over the edge of Merlin's wool neckerchief and kicked up onto it beside him. They weren't too far from shore so the half-shimmy over ice, half-stroking through the moments of broken ice, mostly dog paddling that Arthur managed was enough to get them onto dry earth, dripping ice water everywhere. Shivering as he splayed Merlin out, looked down at him, and yelled at him.
"Merlin! If you die, I'll kill you!"
His mind noticed the irony of that statement but nothing else in him did as he pressed on Merlin's chest: 1, 2, 3-Breathe...
His lips were freezing, his mouth was too. He wasn't breathing.
1,2,3-Breathe...
Merlin, don't you dare die on me!
1,2,3-Brea-
Merlin coughed and sputtered ice water practically into Arthur's breath as his body gulped for air. Arthur thanked the heavens for small miracles before bundling Merlin up in his arms and making his way back towards the pub and to his car, starting up the heater immediately and splaying Merlin across the back seat. He knew he was on the edge of hypothermia too, but he was bigger than Merlin. He found a towel front his stint to the gym and some other clothes that smelled like sweat. Since dirty clothes were a lot better than wet, frigid ones, he moved to get Merlin out of his wet clothes and dried as much as possible. He slipped the man into a pair of his shorts and sat him in front of the heater, wrapping him in the game day blanket in the trunk before climbing into the car and heading home, glancing at Merlin every so often to make sure the other wasn't getting worse. His breathing still came out raggedly, in shudders and shivers. Arthur carried him into the lift and into his apartment as quickly as possible, once again undressing Merlin, cradling his shivering body against his own shivering one as he ran the shower and set Merlin in the tub below the spray. He plugged the drain to let Merlin soak in warm heat. Arthur took the time to get undressed and join him, cradling the younger man up against him and watching the sickly blue grow to an acceptable and vibrant red. He fought drowsiness with moments of running the shower over the both of them and soaking in the hot water. He fell asleep on the couch long after he'd gotten Merlin, and himself, dressed in warm winter clothes, wool socks and tucked the younger into bed. He only hoped that he would wake up before Merlin got the bright idea to run away again.
Merlin woke up under a ceiling he recognized, but was not his own. The room was warm and humid, he was swaddled under blankets in a bed, in clothers that were not his own either. When he sat up it was obvious that it wasn't just some room, as Arthur's mother looked at him with a tiny blonde haired baby in her arms behind polished glass. He was in Arthur's apartment... in Arthur's clothes that were too big for him in ways that made him remember exactly how skinny he was. He was alive and glowered at the idea. Apparently, Destiny was more aggressive than he remembered. It could manage to keep him alive, but had failed to make sure that, without Merlin, nit's plans for Arthur would go through without a hitch, or at least without hitches that would kill the plan. There was a rustle of clothing beyond the door as lightning and thunder struck beyond the window and he remembered how he'd had to have gotten there...
Arthur must have followed him to the Lake... must have pulled him out of that ice and cold, he resented the other for it. Who told him to save Merlin? Why did he always have to be such a hero even when no one wanted him to be?
Damn hetero-male conquering, dominating, hero complex having, overbearing, cabbage head..
"You're awake," Arthur grinned. "I was beginning to worry a bit...How do you feel?"
He didn't say anything looking at his hands as Arthur crossed the room to lay a hand on his forehead which Merlin attempted to evade but failed. Arthur didn't say anything about it, just kept his hand firmly on Merlin's head, until the other was flat on his back.
"Looks like we barely avoided you getting sick...hungry? I made soup."
He could smell it, and unlike all the other times of moments like this, it didn't smell completely terrible... It may have been eatable, but he wouldn't eat it.
"You should really be more careful, evading me is one thing. Tripping into the Lake of Avalon and almost getting yourself killed is another."
"I didn't trip," Merlin said. "I ran to it."
Arthur swallowed looking at the other who glared at him, "Why did you save me?"
Arthur scoffed, "Well, that's a stupid question... I thought it would be obvious."
"You should have let me die."
"And why is that?" Arthur asked. "I must say I don't like this self-wallowing hatred and pity you've got going. I definitely don't like you avoiding me, what the hell was that about?"
"I'm tired..." He said. "I'm going home..."
He moved to get up but Arthur shoved him back on the bed, "It's raining ice and hell out there and I just pulled you out of an ice lake... You really think I'm going to let you walk out into the cold again? Dream on."
Merlin glared, "I could make you."
"You wouldn't ever use your magic against me like that..."
Merlin glared at him and huffed, turning away, "Shouldn't you be off fighting a war or something?"
"I already have."
"Where's Gwen?"
"Probably rocking the twins to sleep with Lancelot..."
"Mordred?"
"Probably boning my sister..."
Merlin glared at him as Arthur sat down, "I can't understand you Merlin... what's wrong?"
But then there was something in his words that Merlin realized... It was the tone and the content. There was that regal accent of his past, the certain annoying and comforting tone of arrogance...and the memories... He'd already fought a war? Merlin would never use his magic like that?...How did Arthur know about his Magic? He hadn't said anything about it in this life time, he hadn't even used it around Arthur... He'd kept his magic for private meditation moments and private times when he was alone...
Arthur remembered? Merlin whirled, grasping Arthur's arms and gripping them more tightly than Arthur had realized that he could.
"What did you say?"
"That Mordred's probably-"
"No... before... the war..."
"I've already fought in them..."
"Which ones?"
Arthur snorted, "Don't be an idiot, Merlin. you know which ones."
"Tell me!" Merlin demanded. "World War One?"
"Trench warfare sucks-"
"World War Two?"
"I don't appreciate your attempt at walking into fire, you could have been killed."
"Camlann..."
Arthur rolled his eyes, "Obviously!"
"You... you... you know about my magic..."
"No, Merlin. I just think that your eyes naturally glow gold and it's just a coincidence that strange and beneficial things happen when they do... Did you hit your head on that ice or are you naturally this stupid?"
Merlin's eyes widened and he curled away from Arthur, but Arthur didn't let him move, crawling over him and pinning him flat with his body weight.
"Get off me!"
"Not until you stop acting like such a teenager and talk to me..."
"I am not... I..."
Their eyes met in the moment of indignation and eons passed before either of them said anything.
"Ar-"
Arthur didn't let him speak, knowing that there would be something ridiculous coming out of it. Merlin thrashed, resisting the feeling of Arthur's lips massaging his own. Arthur slid between his thighs, grinding down against him and pinning his hands above his head. Merlin gasped and struggled, too hyper sensitive for Arthur to shoving his hand down his pants and grabbing hard. His hips jerked, his dick hardened, he screamed and it was all swallowed by Arthur.
Arthur...Arthur... Arthur...
"No-"
"Shut up," Arthur growled, pulling Merlin's shirt over his head and biting down on his neck so he screamed, breaking into shuddering, screaming and blind thrashing. Arthur paid no attention to it, pulling off his clothes, quickly and swallowing his cries.
All of Merlin's memories of dreams and Arthur's recently materialized fantasies flared and Merlin screamed.
"No-"
"Shh," Arthur groaned, yanking a little harder on Merlin's thighs, pressed his fingers into Merlin to stretch him. Merlin whimpered at the feel of Arthur's tongue against his own. He screamed and jerked in his arms, something fell across the room and was hurled across the hall. It was things were shattering, rocking on their own as Arthur over powered him. It was violent, gold eyes flashing, screams and groans.
"Arth-"
"Shut up!"
He whimpered, clamoring to get away from something too intense for him to handle as Arthur's hands wrapped around their cocks, pressed together and stroked hard, reducing Merlin to a squirming mess of sensation and lights. He couldn't! He couldn't do this! This had to stop!
Something sounded like it burst in the bathroom, the bed seemed to skid around and whirl around them, but none of it was aimed at Arthur. It seemed that it was 21st Century, scholarly Merlin, not his magic, nor his heart, but his head that was fighting the most, his body was somewhere in the middle at once reacting to Arthur's skill and resisting it. It was rough pining Merlin down so Arthur could nibble a path down to his prize and swallow Merlin whole.
"NO!" Merlin screamed, thrashing around, pushing at Arthur's head, pulling at his blonde strands in desperation, but his King wouldn't budge. Taking his time to swirl his tongue around Merlin's length and sucking hard until Merlin couldn't thrash, but could only hold on for dear life at the sensations ricocheting through him. Cabinets flew open. Drawers leapt from their places. Forks, spoons, and knives flew around the apartment. Pillows exploded, but Arthur didn't notice and neither did Merlin.
The cries of resistance simmered down to helpless and pleading whines and moans as Merlin squirmed, half for more and half for release, but for freedom all the same. He couldn't do this again. He couldn't do it at all. He wouldn't-
Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin's legs, keeping the open and apart, not allowing Merlin any control over speed or depth but looking up at Merlin's panting and flushed face through the fringe of his blonde hair. He looked so desperate, for what it didn't seem that even Merlin knew. He was crying, tears streaming, mouth open and red, a hand digging into his eye, the other threaded through Arthur's hair.
"N-...No... No..." Merlin breathed, but the rest of the protest was choked on the apex of pleasure that stormed through him.
Arthur took it in, noting the slightly sweet and salty taste of Merlin's cum on his tongue. He pooled it there before sliding up the length of his body and kissing Merlin full on the mouth, allowing him the carnal pleasure of tasting himself on Arthur's tongue. When Arthur pulled back, Merlin's tears were coming faster, steady streams down his face from pure blue eyes. It seemed that Merlin had tired himself out a little and his magic was no longer on a riot.
"No..." Merlin whispered again and Arthur grinned.
"I love you," he said and kissed him once more, before flipping him over and pulling his cheeks apart to slide his tongue over the twitching hole.
Merlin didn't hear it consciously but there was a twist of lightning that made the lights in the apartment flicker before the light bulbs exploded into glass rain. Merlin shrieked and moved forward but Arthur didn't release him, no matter how hard Merlin twisted against the feeling, no matter how hard he pushed at Arthur's head. Pretty soon, Merlin's resistance turned into weak whimpers as Arthur fucked him with tongue and the wriggling mass flicked over nerve endings too innocent for such stimulation. He came again as Arthur began stroking three fingers over Merlin's hole before fumbling for the lube in his nightstand as Merlin squirmed in panic, but melted all the same under Arthur's lips. The sound that came at the entry of the first finger was something like a scream, but more of a muffled yelp. Hands fell hard against his shoulders, over and over again until Merlin didn't seem to have the strength to fight anymore, too overwhelmed by Arthur's presence, the things he was doing to him. That didn't stop him from resisting with whatever semblance of control that Merlin still clung to.
"No..." he breathed as Arthur rose up to crouch on the bed and pull Merlin closer to him, legs spread, cradled in the crooks of his arms. Merlin's arms half-splayed, half reaching. He could see the hickeys slowly getting darker on pale skin and wanted to keep marking it as he slid into Merlin so deep, no sound came from Merlin's mouth, just an open mouth and silent gasp. A whimper and Arthur's groan as he pulled the other's legs farther apart and began a slow and deep rhythm into his warlock.
Dear Goddess, how long had he'd secretly wanted this moment? How many lives had he'd dreamed of this man splayed out beneath him, gasping for pleasure and completion, squirming and calling out to him? Of course half of those things would not happen this night, but the right to kiss him, to hold him, to make love to him without hiding it, without a cover of heterosexuality... How long had he wanted this? Looking down at the still weeping/moaning/gasping Merlin, he could honestly say that it was not as long as Merlin's wait, though probably not far behind. He leaned down to kiss Merlin gently, deeply, teasing with sensuous grazes of the lips and earning his gasping and the closing of his eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Merlin," Arthur admitted, hoisting a leg onto his shoulder and thrusting harder, too deep for Merlin to breath. Desperate shaky fingers reached up to him, nails dug into shoulders, and it felt so good... so right.
All the dreams and imagining that had plagued Merlin's nights for centuries flitted through and burned in pale comparison to the reality of the moment, but a part of him still thrashed in resistance, even as all he could see were the lights of what he swore was Avalon. He couldn't do this, he couldn't! His heart wouldn't make it another time, even if he had this night to treasure forever, he couldn't do it. His soul wouldn't make it. He wouldn't survive it again.
"No..." Merlin weeped, pushing at his shoulders, pulling him closer so conflicted, Arthur, threaded a hand through his hair and brought him close, placing open mouth kisses across his neck.
"It's alright," he said. "Just let me love you...Don't be afraid. I'm here..."
Merlin was tight, tight enough to make him dizzy and refuse to stop. He pulled Merlin up to wrap around him, bouncing him up and down as Merlin held on for dear life hearing Arthur's apology and pledges of love and commitment through the haze that was the shuddering force with which Arthur made love to him. Any consciousness came with the continued flashes of destruction around the apartment.
He didn't find the ability to breathe until Arthur turned him over and Merlin found himself on his hands and knees with Arthur searching for entrance into him. Merlin squirmed and moved to get away, but the King wasn't stupid. He recognized the line of tension running through Merlin and placed one hand between his shoulder blades, the other on his waist, gripping and pushing until Merlin's chest was flat on the mattress and Arthur was fully seated inside him. Merlin flushed at the position, but couldn't stop the gasp of pleasure and the shudder that ran through him every time Arthur pulled him back onto his cock-hard. The steady resounding slap of skin against skin and the ripple of movement that went through him made him dizzy.
"No," Merlin gasped. "No... don't..."
"I love you," Arthur told him, his thrusts getting more sporadic the longer he did. Merlin had lost the number of times he'd come, but it was enough to make everything blurry and dark as if he were tipping off to sleep.
"No... please...no..."
"Come on, honey, "Arthur crooned, reaching around to stroke Merlin in time with his thrust, earning a new yelp of resistance, but no bodily movement that wasn't caused by the snap of his hips. "Come for me darling, come for me."
"No..."
"Tell me the truth."
"No..."
Arthur licked along Merlin's neck, "Tell me you love me."
"No..."
Arthur smiled at his half-conscious defiance, but nuzzled him and squeezed hard until the last tiny whimper escaped Merlin and he lay panting on his stomach beneath Arthur in a daze of completion with the vague understanding that he still existed as a physical entity. Arthur kissed his head, wiped his tears and pulled out of him gently before sliding up to snuggle up beside him and cuddle him close. Arms wrapped around him, Merlin's face resting against his chest, breathing in his scent as he faded off into sleep barely catching Arthur's declaration of love on the edge of of consciousness.
When he woke up there was something stroking through his hair, tracing the lines of his face. He realized it was Arthur's hand fiddling with the waves and curls of his dark hair and tracing the planes of his cheeks, staring with an intensity that brought back the events of the night in full force. His eyes flickered gold for a moment and the space between them appeared, pushing Merlin back across the sheets and out of Arthur's reach faster than Arthur could turn over to catch him.
"Merlin," Arthur said softly,twining his fingers with Merlin's and tugging him. "Merlin."
"I... I can't."
"It's a little late for that,isn't it?" Arthur asked wryly, getting a better handle on him and pulling him back towards him, close enough to share a pillow and Arthur could see all the emotions running across his face. "Talk to me Merlin...We lived in secret enough, you've lived with secrets enough... I won't have it anymore."
Merlin thought it was ironic that suddenly Arthur had a concept of secrets being kept and now that, after the many incarnations, Arthur remembered, he was suddenly against the very thing that had kept Merlin safe for so long.
"Talk to me," he said softly. "Even if you think I won't understand... It's better than keeping it to yourself..."
Merlin bit his lip which Arthur wrestled from between his teeth to suck on gently and gain entry into Merlin's pliant mouth. Merlin whimpered at the feel of Arthur pressing up against him, still hard.
"Talk to me," Arthur murmured, Merlin shook his head and leaned away from him. Arthur huffed, pulling the thin body beneath him with a defiant yank and settling between his thighs. "Talk to me."
"No," Merlin gasped, half-immobilized by the new streaks of sensation shooting through him and making him realize that he was far too sensitive to be touched like this.
But Arthur wasn't giving up, knowing that Merlin was the most honest when he didn't have a choice, when he was beneath Arthur and in haze of pleasure if the state of his apartment was anything to go by.
"Merlin," Arthur groaned, sliding fingers inside the other to draw out a delicious yelp. "Talk to me... or I'll make you talk..."
Merlin's eyes widened, teary blue and terrified at the prospect even as Arthur was stretching him and sliding down the length of him. Merlin shook his head, moving to scramble away but Arthur was faster. He'd already caught him, locking his hips still as Merlin mewled and trembled.
"Talk to me."
"Pl-Please... no..."
Arthur didn't bother arguing but taking a long lick across his spine and sliding down, lower and shoving his tongue inside him. Merlin shrieked and fell forward under Arthur's care, trembling, twisting trying to fight it but it didn't work. Arthur was too good, he seemed to know Merlin's body too well (which was frightening considering that in no past life had they been anywhere close to this).
"Arthur, Arthur..." Merlin moaned. "Arthur..."
When Arthur began to stroke him, all the resistance gave way.
"Arthur... more...more~," he whined, gasping at the feeling of Arthur's tonguing him. The tears had started up again and he couldn't stop squirming, pleading. "Please... please... more... more...more!"
Arthur pulled back and flipped Merlin over at the height of his pleading making the man a mess of desire and pleading. Merlin reached for him desperately, but Arthur pulled back, his eyes trained on him.
"A-Arthur..." he whispered. "P-Please..."
"Talk to me," he whispered froze and Arthur stroked him, pulling him back to the gentle disposition of pleading, obliging. "Talk to me Merlin. What's wrong..."
"I... I... Arthur... "
"Talk to me," Arthur pleaded.
"I-I... I c-can't..."
"Yes, you can. It's not that hard and contrary to prior lives I have learned to listen even to the completely vague hints. It didn't take too many life times to learn that when you cry, it's for a reason. A deeply disturbing, life altering reason..."
Merlin couldn't even muster a chuckle, but sniffled pitifully as Arthur kissed him again.
"Talk to me..."
"I can't..."Merlin whined.
"What do you mean you can't?"
"I can't... I won't..."
Arthur grinned, he loved a challenge, pulling Merlin's leg up over his shoulder and pushing in swiftly earning Merlin's silent scream and ribbons of white shooting across his abs in a hot, sticky mess.
"I think you can, and you will.."
Merlin shook his head, he didn't understand. Arthur never understood, he never heard and Merlin hit his shoulder hard.
"You're not... I can't! I won't!"
"You can't and won't what Merlin? Let yourself have me? Let me have you? Let this happen? It's already too late for that," He punctuated the statements with hard thrusts. "You're mine, I'm yours. It's always been that way. What the hell are you so afraid of?"
Merlin shuddered with each thrust, hanging on and pulling Arthur to him, drowning in those full lips and passion.
"I love you,"Arthur pleaded. "Just talk to me..."
"I can't do this any longer," Merlin whispered. Arthur slowed to a stop, gazing into teary, weary, and flickering blue eyes. "I can't...My heart... my soul can't take it anymore..."
Arthur regarded him and wondered since when did Merlin's eyes get to be so old? So world weary? He sniffled, his body trembling and Arthur sat up to give him room to breathe and think without him in his psychic space.
"What are you talking about?"
"I can't... even if I had this memory to last forever... even if I remembered every time after this... I can't... I can't take it anymore." Merlin confessed. "I can't love you now knowing that the next time you may not remember, knowing that next time you may not love me either... I can't watch you die again and again in my memories and wait... and grow old and reverse in what feels like a breath... I can't go through this again. My soul can't take being ripped apart again. I can't take striving towards this Golden Age and never knowing if it will happen, what will go wrong and having nothing to show for it except your death and another lifetime of suffering... I can't believe in destiny anymore... I don't believe in this anymore...I don't believe in the Golden Age... I don't believe...I can't..."
Arthur waited as Merlin shook his head.
"No matter how much I love you," Merlin whispered, cupping Arthur's face in his hands. Arthur's heart rushed into a thudding pace. He couldn't breathe and was smothered by the absolute devotion and love in the other's blue eyes. He couldn't breathe because they were just so sad... Did it hurt that much to love him?
"No matter how many time I've dreamed of this moment... of a chance where you may remember and come to love me as I've always loved you... No matter how much I've always wanted, dreamed, and hoped that we could share a Golden Age together...I can't loose you, like I always do, I can't take loving you again...I can't believe it anymore..."
"I don't understand..."
"If you asked me to stay here with you... if you asked to have me. I would... but when you wake up in the next life, with no recollection, I will have already killed myself."
Arthur frowned looking down at him. There was a depth of emotion that he couldn't reach in those blue eyes that made him want to pull the other closer and love away all that pain... At the same time, he knew that wasn't possible...not until Merlin realized exactly how silly he was being. He was going to kill himself this way. He was making it worse. Yes, most of it was Arthur's fault but they were together now, surely he wasn't too late. Everything in him wanted to ask, What about now? What about the Arthur of the 21st Century? What about the Merlin of now? Didn't they deserve a chance?
Arthur shook his head, kissing Merlin's palms. He wasn't being silly, he was trying to protect himself as much as possible. All those memories were pushing in on him and none of Arthur's versions knew the depth of everything Merlin had gone through... the darkness he'd survived and battled with to give Arthur his time to rise in strength. He'd never known about all that strength...Given the depth of pain that he was sure that Merlin wasn't going to let him see...he didn't have a choice. As much as he hated to let Merlin go without having a proper talk, he wasn't going to get it until Merlin was ready to talk... He wouldn't get it until their suffering had been prolonged and Merlin realized the fallacy in his argument, or was ready to listen to him. It would do no good to point out now, it would only drive him away.
So he nodded with a sigh, "Okay Merlin...okay."
His eyes widened feeling his insides seize up as Arthur leaned down to lay atop him and stroke his fingers through his hair.
"I know this wonderful brain of yours well enough... to know that I can't tell you why I think you're wrong. I also know that I've hurt you enough for you to be so closed off from anything I could possibly say that it would be a waste of time to say it..."
Merlin waited, watching his face as he leaned in again to steal another kiss. Merlin flinched.
"Can I ask something of you though?"
Merlin worried his lip and nodded hesitantly. There was very little he wouldn't, couldn't, and hadn't done for this man.
"For tonight and tomorrow, until we get back to work... could we... Not go the route of destiny?"
Merlin frowned but Arthur trudged on.
"Could we act like who we are in this century...is all we are? Meaning that I get to detain you to this bed with sexual favors and passion, feed you, love you, and drive you home on Sunday night. Until then, could we just be Arthur and Merlin two men in the 21st century? The most cliche of a boss and his personal assistant in love and spending an inordinate amount of time in bed together?"
"I..."
"Think of it as a chance to live all those fantasies... I don't think we'll get through all of your role-playing ideas tonight, but I'm sure we can hit one from each era. What do you think? On Monday, I promise, we can go back to being this conglomeration of lives."
Merlin flushed as Arthur grinned. It was tempting but he didn't think he could manage that degree of freedom without missing it later... It wasn't a difficult request and everything in him wanted to jump at it...
"I..."
"I promise to keep you sexed up, fed, and 's two days of bliss and fantasy.I think destiny and obligation can give us two days... "
Merlin bit his lip again, wary and Arthur kissed him. Merlin sighed and nodded in agreement. Arthur was right, they were off work anyway so it was okay... and... he deserved it. Determined to add to his collection of fantasies and memories to keep him through the rest of the miserable lives, that he was sure to come whether he wanted them or not. He felt that in his next life he'd remember it fondly and it would keep him warm, it would keep his dedication to Arthur, his love for him alive in ways that simple camaraderie couldn't. It would keep him from slitting his own throat when something happened or when he introduced Gwen to Arthur.
Arthur had other plans for the two days of splendor. He planned on learning every spot so when the two days were over, Merlin wouldn't be able to take a shower, look in the mirror, or do anything in his apartment without the thought of Arthur's hands on him, without the memory of what he looked like in Arthur's arms as he slammed into him. Yes, it would be two days of intesive mental hacking. He was glad that he'd been working so much with all the frustration of the passed weeks, it came in handy.
If there was anything that Merlin could say about Arthur, it was that he was a man of his word. When Arthur said that it would be two days of bliss and fantasy... it had been that and more. As a lover, Arthur pushed hard and teased, tickled, and baited him into ecstasy forcing him to expose part of himself he hadn't known existed. Some time after the pact was made, Arthur went to answer the door of a curious neighbor and the police due to the pandemonium of the night before.
"Apparently there was a disturbance..?" The Police officer ventured. It was hard to get anything out when the man looked so cheerful and preoccupied in his sweatpants and nothing else. The woman beside him flushed but Arthur didn't care.
"Oh... nothing serious just a lover's squabble, everything is fine now..."
It had taken ten more minutes of kind smiles and assurances before they left from in front of the door. He closed it and looked around, Merlin had done quite a job and he felt himself puff with pride. At least he knew for sure that the sex was good. When he returned to the bedroom, stepping over broken glass and small streams of water coming from the bathroom, Merlin was swaddled in a sheet, blushing and looking around the chaos of the room.
Arthur grinned, "Don't get too comfortable sitting up yet... Are you in pain?"
Merlin shook his head, blushing and murmuring an apology for the mess along with a promise to clean it up. Arthur crawled back into bed, pulling his sweats off and pulling Merlin up against him as his eyes glowed gold and a ballet of repair began around them. Arthur stared in wonder at the glowing orbs and waited until the stopped before assaulting the man for their first early morning tumble. Merlin groaned and pleaded for mercy which Arthur allowed, giving him ample time to think in between each thrust... He was sure that Merlin was too preoccupied with the feeling of being stretched to his limits to actually think if the indistinct murmuring and whimpers were anything to go by.
Around noon they headed to the bathroom which Arthur made good use of, molesting Merlin up against the mirror and basin and making sure that Merlin was watching them, ordering him to watch his own face as Arthur licked, sucked, and fucked him senseless. The same was true of the shower, the glass was an almost perfect mirror, and within view of the mirror across the way. Arthur made breakfast and forced Merlin to sit in his lap on the couch, lounging, eating and watching some random television show before Arthur found the energy to get frisky again. Merlin was beginning to realized that Arthur was already to go mainly because the cum tally between them was leaning heavily towards Merlin.
When he tried to point that out Arthur only scoffed, "You're a virgin Merlin, at least you were. If I can't make you come at least three times more than myself then I am in trouble."
Merlin flushed validating Arthur's guess at his state of innocence. He'd have to ask how many life spans had it been in place, but Arthur could guess. He smiled and kissed him as the lay spent on the kitchen floor.
"Call it the beginning of a very extensive reparation payment for the splinters..."
Merlin gawked and tensed, but Arthur didn't let it linger long enough for Merlin to think about it. Most of Sunday was spent licking various substances off of Merlin and screwing him into various surfaces. He drove Merlin home, fully sated at around ten o'clock after the warlock had made sure to fix up his apartment. Before Merlin got out of the car, Arthur had blown him across the console and fingered him into a daze of completion and breathlessness. Merlin stumbled into his flat in a haze of ecstasy and exhaustion. His lips tingled with Arthur's gentle, tender, and deep kiss goodnight and the promise to see him in the morning. Merlin entered his flat and collapsed across his bed fast asleep and flushed.
It was no surprise when Merlin came rushing in Monday morning seconds from being late with an awkward gait of someone who was not in control of his own body. Arthur grinned in pride as Merlin came stumbling in looking like he'd had his enter center of gravity thrown off. He'd brushed off everyone's concern saying he just had a rough weekend. Gwaine snickered and walked into Arthur's office demanding to know.
"So all of Saturday?... Most of Sunday?"
Arthur grinned, looking up from his documents, "I blew and fingered him outside his flat Sunday night... All of Saturday, all of Sunday."
Gwaine nodded in approval and told he was proud of his cousin before swaggering out as Merlin walked in under the cover of complete professionalism. He read off his list of things to do and set down another stack of pages before apologizing for his lateness.
"Don't worry about it Merlin, you had a rough weekend."
Merlin turned on his heel and promptly walked out and the week continued like this, easing back into a gentle remembrance of their lives before the weekend of fantasy. Arthur smiled at him like he always had, but there was something else. Of course, nearly any where he turned in his apartment he was reminded of Arthur. The couch, the bed, the kitchen, it was getting so bad that he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror without a boner... He'd never been one for wanking off, but he'd found it the only alternative to going back on his promise. Being at work was practically worse, but it wasn't just the physical response. (He was sure that he couldn't have been classically conditioned to get hard and squirm after a weekend of sex). He chocked that up to having been an eternal virgin before Arthur's thorough debauching. There was something else though. Something bothering him, he didn't know what it was until Uther stormed into the office. No one was in a intra-company meeting. But Merlin was giving a presentation about their progress and the managerial issues to be discussed as well as the recent company polls.
"As you can see, the jump in general company satisfaction and belonging has-"
The door flew open, Merlin looked up to see Uther glaring at him. He felt his entire body tense in defense and he nearly ran in front of Arthur. What was that feeling?
"Arthur Ivan Pendragon!" Uther thundered. "How dare you defy me! How dare you do this?"
Gwen's jaw dropped as did several other people's. Uther glared at them and then Merlin, but he didn't care. He dared Uther to go anywhere near Arthur. A fantasy of finally getting to murder him for lifetimes of wrong came to mind.
"Leave us! Get out!" Merlin didn't move but the rest of the team moved to get up.
"No," Arthur said calmly. "Sit down."
They swallowed.
"I think you've disobeyed me enough for your life time-"
"Don't make this a contest of wills, father."
"A contest of wills?! You have no will! This is my company! And it will be run-"
"Into the ground," Merlin said. "If things kept going the way they were."
Uther gawked, "How dare you..."
"It is not your company," Arthur replied. "I've read the reports father, we've been on a slow plummet for a very long time."
He went silent as Arthur picked up the pages.
"We've been running towards bankruptcy for a very long time. We've lost more employees in the last year of your being C.E.O. than in the history of the company. I can't say at what point you managed to do this, but it's happened father and whether you realized it or not, Camelot would have fallen had you stayed any longer."
"How dare you-"
"How dare I?" Arthur growled. "You've burst into a staff meeting of the utmost importance. You're yelling, getting louder and louder as if it will make all the logic in the world bend to your will. As if it will make me bend to your will. It won't father, not any longer. I won't sacrifice the well-being of thousands of people for you. I won't betray the people of this company for your pride. Now, you are welcome to wait in my office until we are done and be abreast of the situation, or stay for the meeting, but we continue, now."
Arthur took a seat, turning his back to his father and drawing up an empty chair at the edge of the table as Merlin pressed on through his presentation, commanding the attention of the staff. Uther growled but stormed out and he could see that Arthur had taken it harder than he let on.
After the meeting, Arthur walked into the C.E.O. office and closed the door. Merlin knew that it was practically the first knock-down drag out fight between the two and would probably be the only depending on how it went. There were raised voices coming through the door, the sound of things being disturbed and turned over. Arthur opened the door with Uther screaming after him but he didn't seem to care. His briefcase in hand, his keys ready and a red bruise sprouting over his cheek, he stormed through the cubicles as Uther came out glaring at Merlin.
"And consider yourself fired!"
Merlin wasn't listening, going after Arthur who was a lot faster at escaping than he thought because by the time Merlin made it to the parking lot, Arthur' car was already streaking out of the parking lot. He turned back with a growl and began to call the man, but there was no reply. Gwaine appeared with a grin and gingling keys.
"Get in," Gwaine said and climbed into the car. "There's only one place he'd go..."
Merlin didn't understand why they were driving out to an emptier side of town towards an old house, but true enough ARthur's car was parked there. Gwaine left to get back to work but told Merlin to take care of him, even if he's helpless. With the advice, Merlin stalked up the hill to knock on the front door. An older woman opened the door in shock and blinked.
"Hello, I'm looking for Arthur..."
"Oh... I'm not sure if he'd... like to be disturbed now..."
"It's important... please, I only want to speak to him..."
She looked wary but allowed him passage, pointing him towards the garden. He walked through the small green grove of flowers that he couldn't name until he heard Arthur's voice.
"I don't understand him at all! I would have thought he would have been sensible, concerned with his company's success, but all he seems to care about is his stupid pride and legacy! Saving face when everything could come crashing down! Just to think what would've... And he hit me! Not that he hasn't before, but..." Arthur sighed and Merlin heard a thud on the ground.
"God... I must have looked so pathetic... no wonder Merlin doesn't want to be anywhere near me... He probably got tired of trying to coax me into confidence..." He snorted. "You would say that Mom...'
Merlin bit his lip and rounded the corner to see Arthur kneeling in front of a stature with a plaque at the foot that read Igraine de Bois Pendragon , loving mother and faithful wife. May you be remembered always.
"I just... I just wish you were here... It would have been nice to see you chew him out about this bruise on my face...And all the other times... and give me a hint as to how to handle Merlin... I don't know what to say to him... I don't know how to explain to him that I love him and how much... That more than anything in all the lives we lived, he was more important that practically anything else... He was always there and though I didn't always know why, I never wanted him to go. I only wanted him to stay but too afraid to say that... too afraid to say that I was lonely and he was the only thing that always felt genuine. I never wanted to cause him pain... well at least not once we'd become friends...Why is it that you're always... I mean you always die without me meeting you... I'm emotional stunted and I don't know what to say."
Arthur sighed again, "I guess... I guess I shouldn't... hope for much and just... I don't Mom... Father's bound to be furious and unless he ends up back on his death bed..."
Merlin stepped a little closer, drawing Arthur's attention. He whirled and his eyes widened before turned away to hide the bruise on his face. When they're eyes met Merlin could only chuckle on the inside. It wasn't just an eternal love, or destiny... It was Aethur... It was Arthur's ability to call from him devotion, love, and a willingness to give his life in every lifetime. It was Arthur's ability to lead him and give him a focus for his powers in teaching him how powerful his charisma was. It wouldn't matter if in another lifetime neither of them remembered, just as it hadn't in the first... Arthur naturally inspired Merlin's devotion...
Is that what you needed me to realize this time?... Is this why we're back? Is this to save Albion? Saving me?
"I guess Gwaine brought you-"
Merlin cupped his cheek, turning him towards him with soft eyes, "You prat."
"What?"
"Why couldn't you have said all that to me?"
Arthur flushed and cleared his throat, "How... long have you been standing there?"
"Since I don't understand him at all."
Arthur flushed as Merlin drew him closer and kissed his lips, trembling and a little hesitant but it was a kiss that Merlin initiated. He would take that wondering if there should be any stock in the emotionally gooey when it came to Merlin. If it would earn him the man's presence so close to his own, he'd run to the nearest hill and scream it if Merlin wanted.
Arthur licked the taste of him off his lips, "What happened... to all those lives?"
"They're still here...but it's this one I'm worried about right now."
Arthur blinked, earning another kiss, "I don't want to spend another one utterly alone... even if it's just this one... Even if it just a few years that I get to have you..."
Arthur sighed at the feeling of Merlin against his chest, "So... does that mean you're mine? And you won't destroy my apartment everytime we have sex."
Merlin flushed, "I... I'm sorry. I've never lost control of it like that before."
"Don't say that, I love making you lose control."
Merlin swatted him.
"How do you feel about moving in with me?" Arthur asked.
"Don't you think we should find jobs?" Merlin asked. Arthur scoffed.
"Don't be stupid Merlin, obviously, but I've saved up more than enough for unemployment."
"Ah... only a dozen lifetimes to learn basic life skills... what a wonder."
"Are you going to do this every time?"
"I think I deserve it."
"Are you ever going to tell me... the rest of everything?"
"... Maybe."
"Not even to emasculate me? Not even to knock me down a peg or two?"
He snorted, "That doesn't require a dozen of lifetimes to do, clotpole."
Arthur tossed his head back and laughed not even realizing that his phone buzzed nearby with the news that his father had died alone in his office. They would deal with that later and face the future of Camelot in due time. For now, they were Arthur and Merlin as they should have been a millenia ago: close enough to share breathing and never apart. Arthur still thought that it was a matter of opening up and once again Merlin was actually the smarter one of the pair. They would live out their life without a death at Camlann, without a burial at Avalon... all that would have to wait until the karma was returned to Merlin in all fairness. After Merlin's soul had been healed with the love he'd been missing from all the others. After all, how would Arthur save Albion in the next life without Merlin there? And Merlin couldn't very well be there without a soul.
When they moved in together, Merlin found himself humming bars of "What About Now" as they unpacked their new flat and grinned at Arthur's form across the room.
You are a fickle mistress,Merlin thought. But I suppose you do somethings right. Even if it's a fucked up last minute fix it job... I'll take it.
There were worse people he could be wrapped in an eternal relationship with after all.
Like Cenred...
"I can practically hear your thoughts. Are you done unpacking?"
Merlin gestured to the stack of empty boxes and Arthur huffed, "Cheater."
Merlin snorted, "Work smarter, not harder."
Arthur huffed, "Are you going to unpack the rest of the house?"
Merlin snorted, "But we were supposed to unpack in halves..."
"Work smarter not harder."
Merlin laughed harder than he had in a long time. It echoed through the flat and swelled as Arthur's joined his alongside his. The flat was as happy as they were and for the span of their lives, they were never alone again.