*RE-BETA'D AS OF 06.02.16*
Notes: Next Chapter may be the last. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far!
Chapter 7
Harvey had spent the last two weeks expertly avoiding Donna's desk. At first, he tried to kid himself that she was on vacation for the only time in 6 years; which of course didn't wash because Donna never took time off unless he did and he hadn't taken as much time as he should have in the past few years. It felt like the desk was glaring at him, blaring the knowledge right at him that Donna was not at her desk right now, and that this was not the way things were supposed to be and that no matter what ass - in more ways than one - sat in that chair, it was forever vacant unless Donna was there. It had nagged at him the last time she'd been absent, raw with the guilt he had for not stepping in and saving her before she'd gotten fired. This time there was no guilt, no real fault. It was a very sad end to something that she felt wasn't working, no matter what his thoughts were on the matter. She'd insisted that this was the only way forward and he hadn't pushed like he usually would have.
Therefore, It would always be referred to as 'Donna's desk'.
"Hello Harvey," The distinct voice broke him out of his reverie, eyes looking up to find Zoe Lawford leaning casually against the door jam, before gliding in on those legs he had a fondness for.
"Zoe. What brings you to town? You should have called." He said, his face levelling out at the sight of her.
"Just, seeing an old friend. I wasn't actually sure if we were still on speaking terms." She half-joked. "I know it was all badly timed..."
"Yeah, it was." He agreed.
"How are you?" She asked him.
"I'm..Good. How's Olivia?" He smiled a little at the recognition of the very charming little girl from his recent past.
"She's...adjusting. It's going to take a while but we're...okay." She smiled at him. And for a second he could see her thinking; wondering about...them.
"You should send me your address, i'll send some flowers." He smirked.
"She'd like that." She smiled. "I actually wanted to see if you were free tonight? I don't really want to catch up here. Thought I could, come to your place, after work maybe?"
"Sure," Even though it seemed like a bad idea, rehashing the past, he and Zoe had been friends for a long time. No matter what he'd felt for her and what had happened since she'd left, that hadn't changed. They had an ease and a spark and that would never go away.
"By the way, where's Donna? Someone else was at her desk?" She asked with a frown, indicating behind her.
And the penny dropped...
"She resigned. Left, two weeks ago." He ignored the slight kink in his own words, but Zoe was a smart woman.
"Oh. I'm sorry Harvey." He tried not to let the pity in her voice irk him as she searched his face. "Things have really changed around here haven't they?" He could tell what she really meant even though she hadn't said it. It did feel like a burn, a slight, the fact that important people in his life were leaving and choosing not to stay with him over and over. And always women...
"Yeah, we'll i've got a few things to finish up here,"
"Yeah I better go, but I'll...come by around 8?" She offered, her straight her swaying slightly.
"Sure." He nodded, watching her glide out of his office.
The whole damn situation was backwards...
'Self professed... profound
Till the chips were down
...know you're a gambling man
Love is a losing hand' - Amy Winehouse, 'Love is a losing game'
Out of all the things that Donna had craved in her week - now weeks - off, this was not a craving that she'd expected to develop in any lifetime. But as she stood there in the hallway, outside his door, clad in silver heels and red lipstick, she knew that some things were changing now and that her position in his life had changed. She knocked and waited, knowing he never bothered looking through the spyhole. She wasn't sure how he'd react being that she'd all but thrown him out of her apartment the last time. But she needed this. She'd been replaying it in her head for a couple of days now like some personal porno, every moment playing in stereo, until the details had become vague or exaggerated.
When the door opened she braced herself.
"Hey," She said, observing his suspended expression.
"Donna," He said, his voice on-edge as he watched her glide down his hallway. A flutter of nervous energy escaped her as she turned around to meet him.
"What's going on?" He asked.
"I just," She approached his question with a boldness, by bringing his lips to hers, her hand wrapping around the nape of his neck. He responded, just for a second in kissing her back, before pulling away.
"Donna wait, I," He started.
Before he could finish a voice called out, "Harvey, you okay?" a distinctively non-american sounding woman's voice raising the red flag with lights around it. As she turned towards the sound coming from the lounge, Zoe Lawford appeared at the other end of the corridor.
Slender.
Elegant.
Present. In Harvey Specter's condo.
Probably with an invitation...
"Hello, Donna!" The woman said, her voice friendly as she walked to meet them both.
"Zoe...Hi." She smiled tensely.
"How are you?" She asked, head and hip tilting in unison.
In seconds, Donna's mind began to race, her throat becoming dry as she looked between Harvey's tense demeanour and Zoe's welcoming expression. "I'm good, I just...I was in the neighbourhood...and I needed to, talk to Harvey, about...Mike's birthday...thinking of ideas, you know. We were thinking film themed...fancy dress?"
Harvey knew better than to blindside her and kept quiet.
"Oh, that's really thoughtful...by the way, Harvey told me you'd left the firm? To be honest, I was shocked." The woman replied, a concerned look on her face.
"Yeah, well, New horizons." She chortled forcibly, a flicker of wide-eyed panic escaping her.
"But you and Harvey have worked together for...forever... Why now?" She asked, so innocent a question.
"Well, uh." Her mind was doing back flips, stomach lurching and bending and she could still taste the damn man on her lips. "Lots of reasons. Change of career path." She said through gritted teeth. "Well, I can see that Harvey, you two, are busy... so I'll leave you...," She eyed Harvey just enough to make it look convincing. "Don't forget about the party? And Zoe...It was...nice to see you again."
"You too Donna, take care." the woman replied cordially.
She forced as nice a smile as she could muster, turning on her heel and hot footing it out of there as quick as her feet would let her.
Before she was able to hail a cab, he'd caught up with her, breathing a little heavier than he'd ever seen. Damn it he was fast.
"Donna, stop."
The moment she saw him roll his eyes at her anger flared up in her chest.
"Harvey, just don't okay? I just pulled about five minutes of impro out of my Ass!" She managed, the fury building within her as she continued towards the sidewalk.
"She just came by the office today," He replied, his voice cooling.
"And you just, what? Invited her back for a friendly 'catch up'?" She whipped back around, hand waving at the passing cars.
"Donna I-"
"I will not to be this person Harvey," She warned. "I can't."
"Look, You don't have to be, just let me explain-" He reached for her but too slow as she side stepped him, all flame and firey hair.
"Just answer me one thing. Before she left...did you sleep with her?"
Her eyes searched his, not because she wanted to discover the answer; she knew it already; but to figure out if he would say it. For a moment he squirmed, hands digging in his pockets.
"What? What has that got to do-"
She interrupted. "DID. YOU. Sleep with her?"
"...Yes." He finally said.
A bitter laughter fell out her mouth, her eyes starting to fog over. She would not be crying today. She shook the hair out of her face, features contorting at the water threatening to leave her tear ducts.
"I must be really stupid..." She mumbled to herself, exhaling before looking into his eyes. "I don't want to see you...for a while... don't come to my apartment. And don't call me. Don't send Mike over. As far as you're concerned, I am on vacation and out-of-state." The hard and wild look in her eye kept him at bay as she eventually flagged a cab.
She left him on the sidewalk without so much as a look back.
For these wounds I cannot stay,
You've gone too far
You've broke my heart,
You've gone too far ~ 'Gabriel' by Joe Goddard
They'd decided to meet at the little Bistro Rachel had been raving about on West 55th Street, classic, elegant and the polar opposite of how Donna had felt for days.
"I just...I can't believe it." Rachel shook her head, as Donna sipped her coffee.
"Which part? That I'm stupid, or that I am really really stupid?" She offered, irony lacing her words as she picked up her fork and began assaulting her salad leaf by leaf, the tension sharp in her hand.
"Any of it. Perhaps she did just come to his apartment to explain, to say sorry for leaving New York?" She deduced. "I mean you did say she'd left in pretty sad circumstances?"
She could always count on Rachel to put a positive spin on matters but now was not the right time.
"That's what I hate. The fact that if she had stayed, they'd be together."
"Donna, you don't know that," Rachel replied, trying to soften her defence.
"I know Harvey, Rachel." She said, stabbing at another piece of lettuce.
"He didn't know how you felt at the time and he liked this woman, Donna. It's not a crime."
"Really? Is that what you told yourself when Mike's High School Sweetheart/turned adulteress showed up on the scene?" She offered.
"Okay, you have a point." Rachel relinquished. "But the fact remains that you are both here and she is not. You both have a history before and after her." Rachel reasoned, cutting up her Roulade piece by dainty piece.
"Maybe we have a little too much." She reasoned. "History, that is..."
"Has he tried to call you?"
"No," She scoffed. "Harvey isn't that brave. Besides I'm pretty sure I showed him enough crazy for oh, three lifetimes?" She put down her fork, appetite suddenly lost as she wiped her napkin. "I just... I hate it that I let him get to me. All this time I've been lying to myself, thinking I was fine, that I was above it. And sure, we had some possible *mutual* feelings years ago, but I'd said no and I'd had the moral high ground then, but now? Now I'm just...another woman. Like any of the other women I've seen pass through his 'bimbo bubble'."
"You are NOT a Bimbo. You're Donna. Maybe he just...needs time. And if he doesn't, then you got out now, instead of later which would have been worse."
It was always the best, the most real advice that hurt the most.
At least she'd gotten out now, instead of later...
'cause the sky is breaking,
it's deeper than love,
I know the way you feel,
like the rains outside,
speak to me, ~ 'The Sky is Broken' ~ Moby
When Harvey had dragged Mike out of the office at eight, mumbling something about 'needing a drink', Mike had them settle on a quiet bar just out of the business district; a vaguely sports oriented bar with varied beers and a warm if not slightly dingy atmosphere. At first Harvey had sneered at the look of the place; worn down walls, a thin layer of dust on all the sports memorabilia, clashing with his Armani suit until the bartender acknowledged Mike with a nod, settling some beers down on the bar without asking for the cash.
"You know, Donna must be the only woman that you can't nail down in this town. Aww, see how I rhymed there, like a Pro." Mike half-sang, taking a swig of his beer. In this instance the young man had decided that he was going to crack the egg of Harvey Specter piece by piece.
"Funny. Real funny. How are you and Rachel these days?" Harvey jibed, settling his beer on a nearby coaster.
"Touche. But seriously, your luck with her is really bad. Like 'tragedy' bad. And having her turn up when Zoe was there...not the way to her heart."
"Who says I want to get to her heart?" Harvey said with a trademark dry tone.
"Oh come on, you can't fool me. I know you love her, the jig is definitely up on that one."
"She said she doesn't want to see me for a while." He divulged, flattening the moment. A sadness swept into his tone as he played with his beer, eyes focusing on the half-ripped label.
"Ouch. That's tough. I don't really blame her, though," Mike said, the alcohol warming his empty stomach.
"You're supposed to be cheering me up here!" Harvey peeled with annoyance, looking to his counterpart.
"Am I? Come on Harvey, have some accountability." Mike chided, swigging his beer.
"Mike, I haven't actually done anything wrong... I was seeing Zoe. And that didn't work out." He clarified, his eyes dropping to the bar.
"It doesn't look good, though, having her come in and see Zoe there,"
"Oh that reminds me, you're having a surprise fancy dress party for your birthday. Remember to look suprised." He said, nodding as the bartender placed another round of beers alongside them and Mike nodded his thanks.
"Okay, I'm not even going to try to understand what that has to do with this... look, you need to apologize to her. For a guy who's fought his way to the top you seem to be giving up early on this one when you should really be pushing to make the goal line." He said, passing a beer to Harvey who downed the one he had.
"I'm not giving up, I'm just...biding my time. This is Donna. It's a lot harder to figure out how to get around her when she knows me better than I know her." He shrugged.
"Harvey, don't try to get around her. Just...be honest with her and try not to suck at it." He offered, patting the older man on the back.
Despite the dirty look Harvey gave him.
He knew.
That told him.
Almost there! Thanks for the read.