*RE-BETA'D AND EDITED 05.02.16*
NOTES: Apologies for the crazy file this morning. All has been re-beta'd, and a re-edited in parts.
Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and/or read so far. All Mike/Harvey interchanges written before last ep but including one choice phrase from the promo :evil face:. Hot damn Writers!
Chapter 4:
I watched you breathing,
And I wished you'd stop,
Only for long enough. – 'Chained', XX
Donna was late for work. And looking in the mirror wasn't helping. When had she gotten so old? It was as if suddenly the notion had hit her like a bullet, that she wasn't the young woman she used to be. If only there was a memo for these things…
She carefully examined her face in the reflection, tracing a series of faint lines and creases; some for laughing, usually at things Mike did, or Rachel, when she would say something so seemingly innocent and not even know the vibrant connotations it had, or at Louis, everytime Harvey would chastise him...
When did she stop living for truth? When she was young she'd valued truth. Honesty. But the past ten years, she'd spent each minute of every day lying to herself in favour of standing in the shadow of a man that felt like he blindly radiated the sun.
She'd been blind herself and burnt and stubborn and she'd paid the price for too long thinking that his glory was hers too. Now that she had lifted the rose tinted glasses, and was finally seeing clearly, it suddenly dawned on her, with a life altering clarity.
It was time to move on.
When Mike casually sauntered into the office at 7:55am he wasn't quite expecting Harvey to point to a seat and slam the door behind them.
"Mike, I've put up with a lot of shit from you but this takes the cake!" He heard the older man as he bared down on the kid.
"Wait, what did I-"
"DONNA!" Harvey gestured angrily to the glass doors and the poignantly empty seat.
"What? What about her?" He frowned, not catching on to the complete gear shift.
"You do happen to remember having a talk with her? In a bathroom, per chance?"
"Maybe..?" Mike said, starting to get a bad feeling that this was going down a road where his ass would most likely be kicked.
He sank slightly into his seat.
He remembered the talk.
Hell, he'd all but thrown her in the bathroom and locked them both in to get a confession out of her. He'd learnt from past experience that Donna wasn't the easiest nut to crack and that sometimes desperate times called for desperate measures. He'd been worried about her for a while now; acting up at little things with an intensity that he'd never seen in her usually casual and well-placed demeanor. In truth, he'd seen her start to unravel since she'd all but told him of a possible romantic past between her and Harvey. It was then that he had started to notice how they both avoided 'a' line. Never really touching, always orbiting each other's spaces with a discretion that came from years of learning what worked. Practised and self assured and just under the radar of the surrounding public.
Trouble was...it wasn't working for her anymore.
"Mike I swear to God," Harvey's voice pulling him out of his daze.
"She's leaving isn't she?" He asked, looking to the man.
The audible sigh from Harvey confirmed as such.
"I mean, do you not even use that supposedly superior brain of yours?" Harvey growled, alerting Mike to every implication, all the dot's...
The young man rose to his feet then, his fresh face knitting into a frown. "Do you not use yours?" He accused. "Geeks Harvey...I mean, I know you think about yourself a lot, but this is *Donna*. What happened to 'protect your own'?"
"I've done nothing but protect your ass since the moment I stupidly let you through those doors." He barked then. "And this is how you repay me?" He said, throwing him a look. "I ought to fire you right now…"
"And what about Donna? Huh? When have you EVER protected her?" Mike knew that the moment he'd thought the words and they came flying out of his great big mouth that he'd hit a nerve.
Harvey paused, his mouth open a fraction longer than Mike had seen. Suddenly the man's shoulder's set, his head lowering slightly, as if he was readying for a fight.
This had a high possibility of turning into a shit fight.
"She doesn't need protecting." Harvey replied through gritted teeth, his voice perceptively low as he strode over to the sofa.
"Yes she does!" Mike countered. "And you're the only one too stupid not to notice, Harvey! I mean, god... she loves you... and It. Is. Killing her. And she keeps getting back up to fight your battles for you time and time again but you can't see any of that past your own preservation. And by the way, the only reason why you save my ass, is because it's connected to yours and you don't want to down with the ship."
He could tell by the way Harvey's jaw set and how he suddenly slumped in a seat, his back to Mike, that the kid had truly laid down the gauntlet. He took his chances, this wasn't about him after all, this situation ran through them all.
He sat opposite his Boss, watching his face set like it was turning to stone.
"Harvey," He encouraged. "Donna can't do this anymore. And, you know what? I understand her. I understand what it's like love someone that you can't be with." He tried not to linger on the flash of brown hair flash in his memory. "The only difference is that I know without a shadow of a doubt, that Rachel feels something for me too."
"And that's your problem." Harvey eyed the young man with what felt like disdain. "Time and time again, you let your emotions get the better of you."
"Well...Maybe if you had once in awhile...you wouldn't have Donna walking out the door." He answered tenderly.
He sat up then.
So, The Indelible Harvey Specter was unbreakable too.
As far as Mike was concerned this discussion was over.
"Where are you going?" Harvey called after his Associate.
Baby in our wildest moments,
We can be the greatest
We can be the greatest
Baby I our wildest moments
We can be the worst of all. ~ 'Wildest Moments', Jessie Ware
The 9th time, it felt like a page turn. Or maybe a re-write….packing away her things into the medium sized cardboard box never felt so different from the last time.
No crying for a start.
And definitely no expectation for her to leave.
Especially as Harvey had taken out two items for every single one that she'd put in so far.
"You're gonna need that still." He said.
"I never use it, " She countered.
"Well maybe I'll ask you to...label...something," He offered, an awkwardness to him.
The broken phrasing in his words caused her to chuckle.
"In the next twenty four hours?" She enquired, looking to him. He pouted, causing her to shake her head, taking the label maker out of his hands gently, carefully with the attention that you gave a small child.
"Everything is labelled, Harvey."
"It's still a day," He offered.
Her eyes flicked to his at that.
She tried not to count the three emotions, seemingly in conflict as they swam about the several browns of his eyes.
"Look. I don't wanna take the label maker with me to my leaving drinks, It's not exactly an appropriate coat-check item." She reasoned, hearing him huff as she placed it back in the box.
She had noticed that he'd been like this for days now; awkwardly standing in the way of a range of moments, rights of passage and things she had to do, like removing her food items from the partner's kitchen; replacing the many bags of Cheetos she would not be pretending to replace on a regular basis from the Associates kitchen. All little things that she thought had never made an impact on her life were now being compiled onto a list of 'things to do and never do again'; a list that Harvey was putting all of his attention into stopping her completing.
She had known that when she picked up the can opener there'd be trouble when he forewent the box and took it straight out of her hand.
"I have trial tomorrow, aren't we gonna..?" He asked, a concerned look on his face.
"Maybe we shouldn't do a last time. Just keep it… you know, a cliff hanger?" She offered gently.
The look on his face was priceless. The man showed emotion in the oddest ways at the oddest moments.
"Oh come on Harvey," She huffed. "It's not like you did it when I was fired." She reasoned, rolling her eyes.
"I never went to trial." He said, almost under his breath.
"Mock?" She reminded him.
"Doesn't count." He stated staunchly.
She sighed.
He wasn't letting up.
She wished he would now.
"Semantics… look, will you please stop! Don't you have clients to molest instead?" She asked.
She waited for a reply, searching for the clock in her box. "You have a meeting in a half hour." She eyed him then, the irritation of him standing over her welling her up inside like she was an egg timer.
"Get Mike to oversee it. I'm busy." He ordered.
The small smile of his was not lost on her and there it was.
The ever contradictory Harvey Specter charm.
Take me back
Give it up, give it up to me
Cause I cant go on if your love isn't strong
See I want it all
Give me, give me all your love
But if you can't hold on 'Don't Save Me' ~ Haim
Donna had been the first one to say 'no' to a leaving party and of course most people were taken aback. Sure, she loved a party as much as the next person, but it wasn't like she was leaving to have a baby or leaving to start a business. In truth, she was leaving because of a man. And that wasn't exactly something she wanted on a banner.
'Congratulations! You've finally given up on Harvey Specter!'
She'd tried to keep it low key, encouraging a small get together at a local bar. But before she found out the full extent of Rachel's 'good will meddling' almost half the firm had rsvp'd to her 'quiet goodbye drinks'.
This was going to be a quiet nightmare.
She now dreaded every single prospective minute of it.
And Harvey hadn't helped, the moments when he was in the office he'd confined himself, avoiding conversation and instead took to glaring at her with what she thought looked like disappointment, but could have easily been regret. But, instead of cracking that nut she broke the habit of a lifetime and opted for a quiet day without the undercurrent of fight, and tried not to linger over finding herself missing all over the office. No pens, no biros no post-its or little pieces of bluetack shaped into little animals that Mike would gift her with. Her cubicle had been officially cleansed of her and ready for the new assistant, God help them...
Harvey had been busy when it came around to her slightly early finish time.
But he had managed to give her a look, something oddly pained and regretful as he struggled to shake his client.
She slipped out of the firm as quickly as she could.
She'd see him later.
With no doubt the same attitude towards her leaving.
What was a quick escape really going to do...
Since she'd arrived home, almost forty minutes now, she was still picking at something to wear, almost stubbornly deciding against everything in her wardrobe, until Rachel had called her to make sure she wasn't backing out, and with receiver going down and a hesitant 'yes' still on her lips she'd decided on a turquoise empire line dress cut to the knee and a pair of gold and black Jimmy Choo's.
Garish,
Classic,
...Armour for the night.
She picked at her jewellery, absent mindedly thumbing the pairs of many jewels on her earrings. At least if she looked fabulous then she could feel fabulous just enough to get through the night. And at the end of the day, five firms had already offered places at theirs within the first day of her notice going to out - via her extensive underground Assistant channels - so she really did have the pick of the crop as far as far as her future was concerned. Instead, she'd actually decided to take a week off, take time out and then decide after a lengthy and careful consideration. After all, every single offer - to her flattered amusement - had been open ended offers. Still, it didn't lessen the fact that she would miss her job and Harvey and the world that she'd helped build up at the firm. She could lie to herself that as much as this would be good for her, it wasn't going to be easy. And with such drastic changes, like her decision, it would all be an adjustment.
She went for the larger earrings of the two.
Extra armour.
Could have put so much more in here, but lets leave that for a Chapter 5... ;-)