"It's nothing to do with you and everything to do with him."

Now I don't know about anyone else, but before she said this (to Leo) I thought she was coping remarkably well. But this sounds really, really bitter. It sounds like she's angry, she's blaming him, and I think if there was a point where she slipped up in the whole episode, it was here. So here's the reason Nikki said what she did.

You move on, and no one sees you slip. Only Harry.

Nikki? He said, hesitantly, having followed you into the locker room, Talk to me?

You remained with your back to him, your head lowered, trying to make sense of what had just happened. What he had just told you….and Leo. He told you and Leo at the same time, and he had no idea how embarrassing that had been. You poured your heart out to Leo, you told him how everyone always knew the two of you would end with a fairytale. And then he goes and says something like that.

You swallow down the lump in your throat temporarily, and speak, still with your back turned. A full professorship in New York? You asked. That's pretty amazing. Yeah. He agreed. It is. In fact, I think it's the most amazing thing to ever happen to me in my entire life. He continued.

And you spun right round one-hundred and eighty degrees to face him, and you could feel the lump rising to your throat again, constricting your speech and bringing the tears with it, and they traveled further, right to your eyes, where they waited on your eyelids, teetering.

And is it? You had asked him, and he didn't seem to understand. And there is nothing here that is better? There is nothing here that you want more than that? You had elaborated as best you could, but the tears had come and soon enough so many had fallen it felt like you were drowning. Did they make him feel guilty, or regretful, you had never been sure, but your tears had seemed to anger him. He had lifted his arms. Look around you, Nikki, he ordered. This is all I have, and it isn't even mine! I'm pushing forty and what have I got to show for it?! Yes, I had the potential to have…everything here. But I don't. So I'm going elsewhere. He had become quiet and couldn't seem to look you in the eye. Out of the corner of your eye, you had seen a lab-tech listening in at the door.

You had decided in that moment not to make a scene. It was too late, anyway.

So instead you did what you do best.

You asked him, eyes still shining with tears uncried and words unsaid, You really want this?

He still wouldn't look at you, he had nodded all the same.

Then I'm happy for you, you exclaimed. And he had looked up then and asked if you were serious, to which you had nodded quickly. It was your turn not to look him in the eye.

Then he had embraced you, and although he still had weeks left with you, it was to be the very last time. Perhaps he had known that at the time; that you had lied to him through your teeth and that after that day, you wouldn't bear to touch him again and that's why he had held you for so long. You had stood in the centre of the cutting room, with your arms around him, his arms around you, for what must have been the best part of fifteen minutes; lips and cheeks, pressed to bare skin.

And then you had both simply re-entered Leo's office.

He had asked, All okay?

Yeah, Harry at said immediately, we're absolutely fine.

And you smiled through the agony.