Chapter 27 – Courage and Fear

"Then came the tongues on that terrible day
Steadfast as winter, they entered the fray"
Quote – Tale of Tongues

Tai knew where he wanted to go, by the divines it took all the strength he had not to rush straight to Serana. Z had told him she would recover, Tai assumed that meant she needed time and was to be left alone. Instead he returned to his quarters, holding an ancient leather book. He flopped into the old wooden chair, and then began to read.

Reading at the best of times gave Tai a headache, he had learned late so his brain still struggled. Words seemed to blend and melt right before his eyes; the pages of a book seemed heavy and rough in his hands. He fought through it all, reading the poorly kept handwriting. The words were nonsense, little patches of clarity here and there. Tai only read, because of the author. He read the words of this madman, because this madman had been a vampire of note, before been slain.

How long he spent reading the book he didn't know. Dinner came and went, snores filled his ears, then waking hours came. He lost track, absorbed in reading the book. The more he read, the better he understood. It was not what he wanted to see, not the information he wanted, but it was information at its purest.

Serana stood at his door, her face completely cleaned of its blood. Her shirt was torn, revealing a completely healed stomach. The slash was large, rendering the red linen almost useless. Her corset had been removed, obviously to be repaired before further battles. Tai grinned, closing the book on the final page. The soft thud was calming, final.

"You're up early" He stated, Serana tilted her head with pursed lips. Her eyes were smiling.

"You're up late" Serana grinned, Tai placed the book down beside him before rising. He walked a stride before Serana ran to him, wrapping her arms around him, her head rested in the crook of his neck. Tai sighed, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

"I guess that's lucky for me then" Tai grinned, staring down at Serana. He gently pressed his lips to her forehead, knowing Serana had closed her eyes.

Serana pushed Tai backwards gently; he fell into the seat, clearly shocked by Serana's movement. Serana smiled, stalking towards Tai as she undid her gauntlets, then threw them aside carelessly. Tai's eyes widened as she forced her knee to shin region between Tai's for a moment, widening his legs as her other leg moved between his and the chair. Serana shifted her other leg to mirror this as Tai trailed his hands up Serana's sides softly.

"Serana. What's wrong?" Tai asked softly, staring around his room as Serana placed her hands over his shoulders. He could feel the sorrow within her, despite her actions Tai couldn't help wonder if this was a distraction. An escape from the fate they were to face.

"It's just…" She shook her head; Tai cupped her chin and forced her to look at him.

"Go on"

"We're going to fight my father. We're going to win, but what if one of us doesn't make it?" Serana's eyes shone with the unshed tears, Tai's also suddenly dimmed. He obviously felt the fear. He sighed, stroking his hand from her chin to her neck. He shook slightly, struggling with his choice to confess or lie.

"I'm afraid too, but if we start doubting ourselves, we will fail. I hate this feeling, I hate fear. I've facd dragons, giant spiders, giant bugs of all kinds. I've ran with gangs, killed the gangs. I've been an assassin, a companion. I've become a werewolf, been rejected, and killed. I've been in the Soul Cairn itself. I've never been truly afraid. Now I am and…" Tai whispered, Serana stared down at him. She took her thumb to his face and wiped away the stray tear that had fallen. Tai felt a pulse throughout him, no one had comforted his fears, he had not admitted them to anyone either. Serana had earned his complete trust, among other feelings.

"I've never seen you cry. I don't want to again either" Serana whispered, Tai smiled sadly. His heart felt dead in his chest, his throat was closing up as his eyes stung. He had never been like this, so weak. Yet Serana sat on top of him, ready to comfort or love him depending Tai.

"I'm afraid, I'll lose you. There's so much time and yet none" Tai stopped as Serana held his hand gently. Tai felt comforted, her slightly cool hands comforting his burning fears through one little point of contact.

"Hey. You're not going to lose me, I can hold my own. We're stronger together, Tai" Serana whispered, guiding his hand to just below her breast, her free hand caressed his face as she smiled.

"Out of it all, everything I could care less if I lived or died in. This is the first time I've had something to fight for, something I want to save, something I want to protect with everything I have. I'd die before I'll let Harkon harm you, Serana you have my word. No matter how far away you are taken from me, I'll return. I swear on my soul I'm never leaving you. I'll always protect you, even though you are strong. It's not your strength I doubt, its mine. You don't need my protection, I need to protect you. I'm the weak one here" Tai looked away, Serana's fingers breezed his lips.

"Tai. If I had been strong, do you think I would even know you?" Serana forced Tai to look her in the eye, his face betrayed his shock.

"If I was strong, and brave, I would have simply tried to sleep with you the moment you freed me. Then I would have killed you, been freed, satisfied and on the way home. I'm broken Tai, I can't say I can ever be fixed but you make me believe. You've changed me Tai, I may not need your protection. But I will always need your love"

"Serana. I can't… I'm never like this, but if I lost you…" Tai held back his tears. Serana gripped the collar of his torn shirt. Tai's heart skipped a beat, pounding painfully in his chest.

"Just stop talking" Serana whispered, pulling Tai into her so she could press her lips gently into his.

Again the blast, the cool that settled his very soul. It sat heavily in him tonight, almost sickening to his stomach. Then something strange, warmth. The warmth that followed the cool was incredible, it eased his tension, it released his gut from the knots that had worked their way into existence. Most of all, it eased Tai's fears. Now his mind was clear, with one purpose in mind.

"Is that an order, my lady?" Tai asked, his intentions clear in his breathy voice. Serana smiled, kissing his neck before sliding her nose up his neck, resting it against his. Tai was blind; her burning eyes the only thing he could see, faintly for how close they were. He could feel Serana's unneeded breath against his lips, teasing him.

"It is" she whispered then pressed her lips to his, again gentle but determined. Her teeth skimmed his lip, teasing his own slightly open as she pulled down. Tai's instincts made him bite down gently, catching her retreating lip with a protesting grunt. Serana seemed to gasp as he pulled her tighter, he needed more. Serana seemed to surrender to him, without weakening in the slightest.

Tai moaned, his hands sliding down her sides gently, subtly pulling her into him. Tai's hand ran around her side to her back, fingers subtly forcing her to stay. He felt Serana's wet eyes brush his cheek as she kissed his chin gently, easing her way from him. Tai couldn't wait as he grabbed her legs and rose violently with an animalistic growl. Serana gasped; suddenly her weight was so unsupported, her legs naturally tightened around Tai as he kissed her just that bit rougher.

Serana gasped as he pressed her back gently against the wall, his lips breezing down her neck with the savageness Tai was known for, Serana moaned loudly as he lifted her slightly only to let her fall back into his reach. Serana's hand found the wall as she pushed; forcing Tai to take a step back. He continued, stumbling for the bed.

Serana seemed to know where she was as she leaned back, her body down on the bed as her legs still held to Tai. Her arms went above her head as Tai stared down lovingly, his heart skipping several beats as he lay on top of her, his lips finding hers once more. He continued to Serana's neck as she arched into him, moaning softly. Tai also moaned, his hand caressed up her side, then up her arm to her hand. His fingers laced between hers, he continued kissing up her jaw. He stopped to see Serana staring up at him with complete trust, utter surrender. Her eyes closed when Tai's warm breath hit her face, his lips then linked with hers. Serana shuffled her hand slightly, desperate to hold him. She never escaped his grasp. Tai was not letting her go.

Serana's free hand pushed his shirt back softly; Tai moved his free arm to aid her. He then released her hand for a moment as he knelt up, removing the shirt with clear intention.

In the shadows he appeared godlike. The dim light was catching on his chest and body, highlighting each muscle like something out of a beautiful dream. Serana was almost drooling; staring down Tai slowly, each moment was burning like his kisses had. His breathing was quick, yet shallow. His chest expanded and contracted in little skips, Serana's breathing naturally matched them.

Serana gasped as Tai's hands splayed across her belly then tore the shirt open. Serana groaned as the cold hit her bodice, Tai's hands were already trailing up her. By the time his hands reached her ribs he was already kissing her again.

That same warmth seeped through her, tasting like honey and running down her throat, forcing her heart to pound. In this moment, she forgot she didn't have a heart that could beat.

He leaned back slightly, his eyes shining brightly. Again Serana had that beautiful glow about her, Tai's heart raced. He took her hand and guided it to his hip; she inhaled slowly, intently even. Tai again ran his hand down her arm to caress her cheek as he pressed his lips to hers once more.

Tai woke a while later, the fuzz cleared from his head almost instantly. It had been the first time he had been able to sleep without a voice haunting his mind, without Molag dogging his nightmares.

He felt Serana's arm across his chest, her entire body over his arm. He groaned at the weight pinning his arm into the bed, the legs tucked around his. He wasn't annoyed however, but something was tingling on his senses. He wasn't alone, and Serana wasn't his only company.

"Good instincts" Z's voice came to Tai's ears as he straightened up with a gasp. He looked to the door, it was still locked. Yet Z sat calmly in the chair, her leg crossed over her knee. The book was sitting in her lap.

"Good chest too, pull the furs up" Z added, Tai was suddenly aware of how exposed he was, Serana's arm falling over his hip joints. He quickly pulled up the fur blanket, a slight heat to his cheeks. Z seemed completely at ease staring at Tai as he lay naked in bed, Serana close beside him. He looked to her with concern.

"Don't worry, she won't wake up. I took measures. I need to speak to you… alone"

"Z. You've just come into my room and I'm naked, with Serana beside me I might add. She's also naked. This is kind of creepy" Tai shuddered, Z's face was blank.

"Actually, I've been in here since before Serana arrived. I must say, you've changed. Quite respectful actually, not how I believed you would be in bed" Z seemed lost in thought. Tai's face was pricelessly bewildered.

"I don't appreciate an assassin watching my bedroom behaviour, and commenting on it… kills the mood"

"I would think you would be more worried it would kill you" Z shrugged, smiling sweetly. Tai blushed furiously; Serana was stirring yet not waking.

"What do you want Z?" Tai finally demanded, the moonlight coming through a tiny crack in the wall. It was somehow enhanced, turning the world into shades. Z's eyes were the only colour, almost glowing.

"Do not let her out of your sight, not everyone here is who they seem… Are they ever?" Z seemed to speak to herself. She rose from the chair simply, one graceful, flowing movement; her expression changed to one of major concern. Tai glared, something told him Z was incorrect.

"How did you get in here? Where did you get this information?"

"Tai, for the love of the Nightmother. You're talking to the Listener. The best assassin in the world today, it is my nature to know what I shouldn't. Trust me, for once, brother" Z then simply vanished again. Tai groaned loudly, falling back into the furs.

Serana mumbled, groaning in her sleep as she again cuddled into Tai. He paused, smiling happily at her company before closing his eyes again. He was going to have a serious talk with her when she awoke, he prayed for good answers. Tai's luck was still to hold strong.

Serana woke calmly, again that peaceful bliss through her. Serana sighed, her body tensing then releasing in a controlled wave. She let her eyes rest on Tai's face, smiling at his curled lip again. It seemed whenever Tai slept his lip curled slightly, giving him a wolf cub appearance.

"Serana?" Tai groaned, right as Serana sighed. She cursed herself.

"Sorry I woke you up" she whispered softly, planting a kiss gently on Tai's cheek. His lip curled as he groaned, arm flung over his eyes as the candle flickered. Serana chuckled softly, gripping his hand and teasing his fingers.

"No. I'm asleep. You witch" he groaned, Serana laughed loudly. It felt good laughing, it was better seeing Tai act so childish.

"I hope you didn't mean what I think you did" Serana suddenly spoke coldly.

Tai stiffened suddenly, rolling to face Serana. She stared at him; he rested one elbow on the pillow, his palm on his left temple, fingers through his hair. Serana couldn't help stare down him, his chest was slightly tensed, his arm flexed. She exhaled, wishing that he was not concealed by the furs. Tai seemed to know what she was thinking as his other arm wrapped around her waist, his hand trailed to the small of her back.

"Serana, we need to talk" Tai started. His heart was pounding, he was sure Serana could hear it because he saw the fear cross her eyes.

"Tai… If this is about marriage then save your breath… The answer is no"

"Serana, I wasn't going to ask. Don't feel insulted, but I never assumed you the kind to settle down" Tai couldn't decide what he felt, shocked that was the first thought to cross Serana's mind. Hurt that she would reject him, or pleased he didn't have to ask. He was sure his thoughts were crossing his face because Serana rushed to explain.

"Tai. If you asked me, everything inside me would scream yes. But I can't. I gave myself to a Deadra, to Molag Bal. I couldn't go into a temple of love, into a union more important than anything with Molag inside me… Even though he left my body, even though he has violated many more before and after me, I still feel he's inside Tai. I still…" Serana shook her head. Tai cuddled her close, feeling her tears running down his chest.

"He's not Serana, not as long as I am" Tai whispered, he felt Serana tense.

"I didn't mean literally" Tai quickly cleared up; Serana gave him an impish look as she sniffed back tears.

"And here I was hoping"

"Serana. I don't need a ring to say I'm yours, I believe I already have that branded into my backside and chest. Besides, what would we tell the kids?" Tai joked lightly. Serana started to cry again, Tai's arms wrapped around her. He felt the heat drain from her, she was cooling down against him. Tai shivered, still holding Serana.

"I'm barren" she sniffed. Tai's heart dropped, this obviously bothered Serana.

"Were you always?"

"No. Not until I was around 23, as far as I know" Serana whispered. Tai's rage flared.

"Molag… He. My god Serana, I don't want to even think what he did to you. And your family willingly gave you to this? No wonder you don't want a family" Tai kissed the top of Serana's head as she shook in his arms.

"I want you, with all my heart. I'm afraid though, you won't want me if I can't have children. You won't want a blood sucking fiend" Serana's voice shook. Tai swallowed, each breath was led in his lungs. He couldn't fathom how Serana believed he wouldn't want her after everything they had been through.

"I fell for that fiend thank you" Tai scolded playfully. He felt Serana chuckle slightly through her tears, Tai decided to press onwards.

"As for kids, well I have no fears about adopting or having goats. I don't need a priest, a ring, a wedding and a crib. All I need is you, even after I die Serana I'm yours. I will never not want you, I'll never leave. I am after all, lashed" Tai smiled, Serana's arms wrapped around him as she kissed his chest softly, then nipped.

Tai gasped as she came to his neck, fangs brushing against his neck. Her breath was so cold, leaving more cool in her path. She nibbled and kissed her way to Tai's ear, her breathing ragged as she whispered.

"Now. You had this fiend hopeful"

Tai didn't need to hear that twice.

"I've heard tales, but I never imagined its beauty" Isran stared at the bow in Z's hands. She looked to Tai, nodding respectfully.

"Tai did a fantastic job recovering it, I only regret his illness cost him the glory"

"My fath… Harkon… He's going to want the bow, it's the only way we'll even get close" Serana sighed, leaning back against the wall. Tai looked across the room; Serana still had that glow about her. From the looks everyone was giving Tai, he was not the only one noticing the change in Serana.

"Then we should give it to him" Tai stated simply, everyone turned their shocked eyes to him. Only one, hooded figure nodded with a laugh. Z seemed to also catch on, she grinned.

"I like this thinking" Sadean started, pulling his hood up again.

"The real one can't be there. It would easily be noticed, even with the finest" Z added. Tai nodded.

"I don't get what's going on here" Isran gruffed.

"I think I see what you're thinking" Serana started to catch on.

"Harkoff wants the bow, so we'll give him it. Every single Dawnguard will have the bow" Tai laughed.

"Or a very good copy" Serana grinned, Tai's laughter died but his devilish smile did not. Serana closed her eyes for a second longer than she should have. Tai was so devilishly handsome when he smiled that way, it was beyond infectious.

"And we'll also have Tai's jokes. I pity the poor demon" Brand sighed.

"Let's see him hark that one off!" Tai added before he could think. Serana gave him a look, she didn't laugh. Tai looked around the room. No one was laughing.

"Yeah… that wasn't very funny"