Too Sexy For the Law
Chapter 2: Oo-de-lally
"Oh my god…" Tina breathed sinking to the couch in a state of shock and the image of Macy on the screen looked around in bewilderment as Jason spoke.
"W-what are we going to do? We have to get her out."
"And how are we going to do that?"
"We've done it before, we can do it again." He declared trying to sound confident but only managing to make himself sound pitifully helpless.
"That was different." Tina went on to state what Jason already knew. During the exchange Macy wandered among the trees looking like someone playing a game of hide and seek. She peered around tree trunks, in a hallowed out log, down a rabbit hole and even under a large rock. But when there was a pause in the conversation she stopped and cocked her head to the side as if listening for something.
"Hello?" She called to the forest in general again, once more with nothing but the angry chattering of wildlife as a reply. Tina and Jason turned their attention back to the screen in a hopeless daze.
"How are we going to fix this?" Tina questioned pitifully in the hope that some deity somewhere would take pity on them and provide some sort of divine intervention.
"Don't ask me." Macy remarked from beyond the TV screen. Jason's head snapped up, Tina blinked repeatedly as her mouth opened and closed like a floundering fish. They both looked from Macy to each other and back again.
"Mace…" Jason began slowly crouching down level with the screen as he moved closer to it while Tina scrambled off the couch and crawled around the coffee table and across the floor to sit beside him. "Can you hear us?"
0o0o0
Stranded in the woods with not another human being in sight Macy could in fact hear them. But she wasn't hearing them the way one normally would, the voices of Tina and Jason were not reaching her through the ears as the rest of the sounds around her. They had a strange echoing quality to them and seemed to be coming from directly inside her head. It was almost how she'd always imagined the voice of Death, the way Terry Pratchett described it.
"I can hear you," She replied looking up into the branches above her and moving in a half circle. "But I can't see you…" The nagging thought that she'd had the moment she'd heard them speak finally hit home. "You're not here are you."
"No." The voice of Jason manifested itself somewhere in the back of her mind. Macy nodded numbly and forced herself not to panic or cry.
"We're not there," Tina's voice appeared in the reassuring I'm-here-for-you tone of best friends everywhere. "but we are with you and we're not going anywhere."
That fact in some small way did make her feel better. Whenever they weren't with her Macy had always felt like the where there in spirit, now it was only a little more literally. But their blatant lack of physical presence made her feel very alone nonetheless.
"Come on," Jason's voice coaxed. "let's see that smile." And Macy, like so many times before, unwillingly broke into a shy smile. "That's my girl." But as the implication of his words hit her it faded.
"Wait, you guys can see me?" At the moment of silence that followed the question Macy rolled her eyes. "Stop nodding."
"Sorry." Tina's voice spoke quickly. "And yes we can see you."
"How?"
"You're live, in color and high definition." Tina teased feeling the panic that had welled up inside her begin to recede.
"I'm on TV?" Macy broke into a sly grin and struck a red carpet pose. "So how do I look?"
"A little bit lost actually." There was a dull 'smack' and an 'ow' from Jason as Tina punched him in the arm and Macy giggled to herself.
"So, neither of you wouldn't happen to know where I am, would you?" There was an awkward pause from the basement end of the conversation and Macy groaned. "Don't tell me I'm in England." She pleaded of the world in general as she flopped down on the fallen log and buried her head in her hands. "It was hard enough sending Lancelot, Dag and Tristan back to there deaths last year, don't tell me I have to experience them up close!"
"Mace calm down. You are in England, but King Arthur has nothing to do with it." Tina reassured her, to which Macy looked notably relived as Tina went on to explain their theory. "From the DVD you put into the machine before you, er… disappeared. Jason and myself believe you are either in or near Sherwood Forest."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Second season Sherwood to be exact." Jason's voice replied matter-of-factly. Macy stood up from her perch on the log and peered around with a new outlook though it still wasn't enough to tell her which direction to go.
"Well," She began with a sigh. "as helpful as that was, it wasn't very helpful. How am I supposed to get out of these woods? I mean I could be wandering around for hours, days even and I have no shoes." She looked down to her feet and wiggled her nude little piggys.
"Hmmm…" Jason hummed as he attempted to think and Macy rubbed her temples at the slight buzzing sensation it was giving her brain.
"I know!" Tina stated finally, sounding very proud of herself. "The outlaws are always there the moment there's any sign of trouble."
"Point being?"
"Scream bloody murder and see if anybody shows up." Tina beamed, Macy on the other hand looked under whelmed.
"That's it? That's your master plan?"
"No, I get it." Jason commented sounding impressed. "Make the fandom work for you, it makes sense in a weird sort of way. Besides Mace you've got a scream like a banshee, it's bound to carry." Macy huffed; she had always hated her girly scream.
"Fine."
She took a long deep breath through her nose and when her lungs felt as if they were about to pop she opened her mouth and screamed. And it was every bit girly, long, loud, and very high pitched; the classic horror movie scream. When it ended all three waited anxiously for something heroic to happen, but other then the wildlife once again voicing their displeasure at Macy's loud behavior, nothing happened.
"So much for making the fandom work for me."
"Well maybe that's a good thing." Jason mused out loud.
"What? You just told me to go for it."
"I know, I know, but seriously with those clothes and the Canadian accent who knows how locals will react to you." Macy sighed.
"Well I'm no stranger to accents," Macy thought back on their drama days. "I'm pretty sure I can fake the British thing, though…" She looked down at herself and took stock of her appearance, a plain white tank top, a pair of old worn blue jeans and a studded black belt. She pulled at one of the holes in her pant leg as she sat back down. "Okay, so I stand out, even with this fandom's wardrobe department. But what am I supposed to do? I've got no food, no water and eventually the sun will go down. It's a proven scientific fact."
"Oh please the woods are nothing new for you, it'll be just like survival week at summer camp, you remember." Tina encouraged.
"I remember Jason accidentally setting his pants on fire."
"Oh one time!" The man in question cried indignantly. The girls just giggled. "And that was just our first year, besides I was not the one who was chased through the obstacle course by a killer rodent."
"It was a bear!" Tina's voice quickly defended.
"It was a raccoon." Macy confirmed with a giggle to her voice.
"Well it was rabid."
"Alright, alright, I might survive. But that's not the point, you guys have to get me out of here." Macy slid off the log to kneel on the forest floor and clasped her hands together. "Please."
"Alright… just hang tight a sec I'll be right back." There were a series of loud thumps, which Macy assumed, were footsteps on the stairs above the TV, but it sounded to her ears like more then one set of steps.
"Hello… Tina?" The lack of an answer confirmed that she'd followed Jason from the basement, So for lack of anything better to do she got up off her knees, brushed them off and continued to walk through the forest.
0o0o0
"You do have a plan yes?" Tina questioned as they emerged from the basement stairs and walked around the kitchen table.
"I've got a theory."
"That it's a demon." Jason paused in his rummaging through the cupboards to look back at her.
"What?"
"Sorry, never mind. Is a theory in your mind the same thing as a plan?"
"Somewhere between a thought and an actual idea."
"So you've got nothing." Jason paused in his rummaging to look back and give her the evil eye.
"Why don't you go back downstairs and keep Macy company."
"Okay, geez I can take a hint." As Tina turned back to the stairs her eyes settled on Macy's laptop perched on the table where she'd left it earlier. Scooping it up Tina headed back down to the basement.
0o0o0
Macy was about to stop and give the scream-for-help tactic another try when an eerie tune began to sound through the back of her mind. After a brief pause she identified it as one of only two songs she had by Marilyn Manson. It wasn't like when songs usually got stuck in her head, for instance this song had no words to it and it had a strange echo, like the voices coming from her basement; she grinned to herself.
"Tina shut that off."
"Aw, come on Macy, it's not the same without a sound track."
"And your choice soundtrack for the Robin Hood verse would be the Resident Evil theme?" Macy questioned sarcastically believing strongly at that moment that no one should have to be wandering lost in the woods with that playing in their head, dredging up images of flesh eating zombies roaming around. "At least put on something I can dance to."
"Oh, right," Tina scoffed as she stopped the music and began to look through her options. "Cause if you do run across people somewhere along the way dancing to the music in your head is bound to make a wonderful first impression. Ah here we go…" Macy couldn't help the grin that crept across her face as she instantly recognized the folksy tune. The grin grew wider still as the words began, mixed with Tina's own voice as she sang along. "Robin Hood an Little John walkin through the forest laughin back an forth at what the other'n has to say… Sing with me Mace!" Tina demanded as the music continued.
Macy giggled at her friend's absurdity but never the less joined in at the second verse. "Never ever thinkin there was danger in the water, they were drinking, they just guzzled it down, never dreamin that a scheming sheriff and his posse was a watchin and gathering round. Robin Hood and Little John runnin through the forest jumpin fences dodging trees an tryin to get away. Contemplating nothing but escape an finally makin it, oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally golly what a day, oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally golly what a day!"
The pair of them finished theatrically along with the Disney version of Allan a Dale. At the sound of someone clearing their throat Macy jumped and quickly looked around for the source when she realized it had come from inside her head. Tina sheepishly looked to the stairs where Jason stood on the bottom step looking questioningly at them.
"Y'all are such freaks."